Seattle Jokes

55 seattle jokes and hilarious seattle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about seattle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these hilarious Seattle jokes! From Seattle Seahawks to Seattle rain and Seattle Sounders, this collection of jokes has a bit of everything. Read on to learn more about Seattle, Washington, Portland and Minneapolis, and be sure to keep a snowball nearby.

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Funniest Seattle Short Jokes

Short seattle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The seattle humour may include short rainy jokes also.

  1. Don't ask me! A tourist visiting Seattle is sick of rain and asks a boy - Does it ever stop raining here?
    Boy - How do I know? I am only eight.
  2. Not sure what you have heard, but it actually only rains twice a year in Seattle. October through May, then June through September.
  3. Did you hear about the shepherd that retired to the Pacific Northwest? He was sheepless in Seattle.
  4. What do you call a dirty puddle on a slab of cold concrete in dim, gloomy light? A sunny day in Seattle.
  5. Its been really hot in Seattle lately, so I converted my dishwasher into an air conditioner the other day. How? I handed my wife a hand fan to keep me cool.
  6. You know what they say in Seattle, if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes... then shoot yourself in the face.
    R.I.P. Kurt Cobain
  7. What did the Seattle mayor say when he banned straws? Alright everybody, this is the last straw.
  8. In Seattle, the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone is looking for a musician/philanthropist to support the cause i.e. a CHAZ Bono
  9. We could put Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump in the Tacoma Dome... And call it "The fat man battle of Seattle".
  10. There's two trains in leaves at dusk and one leaves at dawn...if they're both going 100 MPH... Which train do I run on your mom?

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Seattle One Liners

Which seattle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with seattle? I can suggest the ones about drought and fog.

  1. The Seattle Seahawks play calling.
  2. Why did the blind man fall off the Space Needle? Because he couldn't Seattle.
  3. What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle? The weekend!
  4. Gandalf is the new coach of the Seattle Seahawks.
  5. Hey Seattle, wanna win the Superbowl? "No thanks, we'll pass"
  6. What follows four days of rain in Seattle? Tuesday
  7. Where do people go to retire? Seattle to Seattle down
  8. I told my friend I was traveling to Seattle... He asked who attle was.
  9. What does daylight saving time mean in Seattle? An extra hour of rain.
  10. Seattle COULD have won the Super Bowl, but Pete Carroll said: I'll pass.
  11. Seattle would you like to win the Super Bowl? "No thanks. I'll pass."
  12. I bet a lot of Seattle fans' wives had to order pizzas last night.
  13. A blonde was sitting in economy class... on a flight from Seattle to Chicago.
  14. Seattle city council Seattle city council
  15. No matter how much it rains in Seattle, ...'s always worse on Mt Rainier.

Seattle Seahawks Jokes

Here is a list of funny seattle seahawks jokes and even better seattle seahawks puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I wore a Seattle Seahawks jersey to my midterm today. I know I shouldn't but ill pass.
  • What runs well and efficiently except when you need it to? The Seattle Seahawks
  • Where can you find the best joke book in the world? The Seattle Seahawks play book.
  • How do you know you're a Seattle Seahawk? A butler serves you.
  • What do the Seattle Seahawks and school in July have in common? No class.
Seattle joke, What do the Seattle Seahawks and school in July have in common?

Seattle joke, What do the Seattle Seahawks and school in July have in common?

Entertaining Seattle Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about seattle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rains jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make seattle pranks.

I fly often for business. Yesterday, I had three bags to check.

I said, "I'd like this bag to go to New Orleans, this one to Seattle, and the third to Chicago."
The gate agent rolled her eyes and said, "We can't do that!"
I immediately shot back, "Why? You did it last week."

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

A mid 30's guy is grocery shopping, and a 20 something blonde catches his eye.

She looks very familiar, but he can't remember where he met her. When they moved closer, she said to him, "Hi - I think you're the father of one of my children."
The guy freaks out. He says, "I've only cheated on my wife 3 times - in Vegas 5 years ago, in Orlando 4 years ago, and in Seattle 3 years ago. You look familiar, but I just can't remember. Who are you?"
She says, "I'm your son's Sunday school teacher."

A guy is record shopping at a local music store…

and goes up to the clerk and says I'm looking for that classic 90s Seattle grunge sound on vinyl if you carry it. Clerk says reluctantly, I'm sorry the only styles we carry are children's, Christian, classical, or folk. The man looks puzzled and becomes a tad irate. He responds back saying, You mean to tell me that the only categories you carry here are children's, Christian, classical, or folk? The cashier looks at the guy and says, Well yeah, there's no alternative.

The difference between weather and climate.

Weather is the atmospheric conditions in a location at a given time, example, rain in Seattle.
Climate is weather over a period of time in a location, example, rain in Seattle.

In tonight's news...

Seattle police were astonished to find that all the toilets in the central precinct had been stolen overnight.
When asked about suspects, the Chief stated that they have nothing to go on.

Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team.

I blame the general manager, said the first fan. If he signed better players, we'd be a great team.
I blame the players, said the second fan. If they made more of an effort, we'd score some points.
I blame my parents, said the third. If I'd been born in Seattle, I'd be supporting a decent team.

The Seattle Harbor Enterprise, or SHE, is embroiled in another lawsuit....

They have been charged with illegally surveiling the employees of a net manufacturing company and even tracking them to their homesand even emailing them during non work hours.
So the employees got together and pooled up enough money to raise a lawsuit against the the org for their wrongful actions.
The event is being called the:
"Sue SHE fish net stalking case"

What do Seattleites call a group of little kids dressed up as ghosts?

A micro-boo-ery!

Why doesn't Olympia, Washington have a professional football team?

...Because then Seattle would want one too! (Usually I do Ft. Worth/Dallas, but you get the idea)

What did the Seattle-based baker say to her apprentice?

Someday you will bake like I bake.

Boston walloped with snow again. If you think traffic is bad here...

think about how bad it must be in Seattle with all those bandwagons falling over.

Seattle joke, No matter how much it rains in Seattle, ...

jokes about seattle