Sending Jokes
124 sending jokes and hilarious sending puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sending that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sending Short Jokes
Short sending jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sending humour may include short sends jokes also.
- When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message
- The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
- I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
- I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa. Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
- Attention America! We Brits have your president! If you do not send us £50M by Sunday morning.... We'll return him back to you.
- Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus. Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.
- Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.
- what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon? I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.
- A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones. The ones on daddy's computer.
- Watch out for that new "Peekaboo" variant the CDC has been warning about... It's been sending everyone to the ICU.
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Sending One Liners
Which sending one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sending? I can suggest the ones about received and shipment.
- When it comes to Putin you have to hand it him... Or he will send people to take it.
- Yo mama's so fat... ...she has to upgrade her data plan every time she sends a selfie.
- I'm such a bad golfer, they should send me to Mars. I'm guaranteed to find water.
- Where do german parents send their ADD kids? Concentration Camps
- I tried to send Sean Bean a death threat He mistook it for a job offer. :(
- Happy thanksgiving Guys! I hope Internet Explorer sends this in time.
- What did the oil refinery plant say to the offshore drilling platform? Send crudes.
- The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men. They are sending them out to sea.
- How do you circumcise a whale? Send down four skin-divers
- What did the buffalo say before sending his son off to college? Bison.
- How does Dalai Lama send emails? With no attachments.
- If Kim Jong Un was a girl... Send nukes
- I've joined an online dating agency for arsonists. They send me new matches every week.
- How do ships flirt online? They send deck pics.
- What do you get if you send an anime fan to one of Saturn's moons? Otaku on Titan
Gather Around for Heartwarming Sending Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about sending you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shipping jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sending pranks.
Jeff Bezos: "Alexa, send n**... to my secret admirer."
Alexa: "Got it. Sending n**... to the National Enquirer."
I tried...
I tried reading a book about self-hypnosis but it keeps sending me to sleep.
The Titanic and mayonnaise
What a lot of people don't know about the Titanic was that it was carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise to Mexico. In fact, the Mexican people were overjoyed to be receiving this fine delicacy.
Sadly, as we all know, the Titanic tragically sank, sending its many tons of mayonnaise to the bottom of the ocean. The Mexican people were saddened by this event, and dedicated an annual event to the remembrance of the mayonnaise
We call it Cinco de Mayo
Someone keeps sending me envelopes with cartoon d**... on them.
I hate junk mail.
What do you call it when Condoleezza Rice pushes a stuck-up criminal down a flight of stairs?
Conde sending condescending con descending.
Civics teacher dropped this on us today.
Have you heard about the new Nasa program? They're fixing up one of their shuttles and sending some cows into space to study. It'll be the herd shot around the world!
An old married couple wins 10 million dollars from the lottery.
"What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?" the woman asks her husband.
"Keep sending them!"
I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl.
I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages.
The worst thing about Muhammad Ali sending a "Tweet" to Mayweather . . .
Ali couldn't type it and Mayweather couldn't read it.
This guy named Bill keeps sending me letters
Says I owe him money or something
COOL HUSBAND :D :P :)
Husband & wife went to Jerusalem. Wife died there.
Priest: "Sending her body home would cost you $10000.... but... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100".
Man:"........ I'll take the body home!!!"
Priest:" Why the costly option?"
Man: " Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day. I CAN'T TAKE THE RISK" !!!
what's it called when a mafia boss named Ana Conda sends his snobbish criminal henchman to go on a mission that includes said henchman going down multiple flights of stairs?
Conda sending condecending con decending
My wife didn't finish her Morse code lessons before going sailing.
She seems to alright though she keeps sending me messages to send her an SMS but I haven't got a reply yet.
How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?
By sending in millions of Muslims
Couple went to Jerusalem...
And the wife died there..
Priest : Sending her body to home will cost you $10,000 , but burial in this holy city will cost just $100.
Man : I'll take the body home.
Priest : Oh,you must really love your wife a lot...
Man : Nothing like that father.....
Just that Jesus was buried here......
and he came alive the third day...
TIFU by sending my n**... to everyone in my address book
Cost me a fortune in stamps
Stop sending toys to children in Africa
It's gotta be depressing, getting a Tamagotchi that will outlive you.
I work at a restaurant and one of the chefs there is both dyslexic and epileptic.
Ended up sending out a chicken seizure salad.
