Self Esteem Jokes
96 self esteem jokes and hilarious self esteem puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about self esteem that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Self Esteem Short Jokes
Short self esteem jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The self esteem humour may include short self confidence jokes also.
- what do you call a god with low self esteem? an athiest, because he just doesn't believe in himself
- If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport... I would probably get bronze.
- My therapist recommended that I write in a diary to help my low self-esteem. *Dear Diary,*
S*orry to bother you again.* - My credit card company is super nice, they really help boost my self esteem... They always tell me I have an outstanding balance!
- I can't figure out if I only date girls with self esteem issues because I'm ugly or because we have something in common
- Me: So do you like guys with low self esteem? Girl: Of course, yes, I do
Me: Please don't lie to make me feel better - My girlfriend got sick of my self esteem issues and ran off with my best friend. The worst part is they were both imaginary.
- Why do Python programmers have low self esteem? They're constantly comparing their self to other.
- To the people that think they're better than me How did you overcome your self esteem issues?
- My girlfriend dumped me because I have low self esteem. The worst part is she was imaginary.
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Self Esteem One Liners
Which self esteem one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with self esteem? I can suggest the ones about low esteem and self hate.
- I joined ISIS to help my self esteem issues. Everyone kept telling me You're the bomb.
- My girlfriend is like my self-esteem I have none
- I have a huge problem with self-esteem But I can only blame myself for that.
- My psychiatrist said that I have too much self esteem. I think he's very wrong.
- My nihilist best friend has poor self esteem he just doesn't believe in himself.
- My self esteem is so low.... The other night my hand told me that it had a headache.
- What kind of appointment lowers your self- esteem? Disappointment
- I'd like to have more self-esteem but I don't deserve it.
- Did you hear about the marble statue with low self esteem? She was taken for granite
- Everyone says that my low self esteem looks bad on me... I agree.
- What are 4 words that can ruin a man's self esteem? "Is it in yet?"
- What do you call a night watchman with deep-set self-esteem issues? An insecurity guard 😏
- Why does Atheist Jesus have low self esteem? He doesn't believe in himself.
- Quadriplegic people have low self esteem. They won't even stand up for themselves.
- I would like some more self esteem But I don't deserve it.
Cheeky Self Esteem Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about self esteem you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean self reflection jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make self esteem pranks.
Buddy, those pills you're taking, are they for your face?
No, they're for my low self esteem.. So you're not taking anything for your face?
(Courtesy of C&H)
I'm a shy person with low self-esteem, but I'll tell you a great joke
..if you promise not to laugh.
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
I live near a remidial school,
there's a sign on the rode outside that says, 'SLOW CHILDREN'. I thought to myself, that can't be good for their self esteem. But look on the positive side, they can't read it.
What goes good with coconut v**...?
Teen age girls with low self-esteem and questionable morals
"m**... can help relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-esteem, as well as reduce the risk of prostate cancer."
And apparently that is not the correct answer to give when being questioned by the police as to why I was jacking off while riding the bus.
A teacher was speaking to her class about self-esteem.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were s**... to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him, Why did you stand up? He answered, I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.
A wavy guitarist has a low self esteem
He just wanted to B-flat
I've been practicing pickup lines for depressed men...
Hey baby, can you get your pants lower than my self-esteem?
How do we know that the dwarf p**... has low self-esteem?
She's always selling herself short.
Yo mama so fat,
she has self esteem issues.
I don't know if I only get girls with low self esteem cause im ugly or if because we have things in common like low self esteem
.
Can God be an atheist?
Yes, if he has low self esteem and stops believing in himself.
Why did the angles have such high self esteem?
Because they kept complementing each other.
When god is having a day with low self esteem...
...is He atheist because He doesn't believe in Himself?
What do Dave Mirra and The Offspring have in common?
No Self Esteem!
Being a Ginger I always get asked the same question and I want you to know the answer is yes....
I do have low self esteem.
Low self esteem group meeting
Please use the back door
Why was the track runner with low self-esteem able to complete the race even after being impaled by a stray javelin?
He didn't know he had it in him.
