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Second Born Jokes

77 second born jokes and hilarious second born puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about second born that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Second Born Short Jokes

Short second born jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The second born humour may include short last born jokes also.

  1. What's the best thing about being born on 9/11/99? You had the two biggest candles on your second birthday.
  2. A bear walk in to a bar Sits for 10 seconds, then orders a glass of water.
    bartender: why the big pause'?
    Bear: I was born with them.
  3. I went on a date with a girl who was born without feet. I forgot my wallet and asked if she could foot the bill.
    There was no second date.
  4. There's probably twin girls somewhere, born recently. The first one's name is Laurel, while the second one's name is Laurel.
  5. Would you believe me if I told you it takes 60 seconds to make a lollipop? There's a s**... born every minute.
  6. There was a Mexican boy born with two d**.... He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second one? Hose B

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Second Born Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about second born you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean runner up jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make second born pranks.

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.
And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He’s a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly.
"Oh, gracious me…" says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"

Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other.

The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”
The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”
The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. It’s a breeze.”
“Cool,” says the second kid.” “What are you in here for?”
“A circumcision.”
“Whoa!” exclaims the second kid. “Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year.”

A man has three daughters...

One of them goes up to him one day and says, "Daddy, why was I named Rose?" The dad replies, "Because when you were born, a rose petal fell onto your head.
A second daughter asks him, "Daddy, why was I named Daisy?" And the dad replies, "Because when you were born, a daisy petal fell onto your head."
His last daughter says, "Guuuuaaaahuuugghhhhhppoakkk!" And the dad says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

Presurgery discussions

Two little boys are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other, outside the Operating Room.
The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'
The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.'
The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four.
They put you to sleep, and when you wake up
they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze.'
The second kid then asks, 'What are you in here for?'
The first kid says, 'A circumcision.'
And the second kid says, 'Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy!
I had that done when I was BORN ... Couldn't walk for a year.

Clocks in Heaven

A woman passes away and finds herself at the Pearly Gates, with an angel showing her around. One thing she immediately notices is that there are a LOT of clocks in Heaven. Billions. She asks the angel who explains. "Everyone, past or present, gets a clock when they are born. Each time you tell a lie, the second hand moves once." She is amazed at this and goes looking.
She finds Mother Theresa's clock and notices it's moved three times. George Washington's clock hasn't moved at all. She's somewhat ashamed that her own is showing it's 18:30.
She begins hunting furiously, unable to find a specific one, however. Finally she gives up. "Where is Mitt Romney's clock!?"
"In Jesus's office. He uses it for a ceiling fan."

hahah brick!

There is a father and he has three daughters
The oldest daughter comes up to him and asks, "Dad, why is my name Lily?"
The father responds, "because when you were born, a Lily fell on your head."
Then the second oldest daughter comes up and asks, "dad, why is my name Daisy?"
The father responds, "because when you were born, a daisy fell on your head."
Then the youngest daughter comes up and says, "Muuughmmmummphhhhhh"

"Shut up, Brick!"

A man and his 3 daughters

This was one of my favorites from middle school:
So a man has 3 daughters and he is sitting alone in his room one night.
His oldest daughter comes in and asks, "Dad, why did you name me Rose?" He responds, "Well when you were born a rose petal fell on your forehead."
She leaves and the second daughter walks in and asks "Dad, why did you name me Lily?" The Dad replies, "Well when you were born a lily petal fell on your forehead."
Finally, his youngest daughter enters. She is deformed and goes "AAARGGGHLLAHAH" to which the Dad says "Shut up Cinderblock."

My therapist told me a joke about two southern bells.

