Seating Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

An old Irishman walks into a bar.

Upon seating the bartender walks down to the old fellow and asks him what he'd like to drink. "I'll have 3 Guinness, one for me and two for me sons back home in Ireland." The bartender considers his request and pours and sets 3 pints in front of the old guy. The old man slowly drinks all three Guinness and leaves. This goes on for several months. One day the Irishman orders two Guinness. The bartender has learned a little about the old man and his sons and feels he has come to respect the old man and is concerned. "I don't mean to intrude or get personal," says the bartender, "but I couldn't help but notice you only ordered two Guinness today. Are both your sons okay?"
The old man looks to the bartender with a smile and says,"That's mighty kind of ya lad. My sons are fine. I just quit drinking."

I was inquiring about seating for two at a new restaurant and they asked if I had reservations...

I said that I had some, but that I was willing to give it a try.

What sound does a gun made from church seating make?

Pew Pew..

Sorry. Just became a father 2 years ago. I have some catching up to do.

A man walks into a gay bar...

...and it is very crowded. As he walks through the main seating area there isn't quite enough room to squeeze past one gentleman sitting down. He addresses him, "Excuse me, sir, do you mind if I push your stool in?"

Airline oneliners

not enough seating, prepare for a beating

I was travelling in a train when I heard an announcement on PA.

The announcement was "If you observe anything or anyone looking suspicious or dangerous, please report to us at 555-5555."

At that time I looked over at the female passenger seating besides me. Then I remove my phone and dialed the number 555-5555. She started looking at me suspiciously.

As soon as the line connected, I said,"Hello, I want report a suspicious looking female who is seating next to me. She seems to be dangerous as well."



At that point, the suspicious and dangerous looking female snatched my phone and shouts ,"Stop doing that John. I am your wife!".

What do you call an object used as seating that can fly?

A rocket lawn-chair.

My dad wanted to expand his bar to access more customers

I advised him to make it a gay bar and flip the stools upside down. that way the seating is quadrupled.

so a native american walks into a fancy restaurant

he says to the guy seating people, I have reservations.

Blonde flying to Houston, TX

A blonde hops on a flight to Houston, TX. She sees first class sits down and thinks, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying right where I am." So the flight is about to take off and the flight attendant comes by and asks for the ladies ticket. "Mam, your ticket is for coach. You need to go back to your seat because this is first class seating." The blonde replies. "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying right where I am." Puzzled the flight attendant goes to the pilot and says "We have a problem, this blonde lady in first class wont go back to coach where her ticket is." The pilot then says, "My wife is blonde, let me take care of this." Pilot walks up to the blonde and says "Mam, May I see your ticket?" Blonde hands him the ticket.

Quickly the pilot says to the blonde, "You might want to go back to coach, first class isn't flying to Houston." She quickly gets up and goes to coach.

What are the funniest seating jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Seating? Well, here are the best Seating puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Seating pick up lines to share with friends.

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