Second Jokes

• Short Second Jokes
• Second One Liners
• Second Born Jokes
• Second Opinion Jokes
• Second Chance Jokes
• Second Grade Jokes
• More Second Jokes

Funniest Second Short Jokes

Short second jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The second humour may include short jokes also.

1. America seems to have successfully prevented a second wave of corona By keeping the first one going
2. Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds? Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
3. I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today. It's my thirty-second birthday.
4. I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
5. Did you hear that NYC paid hillary clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
6. Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted. For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.
7. Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
8. My priest is surprisingly homophobic... ...for a man who spends his nights on his knees, begging for another man to come for a second time.
9. Genie: Whats your first wish? Dave: I wish I was rich.
   Genie: Granted, what's your second wish?
   Rich: I want lots of money.
10. My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0 - 200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary... I bought her a scale. We're still not speaking.

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Second One Liners

Which second one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with second? I can suggest the ones about and .

1. {air horn sound} {second air horn sound}
   Me: this isn't deodorant
2. My girlfriend said I'm terrible in bed But it's unfair to make a conclusion in 17 seconds
3. I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
4. Two blondes walk into a bar You'd think the second one would have ducked
5. Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 90 seconds. Poor guy.
6. I just saw that Chuck Yeager has died ...and then I heard it a few seconds later
7. What did everyone do after the Super Bowl was over? Watch the second half.
8. Why are 9/11 victims the best readers? They can go through 94 stories in seconds!
9. What does a clock do when its hungry? It goes back 4 seconds.
10. Every 5 seconds a woman gives birth to a baby. We need to stop this woman.
11. My second wife left me because I have "revenge issues" We'll see about that...
12. I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
13. Just waiting for Steve Harvey to come out and say it's actually Clinton any second now
14. A man walks into a bar, and is torn apart in seconds. Whoops, sorry. Bear\*
15. I'm thinking of opening a pre-owned clock store... I'm gonna call it 'Second Hand'.

Second Born Jokes

Here is a list of funny second born jokes and even better second born puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What's the best thing about being born on 9/11/99? You had the two biggest candles on your second birthday.
• A bear walk in to a bar Sits for 10 seconds, then orders a glass of water.
  bartender: why the big pause'?
  Bear: I was born with them.
• I went on a date with a girl who was born without feet. I forgot my wallet and asked if she could foot the bill.
  There was no second date.
• There's probably twin girls somewhere, born recently. The first one's name is Laurel, while the second one's name is Laurel.
• Would you believe me if I told you it takes 60 seconds to make a lollipop? There's a s**... born every minute.
• There was a Mexican boy born with two d**.... He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second one? Hose B

Second Opinion Jokes

Here is a list of funny second opinion jokes and even better second opinion puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My doctor told me I'm overweight, I said, "I want a second opinion." He said, "OK, you're ugly too!"
• I went to see my doctor, and he told me I was overweight. I said, "I want a second opinion."
  He said, "Alright. You're ugly."
• I asked my doctor to use 2 fingers when checking my prostate.. I wanted a second opinion.
• I went to the doctor today. He told me I was fat. I said I wanted a second opinion. He says, Okay, you're ugly.
• My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said:
  OK, you're ugly too.
• My doctor told me I was fat I told him I want a second opinion.
  So he told me I'm ugly, too.
• I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy". I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, 'Okay, you're ugly too!"
• Somebody told me that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... I'm really glad I went for a second opinion before my surgery.
• My psychiatrist told me I was crazy so I told him I want a second opinion. He said, Okay, you're ugly too.
  -Rodney Dangerfield
• The doctor says to the patient "You are fat."
  "I'm gonna need a second opinion", replies the patient.
  "You are also ugly."

Second Chance Jokes

Here is a list of funny second chance jokes and even better second chance puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Rihanna's take on the meteor A massive meteor has hit Russia injuring hundreds, Rihanna insist that the meteor has changed and deserves a second chance.
• Trump fires his chauffeur "You're fired! This is the second time this week you've almost killed me!"
  "Please, Mr. Trump, give me one more chance"
• A man comes home to find his wife in bed with his best friend, he immediately picks up his gun and shoots the wife He gives the dog a second chance though
• Why did the scientists clone Chance the Rapper? Because people deserve a second Chance.
• My chances with my crush are like jesus's second coming... My mom believes in them but it ain't gonna happen.
• Why should you never trust a homeless... why should you give them a second chance Their roofless...
  They can change
• You never get a second chance to make a first impression... ...unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times.
• Trump's last two chances to save his election campaign at the second debate: 1. Be endorsed by Dave.
  2. Bring out a resurrected Harambe on stage.
• After much begging, pleading and crying she gave me a second chance. Unfortunately it said I had to make general repairs on all my property.
• I once saw a fight where a group of 4 people were beating up an old lady. Due to my fighting experience I didn't hestitate for a second to help. She didn't stand a chance against the five of us.

Second Grade Jokes

Here is a list of funny second grade jokes and even better second grade puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why don't you fight the black kid that is in the second grade? Because his father is in the eighth grade.
• Top joke in my second grade class this week: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for his miserable summer.
• I adopted a cat but it turned out that my daughter is allergic to cats So, I am giving her away for adoption. She's 7 and she's in second grade
• What's the three toughest years of a bass player? Second grade.
• Anti-Vax Ideas Are A Lot Like Unvaccinated Children Neither will survive past the second grade.
• Is this a dad Joke? I can't tell, because my dad was locked up in the second grade.
• When I was a kid, in the second grade, my parents began teaching me to expand my vocabulary so I didn't sound "dumb" Nowadays parents only have show their children memes of Donald Trump
• I was so disappointed on my second day of school... I was still in the first grade.
• Your mama so old she sat next to Moses in the second grade.
• What's long and hard on a h**...? second grade.

Second Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about second you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make second pranks.