The Best 92 Sell Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Sell jokes. There are some sell bibles jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sell vend puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Sell Jokes and Puns

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.

If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks.

"We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.

Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

"I want you to try to sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"

I said "$200 and it's yours."

jokes about sell

The best thing about time machines ...

... is that you can buy it used and sell it new.


A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, but do you thell baby bunnieth?".

The pet store owner smiles and says, "Why, yes, sweetheart! We sell all kinds of baby bunnies. Now... what kind of baby bunny would you like? Would you like a baby grey bunny? Or a baby white bunny? Or would you prefer a pretty brown bunny?"

The little girl replies, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

A Fishing Tale


On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.

Up comes an American.

'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'

'What for?' asks the fisherman.

'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.

The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.

Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.

And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'

The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.

'But that's what I'm doing now.'

Sell joke, A Fishing Tale

So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...

And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.

The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."

But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get a freshly-made donut?"

"Only two options have you!" says the alien. "Dough or donut - there is no fry."

A Russian family moves to America...

...but they can't pay their rent, so the husband says to his wife, "You must go out and sell your body." The wife does and comes back two hours later. The husband asks, "How much did you make?" The wife replies, "50 dollars and 10 cents." The husband asks out of curiosity, "Who gave you the ten cents?" The wife says, "They ALL did."

Methylated Spirit

A scruffy homeless man walks into a DIY store.

"Bottle of methylated spirit please."

"Look mate, no offense but I wasn't born yesterday. I can't sell that to you when I know you're just gonna drink it."

"Hey, what are you implying? This is ridiculous, I'm using it for woodwork!"

"All right, all right..." says the shopkeeper, taking a bottle of the shelf.

"Oh, haven't you got a cold one?"

What does the man with two left feet ask the shoe salesman?

"Do you sell flip-flips?"

You can explore sell profit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sell selling a car dad jokes. There are also sell puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two Jews were arguing whether or not white is a color

After arguing for a week they went for an advice to their rabbi
Rabbi looked into an old book and said yes, white is a color.
A week later same Jews were arguing for a week whether black is a color
Went to the same rabbi who said yes, black is also a color
See!!! says one of them, I did sell you a color TV!!!!

A guy stopped me on the street today and tried to sell me a coffin...

I said "That's the last thing I need"

A Blonde and Condoms

The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He decides to see if she needs any help. He says, "Did you find the extra large condoms?" She responds, "Yes, now I'm just waiting for someone to buy some."

A blonde goes to buy a TV.

A blonde goes out to buy a TV at a department store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry but we don't sell to blondes.

Amazed she goes out and dyes her hair ginger. She later returns to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

Blonde: How did you know I'm blonde?

Clerk: Because that's a Microwave.

I'm selling some jokes about chimneys.

I have a stack of them, the first one's on the house.

Sell joke, I'm selling some jokes about chimneys.

Whats the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again....

To Generiquai and everybody reading this, I would just like you to know I obviously didn't make this up. Just remembered it from a few years back and thought it was funny. Whoever made it up I give you all the credit.
Thanks for checking it out!

Selling a french WW2 rifle

Never fired, only dropped once.

Trumpets and Guns

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.

One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"

"What do you mean strange?"

"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"

"So?"

"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"

"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."


Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.

"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"

"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."

A man walks into a bakery...

So a man walks into a bakery with a fish under his arm. When he gets in there, the baker greets him and asks him how he could help the man.

"Do you sell fish cakes?", the man asks the baker.

"No, of course we don't!" the baker replies.

"But it's his birthday!"

I had a job interview...

...the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."

I closed the screen, unplugged it, and left.

I ignored his calls for about three hours. When I did answer, he said "Where is my laptop?!"

"You wanna buy it?"

Why do they sell shoes in pairs?

Because they're sole-mates.
(I made this joke up about a week ago and figured I'd tell it on non-peak hours so I don't get upvoted enough to quit my day job)...

Two men were lost in a desert...

Dehydrated and dying, the men see a mirage of hundreds and hundreds of tents up ahead. As they get closer, they realize it's not a mirage, but a huge market.

The men stagger into the marketplace, begging everyone around for water, but the first few tents sell only jelly.

Moving on into the market, the men beg and plead for water but the next tents only sell cake.

As the men move forward they're surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of tents selling icecream only, with no water in sight.

The men finally exit the cluster of tents still dehydrated, and dying.

The first man turns to the other and says, "Is it just me, or was that really odd?"

The other man replies, "Yeah. It WAS a trifle bazaar..."

My girlfriend found lipstick in my jacket pocket. I told her straight up I was cheating.

There's no way that I was going to confess that I sell Avon

I work in retail, a married man made me laugh

Me: Hi sir, can I help you?
Him: Nah I'm just looking for my wife
Me: Oh sorry, we don't sell wives here
Him: Good! Else you'd get a lot of returns!