So two southern bells grow up in a small town in the south and when they finish high school, one moves up to the north for school and the other stays in the town and marries her high school sweet heart.
Years later, the first one comes back to town to visit her friend who happens to be quite the big shot now. The two meet at the train station and the rich woman says:
"Deeear, do you see that Cadillac?"
"Oh yes I do, it is a nice car."
"My husband bought me that car after the successful birth of our first male-born-son."
"How nice."
The two then go to the town square where they see a big statue.
"Deeear, do you see that statue?"
"Why yes, it looks an awful lot like yourself."
"Yes, my husband bought me that statue after the successful birth of our second male-born-son."
"How nice."
Finally, they arrive at the rich woman's house and see that it is a giant mansion with gardeners and everything.
"Deeear, do you see that mansion?"
"Why yes, it is very extravagant!"
"My husband bought me this mansion after the successful birth of our third male-born-son."
"How nice."
"Well what has your husband bought for you?"
"He put me through finishing school."
"Oh my, finishing school? Well what did you learn there?"
"I learned to say 'how nice' when I really mean '*f**... you*'."

Three Daughters

One day, three daughters were spending time with their father when a question arised from the first daughter.
"Father, Why is my name, Rose?", she asked.
"When you were born, a Rose dropped on your head, and so we decided to name you Rose", explained the father.
The second daughter then approached her father:
"Father, Why is my name Daisy?" - she asked.
"When you were born, a Daisy fell on your head, and therefore we decided to name you Daisy."
Lastly, the third daughter then approached her father:
"duuuuh, uh, duh, bur bur, mur duh ah"
The father then replied: "Shut up Cinderblock."

Anything you want, baby.

There once was a man who had done everything his wife told him to since the day they were married. Whether it was taking out the trash, doing the dishes, or pulling weeds, he did it the second she asked.
Then one day, his son decided that he had been befuddled as to why he did this for to long. So he confronted his father while he was cleaning the bathroom.
"Daddy," the young boy said, "Why do you do everything Mommy says?"
"Well son, before you were born, even before your mom and I were married, I made a promise that if I did anything she asked, I could decide your name." The father explained.
The boy walked away with it, relieved he finally had an answer.
However, the boy later reminded his father of the question and asked:
"Was it worth it, Daddy?'
The father, without hesitating said, "Yes, Goku, yes it was."

There was a father with three daughters...

The first daughter came up to him and said, "Dad, why is my name daisy?"
He replies, "because when you were born a daisy fell on your head."
The second daughter comes up to him and asks the same, "Dad, why is my name lily?"
"When you were born, a lily pad fell on your head."
The third daughter walks up to him and says, "MAUUUNGUNNFFFAUUUUUUU!"
"Shut up Brick!"

Kids Today

Two Arab mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

'This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.'

'Yes, I remember him as a baby,' says the other mother cheerfully.

'He's a martyr now though,' the mother confides.

'Oh, so sad dear,' says the other.

'And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.'

'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly hair when he was born.'
'He's a martyr too,' says the mother quietly.

'Oh, gracious me . . . , ' says the other.

'And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18,' she whispers.

'Yes,' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school.'

'He's a martyr also,' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . .

'They blow up so fast, don't they?'

The bride asks her husband

The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a v**... and I don't know
anything about s**.... Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Two men sitting at a bar...

Two men are sitting next to each other at the bar well into their drinking. The first man says to the bartender, in a thick Irish accent, Sir, another shot of your finest whiskey! The second man looks at the first and says, with an equally thick accent, Well I'll be, by chance do you come from Ireland?
I do sir! A round for me and my fellow countryman! The bartender pours the pair a shot each. The second man looks at the first and says, By chance, did you happen to live near Dublin?
Aye Sir, born and raised there! Another round Bartender! exclaimed the first. Downing the whiskey together, the first looks at the second and says, As unlikely as it seems, by chance you didn't go to St. John's College in Dublin did you?
Jesus Mary and Joseph I did sir! Another two for my friend and me! A regular walks into the bar and sits down next to the pair. The bartender pours him his usual beer and the man asks, How's the bar doing tonight, anything new going on? The bartender replies, Nothing new pal, just the O'Malley brothers drunk again.

The first thing that landed on your head when you were born.

