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Self Control Jokes

46 self control jokes and hilarious self control puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about self control that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Self Control Jokes

Short self control jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The self control humour may include short jokes also.

  1. A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says "I haven't eaten in three days". She replies "where do you get the self control?"
  2. My momma always said, life is like a box of chocolates Empty, because you have no self-control.
  3. I had a friend who said he liked to practice self control. I didn't know what he meant until I saw him press the cross walk button only once.
  4. [Warning: Nerdy] Two self driving cars lost control on the freeway and crashed, killing 4. Experts say it was caused by a race condition.
  5. What did the psychologist say to the bread addict? "You need to grain some self control there!"
  6. You should've seen their faces when I showed up as Donald Duck at the office Christmas party. Yeah I had no pants, no self control and I came with three kids that weren't mine.
  7. People often tell me I have no willpower or self-control Rubbish I say. I've quit smoking loads of times
  8. Grub hub here... ...making you think you have friends but really reminding you that you have no self control. Enjoy!
  9. Breaking News! Self-aware remote control helicopters have just been invented. They're flying of the shelves!
  10. Tim has 12 chocolate bars. He eats seven of them. What does he have now? Diabetes, and Bad self control.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about self control can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of self control puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Self Control One Liners

Which self control one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with self control? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. So I stopped a woman from getting kidnapped today It took a lot of self control though
  2. I prevented 2 rapes last night... "How?"
    Self control.
  3. Why are artists so good at self control? Because they always know where to draw the line.
  4. I prevented several horrible crimes today. Good old self-control.
  5. What do you have if you eat 3.14 cakes No self control
  6. Self Control - the only way to survive in a world full of idiots.
  7. What do you call a really good lawyer who has no self control? A master debater
  8. Self control I stopped a girl getting r**... today.
    I used self-control.
  9. I stopped a r**... today Self control.
  10. I just saved a h**... from being r**.... How? Self control, man. Self control
  11. Yesterday i stopped a hot girl from getting r**... How?
    Self control buddy. Self control.
  12. What vegetable has the most s**... self-control? The cuecummer!

Self Control Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about self control you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make self control prank.

Time of weakness

Rosy had been divorced for a few years and was finding life very lonely.
Finally, after much persuasion, she consented to go out on a date with Robert, a gentleman her daughter fixed her up with.
He picked her up and they went to a very secluded spot to have a picnic.
Robert had also been divorced for quite some time and found himself very attracted to Rosy.
Despite her initial resistance to his advances, he finally suceeded in making love to her.
Rosy was mortified at her lack of self-control and sobbed, "I don't know how I'm going to face my daughter, knowing that in a time of weakness, I sinned twice!"
"What do you mean, twice?" he asked. "We only did it once."
"Well, you're going to do it again, aren't you?" Rosy asked.

Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes

Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. "Vat in the vorld are you doing vidout any clothes, voman?" Lars asked. "Vell, I yust don't have any clothes to vear, dat's why," answered Lena. "Vat you talking about," said Lars as he opened the closet door and began counting: "Vun dress, two dress, tree dress, four dress... Oh, hello Ole... Five dress...
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An elderly Norwegian named Lars decided to March to the alter at the ripe old age of 85 with a shapely miss who was only 35. His friends cautioned him about the health hazard involved, saying that the exertion of amour could prove to be fatal. "Vell, dat's the chance I'll have to take," said Lars. "If she dies...she dies."
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The nurse told Ole to s**... to the waist. So he took off his pants.
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Lars and Lena and two other couples were being considered for membership in the Trinity Church. The minister explained that one of the requirements was for the couples to abstain from relations three weeks prior to final approval. "When you demonstrate self control, you will be welcomed to membership in Trinity Church," explained the minister.
Two of the couples indicated compliance, so the minister said, "You are now welcomed to the Church."
However, Lars and Lena admitted that on the last day of the three week period, they had succumbed after Lars became a**... when his wife Lena leaned over to pick up a spool of thread that had dropped to the floor.
"I'm extremely sorry," said the minister, "but I have to say that you now cannot be welcomed into the Trinity Church."
"Vell," said Lars, "Ve are not velcome at Sears anymore eeder.."
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Swede: When is your birthday?
Norwegian: March 21st.
Swede: What year?
Norwegian: Every year.
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Ole made a visit to the church on the corner near his home, found a priest and proceeded to make a confession. "Father, I got some tings to tell you about. I had an affair vith da vidow on Oak street last veek. And this veek I been getting togedder vith a coupla married vomen in my apartment."
"Well," said the priest, "for penance you better go home and say 40 Hail Marys."
"Oh, I ain't Cat'lick," explained Ole.
"You're not Catholic?" Exclaimed the priest. "Then, why are you telling ME?"
"Becoss," said Ole, "I'm telling EVERBODY!"
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A swede was sympathizing with a Norwegian who lost three wives in less that a year. The swede asked how they died.
"Vell, da first vun died from poisoned mushrooms," explained the Norwegian.
"And the second one?" Asked the Swede?
"Same ting...poisoned mushrooms."
"How about the last?"
"Oh her," said the Norwegian, "Fractured skull."
"How?"
"Wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
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Judge: You've been brought here for drinking.
Dane: Swell! Let's get started.

UNBELIEVABLE!!! Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Caliber p**... !

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?
While out hiking in Alberta, Canada with my boyfriend, we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today!
Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took. The bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

It's one of the best pistols in my collection.

Yesterday i saved a woman from being r**....

- Yesterday i saved a woman from being r**... !
- Wow dude that's amazing, how did you stop it?!
- Self control my friend, Self control...

A man brought his son to a grocery store...

A man brought his son to a grocery store, but as soon as they walked in the store the young child began to throw a temper tantrum. While they went down each aisle the child would yell, throw items in and out of the cart, and overall just be an annoyance.
Despite the scene his son was causing, the father was cool and collected, slowly and calmly saying, "Don't worry, Donald. It'll be alright, Donald, we'll be home soon."
A nearby mother was very impressed with the father's self control, and wanted to express her gratitude for such calm parenting. "Sir, I'm amazed that you are able to be so calm! It's not every day I see such patient and gracious parenting. Now little guy, what seems to be the problem, Donald?"
"Oh no, ma'am, you're mistaken!" The father interjected, "This is my son, Henry. I'm Donald!"
^(*Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there! Thank you for all you do.*)

My wife bought a new dress and asked me if it made her look fat

I said, "Of course not, honey. It's not the dress. It's your lack of discipline and self-control."

"I saved a girl from getting r**... yesterday." "Wow! That's great. How?"

"Pure self-control."

A group of engineering students were discussing the nature of God.

The first student asserts that God is an electrical engineer, because of all the complex information and control signals running around in our nervous system.
The second student explains that God is a mechanical engineer, because of all the different kinds of activities that the human body can be trained to perform.
The third student says that God is a Systems Engineer, because the human brain is essentially a self-programming neural net computer.
The fourth student then quietly states that God is really a civil engineer, because nobody else would run a septic system through a recreational area.

Today I stopped a girl from being r**....

How you may ask?

Self control my friend, self control.

I go to the store and buy ten hotdogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas. If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?

No self control

During my flight, I stopped a t**... from killing more than 300 hundred people.

Through self-control.

My wife and I were arguing about who has better self control. "Clearly me," she says, "For example. I put a candy bar on my desk on Monday and it hasn't moved an inch"

"That's nothing!" I retorted. "All six times I ate it I put a new candy bar on your desk exactly where you left it."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these self control jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.