Section Jokes

122 section jokes and hilarious section puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about section that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Having a laugh about Section 8? This article is for you! Explore the funny side of Section 8 housing, C sections, comment sections, and much more. Experience some real LOL from reed, methylated, and merchandise. Read on and get your giggle on!

Funniest Section Short Jokes

Short section jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The section humour may include short chapter jokes also.

  1. I got kicked out of the library today... Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.
  2. I got fired from my job at the library... Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.
  3. Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT Now it's just going to be called the T.
  4. How does a pregnant mermaid give birth? "Sea-section"
    Sorry, I thought of that last night and just had to share my genius with the world.
  5. String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
  6. I went to the library today and asked where I could find books on greases, oils and lubricants. The librarian suggested I try the non-friction section.
  7. What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire? "Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual."
  8. I got kicked out of the library today I got kicked out of the library for putting the women's rights book in the fiction section
  9. I went to a large bookstore ... ... and asked the lady at the counter, where the self-help section was. She said if she would tell me, it would defeat the very purpose of it.
  10. I was at my local home improvement store yesterday And I was looking in the window section. An employee came over and asked if I needed any help, I responded "No thanks, I'm just window shopping."

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Section One Liners

Which section one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with section? I can suggest the ones about paragraph and division.

  1. I just booked some cheap seats from United. They were in the nosebleed section.
  2. How do mermaids give birth? A sea section.
  3. What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store? Picking his nose
  4. C sections are like the DiGiorno of pregnancy. Because it's not delivery.
  5. How do mermaids have babies? Sea-sections
  6. Every dictionary has at least one mistake It's in the m section, after mist.
  7. What do you give to a female fish that has trouble laying her eggs? a SEA-section
  8. Why is the all-lisp percussion section so quiet? Because thimbles aren't very loud.
  9. What section on Pornhub do people from Alabama go to the most? Related
  10. How does mother nature give birth? With a sea-section
  11. What method is used to give birth to baby pirate? Sea-section.... Arrrrrgh
  12. how do mermaids give birth? they get a sea-section
  13. How do bees give birth? They have B-sections.
  14. What do you call tension in the percussion section? Druma
  15. What is it called when you touch a couch inappropriately? Sectional assault.

C Section Jokes

Here is a list of funny c section jokes and even better c section puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A woman walks into a library and asks for a book on childbirth. The Librarian says "Try over there in the c section."
  • I was born by c-section and I turned out fine. Of course, whenever I park my car I have to climb out through the sun roof.
  • I went to visit a friend at the hospital and the only parking spot was at the C section. I had to climb out of the car through the sunroof.
  • I told my wife a joke about C-sections The joke wasn't great, but the delivery had her in stitches.
  • C sections. They really take it out of you.
  • Why do fish always have c-sections? Because they can't have land sections
  • I asked my mom if I was a C Section baby. She said yes but I wish you had been an A Portion.
  • A man walks into a library and asks for a book about pregnancy. The librarian tells him it's in the C-section.
  • My wife told me that having kids would help me open my life's perspective as a whole... ...but ever since the delivery all I can do is c-sections.
  • [OC] Why can't an orchestra made of OB/GYN doctors ever get good enough to perform a concert? Because the C-section is always messy.

Comment Section Jokes

Here is a list of funny comment section jokes and even better comment section puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do Baptist churches and YouTube comment sections have in common? They both claim that they're first.
  • So I once saw an argument in a comment section, a man said, How many chromosomes do you have? The other replied, More than you .
    The sheer confidence he had
  • A joke walks into a bar The bartender says, "Get out of here, 242! I remember what happened in the comments section last time!"
  • How to describe the YouTube comment section They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists...
    But some, I assume, are good people.
  • I kinda get bottom feeders now. The saltiest, filthiest, nastiest comments at the bottom of the comments section are always the best.
  • Just read this in a comment section. What do you call jokes in the comment section? Compost.
  • In the comments section. This is apparently almost always the best joke, so I thought I'd post it for upvotes.
  • What is the most frequent word in the comment section? This.
  • Empty My head is just like the comments section.
    (I'm not sure if the 'Wow, such empty' is on PCs and laptops so... yeah...)
  • [LPT] Always read the comment section of LPTs. There's always a better LPT.
Section joke, [LPT] Always read the comment section of LPTs. There's always a better LPT.

Comments Section Jokes

Here is a list of funny comments section jokes and even better comments section puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What part of the world is the most uneducated? the YouTube comments section
  • TERRORISM ALERT!!! I'm gonna blow up the comments section
  • Pendanticness test Look in the comment section for your results.
  • You're more irrelevant than a Facebook comment section
  • A gem from the YouTube comment section "This watch has tremendous sentimental value to me. My father sold it to me on his deathbed." -w**... Allen
Section joke, A gem from the YouTube comment section

Hilarious Fun Section Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about section you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean article jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make section pranks.

