Selling A Car Jokes
43 selling a car jokes and hilarious selling a car puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about selling a car that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Selling A Car Short Jokes
Short selling a car jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The selling a car humour may include short car selling jokes also.
- The Doctor made me walk again... Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill
- Those "Run Hillary, Run!" bumper stickers are selling incredibly well Democrats put them on the back of their cars, Republicans put them on the front!
- The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks I had to sell my car to pay the bill
- I just starred in a movie about a guy who sells car parts Don't worry, I won't give away any spoilers
- Yeah, I'll probably turn into a sports guy as soon as I sell my car cause right now I see nothing but cheapskates.
- Elephants and cars How many elephants fit in a Volkswagen?
4 elephants, 2 in the front and 2 in the back.
How can you fit 8 elephants in a BMW?
You sell the BMW and buy 2 Volkswagen. - A lot has changed after my wife told me she was pregnant. Like my bank account, selling my car, and getting a passport.
- If Apple ever sells their self-driving car Microsoft will make a lot of money. All of the cars will have to use Windows.
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Selling A Car One Liners
Which selling a car one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with selling a car? I can suggest the ones about car sales and buying a car.
- The Soviet Union attempted to sell cars. Unfortunately Stalin was their biggest problem.
- What is the top selling car in iceland? The Fjord Fjusion
- I decided to watch some YouTube videos today Should I sell my car or house first
- Why are sheep biased when it comes to car sales? They only buy and sell Ram
- Why did the bean sell his car? The back seat didn't have enough legume.
- What did the car selling guacamole say to the female deer? Avacado
- Drinking and driving is dangerous. So dangerous that I had to sell my car.
- (dark humor) In the used cars for sale add i am selling very little used wife whole or in pieces.
Great Selling A Car Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about selling a car you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean selling your house jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make selling a car pranks.
A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
The children unanimously replied, "No."
The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."
Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how can I get into heaven?"
A quick-witted five-year-old boy piped up and replied, "You have to be dead!"
My daughter just walked into the living room and said
"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother. Well, she didn't put it quite like that... she actually said... Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Lakers"
A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.
His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.
The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Get in," I said to the p**....
"Hey," she smiled.
I said, "I bet your mum wouldn't be too happy with you doing this."
"Selling my body for money?" she asked.
I said, "No, sitting in a car with a m**...."
A blond walks into a mechanic's shop.
She is concerned because her car has a lot of miles and nobody wants to buy it from her. The mechanic tells her that for a price, he can roll back the odometer. After she agrees, he does just that, telling her she can now sell her car. He blond says, "why would I do that? It has lower mileage now!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young woman was pulled over for speeding
A young woman was pulled over for speeding.
The State Trooper walked to her car window and opened his ticket book.
The woman said, "I bet you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers' Ball."
The trooper told her, "Ma'am, State Troopers don't have b**...."
There was a moment of silence... The trooper tipped his hat, and returned to his car.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My drug-selling friend got in a car c**... and lost an arm, so now he only has use of one hand.
He's slowly dealing with it.
I saw an advert selling a trained police dog for £25 in the local paper, saw a bargain and bought it.
When the current owner brought it round a mangy mutt jumped out their car.
I said 'There's no way that's a Police dog'
The owner replied 'Don't let looks decieve you, he worked undercover'
I bumped into an old school friend the other day.
He seemed to be doing very well for himself, fancy clothes, new car. You could tell he was now very successful and wealthy.
I asked him how he had been doing and he said great, I've got loads of money, fancy cars and a big house.
I asked him how he came to be so rich and he replied I've been using animal carcasses and boiling them down to a concentrate and selling that for a profit. I've made a killing on the stocks market.
Homemade and 100% organic
Since it's my cake day, I'll give y'all a joke that I created by myself. One that tickles me.
Two car salesman were talking to each other about their sales. They were really impressed with the commissions they were making with electric cars. Then, one of them asked, "Why doesn't Dodge sell any electric vehicles?". The other salesman said, "That would be dumb. If they sold electric vehicles, they would have to give away a free Dodge Charger with each purchase!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A third-grade science teacher asks her students, "If you could have one substance in the world, what would it be?"