Brexit fallout: my French Toast has just surrendered to my English Muffins. Germany is sending in the Luftwaffle... these events could engulf the entire continental breakfast.
and my Irish coffee is drunk. Again.
Juno and Jupiter Sitting in Space
Jupiter's moons were named after the Roman god's mistresses and this week NASA sent a spacecraft named after his wife, Juno, to observe the planet. If they find evidence that Jupiter has been unfaithful, the next thing NASA will be sending is a Death Star.
I peaked too soon in high school.
I'm still sending her child support.
I know a guy who owns an electrics and wiring company. He swears by employing only Germans and sending about a dozen of them to each contract....
He reckons that many Hans make lights work.
TIFU by sending a substitute math teacher to a geography classroom.
Whoops, wrong sub!
I'm really good at managing my credit card.
My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding.
What's the easiest way to get a virus into ISIS computer systems?
By sending them executables.
I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew.
Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?
Her: Come over, Joseph!
Stalin: Can't, I'm sending people to gulag
Her: My parents aren't at home
Stalin: I know
Dear Canada, as a thank you for sending us Justin Bieber
We are sending you Miley Cyrus, Whoopie Goldberg and Rosie O'Donnell
Did you hear about the italian chef that died?
He pasta away
We cannoli do so much,
His legacy will become a pizza history.
Here today gone tomato.
How sad he ran out of thyme,
Sending olive my prayers to the family.
His wife is really upset, Cheese still not over it.
You never saussage a tragic thing.
Because
some people just want to watch the world burn!
Happy New Years 2013!
Hey guys I'm sending this through Internet Explorer, hope you guys had a great 2012!
Nobody showed up for my Time Traveler-themed New Year's party
I guess I shouldn't bother with sending the invitations next week after all.
I think these protesters are sending the wrong message...
because they keep telling me to Love Trump's Hate.
Is it true that..
Reporter : is that true that God sent Lil Wayne to teach ppl how to rap ?
Eminem : I don't remember sending anyone.
Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?
He pasta way.
I never sausage a tragic thing.
He is now a pizza history.
Sending olive my support to his family.
We cannoli do so much though.
I feel for his wife. Cheese still not over it.
I guess he just ran out of thyme.
Pence warns North Korea that the "era of strategic patience is over."
He continued, "Now we enter the era of strategically sending North Korea to its room without the new WiFi password."
I befriended a feminist pen pal, but i don't think it's going so well...
She just keeps sending me hate male.
In a psychiatric
guard walks in on patient throwing thing out of the window:
Guard - What are you doing?
Patient - Sending airplanes.
Guard - Where is your doctor?
Patient - He flew on the first flight.
I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.
Not to bother, but shouldn't that be an even number?
Thanks to my grandmother for sending that one.
Algebra walks into a bar...
Orders a drink and sits at the bar alone. The bartender sees him sending multiple texts while constantly looking at the door.
Finally the bartender asks, "looking for someone?"
Algebra responds, "yeah, I'm trying to find my x"
called the UPS office in Germany to ask if they were sending out my Oculus Rift
they said VR ready
English navy ship is sinking...
They are sending message on the radio: "MAY DAY, MAY DAY!! WE ARE SINKING!"
A German ship hears their message and responds: " Zis is German Navy Ship. What are you sinking about?"
Were those peace times or war times, I cannot tell... either way it's funny :)
The Sun Mission
Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react. Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night". The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !
Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV. When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !"
Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!
I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".
Special education just wasn't for me.
Did you ever hear about McDonald's sending 10 million straws to Ethiopia..
Ethiopia wrote back and said thanks for the leg warmers
A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.
He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks if he is okay. The server responds, "I'm fine, but it seems my slick icebreaker has turned into a cheesy pickup line."
My son's teacher keeps sending these weird looking documents
I better have a word with him, but he might be a PDF file
My girlfriend said she wanted a puppy for her birthday so I got her one.
The next day she saw me loading it into the back of my car and said, "Hey. Where are you going?"
I said, "I'm sending him back."
"Sending him back!" she yelled. "Why?"
I said, "It's not your birthday any more."
John: My friend Charlie has stolen my girlfriend's number from my mobile 2 days ago.
Harry: What happened then?
John: Charlie Has been sending romantic texts to his own sister since last 2 days.
Did you hear about elon musk sending a tesla car into space?
