Second Opinion Jokes
81 second opinion jokes and hilarious second opinion puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about second opinion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Second Opinion Short Jokes
Short second opinion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The second opinion humour may include short opinion jokes also.
- My doctor told me I'm overweight, I said, "I want a second opinion." He said, "OK, you're ugly too!"
- I went to see my doctor, and he told me I was overweight. I said, "I want a second opinion."
He said, "Alright. You're ugly." - I went to the doctor today. He told me I was fat. I said I wanted a second opinion. He says, Okay, you're ugly.
- My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said:
OK, you're ugly too. - My doctor told me I was fat I told him I want a second opinion.
So he told me I'm ugly, too. - I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy". I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, 'Okay, you're ugly too!"
- Somebody told me that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... I'm really glad I went for a second opinion before my surgery.
- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy so I told him I want a second opinion. He said, Okay, you're ugly too.
-Rodney Dangerfield - The doctor says to the patient "You are fat."
"I'm gonna need a second opinion", replies the patient.
"You are also ugly." - My psychiatrist told me I was crazy I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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Second Opinion One Liners
Which second opinion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with second opinion? I can suggest the ones about advice and opinions are like.
- I asked my doctor to use 2 fingers when checking my prostate.. I wanted a second opinion.
- My doctor used two fingers during my prostate exam... He said he needed a second opinion.
- What do you get when you ask a proctologist for a second opinion? Two fingers.
- What does the doctor hate? Second opinion.
- My doctor told me I was fat. I asked for a second opinion. He told me I was s**... too.
- Why do doctors use two fingers for a r**... exam? For a second opinion.
- Do you know why you need two fingers for a r**... exam? For a second opinion...
Second Opinion Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about second opinion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean my two cents jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make second opinion pranks.
A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian.
The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too." The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man. "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead.
Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion.
The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog.
The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head.
"There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead".
Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion.
The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat.
The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head.
"It's definitely dead sir", says the vet.
Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes.
"That will be L1000, please".
"A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man.
"Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
This guy takes his sick parrot to the vet...
The vet takes one look and says, "I'm afraid your parrot is dead."
"That's terrible," says the guy, "How can you so sure? I'd like a second opinion."
The Vet then opens the door and whistles. A Labrador bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, takes time sniffing at the parrot, looks up and whines sadly.
I'm afraid it's confirmed says the vet. The guy looks at the vet and says But my 5 year old daughter loves this parrot! Please! Are you 100% sure?
The Vet replies We can do one final test . He whistles again and a cat comes into the room and springs up onto the table. T he cat walks up and down the table looking intently at the parrot, then meows sadly and leaves.
"Well I'm terribly sorry Mr Jones but there can be no doubt about it. Polly is dead."
"Well, it's terrible news. Thank you for your time. How much do I owe you?"
"That comes to eight hundred pounds please."
"What?" cried the man in shock, "Why so much?"
"Well" Said the Vet, "Quick, accurate diagnoses don't come cheap. Ordinarily it would nearer to two hundred. What pushed the price up was the Lab report and Cat scan!"
So a man goes to the doctors office...
And the doctor says, "I'm sorry, you have cancer."
The man says, "I want a second opinion."
The doctor replies, "alright, you're ugly too."
A man walks into the doctor
A man walks into the doctor for his yearly check up. The doctor runs some tests on the man and after reads him the results.
"Well sir, I've got some bad news. It looks like you've only got a few hours to live."
The man replies: "Well I'd like a second opinion."
The doctor retorts: "You're ugly too."
A Second Opinion
A Second Opinion A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body,walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too. "The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too. "The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650. ""$650 to tell me my dog is dead? " exclaimed the man.... "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests. "
A woman takes her dead parrot into a vet's office...
And lays it upon the examination table. The vet takes one look at the deceased bird and says, 'Sorry Ma'am, but your parrot is dead.' The woman isn't satisfied, and asks for a second opinion. The vet obliges and pokes his head into the next room and calls in a second doctor. A cat saunters in, jumps up onto the table, looks up to the vet with sorrow in his eyes and says, 'Meow.' 'Sorry,' the vet says, 'my colleague says your parrot is dead. The woman still isn't satisfied and wants yet another opinion. The vet, as before, pokes his head into the next room, but this time a dog bounds in, puts its paws on the table, sniffs the bird and barks. 'Sorry Ma'am, but that's three doctor's opinions. Your bird is certainly dead.' 'Alright,' the woman says, 'you win, here's the $50 for the appointment.' '$50?' The vet exclaims, 'You owe me $150 for the extra cat scan and the lab report.'
Second Opinion
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was n**... and decides to make amends and calls home.
She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?" Shouts the doctor.
"Getting a second opinion!"
The Pope visits Las Vegas
The Pope was making a widely publicised and controversial visit to Las Vegas. His publicity advisors warned him that the trip would be fraught with risks, but the holy man insisted that the gambling capital of the world was exactly the kind of place that the church should be trying to spread its message. After a long flight, the Pope stepped off the plane to find himself face to face with a horde of television cameras and newspaper journalists. One eager young news hound t**... a microphone at the Pope and asked, "Pope, what is your opinion of the large numbers of brothels in this city?" Mindful of the warnings he'd received from his advisors, he thought carefully for a second and replied tactfully, "Are there any brothels in this city?" The next day he was distraught to see the newspaper's headline which read "Pope's first question: 'Are there any brothels in this city?'"
Could not decide how much lettuce to buy, until I got a second opinion
two heads are better than one.
My psychiatrist said I'm crazy.
I told him, "I demand a second opinion!"
He said, "Ok, you're ugly, too."
A doctor and his wife were having a huge argument at breakfast...
"Yeah?, well you aren't so good in bed either!" The doctor shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and call home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?" He said
"I was in bed." came the reply.
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."
A man is diagnosed with a terminal illness...
He goes to his friend who is also a doctor for a second opinion.
Doctor says, "I've reviewed the test results- You've only got about 6 months left to live." The man says, "Doc give it to me strait is there anything I can do?!" Doc says, "As a your doctor or as your friend?" - "as a friend, doc."
This is what the doctor told him...
"If I was you, I'd move to North Dakota- Marry a fat German woman with a pig farm and 7 kids."
...
"What will that do, Doc? Will that cure me?"
He says, "No, but it will be the longest 6 months of your life."
A man has a sore t**... and goes to the doctor...
Doctor: "Your tonsils gotta come out."
Patient: "I want a second opinion!"
Doctor: "Okay, I don't like your haircut."
As usual, a husband and wife are quarreling at the breakfast table..
The husband finally gets so frustrated that he stands up, yells "Oh yea, and you're no good in bed either!", and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was probably a bit too harsh and decides to call his wife to apologize. She doesn't pick up for a while, and when she finally answers her phone, the irritated husband blurts out, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She repiles, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
I went to my psychiatrist yesterday about some problems I have been having lately...
After testing me he said, "the diagnosis isn't good. You are crazy." I said,"well I want a second opinion." He said, "Oh yeah? You are ugly too."
Vet Bill
A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."
The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
Did you hear about the resourceful proctologist?
He always used two fingers, in case his patients wanted a second opinion.
Doctor's wife was told she was terrible in bed.
After coming home late, the Doctor accused her of cheating. She responded, "I wasn't out cheating, I was out getting a second opinion."
Doctor: "I'm afraid it's cancer".
Patient: "Yeah, I'm gonna need to get a second opinion from Jim Carrey."
During my last prostate exam I asked my doctor to stick in another finger.
Because I wanted a second opinion.
I went to the doctor yesterday.
He said that I had contracted a very serious illness. I then told him that I wanted a second opinion. He told me 'All right, you're ugly as well'.
Doctor: You're obese. Patient:
***Doctor: You're obese. Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion. Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.***
The doctor and the patient
The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'
A doctor tells his patient he has cancer...
- oh, no. That can't be true! I want a second opinion.
- you are ugly too.
Three Girls and The Back Door
A young man was curious as to what girls thought about s**... in the "back-door". So, out of curiosity and a lack of shame, he decides to ask three different girls if they would like to try it in the "back door".
The first girl he asked was American, and when asked about her opinion she punched the young man to the asphalt before storming off.
The second girl he asked was French, and when asked about her opinion she blushed and said that she would be willing to try anything once.
The third girl he asked was German, and when asked about her opinion she said, "Alright! Bend over!"
A man goes to the doctor.
Doctor "I'm afraid you need an operation."
Man "I'd like a second opinion."
Doctor "alright, you're ugly, too."
Isn't asking a doctor for a second opinion normal?
I can't understand why my doctor got upset after my prostate exam when I asked him to try again with a second finger.
Doctor: You've got 3 months to live.
Doctor: You've got 3 months to live.
Woman: I'd like a second opinion.
Doctor: Okay. You're ugly too.
My wife and I were having an argument the other day.
She started name calling and not fighting fair, so I responded with "You're rubbish in bed" among other things.
A few hours later at work, I felt terrible about what i had said, so I called her to apologize and I asked her, "What are you doing?"
And she said, "I'm in bed."
So i said, "What are you doing this late in bed?"
And she said, "Getting a second opinion."
My grandmother went to a gynecologist to check on hey cervical cancer.
The doctor says to my grandmother: "Now, Mrs. Smith, I'm going to insert my finger..."
My grandmother replies: "Can you put in two? I want a second opinion."
My psychiatrist told me I am crazy.
I said I wanted a second opinion.
"Okay", he said, "You're also ugly."
An insecure farmer didn't know how many cows he owned...
...so he counted them all, and came to the total of 196 cows. He asked a neighbouring farmer for a second opinion. She came up with a total of 200 cows.
Perplexed by this, the man counted again, and once again came up with 196 cows. He once again asked his neighbour to count them. Again, she reached 200 cows. When he asked her how they were getting different numbers, she said
"I rounded them up."
You're also ugly.
Doctor: You're overweight. Patient: I think I want a second opinion. Doctor: You're also ugly.
A Second Opinion
Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
Come to me three times a week for two years, and I'll cure your fears, says the shrink. And I'll charge you only $200 a visit.
Lenny says he'll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. For $200 a visit? says Lenny. A bartender cured me for $10.
Is that so! How?
He told me to cut the legs off the bed.
As a kid I had a rare degenerative eye disease. Doctors couldn't help me so I got a second opinion from a donut.
To this day I still have a glazed look in my eyes.
A woman told her doctor.
A woman told her doctor, I have got a bad back.
The doctor said, It's old age.
The woman said, I want second opinion.
The Doctor says, Ok, you are ugly as well.
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, You aren't so good in bed either! then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home.
What took you so long to answer? he asked. I was in bed, she replied. What were you doing in bed this late? Getting a second opinion.
A doctor gives a man bad news
Doctor: You have brain cancer.
Man: What? I want a second opinion!
Doctor: You're also unappealing to the opposite s**....
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, if you don't mind I'd like to have a second opinion.
He said Alright. You're ugly too!
A second opinion
Doctor: Your test results came back, I'm afraid you do have cancer. I suggest we treat you with chemotherapy as soon as possible.
Patient: Hmm I don't know.... I'd like a second opinion.
Doctor: Okay. You are also ugly.
A man goes into his doctor's office and the doctor tells him he's dying. The man yells That's ridiculous, I want a second opinion!
The doctor responds, Okay and you're ugly too.
You say that I'm sick, doctor, but I think I want a second opinion.
Okay, you're ugly, too!
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you have an inoperable brain tumor."
Man: "I want a second opinion."
Doctor: "You're also very ugly."
A Corpulent Woman visits the Doctor
Woman: Hey Doc, everytime I walk up the stairs my back hurts and my heart beats like crazy.
Doc: I imagined something like that right when you walked in here. You're morbidly obese.
Woman: That's outrageous. I want a second opinion!
Doc: Alrigt, you're also pretty ugly.
The wife caught the dog l**......
My wife walked in from work today and saw the dog l**... marmite out of my a**....
"Don't let him do that!" she screamed, "It's disgusting."
"That's your opinion" I said, "This is his second jar, he absolutely loves the stuff."
A man walks into a doctors office for a COVID-19 consultation and the doctor says, Sir, you're exhibiting the relevant symptoms so you'll need to self- quarantine for two weeks.
The man yells back at the doctor, What?! That's ridiculous, I can't self-quarantine for two weeks! I have a life to live, I want a second a second opinion.
To which the doctor replies, Okay you're f**...' ugly too.
My therapist said that I was crazy
I said I want a second opinion!
He said ok, you're ugly too!
You are obese!
A woman visits the doctor
Doctor: Madame, you are obese.
Woman: What?? I demand a second opinion!
Doctor: Your hair looks s**....
Doctor: You're obese.
Patient: For that, I definetly want a second opinion!
Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.
Doctors opinion
Doktor to patient you are too fat
Patient: I would like a second opinion
Doktor: you are also ugly
An elvis presley fan decides to get his likeness tattooed on each of her thighs.
However, she was not entirely pleased with the end result. One night, during a particularly successful tinder date, she decided to get a second opinion. Flipping on the lights and lifting her frock she asked her date "Does this look like Elvis to you?" After a moment of careful study, her date replied "I don't know about Elvis, but the one in the middle looks like w**... Nelson."
A Second Opinion
A husband and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. You aren't so good in bed either! he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. What took you so long to answer?
I was in bed. What were you doing in bed this late? Getting a second opinion.
I almost didn't post this joke, but I decided you deserve it.
The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, You aren't that good in bed either!
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?
I was in bed.
What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?
Getting a second opinion
One doctor husband told his non doctor wife one night
One doctor husband told his non doctor wife one night:
You are not that great in the bed anymore
The wife kept mum. Went to the bedroom and came out dressed to go out.
Husband: Where are you going out at this hour ?
Wife : To get a second opinion
Four doctors are sitting in a boat in the reeds, duck hunting.
The family practitioner spots a flock of fowl flying overhead, turns to the specialist and says: "I think those are ducks. I need a second opinion."
The specialist says: "I can schedule you in for a consult in two months."
The surgeon picks up his shotgun. BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!!! Three of the birds fall down into the water. He turns to the pathologist and says: "Run a test on them, will you, and see if they're ducks."
I visited a fortune teller at a fair. They were quite grumpy and told me I was going to die within minutes.
I walked out of the tent and tried to find another for a second opinion. They were a little angry, and said i would live forever. I didn't like the sound of either of those outcomes so kept looking around, but just couldn't find a happy medium.