A mother has Three children, two girls and a boy. One girl ask her mother "Mom, why am I named Lilly?" The mom said "Because when you were born a Lilly landed on your head." The second girl ask "Mom, why am I named Rose?" the mother replied "Because when you were born a Rose landed on your head." then the boy sais "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "SHUT UP BRICK!"

There's a man with three daughters

There's a man with three daughters.
The first daughter comes up and says "Daddy why'd you name me Daisy" the dad says" 'cause when you were born a daisy fell on your head."
The second daughter comes up and says "Daddy why'd you name me Rose" the dad says "'cause when you were born a rose fell on your head."
The third daughter comes up and says "kjaglifvgjlfj" the dad says "SHUTUP CINDERBLOCK"
*Edit 1: removed hair color

A Man is sitting with his three daughters...

The first daughter asks her dad, "Dad, why is my name Daisy?"
He smiles and replies, "Because when you were born, a Daisy fell on your head, and we thought that name fit you best."
His second daughter asks, "Dad, why is my name Rose?"
He smiles again and tells her, "Well, when you were born, a Rose petal fell on your head, and it seemed like Rose was a great name for you."
His third daughter says, "Dad nughahguduhfugh ah guh."
"Shut up, Cinderblock"

Two little kids are in a hospital...

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

2 Brunettes and a Blonde

One dark and stormy night, 2 burnettes and a blonde escape from prison. To get out of the rain and hide from the cops they go into a barn where they find 3 sacks to hide in. One cop goes into the born and yells to other
"There's nothing in here, just 3 sacks" to which the other cop replies
"Kick the sacks and make sure they're not hiding in them"
So the cop kicks the first sack with the brunette in it and she goes "roof roof"
Oh its just a s**... dog the cop says. He kicks the second one with the other brunette in it and she goes "meow meow"
Oh its just a s**... cat.
So he kicks the last sack with the blone in it and she goes "POTATOES"

A daughters asks her mother why her name is Rose

A daughter asks her mom, "Why is my name Rose?"
The Mom replies "because when you were born the wind blew a rose onto your head
The second daughter asks her mom, "Why is my name Lilly?"
The mom replies, "Because when you were born a Lilly fell on your head"
The Last daughter goes up to her mom and goes "Blaoddttuaiweeeioosnsns"
And her mom goes "Shut up Cinderblock"

How Kids Got Their Names

3 Kids are taking about how they got their names, and why their parents named as such.
The first one, a girl named "Rose" says "I was named Rose, because when I was born my parents dropped rose pedals on me."
The second one, a boy named "Ash" says "I was named Ash, because wedge I was born my parents dropped ashes on me."
The third one, a boy named "Brick" says "AHHHUUUUAUUAUUAAAA HUUAAA HURRRR"

Rose walks up to her father

"Father," she asks. Why did you name me rose?
"Well when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
Delighted, she scampers off into the next room. His second daughter comes running into the room.
"Daddy daddy! Why did you name me Lily?"
"Well when you were born a lily petal fell on your head."
Joyfully, Lily skips out into the next room. His third daughter bolts into the room.
"Hurrrrrnauuufffff."
"**SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK!**"

And that's how people get their names.

Beth has three children.
One day, the youngest asks his mother: "Mom, why is my name Leaf?"
"You see son, when you were born, a leaf fell on your head."
The second child comes in. "Mom, why is my name feather?"
"You see, when you were born, a feather fell on your head."
The third child then comes in to his mother: "HNGHENENNENNEFSJNGDND!!!"
"Be quiet please, Refrigerator."

The CIA, The Mossad and The KGB.

A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition.
The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.
The Mossad goes next. They study the mummy for a month, and conclude: it was a pharaoh who ruled 1000 years BC, give or take 100 years.
The KGB team goes next. They hold the mummy for a week, and then come up with this: it was Pharaoh Ramenhotep the Second, born 1022 BC, became king after murdering his uncle, ruled for five years, on the third year of his reign the Nile flooded Luxor, on the fourth year the hittites attacked.
Everyone is perplexed: "How did you find all this out?"
"He confessed"

A cow is talking to her three calves

The first calf asks "Why is my name Daisy?"
The cow replies, "When you were born, a daisy fell onto your head, sweetie."
The second calf asks "Why is my name Rose?"
The cow replies, "When you were born, a rose fell onto your head, dear."
The third calf says "Hargendflarfrebargen"
"Shut it, Cinderblock!"