Death Notice

An old man and his wife had just moved to Australia when the wife passed away after a s**.... While talking to the neighbour about her passing, it was mentioned that in their new country, it is common to announce deaths with a classified ad in that section of the newspaper. Well, the old man decides that's a great idea and heads back home to dial the newspaper.
"Hi there, I'd like to place a death notice."
"OK then. Firstly, sorry for your loss. Now what would you like it to say?"
"Have it say, "Ruth died.""
"Well, um, that's, um, somewhat blunt, but the minimum charge is for five words. Is there anything else you'd like to add?"
"OK. Let me think, um... "Ruth died. Toyota for sale.""

So I was shopping online for antique guns.....

and I got to the World War II section. I selected guns of French origin. They were all in mint condition.

l**..., chased by an angel, hid himself in the London Philharmonic Orchestra

He was eventually found in the horns section.

While browsing broom section at grocery store with girlfriend...

Me, to older man also browsing: "you think the cheap $4 ones work just as well as the $12 ones?"
Older man, without missing a beat: "I don't know, ask her to take it for a spin."

I shot my first turkey today!

But for some reason everyone in the frozen food section acted really surprised.

Was tuning the piano with my sister and I said...

This reminds me of the Soprano section in our school choir.
To which she responds, "How do you know if a Soprano is at the door?"
("IDK, How")
"She doesn't have the key and doesn't know when to come in."

Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy

Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.
Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous!
Best Buy Guy: (opens the lid and points inside the machine) Well if you look inside sir, you'll see that all the agitators are black.

Organic Vegetables

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables when I went to the market. I looked around but couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee in the produce section and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" The produce guy looked at me, slyly smiled and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."

I found a very lucrative deal on the firearms section on Craigslist.

A French MAS36 rifle. Never fired, dropped once.

I walked into a bookstore and asked if they have any books on gloryholes.

She said ya, over there in the mystery romance section.

I just read a book called, "p**... is Great".

The pro-log section was excellent.

This actually happened to me yesterday with my grandpa

Grandpa: *pointing to the newspaper* hey buddy, can you hand me the sports section
Grandson: sure *hands him the sports section*
Grandpa: no, no, no, not that *he reaches over and grabs a different section*
Grandson: but that's the obituaries grandpa...
Grandpa: yeah but when you're my age this is the sports sections

You wanna know why I got kicked out of the library?

I moved all of the women's rights books to the fiction section.

An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11

He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.
"Are you sure?" The cashier says.
"I don't like change." the man replies.

How to use "had" 9 times in a row grammatically

Suzy was writing a paper and asked John to edit it, which he did. In one section, John, where Suzy had had "had", had "had had"; "had had" had a much nicer sound to it.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

I was reading a book about lubrication in the library.

I found it in the non-friction section.

A man goes shopping for candles...

He's strolling through Bed Bath and Beyond, when he finally locates the candle section. So many options to pick from, he starts to give them all a good test sniff. As he's smelling more and more candles he wrinkles his brow and remarks to himself "All these candles smell funny..."
So he catches the attention of an employee and asks her, "Ma'am why do all of these candles smell so funny?"
"Well sir, that's our new Scents of Humor line!"

They said if you put a million monkeys on typewriters they'd eventually bang out a work of art.

Well, I've been reading the YouTube comment section for years and haven't seen a single line of Shakespeare.

I tell ya, it's fine to eat one test grape in the produce section ...

But take *one bite* of rotisserie chicken, and they're all, "Sir, you need to leave."

Walmart has an Outdoor Living section.

Where I'm from, it's called being homeless.

A fellow at the library asked me where the self help section is...

but I told him that would defeat the purpose.

I lost my job as a supermarket assistant.

That's the last time anyone will ask me to show them the meat section.

Three bass players walk into a bar.

They're actually in the middle of performing Beethoven's 9th symphony, but there's a long section near the end where the basses don't play, so they decide to go to the bar next door and grab a drink.
To know when to come back for the end of the symphony, the bassists tie a string to the conductor's score a few pages before they start playing again. When he turns the page, it'll tug on the string and they'll know to head back to the concert hall.
So the symphony goes on, and pretty soon the conductor realizes he's in trouble.
It's the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded.

I found this joke pretty funny:

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, it's up to the bulb to decide whether it wants to change or not.
(This joke was found via a YouTube comment section.)

Whattaya call someone who seems to have an almost fetishistic obsession with stomping into a comments section, saying something absolutely horrible, and spending the rest of the day slapfighting with whole threads of people calling them an idiot?

A compulsive mass debater.

Huffington Post has fired their entire opinion section.

It's all unbiased and factual journalism now.

I noticed at my bookstore that the "Kama Sutra" and "The Art of the Deal" are both in the erotica section

According to the bookstore, "The Art of the Deal" has people getting s**... in a lot more positions.

