Delightful Fun Select Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
We thought it was our ability to love that made us human,
but it turns out it was actually our ability to SELECT EACH IMAGE CONTAINING A TRUCK.
When my wife and I got married,
we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have s**... with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.
Yesterday, I approached a gorgeous girl, and she was pleased, which wasn't something I expected
I asked the girl for a movie.
She : "Which movie"? with a sweet smile.
Me : "You decide".
She : "No, you should decide"
Me : "No, you decide"
She : "Sir, please select which movie ticket you want. There are others behind you in the line as well"
God and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said God . "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."
Nature's selection for our placement of hair is a weird thing.
Can't grow a beard for s**..., but enough a**... hair to turn diarrhea into filtered water
A small church was raising funds for a new piano. On Sunday the pastor said Whoever gives the most money today for the offering can pick out 3 hymns.
So they passed the offering plate around and the pastor sees a $100 bill in the plate.
He said Looks like we have a winner! Whoever gave the $100 bill can come to the front and select 3 hymns.
An 80 year old lady slowly got up, walked to the front, and pointed her finger into the pews…
I'll take him, him, and him!
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires
Which course did Hillary Clinton select when playing Mario Kart?
The short circuit
A man to a psychiatrist:
How do you select who should be admitted to your facility? The psychiatrist replies: We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub. The man smiles: Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket. The Psychiatrist replies: No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?
I think Jobs are too snoopy when it comes to our private s**... lives
Whenever it has the spot on the application that says s**...: , as a young man, I'm always just slightly caught off guard. I reluctantly put my number of times there.
Sometimes it provides me with the choice of M or F online. I always select the F for few. Hopefully one day I'll be able to put M for many
As an aside, for some reason, the people I meet during the interview always seem confused at first
A local beekeeper was selling his bees for 5 dollars each.
"5 dollars for a single bee?! That's ridiculous," I complained.
"Well, if you don't like the price, you can select from that hive over there, those are freebies."
You can explore select heavenly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean select emale dad jokes. There are also select puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the difference between select and choose?
Select means to pick something, choose are what Puero Ricans wear on their feet.
When someone tells me that they have no life I usually respond with this...
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start
Why does the selective Ghost only haunt Bars and Pubs..?
... He's addicted to Boos
I was going through my wardrobe, trying to select a suit for my grandmother's f**....
I said, "What shall I wear?"
"I don't really care," said my mum. "As long as you don't you stick out."
It's not easy being a necrophiliac.
(real news) Select Starbucks stores have been offering customers the option of adding carbonation to their drinks.
In response, Dunkin' Donuts is offering customers the option of having an employee make motorboat noises into their coffee.
How will Trump select his cabinet?
The Apprentice: the White House
Contestants will compete in a series of challenges aspiring to positions in Trump's cabinet all televised for your viewing pleasure on NBC.
How do bees select a new queen?
By pollen.
With the first pick of the 2017 NFL Draft, the Cleveland Browns select...
To pass.
TIL that there is an exotic instrument only select children can master.
Apparently the Fogle Fiddle has been around since 1977, who knew?
The Sun are running dream team for the World Cup
Given the news papers poor handling of hillsborough I've chosen to use the Guardians version instead
But you can only select left wingers
Schools in Canada have an exclusive honor's society for a select few of their students...
The only students permitted are the ones with straight Eh's.
My heart is like a diamond
Cold, hard and has it's value artificially inflated because of a few select individuals
You have selected English as your language. Please pick a variation.
○ England: Traditional
● America: Simplified
Genetic engineering now allows parents to select the eye color of their children.
More great work from the University of Josef Mengele.
