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Selfdefense Jokes

10 selfdefense jokes and hilarious selfdefense puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about selfdefense that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.


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Heartwarming Selfdefense Jokes that Make You Laugh

What is a good selfdefense joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.

In self-defense the man says, Who told you that drinking is bad?
Nun : "Mother Superior told me."
Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"
Nun : "No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor."
Man : "Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you what if you try it and don't like it, I'll give up drinking for life."
Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don't want people thinking I'm drinking."
The man goes up to the bartender and says, Bring me a couple of shots of v**... but bring one of them in a tea cup.
The bartender looked at the man and said, Is that nun in here again?

I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defense class.

I've never run so far in my life.

Last night a man attacked me.

Last night when i was coming home from work a man attacked me. He silently put the knife to my t**... with his hand covering my mouth.. I think that's it, I'm done. He takes out his business card, gives it to me and leaves. With a pounding heart and shortness of breath, I read it.
It said : *Self-defense courses.*

I became ill after taking self-defense classes...

I think I caught Kung Flu.

Author Unknown

"A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense."

What self-defense class would Jesus take?

Jew-Jitsu

What's a self-defense tactic used against the n**... in World War II?

Jewjitsu.

For self-defense, I bring a baby along with me wherever I go.

Who would attack a man who would hit them with a baby?

For self-defense growing up, Eminem developed his own fighting style. It's known today as...

Marshall Arts.

A park ranger finds a man in the wilderness eating a bald eagle.

The man is arrested and brought to trial for killing a protected bird.
He pleads with the judge, "Your honor, I was lost in the wilderness for three days without food, and the eagle attacked me. I fought back in self-defense, and I ate it because I was starving."
The judge listens to the tale and rules that the man is not guilty. But he turns to the man and asks, "Well, now that we're done with all that, I admit that I am curious to know, what does bald eagle taste like?"
"Well, your honor, it's like a cross between a snowy owl and a whooping crane."

Selfdefense joke, A park ranger finds a man in the wilderness eating a bald eagle.


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Selfdefense joke, A park ranger finds a man in the wilderness eating a bald eagle.

Selfdefense joke, A park ranger finds a man in the wilderness eating a bald eagle.