"I would have gold," says Harold. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Harold, "I could sell the gold and buy a fancy car."
"I would have platinum," says Susie. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Susie, "I could sell the platinum and buy two fancy cars."
"I would have hair," says Johnny. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Johnny, "my mom has a tiny s**... of hair between her legs, and you should see all the fancy cars outside our house!!!"
A boy was walking down the street when he saw a man further down slumped over his car...
As the boy came closer he realised the man wasn't slumped over the car, he was hugging and kissing it, all while bawling tears.
"What's wrong?" Asked the boy, "Is your wife making you sell the car?"
"No," answers the man. "She just got her license."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Car for Sale
p**... wanted to sell his car but was concerned he wouldn't get much for it due to the high mileage, he spoke to his friend Mickey who suggested winding the clock back, reducing the mileage, in the hope he could ask for more money.
A few days later p**... was talking to Mickey again, 'How'd you get on sellin the car p**...?' He asked his friend.
'I didn't sell it in the end' he said. 'Why not?' asked Mickey. 'Well I wound it back like you said, and when I'd finished sure there was only 12,000 miles on the clock, so I decided to keep it'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was out on the west coast, trying to sell some guns to a street gang.
The gang member handed me a bag of severed toes with tiny $'s and tiny blue bandanas tied to them. I said "What's this?! No cash?!" He said it was the latest trend "Crip Toe Currency".
After a few months I wanted to buy a stolen sports car, but had no cash. My friend worked at a morgue so he got me a bag of severed toes and I drew $'s on them and tied tiny red bananas to them. I went to that gang member and tried to pay for the car and he said...
"Sorry. I don't want your Blood Money."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bought a new car; it was broken. So I took it to the dealer.
He said, "Look man, I just sell w**.... I don't know how to fix the car."
Audi's are more expensive than they have to be.
The German luxury car maker could sell much cheaper cars if they stopped shipping them with all those extra accessories that the owners never use anyways, like rear view mirrors, turn signals, side-view mirrors...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A father is called into the principle's office because his son is in big trouble.
The father sits down next to his son with the principle across at his desk.
"We caught your son selling p**... for 15 dollars a joint out back. He's permanently expelled. You're lucky we didn't call the cops."
The father looks at his son with horror and disgust. He gets up quickly and drags his son to the car in a fit.
As they both get in, the father looks angrily to his son and says "I TOLD YOU 20 DOLLARS YOU IDIOT!!!!"
*Principal
There was an ad in the newspaper Mercedes Benz for 10$.Everyone thought it was some sort of a prank so pretty much everyone ignored it
One gentleman out of curiosity went to the mentioned address.He rang the doorbell and an old looking lady came to greet him. He asked to see the car which was for sale.The lady took him to the garage and there it was a silver mercedes in the best looking condition.
The man made sure to get the papers checked and after getting the keys to the car and the papers he asked the lady I can't help myself but wonder why sell this at such ridiculously low price. The old lady smiled and said I'm just fulfilling my husband's last wish to sell the car and give the money to his second wife
Mr Andrew went to see a doctor about a pain during walking problem.
Since foot was not the doctor's specialty, the doctor recommended him to visit a podiatrist few blocks away.
At the specialist clinic, the podiatrist was optimistic. He declared confidently, "I'll have you walking in an hour!".
Later Mr Andrew return to the doctor's clinic on foot. The doctor was shocked . "How did he cure you in an hour?" the doctor asked.
"The secret lies in the consultation," said Mr Andrew.
"I had to sell my car to pay for it"
A man answers a Craigslist ad for a Porsche for sale.
He goes to check it out, it's a nice late model sport coupe being sold by a middle-aged lady. The engine purrs, the car is clean as a whistle, and drives like a dream. But when he asks the price, the lady tells him $100. This sets off his BS meter, so he starts trying to figure out what's wrong. Is it salvage title? No. She does realize it's a much more valuable car? Yes. Is... is it stolen? No.
So why $100?
The lady explains "Last week my husband goes on a business trip. He then emails me and tells me he is staying in Atlanta, wants to shack up with his secretary, and instructed me to sell the Porsche and send him the proceeds."
Ex-Wife
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.
Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife! , she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"
Tom's reply: "I wasn't".
