Sells Jokes

Following is our collection of resell puns and peddler one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Sells jokes for adults, dirty mcsteak jokes and clean selling a car dad gags for kids.

The Best Sells Puns

I have a T-Rex who sells me guns.

He's a small arms dealer.

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can't take it, but he can dish it out.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

EXTRA-LARGE CONDOMS

A woman asks the pharmacist if he sells extra-large condoms.
The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy some?"
The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait to see if anyone buys a box?"

What's baked every day and sells itself?

My sister.


If farmer A sells apple's, farmer B sells bananas, what does farmer C sell?

Medicine

A baby is born

And to the surprise of everybody, after a few minutes, he starts talking.
"I was born to live 3 days" he says
"my mother will die in 6 days and my father in 14 days"
After 3 days the baby dies. After 6 days it is the mother to pass away. The father becomes histerical. He knows he is next. He sells all his possessions, spends all his money.
14 days later his neighbour dies.

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees? he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn't work properly.

Hmm, it looks okay, says the server, and starts the chainsaw.

The man jumps back in shock and cries, What's that noise?

It's difficult to say what my wife does.

She sells seashells on the seashore

I'm going to open up a store that only sells two bed covers and two snorkels.

Just four sheets and goggles.

I wish the name of a business would describe what it sells...

Curry's doesn't sell curries, dominos doesn't sell dominoes, and the virgin megastore, what a disappointment.


A zombie walks into a brain store

On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers' brain sells for $500, of Java programmers, $1000, and of PHP programmers, $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers' brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get one pound of brain?"

A UNIX Salesperson

A unix salesperson named Lenore

Loved her job, but loved the beach more.

She devised such a way

to combine work and play:

She sells C-shells by the seashore

Its hard to say what my wife does for a living...

...because she sells seashells on the seashore

A Woman Walks Into A Drugstore And Asks...

the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

I heard the titanic got a new job...

She sells sea shells down by the sea floor.

I hear it's a pretty high pressure job.

There's no easy way to say this.....

She sells sea shells on the sea shore, the shells that she sells are sea shells for sure.

What do you call a woman who sells sex for noodles?

A Pasta-tute!

What do you call someone who sells prosthetics to the military?

An arms dealer.


My mother does unspeakable things at the beach.

She sells sea-shells on the seashore.

In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell?

Medicine

... runs off ...

What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?

Hole foods

What do you call someone who sells prosthesis to kids?

Small arms dealer.

What's the hardest part about rollerblading?

Telling your parents you found a place that still sells rollerblades.

What do you call a factory which sells passable products?

A satisfactory.

Waiting for... eeeeeer... someone?

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies:
- "Yes, we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds:
- "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

What do you call a shop that sells aquatic vessels?

A boat-ique.

...I'll get my coat.

I found a shop that sells clothing made of brick.

It's a hardware store.

What do you call...

What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?

A small arms dealer.

It is really hard to say what my wife does for a living.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

What's the difference between a coke dealer and a dealer who sells other drugs?

A thin white line.

Earliest-known Ten Commandments tablet sells at auction for $850000

Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack.

People who sell meat are gross

But people who sells fruits and veggies are grocer

Farmers.

If Farmer A sells watermelon, and Farmer B sell apples, what does Farmer C sell? Drugs.

What do you call a T rex that sells pistols for a living

A small arms dealer

If Whole Foods sells sliced apples,

Is it false advertising?

What do you call someone who sells themself in exchange for spaghetti?

A pasta-tute

I should start a store that sells wheat and beans.

It would be called "Gluten And Tootin"

Have you ever been to a store that only sells lamps?

I've heard it's pretty lit.

Which state sells the smallest cans of coke?

Minisoda

A baker bakes 73,247 baguettes in a year and sells each for $2.73. What does he make?

Bread.

What do you call a singer who sells meat?

A Deli.

Robert, caring child

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

A man sells a dog.

The buyer asks, Is he healthy?

My dog is very healthy, the seller answers.

Is he smart?

My dog is very smart.

Is he loyal?

Yes, my dog is extremely loyal! I'm selling him for the fifth time already.

I just talked to the dude who sells me mushrooms.

He seemed like a fun guy.

help me figure out this riddle!

a farmer has 2 sons. one is a "good boy" and the other is "a bump on a log". the farmer takes his cow into town and sells it to a butcher. then he goes to a watchmaker and buys a watch. WHO DOES HE GIVE THE WATCH TO?

this is some dutch riddle, so the "" are translated words

3 men walk into a bar. The first one gets naked and sells his clothes. The second one punches himself with a chair and sues the barman. The third one challenges a service dog to a dance-off for a reward. Who made the biggest profit that night?

Their drug dealer

I just starred in a movie about a guy who sells car parts

Don't worry, I won't give away any spoilers

What's that company that sells the table's legs separately?

IK*EA*

What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti?

A pastatute!

Talking to a vegan today

I was talking to a vegan today and they said : "I think butchers or anyone who sells meat is disgusting ! " to which I replied "well I think people who sell fruit and veg are grocer"

I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...

...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.

"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.

She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"

There is a woman selling battries in the park.

She sells C cells by the seesaw.

Did you hear about the shop that sells sentient drones?

They were flying off the shelves

New Deal joke my grandfather told me

Everyone has 2 cows.

The Socialist keeps 1 and gives 1 to his neighbour.

The Communist gives both cows to the government who gives back some of the milk.

The Fascist keep the cows but gives the milk to the government, who then sells some of it back.

The New Dealist shoots both the cows and milks the government.

i'm going to quit my job and open a donut shop that also sells weed

i'll call it 'glazed and confused'.

There is an abundance of vender jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 56 funniest jokes and sells puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any seller witze you can hear about sells.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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