Seized Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!

Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.

Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."

A communist girl thought I was cute.

Next thing I know she seized my means of reproduction!

Why didn't people get laid during Communism?

The State seized the means of **re**production

The Tallest Boy

As the Principal made his rounds during the first day of school, he could hear a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.

He quickly rushed in and spotted one boy, much taller than the others, who appeared to be making the most noise.

He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to remain there until he was excused.

Returning to the classroom, the Principal restored order and lectured the students for quite some time on the importance of good behavior.

"Now," he said, "are there any questions?"

One girl stood up timidly and asked, "Yes, sir. May we please have our teacher back?"

I've just been arrested by police investigating match fixing.

They executed search warrants at my home and office, seized my computer, laptop and mobile phone, and froze my bank account.

All I did was go into my local bookies and put a £5 bet on Manchester United to win.

A gentleman boasted that his parrot would repeat anything he told him.

A gentleman was boasting that his parrot would repeat anything he told him. For example, he told him several times, before some friends, to say Uncle, but the parrot would not repeat it. In anger he seized the bird, and half-twisting his neck, said: Say 'uncle,' you beggar! and threw him into the fowl pen, in which he had ten prize fowls. Shortly afterward, thinking he had killed the parrot, he went to the pen. To his surprise he found nine of the fowls dead on the floor with their necks wrung, and the parrot standing on the tenth twisting his neck and screaming: Say 'uncle,' you beggar! say uncle.'


This English joke was printed in the Iowa Citizen on October 9th, 1891. It is believed to be the origin of the American idiom of "crying Uncle."

What do you call a stoner who had his weed seized?


Reports just in that the police have seized a Catholic Priest's computer.

They claim that they are looking for a certain file.

A .PDO file if you will.

What are the funniest seized jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Seized? Well, here are the best Seized puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Seized pick up lines to share with friends.


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