3 Daughters

So there was a guy who had three Beautiful Daughters with exquisite names. One day they all got curious as to how they came to be with these names so they decided to ask. The first one walks in and politely asked "daddy how did you come to naming me Rose?" He replied "well when you were born a rose petal fell on your head and so it just was." Satisfied, she left and the second daughter came in and asked "Daddy, how did you come to naming me Daisy?" To which he replied "well darling when you were born some daisy petals rained down on you and so it was." Satisfied she left and the third daughter walks in she says "bwalalaladadahaha" to which the father replies "shut up Cinder Block!"

Maria is a devoted wife.

She gets married and has 17 children.Soon after the last child is born,her husband dies.A few weeks later she remarried and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.After the last child is born her second husband also dies.Within a month Maria is engaged to be married for the third time.Unfortunately,she becomes very ill and dies.At her f**... the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in coffin.He looks up to heaven and says"At last they are finally together".A man standing next to the priest asks,"excuse me Father,but do you mean Maria and her first husband or Maria and her second husband?The priest replied"I MEANS HER LEGS" Sorry for the grammar mistakes.

There was a father with 3 daughters...

The first daughter comes up to him and asks "daddy, why is my name rose?" To which the dad replies "Because, sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head!". Later the second daughter comes and says, "Father, why is my name violet?" And the dad replies
"Because, cutie, when you were born, a violet petal fell onto your head!" Then the third daughter goes up to the dad and yells "aghurGETRWRKshhhlishhmuh!" And the dad snaps back "SHUT UP, CINDERBLOCK!"

3 little girls walk up to their father

The first little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
and the dad says, "because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head, so we decided to call you rose."
The second little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"
and the dad says, "because when you were born, a lily petal fell on your head, so we decided to call you Lily."
The third little girl says, "hurdddurflbbbbb dur."
and the dad says, "shut up Cinderblock."

a soldier finds himself outside after night fall

A soldier finds himself outside his base of operations in a foreign country after night fall. He managed to find himself back at the main gate of entry but was unable to produce any physical evidence that he was in fact born and raised in the USA. The guard at the gate was not allowed to let anyone in who wasn't a citizen of the United States. The solider suggested that the guard ask him a few questions to prove in nationally. The guard then replied, "OK, sing the national anthem." The solider then sang the national anthem just as he has heard it at countless sporting events and county fairs. When he finished the guard said, "OK, now sing the second verse." The solider yelled, "I don't know the second verse!" to which the guard said,"you're obviously American, c'mon in."

A father-to-be was waiting anxiously outside the labour ward where his wife was delivering a baby.

A nurse came up to the man and said, 'You have a girl, but there's another one on the way, so come back soon.'
'Twins,' he thought, a little shakily. He went away and came back an hour later to be told that the second baby had been born, but there was still another on the way.
'Good grief,' he thought.
He went to the pub down the street, and after a beer he phoned in and was told a fourth one was on the way. He started to drown his sorrows. A few stiff whiskies later he called the hospital again, but was so drunk he dialled the wrong number - and got the recorded cricket score. Crying in agony, he collapsed on the floor, a poor, devastated, shuddering and weeping mess.
As the barman struggled to pick him up, he heard the voice from the phone say, 'The score is 88 all out. And the last one was a duck.'

Three Daughters

One day a girl comes up to her mom and asks her, "Mother, why did you name me Rose?"
"Because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head."
Her second daughter comes up to her and asks, "Mother, why did you name me Daisy?"
"Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head."
The third daughter comes up to her and asks, "GHLSARGHLARGHLARG."
"What did you say Brick?"

