Seed Jokes
83 seed jokes and hilarious seed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about seed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking to add a little bit of humor to your day? Check out our collection of seed jokes, featuring everything from sunflower to poppy seed! Get ready to laugh and discover some interesting facts about Sweetys, Sprouts, and more!
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Funniest Seed Short Jokes
Short seed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The seed humour may include short plant jokes also.
- Another blonde joke A professor told his class:
"Fame will come to you only after you succeed!"
A blonde asked, "Who is 'Seed'?" - What did arnold schwarzenegger say to his Tomato seeds after watering them for the first time? You have been germinated.
- This old man approached me. He said, "I planted some seeds somewhere and I can't remember what allotment." "It's a synonym for 'many'," I replied, "but I can't help you with the first bit."
- I'll never forget the look on the cashier's face... when she scanned the packet of bird seed, and I asked her if she knew how long it took for the birds to grow once the seeds have been planted.
- To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for reaction.
- I bought a bag of bird seed almost 2 months ago. Anyone know how long it takes for the bird to grow?
- How many Communists does it take to screw in a capitalist lightbulb? Zero. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
- How do you find Ronald McDonald in the nudist camp? He's the one with sesame seeds on his buns.
- I want to start a bird feeding company. I want to start a bird feeding company.
All I need is some seed money. - I sent that 'Ancestry' site some information on my Family Tree. They sent me back a pack of Seeds, and suggested that I just start Over..
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Seed One Liners
Which seed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with seed? I can suggest the ones about stem and fruit.
- Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical m**... store I'll call it glazed and confused
- A sign at the fertility clinic. Please wait to be seeded.
- I bought some of that emo grass seed, it's brilliant. The grass cuts itself.
- Just need to grow I wanted to grow my own food but I couldn't get bacon seeds anywhere.
- How do you address an audience full of dried seeds? "Ladies and lentil-men...."
- I dropped a jar of cumin seeds on the floor I guess it's ground cumin now
- Why do Pokemons like to eat sunflower seeds? Because they like to pick and chew
- Why don't sunflower seeds get laid? Because they're in shells
- What do you call cute seeds? Awwwwwwwwwwwwmonds
P.S. it's my birthday please love me - my burger bun startup is going well And I've got seed funding already
- What did a pirate say to fellow pirate? Are you seeding?
- I heard about this disorganized farmer... ...he was operating by the seed of his plants.
- Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino? Because he was on a roll.
- the gay gardener he loved planting seeds
- What do you call it when a seed sprouts in Saxony? A Germi-Nation!
Bird Seed Jokes
Here is a list of funny bird seed jokes and even better bird seed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I bought bird seed today. Can anyone tell me how long it takes for the birds to grow once I plant them?
- Bird Seeds 1. Go to the pet store
2. Buy Bird seeds
3. Ask the cashier how long it will take for the birds to grow
4. ???
5. Profit - Why did the man's bird feed startup go under? The seed money fell through.
- have you smelled my new seeded aftershave? The birds love it.
- Why did my Exotic Bird Startup Store fail? I didn't have enough seed money.
- I bought bird seed today I wonder how long they will take to grow
- If apples come from apple seeds and tomatoes come from tomato seeds, how come nothing is sprouting from the bird seeds I planted?
Sesame Seed Jokes
Here is a list of funny sesame seed jokes and even better sesame seed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Lunch today was to die for. Sesame seed baguette from Pret a Manger.
- Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.
Poppy Seed Jokes
Here is a list of funny poppy seed jokes and even better poppy seed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Rosemary get kicked out of the spice rack? For swallowing Poppy's Seed
- Where does bubble wrap come from? Poppy Seeds!
Grass Seed Jokes
Here is a list of funny grass seed jokes and even better grass seed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola of the jersey shore direct the people looking for the store that sells grass seed? "Go to the LUUUUUAWWWWWWNNNNNN SHUUUUUUUUUUAWWWWWPPPPPP!"
Sunflower Seed Jokes
Here is a list of funny sunflower seed jokes and even better sunflower seed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- We crush olives for olive oil, we crush walnuts for walnut oil and we crush sunflower seeds for sunflower oil So how do we make baby oil?
Great Seed Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about seed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beans jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make seed pranks.
MrBeast sure is good at planting seeds
Last time I saw someone spread their seed that successfully was when Ghengis Khan was around.
What do you call a piglet?
A bacon seed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was in charge of offloading the...
...grain from the ships at the harbour. Unfortunately the grain was very moist and did not get s**... up by vacuum too easily.
He approached the foreman for some advice, who said: "If at first you don't s**... seed, try a drier grain."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do h**... make such good role models?
They only know how to s**... seed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was Monica Lewinsky's high school yearbook superlative?
Most likely to s**... seed.
A collection of puns in one text.
[Context: Friend borrowed a great book by Yahtzee Croshaw, "Jam"]
Friend: I'm liking Jam a lot.
Me: Sweet. Glad you got absorbed in it. It's a berry good book. So many sticky situations for the seed of character development.
Friend: *turns off phone*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know you're in a seedy part of town
when you ask the waitress for coke and she says "is m**... ok?"
Why does a cucumber has a lot of seed?
He has no hands.
Jake wanted a brother
Jake had been asking his father for a brother the whole morning. His dad got annoyed so he gave little Jake some seeds.
"Just put these by the window, it attracts the storks!"
A few months later the neigbors had a baby delivered. Little Jake went to the newfound father and said:
"Just so you know, that wasn't because of your seed, it was because of my dad's seed!"
What do your mother and the ground have in common?
They are always full of seed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women like I like my fields.....
fertile and full of my seed
What do you call it when you run out of seed?
Endosperm.
So I had to fire my landscaper last week...
because I told him to spread his seed on my lawn, not all over my wife.
Why does a cucumber have so much seed?
It's only peeled once a year.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know if a b**... is successful?
Trust me, you'll know if you s**... seed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad how are babies made?
Dad: Daddy plants a seed in mums tummy.
Daughter: Does mummy s**... the seed?
Dad: Only if she wants new shoes
A professor once told his class...
A professor once told his class:
For one to have a good life, they must succeed.
Mary, the only blond in the class replies:
Who's seed?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the seed say while having s**...?
Im
cumin
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... banks are like torrents
They both want your seed
Baby Whale
Baby Whale says to Dad Whale, 'Dad where did I come from?'
Dad Whale says, ' You came from me son, I put a seed in Mummy Whale and it grew into you'
Baby Whale says, 'thanks Dad'
Dad Whale says, You're Whalecum.'
Tim was planting a seed in the ground.
Jack: What kind of a seed is it?
Tim: A seed of doubt.
Jack: That's The worst joke I've ever heard......Or maybe the best...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a garden and a woman on h**... have in common?
They both grow vegetables when someone plants a seed in them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If opening a walnut is busting a nut..
Make sure to s**... the seed!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ambitious birds have no teeth
They need to s**... seed
A man is in a mental hospital because he believes himself to be a seed.
He is treated for years by one of the world's best psychiatrists. After 6 years, he finally becomes convinced that he is not, in fact, a seed. There is a party to celebrate his release from the hospital.
A chicken shows up to the party. The man freezes and slowly starts to inch behind a nearby tree. His psychiatrist notices and sighs: "I thought you were over this. You are not a seed, remember?"
The man replies: "look, you know that I am not a seed. I know that I am not a seed. But does the chicken know?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom, how did I come to this world?
A kid asked his mother:
\- Mom, how did I come to this world?
\- Me and your father planted a seed together - began telling the story the mother.
\- From that seed - she continued - we grew m**... plant, then smoked some w**... and had s**... on the washing machine...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Home depot is the best brothel
The vacuum s**..., the fan blows, the hammer bangs and they have plenty of pots to plant your seed.
What did the old cucumber seed say?
I'm in a real pickle.
What do you call a gardener who cleans up a lot?
A tidy didy seed insidey!
My dad taught me that money and fame will come only if I succeed
Anybody knows who seed is?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I die, I want an almond tree seed to be planted with my body ...
and several years from then, when that tree is full grown, you can all e**... nuts.
My slavic roommate was eating in the kitchen when I came home
When he saw me he said: "Hey brate, have a seed!"
A blind man walks into the bakery
A blind man walks into the bakery and asks for 8 poppy seed breads. While the baker gathers them for him, he asks: are you expecting any visitors? No, replies the blind man. But I'm going on vacation, and they have such lovely story's written on them!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The guy from the seed store is very s**...
I asked Him for potato seeds and He gave Me a full sack of potatos instead.
I use to work for a hardware store.
I was being trained by this older gentlemen and he was telling me that the job was all about the up sale. I told me to watch as he went up to someone buying grass seed.
"You should buy this new lawn mower too. You don't want to be cutting your nice new grass with an old lawnmower."
So I turn around and see a guy with a box of tampons and give it a try.
"You should buy a new lawn mower. Your weekends ruined anyway, might as well cut the grass."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pumpkin, a zucchini, and a seed walk into a bar.
The barkeep asks the pumpkin what she'd like to drink.
b**... Mary, she says.
The barkeep asks the zucchini for her order.
I'm having a hard cider, the zucchini says.
The barkeep turns to the seed, and both the pumpkin and zucchini say, Oh, don't serve our friend anything.
Why not?
Can't you tell? asks the zucchini, She's already out of her gourd!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If at first you don't succeed
Then s**... another seed.
A policeman walks by a street vendor
Policeman: What are you selling?
Vendor: Apple seeds... $5 a pop!
Policeman: What???Why would anyone want to eat apple seed?
Vendor: They make you smarter!
Policeman: OK, give me one (swallows it)... wait a minute? For $5 I could have bought a pound of apples and got myself at least 20 seeds!
Vendor: See!!! You're smarter already!
Policeman: WOW, you're right... Give me two more, quick!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Every tree was once a seed. Take that h**... guy for example.
He really grew fast once he got control of the German-nation.
Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.
FO: My dog is so smart that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.
SO: I know.
FO: How do you know?
SO: My dog told me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mummy, how was I born?
A 10-year-old girl asks her mum, Mummy, how was I born**?**
The mother smiled and replied:
Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth & I took care of it every single day.
After a while, the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried it, rolled it up, smoked it, and got so high that we forgot to wear a c**....
I was at WalMart to buy bird seed...
I was at WalMart to buy bird seed and with a straight face I asked the nice young lady that worked there:
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE THE BIRDS TO GROW ONCE I PLANT THESE SEEDS?
