Sells Jokes
128 sells jokes and hilarious sells puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sells that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sells Short Jokes
Short sells jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sells humour may include short buys jokes also.
- I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it. If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
- A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks. "We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.
- A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
- Just found out the local barber has been arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer of his for 15 years and I didn't even know he cut hair.
- This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.
- Our local pizza guy has been arrested for selling drugs I have been a loyal customer for years. I honestly had no idea he was selling pizzas
- I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living. He can't take it, but he can dish it out.
- I walked into a store and noticed they were selling deer nuts for $1.25 Every other time I've seen them, they were under a buck.
- I'm looking to sell my DeLorean. Good shape, low mileage... Only driven from time to time.
- A guy stopped me on the street today and tried to sell me a coffin... I said "That's the last thing I need"
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Sells One Liners
Which sells one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sells? I can suggest the ones about sales and selling.
- What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!
- I am selling my username. It's just under a buck.
- How to become a millionaire: Step One: Be a billionaire
Step Two: Short sell $GME - I have a T-Rex who sells me guns. He's a small arms dealer.
- A man tried to sell me a coffin today... I told him, that's the last thing I need.
- What do you call a black man selling drugs? A pharmacist, you racist.
- What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer? By selling your camera.
- What's baked every day and sells itself? My sister.
- If farmer A sells apple's, farmer B sells banana, what does farmer C sell? Medicine
- How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
- I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner... All it does is collect dust.
- Looking to sell my delorean Good shape, low milage.
Only driven from time to time. - What do you call someone who buys and sells shrimps? A prawn broker
- Due to rising costs, Old mcdonald had to sell his farm. E-I-E-I-Owes a lot of money.
- It's difficult to say what my wife does. She sells seashells on the seashore
Amazon Sells Jokes
Here is a list of funny amazon sells jokes and even better amazon sells puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wrote a book about how to tell a believable joke story and I'm selling it on Amazon But nobody buys it.
- I'm selling Amazon gift codes on eBay. If anyone's interested, they are in a mint condition and only used once.
- Why does Amazon always have the best selling cat pictures? Because they host them on AWS
- Why are s**... kits so hard to sell on Amazon? They never have positive reviews.
- So I work at Amazon and suddenly realized why we sell so many diapers. Because we sell so many s**... toys.
Amusing Sells Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about sells you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sold jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sells pranks.
I heard the titanic got a new job...
She sells sea shells down by the sea floor.
I hear it's a pretty high pressure job.
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
A Woman Walks Into A Drugstore And Asks...
the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
What do you call...
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do you call a shop that sells aquatic vessels?
A boat-ique.
...I'll get my coat.
I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...
...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.
"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.
She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"
A UNIX Salesperson
A unix salesperson named Lenore
Loved her job, but loved the beach more.
She devised such a way
to combine work and play:
She sells C-shells by the seashore
What's the hardest part about rollerblading?
Telling your parents you found a place that still sells rollerblades.
What do you call a woman who sells s**... for noodles?
A Pasta-tute!
help me figure out this riddle!
a farmer has 2 sons. one is a "good boy" and the other is "a bump on a log". the farmer takes his cow into town and sells it to a butcher. then he goes to a watchmaker and buys a watch. WHO DOES HE GIVE THE WATCH TO?
this is some dutch riddle, so the "" are translated words
What do you call it when a sheep sells his wool for money?
Cashearing! (Joke I made up last night at work, so be gentle with me)
Years ago I bought a dress for my wife at a store that sells hard-to-find items.
I asked why I never see her wearing it. She said she can't find it.
I'm writing a story about a Pirate who sells corn...
It's about a buccaneer.
Its hard to say what my wife does for a living...
...because she sells seashells on the seashore
I just talked to the dude who sells me mushrooms.
He seemed like a fun guy.
Farmers.
If Farmer A sells watermelon, and Farmer B sell apples, what does Farmer C sell? Drugs.
Why do the cops monitor the store that sells upper-case letters for computers?
It's a shifty business.
EXTRA-LARGE CONDOMS
A woman asks the pharmacist if he sells extra-large condoms.
The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy some?"
The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait to see if anyone buys a box?"
Waiting for... eeeeeer... someone?
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies:
- "Yes, we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds:
- "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
i'm going to quit my job and open a donut shop that also sells w**...
i'll call it 'glazed and confused'.
I'm thinking of opening a store that only sells neckties...
Think i'll name it... Thailand.
What do you call a singer who sells meat?
A Deli.
In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell?
Medicine
... runs off ...
I found a shop that sells clothing made of brick.
It's a hardware store.
I'm planning on opening a store that sells string instruments for children.
I'm calling it 'Kiddie Fiddlers'.
Earliest-known Ten Commandments tablet sells at auction for $850000
Bumping Apple off the top spot for most expensive mobile device without a headphone jack.
Have you ever been to a store that only sells lamps?
I've heard it's pretty lit.
I just starred in a movie about a guy who sells car parts
Don't worry, I won't give away any spoilers
I should start a store that sells wheat and beans.
It would be called "Gluten And Tootin"
There's no easy way to say this.....
