Quirky and Hilarious Season Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What do a t**... and a redsox season ticket holder have in common?
Both have a great place to go but at a terrible time.
It's the first day for a fraternity...
It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.
One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?
Deer Season
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
Three men died on Christmas Eve...
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The p**... replied, "These are Carols".
Christmas time. v**... and wine.
Children indulging in serious crime. With dad on the w**... and mum's high on crack. Christmas is special when your family is black!
I wanted to volunteer and do something good this holiday season...
So I helped these dyslexic kids write letters to Satan.
I used to play football for j**... Sandusky.
I started out as a tight end but finished the season as a wide receiver.
Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team?
They were truly ruthless.
Both Golf
"Honey, I have a confession to make," a guy told his bride. "I'm a golf nut. You'll never see me on weekends during golf season. "
"Well, dear," she murmured. "I have a confession to make too. I'm a h**.... "
"No big deal," replied the groom. "Just keep your head down and your left arm straight! "
What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
Spring time :D
I'm not funny (._.)
So to celebrate the Halloween season...
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
You can explore season wnba reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean season rabi dad jokes. There are also season puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why does the Devil hate the holiday Season?
Because he gets so many letters from dyslexic children.
Ol' Russian joke
Comrade Stalin approaches a farmer and asks :
"Comrade, how many potatoes have we grown this season?"
"Enough to reach God, comrade!" Replied the farmer.
"But there is no God" said Stalin
"Ah, said the farmer, as there are no potatoes."
Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas.
Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
I was at the football game the other day...
It was the biggest game of the season, and all the seats were taken. Because of this, my buddies had to sit further away from me
I looked over and saw the two seats to my left were empty. Curious, I asked the guy beside the empty seats if anyone was coming for them.
"My wife was supposed to come, but she passed away recently," he replied.
I apologized and offered my condolences. "And the other empty seat?" I asked him.
"My best friend was supposed to come with us," he answered. I asked him why his best friend didn't come.
The man replied, "Oh, he's at the f**...!".
What award did Chewbacca win his first season as a professional athlete?
Wookie of the year.
I tried "Netflix and chill?" on my wife.
We're now on season 3 of Gilmore Girls.
Why did EA Cross the road?
Buy the season pass now to find out!
Why is it always so sunny in Firefly and Serenity?
Because they only have one season.
What is a mattress' favorite season?
Spring.
A h**... and a priest walk into a spaceship...
It lasts for 1 season and a movie and everyone throws a fit when it won't come back.
The human cannonball informs the circus manager that he plans to retire at the end of season.
The distraught manager protests "Where am I going to find another employee of your caliber?"
Value of a season ticket!
A woman was reading a newspaper one morning and said A her husband,
'Look at this, dear. There's an article here about a man who traded his wife for a season ticket to Arsenal. You wouldn't do a thing like that,-would you?'
'Of course I wouldn't!' replied her husband. 'The season's almost over!'
What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common?
Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both.
What's a hipsters favorite season?
Summer, they like it before it's cool
So excited for the season finale of America
I hope there's another season though...
I just walked past White Hart Lane and found 3 Spurs season tickets nailed to a wall.
I thought of having them.
Nails always come in handy.
What did the soldier use to season his fries?
A salt rifle.
What did the sign say at the n**... beach during off season?
Sorry, were clothed.
There are only two seasons in Russia:
Winter and nuclear winter.
I lost a loved one recently and while I was sad at first, I'm okay with it now...
The wiki says they get brought back next season.
What did Donald Trump say on the season finale of Celebrity President?
"Nuclear missiles ... you're fired!"
Jon Snows going to feel itchy during the GOT season finale!
What else would you expect with aunts in your pants?
If you ever have trouble spelling the word "Christmas" this holiday season, just remember:
There's Noël.
Guys, please don't drink and drive this holiday season!
If you want to drive safely we can help.
Please call us. We have senior experienced people of all ages
Our volunteers will come and drink for you so you can drive safely
Some of us live thousands of miles away from most of our relatives and can't be with them this holiday season...
... Please don't be jealous
I couldn't figure out why the season of The Apprentice I was watching was going on for so long. Each week someone gets fired, but we never seem to get down to the final winner!
Then I realized, I was just watching CNN.
Why did the EA executive cross the road?
Buy the DLC to find out!