If God doesn't believe in himself...
Does that make him an atheist or does he just have low self-esteem?
When it comes to girls with low self-esteem...
guys always go for the low hanging fruit because they are easy pickings.
What happens when you destroy a bunch of self important people's self esteem?
You're destroying the egosystem.
What do you call an ungulate with low self-esteem?
A cantelope.
Nothing against fat chicks having high self-esteem
Just not yoga pants high
My girlfriend ruined my self esteem
But then she told me to buy myself a steam account.
Which of our o**... systems have the lowest self esteem?
The nervous system
What's the point of having self esteem...
...If no one likes you :(
Don't reduce a migit's self esteem
You don't want to belittle him
Roses are red
Violets are green,
you are a ginger with no self-esteem
Lately my self esteem has been so low...
Even in the shower I sing backup vocals.
My girlfriend left me because of my low self esteem
I probably deserved it, though
Self esteem is…
…what happens when Jose and Pedro build their own sauna.
The problem with homelessness
Low self-esteem. Anywhere can be a home if you believe in yourself!
I have low self esteem so I made an imaginary girlfriend.
But she dumped me...
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were s**... to stand up.
One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him, Why did you stand up? He answered, I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.
I don't need a mirror
I already kill my own self-esteem.
If you are about to euthanize a stray pet...
And a depressed little man with very low self esteem jumps into your arms.
Do you put him down?
How low is my self esteem?
Well, I'm pretty sure the fbi guy who's responsible for watching me put duct tape on his screen.
What kind of train is The Little Engine that Could ?
A self esteem engine
What's the worst part about being insane with low self esteem?
Not believing in yourself is blasphemy
What Do You Call It When A Person With Low Self-Esteem Takes A Laxative?
Self-Defecation.
I like my women like my self-esteem
Crippled and non-existent.
Why did everyone in the Industrial Revolution have such good confidence.
Everything ran off Self-Esteem-Engines.
Once upon a time, God became an atheist...
Turns out he was grappling with a low self-esteem.
Surimi must have the lowest self-esteem of all fish.
Nobody would dare eat them unless you refer to them as "imitation crab."
How is my self-esteem and girlfriend similar?
Doesn't exist lol
Here's the real joke: Me
My friend from the Middle East has really low self esteem.
Thus I was not surprised to find out that she was a Qatar.
What do you call God when he has low self-esteem?
Atheist.
The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet on Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the door at the rear of the building.
I was at the hospital the other day and the Radiologist had really low self-esteem.
I think he had body image issues.
I saw a shrink for a few months.
Now I have smaller self esteem.
Where do guys get their self esteem?
From the Sauna.
why don't I have self esteem
idk you tell me
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem...
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were s**... to stand up.
One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn't think anyone would stand up so she asked him,
Why did you stand up?
He answered, I didn't want to leave you standing up by yourself.
I was in the car with my family, talking about self esteem...
My 6 six year old daughter says... "daddy, what happens when you look in the mirror and you're ugly?" I'm immediately concerned and ask her "sweety, did someone say something mean to you? you are beautiful". She quickly replies, "no daddy, I was talking about you."
Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health
If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.
If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you do in life, and what you want from us. Please stay on the phone while we trace your call.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press the 7 on the big pink telephone that you, and only you, see at your immediate right.
If you are suffer from chizophrenia, please kindly ask your imaginary friend to press the 8 key for you.
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter which key you press, as there is nothing to do: yours is a basket case, and there is no cure.
If you suffer from amnesia, press keys in rapid sequence 2, 7, 5, 3, 9 5, 7, 5, 1, 6, 4, 9 and repeat out loud, in the following order, your name, surname, home address, mobile number, e-mail, social security number, bank account number, ATM pin code, date of birth, marital status, place of birth and your grandmother's maiden name.
If you suffer from indecision, leave your message before, after, or during the beep.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from obsessive avarice we have to inform you that this call costs 500 euros per minute.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, keep waiting: all our operators are busy responding to people who are much more important than you.
If you are one of the Italians that voted for Berlusconi, please hang up. We cure the crazy, not the jerks.