(Recent) Justin Trudeau did pretty well in school...

...But as soon as he got to the "yes/no answers" section of the exams, he couldn't answer the questions and accidentally apologized to the indigenous people on behalf of someone else at a different period in time.

How do you sell a gluten free pizza?

Take all the other pizzas out of the frozen section.
(too soon?)

Where did Noah put the penguins on the ark?

In the arctic section.
Note: my 7 yr old grand daughter made this up on the spot, after I told her this joke:
Where did Noah put the bees on the ark?
In the archives.
I think she's pretty clever.

I was in the garden section of the hardware store and some guy asked me if I wanted decking.

Luckily I got the first punch in.

You know why the 2 piece bathing suit was invented?

To separate the dairy section from meat section...

I caught a guy looking up children's skirts in the library.

I never even knew they had a section for that.

Recently a new supermarket opened nearby

It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…

Having some areas in pandemic lock down and others not in lock down is like...

trying to organize the p**... section in a swimming pool.

Shot my first turkey the other day.

Scared the c**... outta everyone in the frozen food section!

Just came from a bookstore where I asked the saleswoman how to find the self-help section...

she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose...

I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn't get my gun to fire.

I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

A new supermarket opened near me a few weeks ago.

They're trying a new thing: immersion! For example, when you stop by the deli you can smell fresh grass and hear cows mooing, at the fish section you smell sea salt and feel a small bit of spray on your face, and at the fruit stall you can see mist on the apples, and smell fields of oranges and pears.
I don't get toilet roll there anymore.

A lady goes grocery shopping.

So, a lady goes to the grocery store to buy a few things, and she approaches the meat section on the store. She says to the butcher "how much for that pig's head??" To this the butcher replies "ma'am, that's a mirror."

The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...

..."This is the whey"


I got kicked out of a grocery store for inappropriate behavior in the produce section.

All I did was take a leek.

I met my wife while we working at the same museum

I met my wife while we were working at the same museum. Our first date was in the geology section, the second in paleontology, and the rest was history.

A boss calls a meeting to discuss employees taking sick days when they aren't sick.

He had suspected that this had been happening, but he finally had his proof. He held up a copy of the newspaper, and in the sports section, there was an article about an employee, who had supposedly been sick, winning a golf tournament.
Wow said someone in the back. Imagine the score he could've gotten if he wasn't sick

I finally found where the librarian is storing the books on theoretical physics

In the Non-Friction section

Why is a convent's percussion section so confusing?

It's a co-nun-drum

A man went into a bookshop and asked 'Where's the self-help section please?

'If I told you, it would defeat the purpose' replied the shop assistant.

I asked the librarian where the self help section was.

She wouldn't tell me because she said that would defeat the purpose.

A retail worker was talking to a customer when they noticed some long, high pitched noises coming from the electronic section

'Your Macbooks aren't breaking are they?' mused the slightly concerned customer.
The worker listened to the noise for a moment before motioning offhandedly to the speaker section.
'Don't worry, it's just a Dell.'

Did you read the section of the Biology book about the angry male sheep?

It was on a ram page.

Making Babies

A couple went to the hospital for their baby delivery. The wife was very sickly and fragile. The deliver had to be a Caesarean section. The husband was pacing the hallways while the wife was in surgery. The nurse finally came out of the delivery room with a little package wrapped in a blue blanket. The nurse said to the husband, "Here is your new baby boy, I'm very sorry your wife didn't make it". The husband handed the baby back to the nurse and demanded, "Give me the baby my wife made, not this one."

I saw a book on obedience training for cats…

It was in the fairy-tails section.

I went into a book shop once.

And I asked the salesman:,,Hey where's the self-help section?"
He said if he were to tell me that, it would defeat the purpose.

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.

One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, This is for washing our hair.
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer. The curlers are on me. -

This year, Home Depot is selling Christmas decorations in the second aisle of the housewares section.

Aisle B, Home for Christmas.

Yesterday I found myself next to a Hollywood celebrity at a grocery store. Both of us were staring at the cream cheese section.

I was …..watching Philadelphia with Tom Hanks.

A man woke up at 5:55 AM.

He opened the front door to get his morning paper and found a nickel next to it.
He opened the paper to the sports section, and noticed that the fifth horse in the fifth race was named Nickel.
He went to the track and put $555 on the fifth horse in the fifth race…
...and watched him finish fifth.

My music snob friend told me that The Doors had a lacklustre rhythm section. I asked him why he would say that, and he just shrugged his shoulders.

I told him I'm sick of hearing these bassless accusations.

I went into the bookstore and asked the clerk, can you tell me where the self-help section is?

And she said, why don't you try to find that yourself?

Section joke, I went into the bookstore and asked the clerk, can you tell me where the self-help section is?

jokes about section