Alternate ending available if you purchase the season pass!
my friend just started dating a girl called Rosemary
I don't know what he season her
What kind of car does one drive in the fall season?
An autumnobile. (I made this joke when I was a kid, but it's OC, so...)
The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…
Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful!"
Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"
Summer rays, "Yes, but I am undoubtably the overall best season! Girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that!"
Autumn ~ *-leaves-*
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing
out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will
cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
How much for a season pass?
This season of Earth is not realistic
So many plot holes. Like, where did the m**... hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?
I'm feeling Lost.
I hope this virus gets cleared up before tick season...
Or else we'll have Corona with Lyme
How do you survive a fall without a parachute?
Just like any other season
Quarantine is like a Netflix series
When you think it's over, another season gets released
I hope this pandemic is over before tick season starts...
Then it'll be corona and lyme.
It's flu season and I just saw 3 homeless people caring for each other.
They were giving each other flu shots under the overpass. What a caring community we live in God Bless.
As they say during election season in Transylvania...
Every Count Votes
Four Seasons Total Landscaping
I'm not ready to stop laughing.
PSA: Police are warning against large amounts of fake $1 bills this holiday season
Look out for hot singles in your area.
Seasonal Affective Disorder
More like Fall Damage, mirite?
I hear that Bambi has been in mourning since the conclusion of last hunting season.
He lost a deer friend.
Company Picnic Softball Tournament
At our annual company picnic, the advertising department always played a game of softball with the editorial department. This year the ad dept. won ,9-4. But on the company bulletin board the next morning was the following notice. The Editorial Dept. is proud to announce that upon the conclusion of this year's softball tournament, we finished in second place overall, having lost only one game the entire season. We would also like to take this opportunity to offer our condolences to the Ad Dept.'s team for finishing next to last, having won only one game during the entire year.
Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....
The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?
Why does Warsaw get nervous during its neighbor's election season?
Because of Germans rushing to the polls!
As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season...
I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
How does Jimmy season his world before eating it?
It just takes some thyme
halloween joke
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Ah, October! Almost time for Halloween. This season reminds me of how I met my wife. I went to a costume party, and saw her across the room. Standing there all thin and tall and gorgeous next to her fat friend. They'd come to the party together dressed as the number ten," he tells the bartender. "That's when I knew, she was the one."
What do you call a gang of ghosts?
A hauntourage ~
happy spooky season haha
Eggs Benedict
A man goes to breakfast during the Christmas season. He orders eggs Benedict from the server since it's the special.
The server returns several minutes later with the dish, steaming on a an old metal hubcap from a car.
What's the meaning of this? The man exclaims.
It's the holiday special, replied the waiter. There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
Who changes the season when Summer is over?
No one, it happens Autumnatically.
I can't believe it's omicron season already
I still have my delta decorations up.
David Benioff and Dan Weiss wrote this joke for the loyal viewers of the Game of Thrones series
Season 8
As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office
I'm on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.
What did the gardener do when he was excited for growing season?
He wet his plants.
Disney isn't making a second season of Obi-Wan Kenobi
Because there Kenobi-Wan.
Did you hear about the Netflix series Summer to Winter?
It never got a 5th season.
Boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office
Im on season 6 but I'm not really sure what its got to do with security.
Did you hear that the next season of Stranger Things will be shot in Australia?
The kids have to defeat a monster from the Right Way Up.
Holiday scams
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and hands over a few singles to pay for it. The bartender picks up the $1 bills and carefully scutinizes them, holding them up to the light. "What are you doing?" the guy asks. "There's a new scam going around this holiday season," the bartender replies. "People are passing around counterfeit $1 bills, so be careful. "So, what you're telling me is I should keep an eye out for hot singles in my area," the guy says.
A man goes to see a psychologist...
The man tells the doctor that he has a recurring nightmare in which two teams of rats play football.
The doctor said: 'Take this pill, and tonight the nightmare is gone.'
'I can't do that.' The other one said.
'Why not?' The doctor asked, puzzled.
With a grin on his face, he said: 'The final game of the season is tonight.'
Why is Pride month in the summer, rather than during the autumn season?
Because the Pride comes before the fall.
Whenever my wife makes kale, I season it with a nice garlic-infused honey.
It makes it easier to scrape into the garbage.
