Security Forces Jokes
10 security forces jokes and hilarious security forces puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about security forces that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Gather Around for Heartwarming Security Forces Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What is a good security forces joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?
If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."
If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.
If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.
If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.
If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
If the police are defunded, we can expect a rise in private security forces.
Reasonably, Apple would be one of the companies to start such a force, so my question is this:
If you're arrested by the Apple Police, would you FaceTime?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can I buy the building?
The reason why the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
Sometimes the same word means different things to different people.
Suppose, for example, the order goes out from HQ to "secure the building."
After a short while, the Marines report back, "We have destroyed the building."
Army reports, "We have killed everyone in the building and are holding the position."
Navy: "We locked the door when we left for the day."
Air Force: "We signed a three-year lease with an option to buy."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The difference between the services
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building :
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
The Irish have announced they've sent a peace keeping force to Ukraine.
They've managed to secure the city of Chernobyl without any resistance!
the differences between the branches of the US military
If you tell the Army "Secure that building!"
They will surround it with armor and heavy infantry and not let anyone out of it until told to
If you tell the Marines "Secure that building!"
They will storm the building, eliminate any resistance, and allow no one to enter it until told to.
If you tell the Navy "Secure that building!"
They will turn out the lights, close and lock all doors and windows and post a fire watch
If you tell the Air Force "Secure that building!"
They will take out a 30 year lease with an option to buy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to Tell the Difference Between the Branches of the US Armed Forces!
If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:
The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.
The MARINE CORPS would assault the building, using overlapping fields of fire from all appropriate points on the perimeter.
The AIR FORCE would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy the building.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am looking for other military jokes.
**What's The Difference?**
Do you want to know the difference between the branches of the U.S. military? If you say to them "Secure that building!"
* THE ARMY will go in k**... down doors, lay down suppressive fire, neutralize all hostiles and safely recover any civilians.
* THE MARINES will set up a razor wire perimiter, establish patrols, and deny access to unauthorized personnel.
* THE NAVY will unplug the coffee maker and turn off the computers and lights before leaving for the day.
* THE AIR FORCE will lease it for six years, with an option to buy.
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.
They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.
The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy.
They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again.
Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...
Only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
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