Senior Jokes
139 senior jokes and hilarious senior puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about senior that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This is a selection of the funniest jokes about seniors, old people, and the elderly. If you want to laugh until you cry, then read on!
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Funniest Senior Short Jokes
Short senior jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The senior humour may include short junior jokes also.
- carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow. It's called a Ted Cruise
- How do ukrainian snipers tell which Russians are the senior officers? The number of stripes on their tracksuits.
- A senior citizen is sitting at a bar.. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"
- My new hobby is going to nursing homes and pretending to be a retired senior citizen. We call it LAARPing.
- I'm going to be working as the senior director at Old McDonald's farm. They've made me the CIEIO
- When people ask me what I do for a living I just tell them I'm a senior analyst It sounds better than saying I just stare at old people all day
- Senior year of high school is a lot like a retirement home... You don't work anymore, you hate everyone who's younger than you, and in a few months, all of your old friends will be dead to you.
- I forgot to bring the drinks to my senior prom. But hey, look at the bright side. No punch line.
- My 70 year old father recently enrolled in college His first year and he's already a senior.
- Thought about a programming workshop called "Teaching Seniors to Code!" Hospital didn't like my idea for some reason
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Senior One Liners
Which senior one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with senior? I can suggest the ones about elderly and veteran.
- Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm... I'm the CIEIO
- What do you call a group of senior Japanese comedians? Comic Sans
- I just accepted a senior management position on the old MacDonald farm I'm the CIEIO
- Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom? Depends.
- Just got a job as Senior Director of Old McDonald's farm. I'm their new CIEIO.
- What do you call it when 2 seniors stay up past their bedtimes? An election.
- Congratulations 2020 graduating class Reigning senior skip day champions!
- I finally found an app for my senior love life!! Carbon Dating <3
- What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power? Gramma Rays
- Why does Spain have problems with pensions? Because they have lots of seniors there
- What do you call cosplaying as a senior citizen? LAARP
- Senior discounts are kind of like early going away presents
- It would be horrible if a Mexican male's name was rita. Hello, Senior Rita.
- What does it taste like to go down on a senior citizen? Depends.
- Just remember, it's better to pay full price than to admit you're a senior citizen.
Senior Citizen Jokes
Here is a list of funny senior citizen jokes and even better senior citizen puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Help us choose a new name for our nonprofit. We're teenagers in China and Japan helping senior citizens. Apparently 'Youth in Asia for the Elderly' isn't having the effect we thought it would.
- My Nan just got this cool senior citizen scooter And man is that thing fast. It can do 30 aisles per hour!
- There is a new site for senior citizen dating. Its called "I've fallen in love and I can't get up."
- My friend said he went down on a senior citizen. I asked him what it tasted like and he said,
Depends. - What's the best way to ensure that Asia's senior citizens' pension programs are financially sound? Sufficient amount of youth in Asia.
- Why couldn't William, a senior citizen, get into McDonald's? They won't accept Bills 50 and over
- What is the worst Israeli senior citizens resort? Jewrassic Park
- What did the cop say to senior citizen he caught stealing Depends? 'Ur in trouble.
- What do you call a senior citizen uses a computer? Elder Scrolls
- PSA: Be careful on the roads today Nothing but senior citizens and dead people out there
Senior Year Jokes
Here is a list of funny senior year jokes and even better senior year puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My grandpa flirting with a 91 year-old lady at his senior home. "You look young enough to be my daughter."
- Did you hear about the gay high school football player? freshman year he was a tight end.
By senior year, he was a wide receiver. - Me: A High Schooler finishing his last year decides to stretch. While stretching, my back cracks.. Mom: "Ooh, you're getting old!"
Me: "I know. I'm a senior." - Senior year is like an abortion If you don't try until the third term, the results are gonna be pretty ugly
- Girlfriend: "What's senior year without a little slacking?" Me: "Junior year."
- Senior Year? More like sleep and beer.
- What do you call a WWII battle that finished it's senior year at communism school? Leningrad
High School Senior Jokes
Here is a list of funny high school senior jokes and even better high school senior puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- 1600 out of 2000 high school seniors flunked their math exam in my city. That's almost half!
- A paraplegic high school senior can graduate... ...but can't walk with their class.
- What do you call a High School Senior girl in Alabama? You call her a m**....
Uplifting Senior Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about senior you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean older people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make senior pranks.
Fire safety
I was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that was put on for us old folks...
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps
would you take?"
"f**...' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
A senior nun walks in on an novice...
... who was vigourously m**... with a cob of corn.
The Mother Superior says: "That's disgusting! I was going to eat that, and you know I hate the taste of corn!"
Mr. Smith is Dead
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."
Today someone told me that I must be so excited to be a senior
I said "right back at you Grandma"
In the agendas available to all engineering students...
There are helpful tips written by senior students.
One of which reads "Girls are not like chimpanzees, it's okay to make eye contact."
!!BAD DRIVERS!!
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"
David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"
One music university senior complains to another:
"Dude, I have no idea how to write my graduation composition. Do you have any hint?"
"Why don't you try coping professor X's piece he wrote when getting his D.A.?"
"I did. It turned out to be Beethoven's Fifth Symphony."
Russian 'Matreshka' Doll store is looking for a senior manager...
also a manager, a junior manager and a junior manager's assistant.
Ambush Watch
Down at the Senior Center the other day Joe was telling a tale about his experience in the jungle during his war. It seems that he was wearing a cheap watch one night while on an ambush and it made so much noise that his buddy insisted that he douse the watch with bug spray . . . to get rid of the ticks.
Senior prank funding
Did you hear about the Mexican man who went to the old people home to visit his grandpa?
See senior.
Bush Senior broke his neck
He was trying to show Jeb Bush how to dodge wrenches, hey Jeb if George can dog a shoe then I can dog wrench!
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Do you call a senior citizen bride's pre-wedding party...
A g**...?
I'm a senior in college with 2 semesters left, and I'm considering picking up a minor
Do I lie about my age, or do I just offer to buy her cigarettes and booze?
My Senior Quote
"Don't be sad because it's over, be happy because it happened."
-Adolf h**...
A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"
Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"
Why didn't Rick Grimes settle his group in an abandoned senior center?
Too many walkers.
Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German t**... plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?
Old habits die hard
Driving down the highway
So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"
"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"
Just walked by a senior center celebrating pride...
... It looked like they were having a gay old time
Medication
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
How many senior medical consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one.
He holds up the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.
My son saw a group of elderly folk at the senior home all reading bibles.
He asked the senior home director, "why are they all reading the bible?" He replied: "Cramming for their final exam."
In Mexico every software developer
is senior
In the past, U.S.A. has had for president.....
Bush senior, Bush junior and now Bush groper.
A well dressed 80yr old man walks into the senior center...
he stops, surveys the room and sees an attractive 70 yr old lady sitting by herself. he adjust his tie and walks over to her.
" So," He says, " do I come here often?"
Why are Boy Scouts safest when travelling with a senior?
They'll always have dry wood on hand to start a fire
- this came to me in a dream... maybe it should have stayed there? *shrugs*
A 65 year old man driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.
"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the senior. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
I heard George Bush Senior is in the hospital in critical condition...
I guess some people really would rather die than watch Trump be sworn in this Friday.
So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.....
Credits to my uncle, for making this his senior quote in highschool. Not sure if he thought of it or not.
Why was the flat-chested college senior so well respected?
Because she was the head of the Itty-Bitty-t**...-Committee.
(their influence and power knows no mounds)
I got promoted to the senior supervisor at the cheese factory.
I am now the greater grater grader.
My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".
Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.
What's the difference between a freshman and a senior electrical engineering student?
A Fourier transform.
Have you heard of the new senior board game?
It's called "Alzhimers Hide 'N Seek".
It's single-player.
Guys, please don't drink and drive this holiday season!
If you want to drive safely we can help.
Please call us. We have senior experienced people of all ages
Our volunteers will come and drink for you so you can drive safely
JOB OPENING : WE ARE LOOKING FOR A JUNIOR WORKER WITH EXPERIENCE OF SENIOR WORKER WITH PAY OF A INTERN
Yesterday I saw some kid getting g**... up behind the school by 4 other kids.
As a senior, I have experienced bullying myself so I immediately jump in.
That kid got no chance against 4 of us.
What do you call someone who thinks they deserve a senior discount?
A white hair supremacist.
I just got a job as a senior director in a nursing home.
I tell old people where to go.
A young Nun
Is doing her chores around the convent with one of the senior sisters. They go into town on bicycles to buy food for the evening meal. On the way back, the senior sister turns down a small alleyway. The young nun says,
I don't think I've ever come this way before.
To which the senior nun replies,
Yes, dear. It's the cobblestones.
What do you call condoms made for senior citizens?
Hamburger Helper.
When Silentó grows old, what will he be saying a lot to his senior assistant?
Ooh wash me, wash me
Ooh wash me, wash me
Senior joke
Folgers has a new specialty coffee that's just for seniors. Folgers slogan for it is, "The best part of waking up is waking up"
I got myself a seniors GPS
Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there.
The crappiest buffet I have ever gone to was at the senior center.
It was the last time I try out the incontinental breakfast.
An anti-vax mom is at a cashier
"you should give me a discount! It's my son's 3rd birthday", She says
The cashier then replied "in that case, I'll apply the senior discount"
Three seniors are out for a stroll.
One of them remarks, It's windy.
Another replies, No way. It's Thursday.
The last one says, Me too. Let's have a soda.
Congratulations to the class of 2020
You are the first class that will have a 100% participation in the annual senior skip day championship.
Apparently many senior Catholic clergy like to play really convoluted practical jokes.
Yeah; they're all fiddly kidders.
Future surgeon here and this is going to be my senior yearbook quote
Dan Brady
"I love the feeling when I can make people open up to me."
A senior citizen was driving down the freeway, when his phone rang
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"h**...," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
