Gather Around for Fun Senior Citizen Jokes and Laughter with Friends
Just remember, it's better to pay full price than to admit you're a senior citizen.
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom?
Depends.
!!BAD DRIVERS!!
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "**David, be careful!** I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"
David says, "I know, but there isn't just one, **there are hundreds!**"
What does it taste like to go down on a senior citizen?
Depends.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Do you call a senior citizen bride's pre-wedding party...
A g**...?
A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home.
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"
Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"
Driving down the highway
So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"
"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"
Help us choose a new name for our nonprofit. We're teenagers in China and Japan helping senior citizens.
Apparently 'Youth in Asia for the Elderly' isn't having the effect we thought it would.
What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power?
Gramma Rays
You can explore senior citizen demolish reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean senior citizen establish dad jokes. There are also senior citizen puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Medication
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
What's the best way to ensure that Asia's senior citizens' pension programs are financially sound?
Sufficient amount of youth in Asia.
What did the cop say to senior citizen he caught stealing Depends?
'Ur in trouble.
What is the worst Israeli senior citizens resort?
Jewrassic Park
A senior citizen is sitting at a bar..
A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"
What is the best musical instrument for a senior citizen to learn?
The HAARP
My friend said he went down on a senior citizen.
I asked him what it tasted like and he said,
Depends.
What do you call condoms made for senior citizens?
Hamburger Helper.
Why couldn't William, a senior citizen, get into McDonald's?
They won't accept Bills 50 and over
PSA: Be careful on the roads today
Nothing but senior citizens and dead people out there
What do you call a senior citizen uses a computer?
Elder Scrolls
There is a new site for senior citizen dating.
Its called "I've fallen in love and I can't get up."
My Nan just got this cool senior citizen scooter
And man is that thing fast. It can do 30 aisles per hour!
A senior citizen was driving down the freeway, when his phone rang
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"h**...," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence.
The senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
Carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow.
It's called a Ted Cruise
What do you call cosplaying as a senior citizen?
LAARP
This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.
A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said, "Look, if you don't let me unlock the d**... door you're never going to get in there!
My new hobby is going to nursing homes and pretending to be a retired senior citizen.
We call it LAARPing.
A senior citizen goes to yearly physical
The doctor asks for u**... sample, stool sample and s**... sample
The man being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks "what did he say?"
The wife yells back to him "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR "
The reality of dating....
Young kids use a dating app on their phone.
Older kids use a dating website on their computers.
Adults use a matchmaking service to get dates.
Senior citizens meet potential dates at church events.
Anyone older than that will have to resort to carbon dating.