To *drift* for all eternity
The Falcon Heavy is now the world's most powerful rocket
The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or your mom into deep space.
There was a king.
He was having a problem with barbarians in his kingdom, so he began sending guards to patrol the roads at night.
One of his nobles sent some of his city guard to help with the efforts, and a fool to keep the king's mood up.
The king was polite, but full of pride, so he sent the guards back with the message, "I have plenty of guards of my own, but I appreciate the jester."
I make a living by sending my talking dog out to the streets to beg for change.
Today, he's come home empty handed. I asked why, but all he says is, "ruff ruff, grrrRRrRrrrr".
I don't get it, he was talking when I sent him out this morning and now he makes no cents.
I used to know an Italian chef.
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.
I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation.
it was a farfalle from grace.
I've been sending "Get well soon" cards to my friends.
They can't pay their water bills.
It looks like Mexico IS in fact sending their best
But they're going to Russian and not the US
On the immigration debate, Donald Trump said of other countries: "They're not sending us their best people."
On a side note, Mary Anne MacLeod illegally migrated to the US in 1929. A few years later she gave birth to Donald Trump.
So he may have a point.
When I was in middle school, my "friends" used to force me to eat vegetables until I almost threw up.
They even started sending me pictures of vegetables on the internet, threatening to make me eat lettuce until I was sick. To this day, I still suffer from the effects of their rampant and traumatic fiber-bullying.
A dad buffalo is sending his son to college
Son buffalo: see ya dad!
Dad buffalo: Bison!
I got fired from my job as a teacher for sending a student to the office for being tardy
Apparently, it's not acceptable behavior for a special ed teacher
I read today that the Prime Minister of Australia receives in the mail, on average, two parcels each week that contain human e**....
I wonder who's sending the other one?
An origami artist wanted for m**..., has been sending tantalizing clues to police.
The investigation is unfolding.
Burial dilemma.
Husband & wife went to Jerusalem and the Wife died there.
Priest: "Sending her body home would cost you $5,000.... but... burial here at this holy city would cost just $100".
Man:"I'll take the body home!!!"
Priest:"Why the costly option? You must really love your wife a lot"
Man: "Nothing like that Father.. Just that Jesus was buried here and came alive on the 3rd day. Why take unnecessary risk!!!
After building the wall, Trump to build an electromagnetic barrier to prevent foreign bees from entering the U.S. by sending waves that interfere with their communication.
Trump is strictly against Global Swarming
I'm worried about bees reading the valentine's I'm sending out
So in every one I made sure to put a "bee mine"
iPhone users, don't bother sending the Meteor emoji to your Android friends...
...It won't have the same impact.
I read in the news that Americans are sending old clothes to poor African countries ,thats useless
Cause no one in Africa has a 52 waist!
I was at the Post Office....
When I saw a blonde woman shouting into an envelope.
I asked, "what are you doing ??"
The blonde replied, "Sending a voice mail"....
I told my friend that a girl keeps on sending me flowers with the heads cut off...
He told me I was being stalked.
An American ship is sending out a distress signal, "HELP, we are sinking!"
German ship radios back in "What are you sinking about?"
Did y'all hear about the Italian chef that died?
He pasta way, but his legacy will become a pizza history. I'm sending olive my thought and prayers to his family. How sad that he ran out of thyme, here today gone tomato, we cannoli do so much. I never sausage a tragedy.
Hey, why do you still work as a mailman despite having such a low salary?
It's not about the money, it's about sending a message.
I was sending letters to a kid with cancer
I told him, "the road ahead will be filled with bumps and dips, but soon, it'll straighten out." no one noticed I was talking about his heart rate monitor.
Yesterday I was charged $10,000 dollars for sending my cat into space.
It was a cat astro fee.
A man walks up to a mailman..
He went beside him and asked him..
"Hey Carl, why do you still work as a mailman?"
The mailman turned to him.
"It's not about the money, it's about sending a message"
Sending kids back to school at this time will make them over educated but dead inside.
I mean we already have millenials.
My birthday was so beautiful
Even the cake was in Tiers
Obligatory cake day post :)
Hope you enjoy it.
I hope everyone is doing well during these tough times. Even if you're not, that is completely understandable and valid. Just know, that I may not know you, but I am supporting you. Sending you all a virtual hug. You may also have a slice of my cake :)
Jane Goodall has blocked my number!
Didn't appreciate me sending her photos of macaque.