She sells sea shells on the sea shore, the shells that she sells are sea shells for sure.
People always ask me what my wife does for a living, but it's just too hard for me to say.
You see...
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
New Deal joke my grandfather told me
Everyone has 2 cows.
The Socialist keeps 1 and gives 1 to his neighbour.
The Communist gives both cows to the government who gives back some of the milk.
The Fascist keep the cows but gives the milk to the government, who then sells some of it back.
The New Dealist shoots both the cows and milks the government.
I'm going to open up a store that only sells two bed covers and two snorkels.
Just four sheets and goggles.
What's the best part of advertising for prostitutes?
The product sells itself.
A zombie walks into a brain store
On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers' brain sells for $500, of Java programmers, $1000, and of PHP programmers, $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers' brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get one pound of brain?"
Talking to a vegan today
I was talking to a vegan today and they said : "I think butchers or anyone who sells meat is disgusting ! " to which I replied "well I think people who sell fruit and veg are grocer"
A baby is born
And to the surprise of everybody, after a few minutes, he starts talking.
"I was born to live 3 days" he says
"my mother will die in 6 days and my father in 14 days"
After 3 days the baby dies. After 6 days it is the mother to pass away. The father becomes histerical. He knows he is next. He sells all his possessions, spends all his money.
14 days later his neighbour dies.
What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti?
A pastatute!
It's hard to say exactly what my girlfriend does for a living...
... she sells seashells by the seashore.
What do you call someone who sells prosthetics to the military?
An arms dealer.
What do you call a w**... that sells unlikeable vegetables?
A brothel sprout.
What do you call a female w**... dealer that sells to breast cancer patients?
A Ma'am A' Gram
Which state sells the smallest cans of coke?
Minisoda
"Your dad's a doctor,how do you get ill?",John asks Bill.
Bill-"Your dad sells condoms too.How were you born?"
What do you call someone who sells prosthesis to kids?
Small arms dealer.
I wish the name of a business would describe what it sells...
Curry's doesn't sell curries, dominos doesn't sell dominoes, and the v**... megastore, what a disappointment.
What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?
Hole foods
3 men walk into a bar. The first one gets n**... and sells his clothes. The second one punches himself with a chair and sues the barman. The third one challenges a service dog to a dance-off for a reward. Who made the biggest profit that night?
Their drug dealer
Which body of water sells drugs?
The pharma\-sea
What do you call a factory which sells passable products?
A satisfactory.
It turns out my son's best friend sells m**.... I really wish he would distance himself.
So that I could buy more of his friend's m**....
What do you call a pirate that sells corn for a dollar?
A buccaneer
A baker bakes 73,247 baguettes in a year and sells each for $2.73. What does he make?
Bread.
Shelly sells seashells down by the seashore
Shelly got chlamydia.
What's the only drink a Jewish bar sells?
He-Brew
What's the difference between a coke dealer and a dealer who sells other drugs?
A thin white line.
You know which store sells the best nuts?
Aldi's
Son: Dad, if the blacksmith forges the sword, who sells it?
Dad: That's easy son. Whoever smelt it, dealt it.
Did you hear about the shop that sells sentient drones?
They were flying off the shelves
What do you say to a person who sells you a bowl of f**...?
That's bowl-s**...!
A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.
The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.
How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees? he asks himself.
Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn't work properly.
Hmm, it looks okay, says the server, and starts the chainsaw.
The man jumps back in shock and cries, What's that noise?
What do you call a Kirby villain who sells c**..., and plays Dungeons & Dragons?
King Dedede the DD who plays D&D.
A man sells a dog.
The buyer asks, Is he healthy?
My dog is very healthy, the seller answers.
Is he smart?
My dog is very smart.
Is he loyal?
Yes, my dog is extremely loyal! I'm selling him for the fifth time already.
What's that company that sells the table's legs separately?
IK*EA*
What do you call someone who sells themself in exchange for spaghetti?
A pasta-tute
If Whole Foods sells sliced apples,
Is it false advertising?
Vegan lady and a butcher
A vegan lady went on a blind date with a man. She asked him what do you do for a living. He said he is a butcher. The lady said "eww that's grouse".
The butcher replied "a person who sells vegetables is grocer".
There is a woman selling battries in the park.
She sells C cells by the seesaw.
People who sell meat are g**...
But people who sells fruits and veggies are grocer
It is really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
Robert, caring child
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
My mother does unspeakable things at the beach.
She sells sea-shells on the seashore.
What do you call a T rex that sells pistols for a living
A small arms dealer
My mum has a small shop near the beach, where you can buy batteries ...
She sells C cells by the seashore.
The carpet
An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian carpets. She looks around, spots a beautiful carpet, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the carpet she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed. Standing behind her is a salesman.
"Good day, ma'am, how may I help you today?"
Flustered, she asks, "Yes, uh, how much does this carpet cost?"
"Madam," he answers, "If you f**... just touching it, you're gonna s**... when you hear the price."
What do you call a person that sells cow p**...?
An entre-manure
I am opening a specialty shop that only sells flavored l**...
It's called Hole Foods
