Second Grade Jokes
33 second grade jokes and hilarious second grade puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about second grade that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Second Grade Short Jokes
Short second grade jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The second grade humour may include short 2nd grade jokes also.
- Top joke in my second grade class this week: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for his miserable summer.
- I adopted a cat but it turned out that my daughter is allergic to cats So, I am giving her away for adoption. She's 7 and she's in second grade
- When I was a kid, in the second grade, my parents began teaching me to expand my vocabulary so I didn't sound "dumb" Nowadays parents only have show their children memes of Donald Trump
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Second Grade One Liners
Which second grade one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with second grade? I can suggest the ones about first grade and third grade.
- What's the three toughest years of a bass player? Second grade.
- Is this a dad Joke? I can't tell, because my dad was locked up in the second grade.
- I was so disappointed on my second day of school... I was still in the first grade.
- What's long and hard on a h**...? second grade.
Comedy Second Grade Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about second grade you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean first graders jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make second grade pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't you fight the black kid that is in the second grade?
Because his father is in the eighth grade.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Health Class
Three boys received their grades from their s**... education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.
"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.
"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"
A woman staying in a hotel was taking a shower after a long days work when she heard a knock on her door.
She went to the door, looked through the door-hole and saw it was her friend Steve. She wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.
"I finally got my racing licence!" exclaimed Steve.
"Good for you." the woman said, and closed the door, left the towel by the door and got back in the shower. A second knock came, and she saw it was John, another friend of hers. Again she wrapped the towel around her and opened the door.
"I won the lottery!" John said, and the woman congratulated him and went back to her shower. for the third time, a knock on the door came. she looked through the peephole and saw it was Tom, her blind friend. she didn't bother putting on a towel.
"What is it Tom?! This is the third time I have been interrupted while showering!"
Tom gleefully replied:
"I can see!"
I remember my first kiss.....
it was during recess, by the swings. Her name was Liz, she was in 4th grade. We were talking, I don't know what came over me, I grabbed her face and kissed her. It lasted about 10 seconds, we both awkwardly kissed each other, it took us both by surprise.
That night, it was all I could think about. Apparently, that night, she told her parents.
And that's why I can't teach in New York State anymore.
Johny was offered a nickel or a dime...
Johny was bullied by all the other second grade students. Every day, they would offer him either a dime or a nickel. Every time, he took the nickel. The kids would all laugh at him every time he took the nickel. One day a kid asked him why he always took the nickel, even though the dime was worth more. He quietly responded, "If I take the dime, they will stop offering me the money. I've made $20 already!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.
First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."
Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."
Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?" Third Pupil, with a big grin: "Winnie The s**...!"
When I was a young boy, I was bad at Maths
I was so bad that I was expelled from my school for failing that subject so often. Because of this, my father sent me to Catholic school and after going for a year, my grades improved. The reason being, the second I walked through that door and saw the guy nailed to the fricking plus sign, I knew this school meant business.
A teacher instructed a second-grade student to give a sentence about a public servant
"The fireman came down the ladder pregnant", he answered.
"Umm... Do you know what pregnant means?"
"Yes", said the boy. "It means carrying a child."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
r**... Geometry
Dale was the first of his h**... family to make it past the second grade.
One day, Dale's pa asked, "What did y'all learn today in that geometry class?"
Dale replied, "Pi r squared".
"Dadgummit!", yelled Dale's pa, "I knew that there fancy school tweren't no good! Pie are ROUND! CAKE are square!"
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science.
She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things.
What am I?”
A little boy on the front row proudly said, “You’re a mother!”
I never realized as I was growing up that our family didn't have much money.
I thought all the girls wore full length pants in second grade and returned from summer wearing the same pants, but now we were calling them capris!
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th-grade class
a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms."Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded...
"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
Johnny goes to school on the first day of second grade
Johnny goes to school on the first day of second grade. The teacher asks each student to say their name.
Johnny replies, "my name is Johnny Fuckhour".
The teacher immediately scolds him and tells him that such language will not be tolerated.
"But that's my name," he protests. "If you don't believe me, go ask my brother in the fifth grade."
So the teacher marches him over to the fifth grade classroom and asks the fifth grade teacher, "do you have a Fuckhour in here?"
One of the students replies, "oh, no, we don't even have a nap time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a second grade teacher yell when she is having s**...?
"A,E,I,O,U..AND SOMETIMES Y!"
Two students go skiing..
Two students decide to go skiing for the weekend, and are having such a good time they decide to blow off the (calculus, I believe) exam that they have scheduled for Monday morning in order to get some final runs in before they head back to school. They decide to tell the prof that they got a flat tire and therefore deserve to take the exam at a rescheduled time.
Hearing the story, said professor agrees that it really was just bad luck, and of course they can take the exam later. At the appointed time, the prof greets them and places them in two separate rooms to take the exam.
The few questions on the first page are worth a minor 10% of the overall grade, and are quite easy. Each student grows progressively confident as they take the test, sure that they have gotten away with fooling the professor. However, when they turn to the second page they discover that they really haven't.
The only question on the page, worth 90% of the exam, reads: "Which tire was flat?"