A mother has 3 kids

A mother has 3 kids.
The first kid goes up to her mom and says,
"Mommy, why I am I named petal?"
The mom responds, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."
The second child goes up to her mom and says, "Why am I named Rose?"
The mom says, "Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head
Finally, the third child comes up and says, "My favorite color is potato."
"SHUT UP BRICK"

Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children.

Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.
A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has
another 22 children with her second husband.
After the last child is born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time.
Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in
her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,
"At least, they're finally together."
A man standing next to the priest asks,
"Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband,
or Maria and her second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs."

A father with three daughters

is sitting down for dinner when the first of his daughters asks, "dad why is my name Daisy?". The father replies, "because when you were born a daisy petal from the sky and landed on your head."
The second daughter asks, "dad why is my name Rose?" The father replies, "Well Rose, when you were a baby a rose petal fell from on high and landed on your head."
The third daughter asks, "bllaaarrarararraraaarg" and the father replies, "shut up, cinder-block"

Father and his three daughters

A father and his three daughters are sitting in the living room, when one of the daughters walks up to her father and says, "Daddy, why did you name me Rose?" he replies "Because when u were born a rose petal fell on your forehead". The second daughter walks up to her father and says, "Daddy, why did you name me Violet?" he replies "Because when you were born a violet petal fell on your forehead". The third daughter says "AAAAUUURRRGGHHH!!" and the father says "SHUT UP, CINDERBLOCK!!"

Two men after finding Canada are decided what to name it

The first man says let's put all the letters of the alphabet in a bag and the ones we pick out will be what we name it, eh? The second man starts pulling letters out of a bag he says, " C, eh, N, eh, D, eh" and then Canada was born

A father Is lounging in his study..

When one of his daughters walks in and asks "Daddy.. why is my name Rose?" The father replys "Because when you were born, we dropped a rose petal on your face." The second daughter barges in and asks "Daddy why Is my name Daisy?" The father replys "Because when you were born, we dropped a daisy petal on your face." The third daughter stumbles through the door and exclaims "DUR HERM DER BAHRRRR!?!?!" The father jumps out of his chair and yells "SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK!!!"

Three men are arguing 'when does life begin'

The first man goes, "At the time of conception."
The second man argues, "No, it is when the baby is born."
The the man tells them all, "No, no, no, no -- You have it all wrong. Life begins when the wife takes the children and they all leave for vacation."

A girl asks her father a question.

"Daddy, where did I get my name from?"
"Well, Daisy, when you were born, a daisy fell on your head."
Satisfied, she walks away.
His second daughter walks up to him and asks him the same question.
"Daddy, where did I get my name from?"
"Well, Rose, when you were born, a rose fell on your head."
Satisfied, she walks away.
"HMDJKGYGD".
"Oh, hi, Brick."

Three kids are in a park with their father

The first child approaches the father and asks,
"Dad, why am I named Dandy?"
Father responds,
"Because a dandelion fell on your head when you were born."
Second kid comes up and asks
"Dad, why am I named Rose?"
Dad responds,
"Because a rose fell on your head when you were born."
Third kid runs up screaming,
"HRJSOAOSBRBRJFIDISOSBBPPPBFFFSSSS"

Dad gets up and shouts at the third one, causing a scene,
"SHUT UP BRICK!"

A mexican woman goes into labor, and then passes out...

a few hours later, she wakes up in the hospital and finds out that she has given birth to perfectly healthy twin baby boys. "Since you were unconscious while your children were born, your husband named both of your children for you", the doctor informs her. "Oh no!", exclaims the woman, "my husband is an idiot! Did he name the children something s**...?" "Well, the first child's name is Juan", says the doctor. "That's not so bad," she says, "but what did he name the second child?"
"Two."

Two boys were peeing up a wall, the first boy looks at the second and says "Why does your thing look different than mine?"

