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Senior Citizen Jokes

51 senior citizen jokes and hilarious senior citizen puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about senior citizen that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Senior Citizen Short Jokes

Short senior citizen jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The senior citizen humour may include short senior jokes also.

  1. carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow. It's called a Ted Cruise
  2. A senior citizen is sitting at a bar.. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"
  3. My new hobby is going to nursing homes and pretending to be a retired senior citizen. We call it LAARPing.
  4. Help us choose a new name for our nonprofit. We're teenagers in China and Japan helping senior citizens. Apparently 'Youth in Asia for the Elderly' isn't having the effect we thought it would.
  5. My Nan just got this cool senior citizen scooter And man is that thing fast. It can do 30 aisles per hour!
  6. There is a new site for senior citizen dating. Its called "I've fallen in love and I can't get up."
  7. My friend said he went down on a senior citizen. I asked him what it tasted like and he said,
    Depends.
  8. What's the best way to ensure that Asia's senior citizens' pension programs are financially sound? Sufficient amount of youth in Asia.
  9. Why couldn't William, a senior citizen, get into McDonald's? They won't accept Bills 50 and over

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Senior Citizen One Liners

Which senior citizen one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with senior citizen? I can suggest the ones about elderly and older persons.

  1. Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom? Depends.
  2. What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power? Gramma Rays
  3. What do you call cosplaying as a senior citizen? LAARP
  4. What does it taste like to go down on a senior citizen? Depends.
  5. Just remember, it's better to pay full price than to admit you're a senior citizen.
  6. What is the worst Israeli senior citizens resort? Jewrassic Park
  7. What did the cop say to senior citizen he caught stealing Depends? 'Ur in trouble.
  8. What do you call a senior citizen uses a computer? Elder Scrolls
  9. PSA: Be careful on the roads today Nothing but senior citizens and dead people out there
  10. What do you call condoms made for senior citizens? Hamburger Helper.
  11. What is the best musical instrument for a senior citizen to learn? The HAARP
  12. How do senior citizens handle indoor skydiving? Depends
  13. How do you make 30 senior citizens swear? Shout "Bingo!" before them
  14. What do you call a senior citizen from Mexico? A señor citizen.
  15. Do you call a senior citizen bride's pre-wedding party... A g**...?

Senior Citizen joke, Do you call a senior citizen bride's pre-wedding party...

Gather Around for Fun Senior Citizen Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about senior citizen you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean older people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make senior citizen pranks.

The police vs the senior citizen

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

Old guy bought a new car

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

A Brand New Corvette

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp
h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

!!BAD DRIVERS!!

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"
David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"

Driving a brand new Bugatti

A senior citizen drove his brand new Bugatti to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror , he saw a police car behind him.
He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 170, ...
Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him .
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes.
Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend.
If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before for why you were speeding.
I'll let U go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-
"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The Cop left saying,
" Have a good Night , Sir"

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.

"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"
Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

Driving down the highway

So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"
"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"

Medication

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

A senior citizen was driving down the freeway, when his phone rang

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"h**...," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence.
The senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.

A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said, "Look, if you don't let me unlock the d**... door you're never going to get in there!

A senior citizen goes to yearly physical

The doctor asks for u**... sample, stool sample and s**... sample
The man being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks "what did he say?"
The wife yells back to him "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR "

The reality of dating....

Young kids use a dating app on their phone.
Older kids use a dating website on their computers.
Adults use a matchmaking service to get dates.
Senior citizens meet potential dates at church events.
Anyone older than that will have to resort to carbon dating.

Senior Citizen joke, The reality of dating....

jokes about senior citizen