Seize The Day Jokes
18 seize the day jokes and hilarious seize the day puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about seize the day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Seize The Day Short Jokes
Short seize the day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The seize the day humour may include short seize jokes also.
- What's the worst thing about internet communists? They spend all day trying to seize the memes of production.
- Why did the grandpa have a seizure in the middle of a family gathering? - Because he wanted to seize the day.
- An epileptic has started waking himself each morning with flashing lights... He says it's part of his new plan to seize the day.
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Seize The Day One Liners
Which seize the day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with seize the day? I can suggest the ones about day of rest and enjoy your day.
- Know who's really good at seizing the day? Epileptics.
- Today, March 26th, is Epilepsy Awareness day. So get on out there and seize the day!
- How do Communists celebrate Valentine's Day By seizing the means of reproduction.
- CARPE DIEM! Seize the day is a great motto to live by... Unless you have epilepsy.
- My uncle once had a 24-hour epileptic episode. He sure seized that day.
Seize The Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about seize the day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean have a good day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make seize the day pranks.
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
Two men are hunting in the woods...
Andy and Ed are off hunting on a hot summer's day, when all of a sudden Ed collapses, seizing and foaming at the mouth. Andy panics and instantly whips out his phone to call 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" Andy frantically yells into the phone.
"Ok, calm down sir. Let's take this one step at a time. First, let's make sure he's actually dead."
There's a silence, then two shots are heard. Back on the phone, Andy says, "Ok, now what?"
Pirates
The FBI seize a collection of pirated movies.
The movies were Footloose, dirty dancing, ferris bueller's day off, ghost busters and the breakfast club.
As the pirate sees his beloved movies taken away from him, he cries
"ARGH! Me eighties!"
The Tallest Boy
As the Principal made his rounds during the first day of school, he could hear a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.
He quickly rushed in and spotted one boy, much taller than the others, who appeared to be making the most noise.
He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to remain there until he was excused.
Returning to the classroom, the Principal restored order and lectured the students for quite some time on the importance of good behavior.
"Now," he said, "are there any questions?"
One girl stood up timidly and asked, "Yes, sir. May we please have our teacher back?"
Shoe Crack!
Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about. After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchased them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red p**... tonight?"
Startled, Sophia replies, "Yes, Luigi , I do wear red p**... tonight, but how do you know?"
Luigi answers, "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?"
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, "Rosa , do you wear white p**... tonight?"
Rosa answers, "Yes, Luigi , I do, but how do you know that?"
He replies, "I see the reflection in my new$300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?"
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red... He states, "Carmela, be stilla my heart. Please, please tell me you wear no p**... tonight. Please, please, tella me this true!" Carmela smiles coyly and answers, "Yes Luigi , I wear no p**... tonight..."
Luigi gasps, "Thanka Goda ....I thought I had a CRACK in my$300 Armani leather shoes...!"