The second boy says " I've been circumsized "
And the first boy asked "What's that?"
the second boy replies " Well on the day I was born they cut the skin off"
The first boy says " Oh my god! Did it hurt"
And the second boy replies " DID IT HURT!! I couldn't walk for eighteen months!!"

A Dad and his 3 Daughters are eating dinner

One daughter turns to her dad and asks "Dad, why did you name me Rosie?". Her Dad looks at her and says "Well, when you were born, the first thing to touch your face was a rose petal, so we named you Rosie". The second daughter looks at him and asks "Dad, why'd you name me Lilly?". The Dad looks at her and says "Well, when you were born, the first thing to touch your face was a lilly petal, so we named you lilly". The third daughter looks at him and says " BLAH LA BLAH BLAH DUH BLAH LA BLAH BLAH BLAH" and the Dad screams "SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK".

Irishman steps up on Mastermind, the quiz show. His chosen topic: the Irish Rebellion, 1916.

- **Quizmaster**: 'Your first question: who read the *Proclamation of Independence* from the steps of the GPO?'
- **Contestant**: 'Pass'
- **Quizmaster**: 'OK. Second question: name the Irish rebel leader born in Scotland.'
- **Contestant**: 'Pass'
- **Quizmaster**: 'Question three: which *Countess* was an important leader in the rebellion?'
- **Contestant**: 'Pass'
Suddenly, his friend in the audience shouts:
**'THAT'S IT HUEY, YOU TELL 'EM NOTHIN'!'**

What Are You Here For?

Two kids are in hospital, in surgical gowns, sitting on their gurneys. What are you here for? asked the first child.
I'm here to get my tonsils removed, says the second child.
Don't worry, the first child says. I had my tonsils removed last year and you get all the ice cream you want!
The second child asks the first child, What are you're here for?
I'm here for a circumcision, says the first child.
Oh my God, says the second child. I had that done when I was born, I did not walk for a year!

The white m**... was summoned by the African Chieftain one day...

The Chieftain tells the m**..., word has reached me that a white baby has been born down the road a ways, and there is not a single other white man within a thousand miles,
The m**... thinks on it for a second, then turns to look out the window. He responds to the Chieftain, you must understand, that often our lord works in mysterious. Do you see that black sheep out there amidst the white sheep? The lord singled him out from the rest of the flock because he is special,
The Chieftain speaks quickly, cutting off the White man and says, okay you got me... I won't tell on you if you don't tell on me

There were 3 siblings...

The first kid, Rose, comes to their mom:
Mommy, why my name is Rose?
Mom: Because when you were born, a little rose landed in your forehead...
The second one, Plumy:
And why my name is Plumy, mommy?
Mom: Because when you were born a lil plume landed in your forehead...
Then comes Bricky:
AAAHHNSBALDU BRADUBLA BRUBDULO AHUE?

A mother was putting her 3 children to sleep...

A mother was putting her 3 children to sleep.
As she kisses his first-born, he asks:
"Mom, why I am called Snowy?"
To that, she replied:
"Well, that's because when you were born, some snow fell on your forehead"
After she kisses his second son, he asks:
"Mom, why I am called Sandy?"
She replies:
"Well, that's because when you were born, some sand fell on your forehead"
After she kisses his third child, called Bricky, he asks:
"WALDAWADILTRAPLSBRUHHSTRWL"

There are five cows on a farm, one mommy cow and four baby calves.

The first baby walks up to the mom and asks: "Mom, why is my name Rose?" The mom replies: "Well, honey, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head."
The second calf comes up. "Mom, why is my name Lily?" The mom replies: "When you were born, sweetheart, a lily petal fell on your head."
The third calf comes up to mom. "Mom, why is my name Daisy?" The mom replies: "When you were born, my baby, a daisy petal fell on your head."
The fourth calf comes up. It says: "Hurr duh buh gah." The mom replies: "Oh, shut up, Cinderblock!"

A father and a mother have three children. One day the first child comes up and says...