Sell joke, I work in retail, a married man made me laugh

Dictinry for sell.

Never use.

After years of poor yields, Old McDonald will have to sell his farm...

... to cover what he e-i-e-i owes.

The Doctor made me walk again...

Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill


Selling Condoms

An 18-yr-old starts work as a pharmacist's assistant. The pharmacist is showing the new kid around the aisles when they stop at the condom display and the kid asks why they come in different quantities per package.

The pharmacist tells the noob that the 3-packs are for high school guy, who gets it on once on Friday night, once on Saturday and once on Sunday.
The 6-packs are for the more-experienced college guys, who do it twice each on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.

So the kid says, "what about these 12-packs?"

The pharmacist replies "the 12-packs are for the guys who've been married for a long time - January, February, March..."

A farmer once successfully bred a three-legged chicken...

and bragged about it to his neighbors on how fast it was. A billionaire was passing by and took a liking to it. So he made a million dollar offer to the farmer for the chicken. Surprisingly, the farmer declined.

'Then, I'll give you five million for it,' said the billionaire.

'Sorry, I can't,' said the farmer.

'10 million dollars, I don't believe you'll turn down the offer'

'I'm truly sorry. I can't.'

The billionaire was stumped and asked, 'Is 10 million not enough?'

The farmer only sighed and reply, 'It's not that I don't want to sell it, that darned chicken is literally too fast for me to catch it.'

Sally can't sell seashells down by the seashore anymore...

She was busted for conch-traband.

A guy goes in for a job interview...

A guy goes in for a job interview.

The manager hands the guy his laptop and says, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So the guy puts it under his arm, walks out of the building, and goes home.

Eventually, the manager calls the guy and says, "Bring it back here right now!"

The guy says, "$200 and it's yours."

I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...

All it does is collect dust.


I'm not panicking yet about ISPs selling my browser history to advertising companies...

On the other hand, when they offer to sell my browsing history to my wife, that would be the appropriate time to panic!

Why did the tractor sell medicines?

Because it was a farm assist!

... I'm sorry...

Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area

How many Apples does it take to change a light bulb?

Two

One to change the bulb

The other to sell the iBulb for $600 and claim it's "revolutionary"

Selling all of my old tennis equipment but I can't figure out

What's the net worth?

A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting.

I said people who sell fruit and vegetables​ are grocer.

Which part of America can't sell full-sized soft drinks?

Minne-soda.

Vegans think butchers are gross

But people who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer

A blond walks into a mechanic's shop.

She is concerned because her car has a lot of miles and nobody wants to buy it from her. The mechanic tells her that for a price, he can roll back the odometer. After she agrees, he does just that, telling her she can now sell her car. He blond says, "why would I do that? It has lower mileage now!"

Can I sell kayak equipment if my dog peed on it?

Can I peddle a paddle if it's in a puddle of poodle piddle?

Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers?

Because they can wash their crack and sell it again

So there was a shopkeeper who didn't liked Chinese

One day a Chinese man came to him and asked:

-I want buy dog food.

-I won't sell you dog food unless you come with dog.

-But I not want to come to shop with a dog.

Later he came with his dog and got his dog food.

The next day he came again and said:

-I want buy cat food.

-I won't sell you cat food unless you come with a cat.

-But I not want to come to shop with cat.

Later he came with his cat and got his cat food.

The next day he came with a paper bag:

-Put hand inside.

-Why?

-Just put hand inside.

-OK.

-Warm?

-Yes.

-Soft?

-Yes.

-I want buy toilet paper.

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."

If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15.

Did you make a prophet?

Age old debate.

People these days always talk about how disgusting butchers and people who sell meat are, however I've found that people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

The American dream:

To buy a shovel for 2$, to then sell it for 4$. Then you buy two shovels, and sell those for 8$. Then one of your rich uncles dies and you inherit 1,000,000$

My dad told me this one

I wish the name of a business would describe what it sells...

Curry's doesn't sell curries, dominos doesn't sell dominoes, and the virgin megastore, what a disappointment.

If farmer A sells apple's, farmer B sells bananas, what does farmer C sell?

Medicine

I've decided to sell all my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay

Imagine all the PayPal!

How was your job interview yesterday?

Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...

He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The wolf of wall street" movie...

So I took the laptop and left...

Left... ?? Then what ??

Nothing...

30 minutes later he called me up, begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it.....

So I asked him:

Will you buy it ??

A man tried to sell me a coffin today...

I told him, that's the last thing I need.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"I put an ad on Craigslist today trying to sell my pet python," he tells the bartender. "Is it big?" the bartender asks. "It's freakin' huge!" the guy replies. "How many feet?" the bartender asks. "None you idiot," the guy replies. "It's a snake."