The best joke I've ever heard from a teacher
The final paper is due for a large class at Harvard, worth 50% of the grade. The professor has made it very clear that the paper must be turned in by 2 P.M. on the dot. He stands at his office door as 2 PM approaches, collecting papers from the last few stragglers. As the clock strikes 2, he turns to go back into his office, when a student runs up to him, paper in hand.
"Professor, professor!" The student says. "I'm so sorry. Please, I'm only a few seconds late, will you make an exception just this once?"
"Sorry," says the professor. "I was very clear about the deadline for this assignment."
The student gets angry. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!"
"No..." says the professor.
"Good!" the student says, and shoves his work into the stack of papers and runs off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tell your favorite f**... joke growing up. More terrible the better.
Three men jumped out of an airplane. The first one jumped and dropped a penny. When he landed, he found a boy crying, and asked him why he was crying. He of course said, a penny fell on his head.
A second man jumped and dropped an apple. He found another kid crying, and he asked why. The boy said an apple hit him in the head.
The third man jumped and dropped a grenade. He found a boy laughing his eyes out when he landed. He asked the boy what was so funny and he said, "When I f**..., my house blew up."
Third grade forever
A rancher and his family have a milk cow...
A rancher and his family have a milk cow, and not much else to their name. The milk is the sweetest, toppest grade dairy around.
One day, the rancher wakes up and finds his milk cow dead. Unable to face life with his sole source of income gone, he sets up a noose in the barn and takes his life.
The rancher's wife wakes up that same day, and goes to find her husband. When she sees the cow dead, and her husband hanging beside it, she goes to the nearby river and drowns herself.
The rancher's eldest son wakes up, finds the cow, his dad, and his mother all dead. He is approached by a beautiful woman who says that if he can make love to her 10 times in a row, that she will revive his parents and the cow. If he failed, she would kill him.
The eldest son, of course eager, immediately agrees. He doesn't make it, and she kills him on the spot.
The second eldest son wakes up, finds his family dead along with the cow, and is approached by this same mysterious beautiful woman, who proposes the same arrangement. This son, also eager, quickly jumps at the opportunity.
Again, the son falls short and is killed.
The third and youngest son wakes up and finds his family and cow dead, and is approached by the woman.
"Rough day, huh?" She said, offering him the same deal as her brothers.
"So I make love to you 10 times without stopping... and you bring everyone back... What if I make love to you 15 times?"
"Well... I'll bring everyone back, even the cow, and put a mansion where your little ranch is."
"Ok... well what if I make love to you 20 times without stopping?"
Laughing, the mysterious woman says, "Well, I'll give you a great big bag of gold, jewels, and money. So much that you and your family will be set for life."
"Fine, fine... but last question. If I make love to you 20 times without stopping, what's to stop you from dying from it? The milk cow did."
Which tire was flat?
Two students decide to go skiing for the weekend, and are having such a good time they decide to blow off the (calculus, I believe) exam that they have scheduled for Monday morning in order to get some final runs in before they head back to school. They decide to tell the prof that they got a flat tire and therefore deserve to take the exam at a rescheduled time.
Hearing the story, said professor agrees that it really was just bad luck, and of course they can take the exam later. At the appointed time, the prof greets them and places them in two separate rooms to take the exam.
The few questions on the first page are worth a minor 10% of the overall grade, and are quite easy. Each student grows progressively confident as they take the test, sure that they have gotten away with fooling the professor. However, when they turn to the second page they discover that they really haven't.
The only question on the page, worth 90% of the exam, reads: "Which tire was flat?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's the first day of 3rd grade...
Their teacher wanted them to behave more grown up since they were no longer in second grade.
As such, the teacher told them to use grownup words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.
Susie went first and said she went to see her Nana.
The teacher said, 'No, no, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown-up word.'
Next Samantha said she went for a trip on a choo-choo. Once again the teacher again said, 'No, no, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown-up word.'
Then the teacher asked Johnny what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and, in a very adult way, replied, 'Winnie the s**....'
This one I heard when I was in 8th grade. it's pretty darn funny.
Three men die in a car accident and go to heaven.
They walk up to Satin Peter. Peter looks at them and says "Now,Let me explain how things around here in heaven work;
You all will have a car based on how many times you cheated on your wife."
He looks to the first man "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replies,"None sir,I was faithful til the end." "Okay,You get this car." Saint Peter gives him a brand new golden ferrari.
Peter says to the second man "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The man replies "About five times."
Saint Peter says "Okay here's your car." He gives the second man a fairly new Lexus.
Finally,Saint Peter asks the third man; "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" He replies "About 10 times."
Saint peter says "okay,Here is your car." The man gets an old beat up car that barely runs.
So after that,The men go driving around heaven. They stop at a gas station to fill up. The second and third man go to the urinals while the first man pumps gas.
The second man comes out and sees the first man crying. he walks up to him and says "What's wrong?" The first man explains "I just saw my wife hitch hiking."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which o**... of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which o**... of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"
Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted.
She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.
"Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson.
"Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."
"Very good, Sam. Thank you."
Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