"Father. Mother. Why is my name Rose?"
And the Father says, "When you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." The child nods and goes away the second oldest then starts wondering about her name so she goes up to her father.
"Father why is my name Raina?"
"Because when you were born a rain drop fell on your head."
Then the third child comes up. "Ruuuuhhhhh hahdiehakidonw"
"SHUT UP, BRICK!!!!!"

Three little girls are sitting with their mother and talking about their lives.

The first girl says, "Mommy, why did you name me Rose?"
"Well, sweety", replies the mother, "It's because when you were born, a rose fell on your face and we decided to name you after that".
The second girl says, "Mommy, why did you name me Daisy?"
"Well, honey", replies the mother, "It's because when you were born, a daisy fell on your face and we decided to name you after that".
The third girl says, "AHHAGHHBHGGHHGH"
And the mother says "yes, Fridge, I love you too"

Kids in a hospital

Two little kids are in the hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, You've got nothing to worry about.  I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream.  It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you in for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born.  Couldn't walk for a year!"

There were three sisters and all were wondering how they got their names

So the first one goes, mommy, why is my name rose? Mom says, because a rose fell on your head when you were born second sister says, mommy, why is my name tiara? Mom says, because a tiara fell on your head when u were born . The last sister goes, BLAHWARADURGABAAAA!! And the mom says, shut up BRICK!!

Three babies were in the w**... talking amongst themselves about their future

They get on the topic of what they want to be when they are born and grow up.
The first baby says: "when I get older, I want to be a molder of young minds! A teacher is what I'm aiming for."
The second baby says: "when I'm a adult, I want to heal and save people! I'll be a doctor."
The third baby thinks for a second and says: "I want to be a boxer".
The other two babies look at him in confusion and ask why.
"Because when I get out, I want to beat up the bald headed man who keeps spitting on me!"

Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team.

I blame the general manager, said the first fan. If he signed better players, we'd be a great team.
I blame the players, said the second fan. If they made more of an effort, we'd score some points.
I blame my parents, said the third. If I'd been born in Seattle, I'd be supporting a decent team.

Three fathers were in the hospital waiting room for news about their new born children.

The nurse comes out and congratulates the first father for getting twins, the father is both happy over the news and also amazed that it's twins because he works at the "two hands hardware store".
After a while the nurse comes back out and congratulates the second father for getting triplets, he too is amazed because he works for "the three fathers of mining solutions".
After a while the nurse comes out to congratulate the third father but sees him standing in front of the open window, ready to jump out. She asks "what is his issue?". One of the fathers reply: "he works at seven eleven..."

A nanny bathes twins

A nanny bathes a set of twins. The twins were marked with numbers, the first born marked with a 1 and the second born marked with a 2. The nanny bathes both the twins and the parents come in and say
Where are the numbers?! We can't tell them apart any more
The nanny says I can tell them apart by their b**...
How?!
One bawls in the morning one bawls in the afternoon

A mother had three kids called Drop, Feather, and Brick

A mother had three kids called Drop, Feather, and Brick.
Perplexed, the first kid asks his mother "Mom, why did you named me Drop?"
And she says: "Because when you were born, a little drop fell in your head..."
The second kid asks: "Mom, why did you named me Feather?"
She answers: "Because when you were born, a feather fell in your head..."
Finally, the third kid says: "GUhhhGaahh \*loud noises\* HUEHUE"


Sorry guys

A joke told to me by an old friend of mine (slightly offensive)

A father of 3 children is watching the news, when one of his daughters came in. She asked: Daddy, why is my name Daisy? The Father replied because when you were born, a daisy fell onto your head. His second daughter then asks why is my name Poppy? To which the father replied because when you were born, a poppy fell onto your head. His son then entered the room and said NYYYGGGHHHH! To which the father replied That's correct Brick

My aunt has three daughters

One day her three daughter run up to her mom and one of them yells
"mom!!! Why am I named rose?"
"Well sweetie, when you where born a rose pedal fell on your head"
The second daughter.
"Mommy!!!!!!!!! Why am I named violet?"
"Because when you where born a violet somehow fell on your head"
The third child.
"Djfiiiggf fiichd ajjguie fuuhsb?"
"Oh shut up brick"

A bear walks in to a bar and says, I'll have a gin and..........tonic. The bartender asks, Why the big pause? The bear looks down for a second and says, I don't know,

I guess I was just born this way.