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave."

Why did the duck need to sell himself?

He got hooked on the quack.

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.

I used to sell home security systems.

It was super easy.

I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table.

I'm looking to sell my DeLorean. Good shape, low mileage...

Only driven from time to time.

A vegan once said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

So I replied: the people who sell vegetables are grocer

What do you call a factory that sells passable products?

A satisfactory!

I am selling my username.

It's just under a buck.

An artist talks to his curator about his recent sales

Artist: "So? Did I sell anything?"

Curator: "You won't believe this: a man came by and asked if the value of the paintings will rise after the artist's death. I told him that I think so. So he bought the entire gallery.

Artist: "Wow! That's great! who was he?"

Curator: "It was your doctor."

A vegan said to me : people who sell meat are disgusting

I replied with : people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

A vegan told me people who sold meat were disgusting.

I said people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.

So my oilfield is haunted, turned out quite profitable...

Now I can sell Super-Natural Gas!

How do you milk a sheep?

Sell headphones for $549.

A guy walks into a grocery store and says "I want half a pound of butter"

He looks and sees shelves completely covered with boxes of salt. All over the grocery store, hundreds and hundreds of boxes of salt. So he says to the grocer, Listen, I don't want to pry, but do you sell a lot of salt? And the grocery man says, Me, if I'll sell a box of salt a month, I'm lucky. But the guy that sells me salt… Boy, can he sell salt."

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Can I have a free drink if I show you something amazing?"

The bartender agrees so he pulls out a tiny piano, a frog and a hamster. The hamster starts playing the piano and the frog starts singing Adele. As the bartender gets him his drink a punter asks him "how much for the singing frog?" The man replies "I'll sell him for Β£100 if you want?" And the punter agrees. The bartender sees this and says to the man " WHAT?! You could have made millions off that Why'd you sell him so cheap?" And the man says "no, it's okay... The hamsters a ventriloquist"

How to become a millionaire:

Step One: Be a billionaire

Step Two: Short sell $GME

Those hedge funds should have known they'd lose money by shorting GME.

As for us Gamestop customers, we fully expect to sell something for $20 and have to spend $500 when we want to buy it back.

What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and Jean Luc Picard?

Picard didn't sell Data.

So few people today disassemble their watches, take away the hand showing seconds and sell it to other people

the second-hand second hand market is minute.

I was at a job interview today...

When the manager handed me a laptop and said,

I want you to sell this to me.

So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home.

Eventually he called me and said, Bring my laptop back now.

I said, Β£200 and it's yours.

A bear walks into a 7/11 He gets a 12 pack and walks up to the clerk and says "I'll take these."

The clerk is stunned, so he heads to the back to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a bear asking for a beer." The owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then sell it to him, but charge him double. Bears don't know the price of beer." So the clerk heads back out front and sells the bear the beer. "You know," says the clerk, "we don't get many bears around here." To which the bear replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised."

A young woman was pulled over for speeding

A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

The State Trooper walked to her car window and opened his ticket book.

The woman said, "I bet you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers' Ball."

The trooper told her, "Ma'am, State Troopers don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence... The trooper tipped his hat, and returned to his car.

I'm looking for a woman, recently married, recently cheated on , mad or scorned...

Who is willing to sell her man's tools for cheap.

I have an issue getting fair market value when I try to sell gravity.

My wife thinks it's because it was mass-produced.

Looking to sell my delorean

Good shape, low milage.
Only driven from time to time.

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

Eventually, he called me on my phone and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I replied, "Β£100 and it's yours."

Uvalde citizen gets pulled over

A very cute blonde was pulled over for speeding by an Uvalde motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the policeman's Ball."

The cop replied, "No, ma'am. You're thinking of the Border Patrol , the Uvalde Police don't have balls."

Selling coffins must be a hard job.

It's the last thing any of us need.

My daughter just walked into the living room and said

"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother. Well, she didn't put it quite like that... she actually said... Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Lakers"

Flash Sale!

With gas prices being so high, and inflation rising at such an alarming rate, I have no choice but to shamefully sell my nudes.

$1 to receive one
$50 to NOT receive one

So there's this duck, trying to sell drugs to this horse

The duck hold out his wing and says: "Quack?" The horse shakes his head and says: "Neigh!"

How Did The Frog Sell A Million Books?

Because his story was so ribbiting!

Due to rising costs, Old McDonald had to sell his farm.

E-I-E-I-Owes a lot of money.

The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks

I had to sell my car to pay the bill

Why do firemen have bigger balls than policemen

They sell more tickets

A man with two left feet goes into a shoe store...

...and asks the shop assistant: "Do you sell flip-flips?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sell mileage jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working sell buy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes