Security System Jokes
26 security system jokes and hilarious security system puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about security system that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Security System Short Jokes
Short security system jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The security system humour may include short security alarm jokes also.
- I used to sell home security systems. It was super easy.
I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table. - I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems The pitch is easy. All I do is say "Good morning". At 3am whilst sitting on the end of their bed.
- I'm making a killing selling home security systems... All I do is say "Hello" at 3am, sitting on the end of their bed.
- A local convent, which had no security system, suffered a kidnapping. No fence, nun taken.
- I don't need an expensive security system in my car... ...just some wires sticking out of a backpack, and a copy of the Koran next to it on the drivers seat. That will ensure it never gets touched.
- Did you hear about the husband who found that his wife had run off with the man who installed their security system? He became quite alarmed
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Security System One Liners
Which security system one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with security system? I can suggest the ones about security camera and sound system.
- I got a job installing security systems... I find it pretty alarming
- What do you call System of a Down's security staff? Serj protectors.
- My security system was delivered today... Someone stole it before I got home.
- Why did the bakery install a security system? To protect the dough!
- Chuck Norris installed his own home security system. It's called "Chuck Norris."
- The best security system for a bank is when Chuck's money is in it.
Security System Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about security system you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean security guard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make security system pranks.
I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.
Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.
We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-a**... neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I have never felt safer and we're saving $49.99 a month!
Just saved 50 bucks!
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center. The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I'm saving $49.95 a month!
An pakistani in the US fears for his safety
Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh:
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood.
So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime.
Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agency, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I have never felt safer.
Calling a company be like:
Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed. Press 1 for English. To talk to a live person, please enter PI to the 27th digit followed by your 2nd cousin's social security number and the number Ϡ . What was that? Sorry our automated system can't understand you. Please s**... your phone whole so we can listen to your vocal cords easier. You have made an INVALID SELECTION
Found this in my timeline...
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch. I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its centre. Now,the Yorkshire police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all watching my house 24x7x365. My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all. I've never felt safer.
Haven't seen this one here yet
**How to install a southern home security system**
1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 15 men's work boots, and place them on your porch with a copy of *Guns & Ammo* magazine.
2. Place four of the biggest dog bowls you can find on the porch next to the boots and magazines.
3. Leave a note on the door that reads:
Bubba,
Me, Jimbo and Buck went to get more beer and ammo. Be back in a bit. Don't mess with the pitbulls, they got the mailman real bad yesterday. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, locked 'em all in the house, so you better wait outside. Be right back.
-c**...
Found this in my timeline...
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its centre.
Now,the Yorkshire police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I've never felt safer.