One if my favorite jokes to tell.

The was a mama cow with 3 baby calves. The first calf named sunlight came up to her and asked, "Mama, why am I named sunlight?"
The mama replied, "When you were born, a ray if sunlight landed on your head."
The second calf named butterfly came up to her and asked, "Mama, why am I named butterfly?"
The mama replied, "When you were born, a butterfly came and landed on your head."
Finally, the third calf named cinderblock came up to her and said, "Herarrgghhhdeeerrr"

There was a man who wasn't creative

He named his kids numbers in the order they were born (the first child was 1, second child 2 and so on)
After he had 100 kids , a fire burned his house down leaving only one child. 90
90 grew up and had his own kids that weren't creative and when they saw a stray dog , they took him in and called him 'that'
One hot summer day 'that' was run over by a car
Ofc they replaced 'that' but they never forgot him
Only 90's kids remember that

Three kids walk into a room

The first kid says to their mom mom why am I name daisy?
The mom replies because when you were born a daisy landed on your head
the second kid asks mom why am I named rose
The mom replied because when you were born I found a rose landed on your head
The third kid walks in uhh hello mumajsagshhshayayauh
The mom replies not now cinder block

Three kids ask their mom about their unusual names.

The first kid asks, Why am I named Kitchen Table? His mom says, Well sweetie, when you were born the car was out of gas and we couldn't get to the hospital, so you were born on the kitchen table.
The second kid asks, Why am I named Backseat? Her mom says, Well honey, when *you* were born, we got stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital, and you were born in the backseat of the car.
The third kid says, That's neat. But mom, why am I the only one with a normal name?
His mom just says, I wouldn't worry about it too much, John.

Two 5 year old boys are in the hospital waiting to go into surgery. The first boy asks the other, "What are having done?"

"I'm having my tonsils taken out."
"Oh you're going to love it. I had that done last year and I got to eat ice cream for a week. Best week ever."
The second boy asks, "What about you?"
"Circumcision," the first boy replies.
The second boy responds, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for almost a year."

An artist is never appreciated at home

Just happened.
Wife, looking at IMDB: On, hey, that actress was born in Abu Dhabi.
Me: Yeah, I knew that. I could tell by her hair cut.
Wife: Her hair cut?
Me: Yeah. She has an Abu Dhabi do.
Wife: [3 seconds of silence] That was NOT funny.

Three children ask their parents how they got their names

The parents reply to the first child, That's east Rose, not long after you were born a rose petal fell onto your head .
The second child butts in, But dad where did you you get the name Daisy?
The same as your sister, a daisy petal fell on your head
Mughuahuhwawawah
Shut up Fridge!

A woman had three young daughters...

One day, the first daughter came to her and said "Mama, how did I get my name?"
"Well, the day you were born, a beautiful lily flower floated in through the window and landed on your head, so we named you Lily."
The second daughter asks "Mama, how did I get my name?"
"Well, the day you were born, a beautiful daisy flower floated in through the window and landed on your head, so we named you Daisy."
Finally the third sister goes "Gah wah nah nah wah gah nah!"
And her sisters yell back "Shut up, Brick!"

A single father gets asked by one of his children:

"Dad, why am i called Snowflake?"
Her Dad replies:
"Well, right after you where born on the Mountains, it started snowing and a snowflake landed on your mother's forehead."
The second child asks as well:
"Why am i called Azure?"
The Dad replied:
"When you where born in a valley, a Azure Flower landed on your Mother's forehead."
And then the third kid asked:
"Dad, What happened to mom?"
"Well, Brick. That's a question for another Time!"