Self Made Jokes

45 self made jokes and hilarious self made puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about self made that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Self Made Jokes

Short self made jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The self made humour may include short self help jokes also.

  1. What do you call a male cow that keeps falling asleep? A bulldozer.
    I just made this up. I apologize for my self and my entire ancestory that led to this.
  2. What's the difference between karate and judo?
    karate is a method of self defense and judo is what bagels are made of.
  3. There's nothing wrong with being a self-made man... Unless you have an Oedipus complex and a time machine.
  4. Kendall Jenner is the worlds youngest billionaire She's followed in her father's footsteps in becoming a self-made woman
  5. Short self made joke, pretty offensive. Did you hear about the cannibal who is a vegetarian? Yea, he only eats vegetables.
  6. 'Self help' and 'help yourself' surely mean the same thing right?? The security guard didn't think so and made me put the books back.
  7. Why was the other bread jealous of the flat bread that started his own business? He was a self made naan
  8. Why did the water jump into the freezer? Because it caught coronavirus and had to self ice-olate!
    (made up by my 7 year old!)
  9. Did you hear? Apple made a self driving car!
    Only problem is, they're having trouble installing windows.
  10. All the people who say that 'success' comes before 'work' in a dictionary, I guess that they've never heard of the recent youngest self-made billionaire.

Quick Jump To

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about self made can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of self made puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Self Made One Liners

Which self made one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with self made? I can suggest the ones about homemade and handmade.

  1. I made a 3D game about a depressed self-harming goth It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.
  2. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
  3. What state has the largest amount of self made prostitutes? Idaho
  4. I have low self esteem so I made an imaginary girlfriend. But she dumped me...
  5. Ingvar Kamrad, the founder of IKEA, is a multi-billionaire. I guess he's self-made.
  6. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!
  7. If North Korea ever made p**... rap, it would be K-RAP The name is self-explanatory

Self Made Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about self made you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean self employed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make self made prank.

Why was Mohamed Ali born a fighter?

In the w**..., he used to fight bald clowns.
(Self made joke)

Some facts about h**...

He was shorter than most people would think, standing at 5'8". He was obsessed with self-image, and believed that pants that accentuated the glutes were physically imposing. His boots were hand-made by a friend of the family. An avid golfer, he never cleaned his 4 wood, considering the dirt on it to be lucky. The doors in his house would often need fixing, which he did himself. He was the captain of the rowing crew in college.
To sum it all up:
Shorty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans)
Boots for the Fuhrer. (For the Fuhrer)
The four club was full of that dirt
He fixed the doors. (He fixed the doors)
Last thing you know,
Shorty went "Row, row, row, row, row, row, row, row."

A Pirates life for me...

A first mate says to his captain "sir i have the yearn in me l**..., and we haven't made port in weeks what do i do"
Captain : "I too have this problem , and have a solution!. when ever ye feel the need, place your self in this hole in the barrel, except on Wednesdays never on Wednesdays"
1st.Mate: "that's a great plan sir, but why not Wednesdays is that when we clean it out?"
Captain:"no you slimy dog Wednesdays is your turn in the barrel"

Why does the dyslexic Spanish speaker have a poor self image?

His chemistry teacher told him he was mostly made of c**....

Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes

Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. "Vat in the vorld are you doing vidout any clothes, voman?" Lars asked. "Vell, I yust don't have any clothes to vear, dat's why," answered Lena. "Vat you talking about," said Lars as he opened the closet door and began counting: "Vun dress, two dress, tree dress, four dress... Oh, hello Ole... Five dress...
An elderly Norwegian named Lars decided to March to the alter at the ripe old age of 85 with a shapely miss who was only 35. His friends cautioned him about the health hazard involved, saying that the exertion of amour could prove to be fatal. "Vell, dat's the chance I'll have to take," said Lars. "If she dies...she dies."
The nurse told Ole to s**... to the waist. So he took off his pants.
Lars and Lena and two other couples were being considered for membership in the Trinity Church. The minister explained that one of the requirements was for the couples to abstain from relations three weeks prior to final approval. "When you demonstrate self control, you will be welcomed to membership in Trinity Church," explained the minister.
Two of the couples indicated compliance, so the minister said, "You are now welcomed to the Church."
However, Lars and Lena admitted that on the last day of the three week period, they had succumbed after Lars became a**... when his wife Lena leaned over to pick up a spool of thread that had dropped to the floor.
"I'm extremely sorry," said the minister, "but I have to say that you now cannot be welcomed into the Trinity Church."
"Vell," said Lars, "Ve are not velcome at Sears anymore eeder.."
Swede: When is your birthday?
Norwegian: March 21st.
Swede: What year?
Norwegian: Every year.
Ole made a visit to the church on the corner near his home, found a priest and proceeded to make a confession. "Father, I got some tings to tell you about. I had an affair vith da vidow on Oak street last veek. And this veek I been getting togedder vith a coupla married vomen in my apartment."
"Well," said the priest, "for penance you better go home and say 40 Hail Marys."
"Oh, I ain't Cat'lick," explained Ole.
"You're not Catholic?" Exclaimed the priest. "Then, why are you telling ME?"
"Becoss," said Ole, "I'm telling EVERBODY!"
A swede was sympathizing with a Norwegian who lost three wives in less that a year. The swede asked how they died.
"Vell, da first vun died from poisoned mushrooms," explained the Norwegian.
"And the second one?" Asked the Swede?
"Same ting...poisoned mushrooms."
"How about the last?"
"Oh her," said the Norwegian, "Fractured skull."
"Wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
Judge: You've been brought here for drinking.
Dane: Swell! Let's get started.

The Church Gossip

Mildred, the church gossip, self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused Tom, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Tom and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
Tom, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, Tom quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house...walked home...and left it there all night.

I am really proud of my self this morning..

Last night I went out with my colleagues for New Year party.
After drinking a tad too many than I could handle, I made a sensible decision to leave car at the pub and take the bus home.
I am really proud of my self this morning, I had never driven a bus before!

If anyone one of my friends made a self harm joke I wouldn't talk to them.

would u cut them?

My first self-made joke

A professor asks his students "If i told you that 90% of Asians end up not getting married , Will you believe that statement ? "
A student rises up and answers "Yes"
Professor "Why would you believe that ?"
Student "Because Asians are smart"

Oath to self.

When I was 6 I made an oath to myself to never use the word 'sentence' in a sentence.

Did you hear the King of Thailand threw himself in jail?

He made a self depreciating joke.

We hired a teenage girl at my hardware store

I was showing her around the aisles when I picked up something off the shelf and pointed it at my self and made a beeping sound.
I said, "This is a stud-finder" and laughed.
She pulled up her sleeve, showed me her FitBit and made a beeping sound. She said, "This is a p**...-meter."

Quick, make a self-reference!

Also thought about using "Me?" as the punchline, but then it sounded too much like the 'two pronouns' joke. Also, wouldn't have made it a pun.

My wife bought a new dress and asked me if it made her look fat

I said, "Of course not, honey. It's not the dress. It's your lack of discipline and self-control."

Obvious, innit?

A guy was very self-conscious, because he'd been born without ears. Despite this, he'd become general manager at his company.
He was still self conscious though, so when interviewing people, he'd ask if they noticed anything about him, anything they could mention about him, and if people remarked on his lack of ears, they didn't make the grade.
His first couple of candidates had been rejected, and he was pleasantly surprised when the third candidate said he'd noticed he wears contact lenses.
"What made you realise?" he asked. "Easy," came the reply, "people with no ears don't wear glasses."

I'm not sure why there's a lot a backlash over Kylie Jenner being called a self made billionaire by Forbes

When you think about it, she ain't the only Jenner to be a self made woman.

Meme comes from the French word même which means same, self because memes represent our true selves.

Yeah I made that up.

Have you heard of the boy made of bread?

Apparently nobody wanted to take him in...
Good thing they used self-raising flour!

You get what you deserve

Sarah, the self-appointed arbiter of the town's morals, stuck her nose into everyone's business. She made a mistake, however, when she accused her neighbour George of being an alcoholic after spotting his pickup parked in front of a bar one afternoon.
George, everyone who sees it there will know what you're doing, she told him in front of their church group.
George ignored her and walked away. Later that evening, he parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house and left it there all night.

Breaking news!

Corona Virus claims a black belt. Chuck Norris, Dead at 80.
Carlos Ray Chuck Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.
Chuck Starred in dozens of movies and Tv series which have, and continue to entertain millions of people.
He was also a master of martial arts, which was the cause of his initial fame in the movie industry.
However, after his minor inconvenience of death, Chuck has made a full recovery, and is reported to be doing quite well.
It has also been reported that the Corona virus is in self isolation for 14 days due to being exposed to Chuck Norris.

There was once a man who got an eye infection and had to get his eye removed, he could not afford a glass eye so his doctor made him a wooden one.

He was very self conscious about having a wood eye and as such he would only go to poorly lit bars to try to pick up chicks.
One night he was at such a bar and striking out with most of the women there, decided to have one final drink before leaving, as he is drinking he sees a woman who looks a little overweight and says to himself "I'll try one more time"
He then walks up to the woman and asks
"Excuse me but would you like to dance"
The woman jumps up excitedly and says
"Would I, would I"
He responds with
"fatass, fatass"

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these self made jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.