The Best 24 Second Chance Jokes

Following is our collection of Second Chance jokes which are very funny. There are some second chance ninth jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these second chance fourth puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”

African Roulette

Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.

The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."

The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.

The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform oral sex on you."

The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.

As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."

Rihanna's take on the meteor

A massive meteor has hit Russia injuring hundreds, Rihanna insist that the meteor has changed and deserves a second chance.

The guys go to the funeral of their life-long pal...

After a long eulogy and some beautiful music, the guys are overcome with emotion. The first guy walks up to the casket of his buddy.

"I know it's just a small token, but for everything you've ever done for me, buddy, all the times you helped me out. This is the least I could do."

He tucks a $50 bill into his buddy's tuxedo pocket, and he staggers away sobbing.

The second man, inspired by the gesture, walks up and places his own $50 bill in his buddy's pocket. "For all the beers you bought me, that I never had a chance to pay you back for." And he staggers away sobbing.

The third man, a lawyer, not to be out-done, says, "I know it's just a small gesture, but for all the times you've been there for me when I needed you, here's a token of my gratitude."

And he writes a check for $150, and takes the two fifties in change.


Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.

As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"

The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

A door to door vacuum salesman visits a house. When he proposes a deal the woman tells him to take a hike.

Without giving her a second chance the man empties a bucket of cow dung onto to carpet and says "If the vacuum cleaner doesn't suck all of this up then I will eat the rest myself"

The woman goes to the kitchen and returns with a bowl of sugar and throws it over the cow dung and says:
"Start eating so long, we don't have electricity on the farm"

You never get a second chance to make a first impression...

...unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times.

A man comes home to find his wife in bed with his best friend, he immediately picks up his gun and shoots the wife

He gives the dog a second chance though

I heard that the IOC is giving this years' Olympians a second chance to compete...

... at the 2020 Japan Paralympics

Trump's last two chances to save his election campaign at the second debate:

1. Be endorsed by Dave.

2. Bring out a resurrected Harambe on stage.

Top Second Chance Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore second chance seventh reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean second chance grant dad jokes. There are also second chance puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


2 Guys go Camping...

They both fall asleep in a tent. The first guy wakes up in the middle of the night, and wakes the second guy up.

Guy 1: "Hey, look up, what do you see?"

Guy 2: "I see stars"

Guy 1: "Yeah, and what do you think that means?"

Guy 2: "Well, considering how many stars I see, there is a good chance that somewhere out there in the world, there is some other life form for us to discover."

Guy 1: "No you idiot, it means someone stole our tent!"

After much begging, pleading and crying she gave me a second chance.

Unfortunately it said I had to make general repairs on all my property.

Why should you never trust a homeless... why should you give them a second chance

Their roofless...
They can change

I picked up a hitchhiker last night, and he said "Thanks, but why'd you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"

I said "The chances of picking up a second serial killer would be astronomical!"

You never get second chance to make a first impression, unless you work in an alzheimers clinic.

An FBI statistician gave me some advice

I asked him, "I'm flying next week. Do you have any tips on how to lower my chances of being blown up by a bomb smuggled onboard by a terrorist?"

He chewed that one over for a while, then answered "Yes. Smuggle a bomb onboard yourself. I've never seen a case where two separate bombs were on the same plane, so the odds of a terrorist smuggling a second bomb onboard are very low."

Trump fires his chauffeur

"You're fired! This is the second time this week you've almost killed me!"

"Please, Mr. Trump, give me one more chance"

I once saw a fight where a group of 4 people were beating up an old lady. Due to my fighting experience I didn't hestitate for a second to help.

She didn't stand a chance against the five of us.


Why did the scientists clone Chance the Rapper?

Because people deserve a second Chance.

My chances with my crush are like jesus's second coming...

My mom believes in them but it ain't gonna happen.

A wealthy woman comes back home to her husband...

A wealthy woman comes back home to her husband, she is panting and shaking.

_Wife:_ We have to fire the chauffeur, it's the second time he's tried to kill me!

_Husband:_ Come on, honey. You gotta give him another chance!

A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb

So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"

The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"

One of the blondes: "7"

After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"

One of the blondes: "6"

After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

The big race

It was the day of the big race. Usain Bolt was going to run against a cheetah, the world's fastest animal, capable of reaching speeds of up to 70 mph!

People knew Usain didn't stand a chance, but watched anyway. At last, they were off, and in a matter of seconds the race was over - amazingly, Usain Bolt came out victorious!!!

Because...cheetah's never win.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the second chance magical jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working second chance secon piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes