Season Jokes
165 season jokes and hilarious season puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about season that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for something to spice up your conversations during any season of the year? Check out this list of season jokes that range from the four seasons, tax season, spooky season, holiday season, and WNBA season! Laugh along with these undefeated jokes that bring the fun to any situation.
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Funniest Season Short Jokes
Short season jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The season humour may include short winter jokes also.
- My wife just left me. She says life revolves around football and she's sick of it. I'm quite upset. We were together for 7 seasons.
- As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season... I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
- Some of us live thousands of miles away from most of our relatives and can't be with them this holiday season... ... Please don't be jealous
- What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran
- Why did the EA executive cross the road? Buy the DLC to find out!
Alternate ending available if you purchase the season pass! - Just been talking to an old guy, ex-soldier. He explained to me he had been exposed to mustard gas and pepper spray, it was nice chatting to a seasoned veteran.
- Garlic powder $5.99. steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99. Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless
- How many game of thrones seasons does it take to change a lightbulb? Eight, if you want to screw it completely.
- A tv show about the earth would be really boring It would just be the same 4 seasons over and over again being rerun.
- In Canada, we don't call the homeless homeless... We call them "three seasoners".
They don't make it through the fourth.
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Season One Liners
Which season one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with season? I can suggest the ones about semester and phase.
- How do you survive a fall without a parachute? Just like any other season
- There are only two seasons in Russia: Winter and nuclear winter.
- How does Jimmy season his world before eating it? It just takes some thyme
- People say I don't have friends They're wrong.
I have 10 seasons on DVD - Why did the winter solstice go to therapy? It had a case of seasonal dis-order.
- What is a mattress' favorite season? Spring.
- What did the soldier use to season his fries? A salt rifle.
- Why did the solstice get a job as an acrobat? It wanted to "flip" the season.
- My dad is a rugged ex-Marine with a salt-and-pepper beard... He's a seasoned veteran.
- Why is it always so sunny in Firefly and Serenity? Because they only have one season.
- So excited for the season finale of America I hope there's another season though...
- What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use? A salt rifle.
- As they say during election season in Transylvania... Every Count Votes
- Minnesota has 4 seasons Almost winter, winter, almost summer, and road construction.
- my friend just started dating a girl called Rosemary I don't know what he season her
Holiday Season Jokes
Here is a list of funny holiday season jokes and even better holiday season puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call two spices saying hello to each other during the holidays? Seasons greetings
- If you ever have trouble spelling the word "Christmas" this holiday season, just remember: There's Noël.
- The holiday season is coming up. Every year I make my parents something. I make them disappointed.
- What's the difference between a fedora and a fedina? "A fedina? What's a fedina?"
"*a-Spaghetti and meatballs!*"
Try it out. Just try it. This holiday season. - A sales assistant advised me on the liquor to buy for the holiday season recently She was my spirit guide.
- In this holiday season I really gotta give a shout out to those who've always been around for me. Mr. Chen and his family at the restaurant.
- With the Holiday Season right around the corner The Transvestites of America Union would like to remind you to eat, drink, and be Mary.
- Looking for a cheap gift this holiday season? Why not buy a senator???
- We should all be thanking Subway for their humanitarian efforts this holiday season... ...as their former spokesperson, Jared, touched many children...
- Thought I would do something admirable this holiday season and donate a kidney but I got nothing but grief from the Salvation Army bell ringer who's bucket I was trying to shove it in
Winter Season Jokes
Here is a list of funny winter season jokes and even better winter season puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the snowman apply for a job on the winter solstice? It wanted to work during its peak season.
- What are the four seasons called in New England? Almost winter, Winter, Still winter, and 3 months of bad sledding.
- Did you hear about the Netflix series Summer to Winter? It never got a 5th season.
- Fun fact: All of the seasons were named after coils of metal.
Except for summer and winter. And fall. - What are the only two seasons in Michigan? Winter and road construction.
- The fifth season will start in a few days Nuclear Winter
- Spring, winter, summer, or autumn? the best seasons for chefs are.. Salt and Pepper
- What's the worst part about delivering salt in the winter The work is only seasonal
- Everyone else has 4 seasons to look forward to: Sping, Summer, Fall, & Winter We Seniors have only 1 season: Fall
- I have seasonal depression I'm depressed in the spring, summer, fall and winter
Fall Season Jokes
Here is a list of funny fall season jokes and even better fall season puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was at the playground and fell off the swings. A nearby kid instead of helping asked, "What season is it? Fall?"
- Seasonal Affective Disorder More like Fall Damage, mirite?
- I'm in a gaming clan and our favorite season is Autumn We're the Fall Guys
- If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone's favorite season? Fall.
- McCormick spices are at a huge risk The company has a lot of intellectual property with its CEO, if he were to say fall down the stairs and die,
It would be a season-ending injury - What is Gamora's favorite season? Fall.
- What is Sherlock's favorite season? Fall...
- For Humans, fall is a beautiful, colourful season. but plants chill just shave all the season.
- Everyone's bummed Summer is ending, but I like the Fall! It's one of my top four favorite seasons.
- Chuck Norris has sneezing allergies in the mid-to-late fall.
This time is typically referred to as hurricane season.
Season Fall Jokes
Here is a list of funny season fall jokes and even better season fall puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What season dose Humpty Dumpty hate the most? The Fall.
- Which season do people get hurt the most? Fall
- What is potential energy's favourite season? Summer, because it comes before fall
- For the rest of the Fall season, every person named Adam should be called Odam
Tax Season Jokes
Here is a list of funny tax season jokes and even better tax season puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does the National Football League deserve Tax-Exempt Status even though it generated at least $9 billion in revenue last season? Because it is just as real as the other religions.
- I'm glad that I learned about parallelograms in HS math instead of how to do my tax return. It comes in so handy during parallelogram season.
- Tax season She said she wants me to do her like I do my taxes. I replied, sorry I'm not intuit...
- The Queen is accused of tax fraud. Netflix cancels The Crown's new season.
Quirky and Hilarious Season Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about season you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean series jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make season pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a t**... and a redsox season ticket holder have in common?
Both have a great place to go but at a terrible time.
It's the first day for a fraternity...
It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.
One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?
Deer Season
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men died on Christmas Eve...
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The p**... replied, "These are Carols".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas time. v**... and wine.
Children indulging in serious crime. With dad on the w**... and mum's high on crack. Christmas is special when your family is black!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wanted to volunteer and do something good this holiday season...
So I helped these dyslexic kids write letters to Satan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I used to play football for j**... Sandusky.
I started out as a tight end but finished the season as a wide receiver.
Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team?
They were truly ruthless.
Some (eye-rolling) Chemistry Pick-up Lines for the Valentine's season
* Are you made of Carbon? Because it feels like my world revolves around you.
* You're my Lithium.
* Are you an anion? Because I'm positive we're meant to be together.
* My heart is made of Gallium. It melts when you're close to me.
* Are you Fluorine? Because i can't seem to get myself away from you.
* My heart burns like a mole of suns for you.
* If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put U and I together.
* Who needs Hydrogen if you're my #1?.
* I can feel a bond forming between us.
Any others would be appreciated
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Both Golf
"Honey, I have a confession to make," a guy told his bride. "I'm a golf nut. You'll never see me on weekends during golf season. "
"Well, dear," she murmured. "I have a confession to make too. I'm a h**.... "
"No big deal," replied the groom. "Just keep your head down and your left arm straight! "
What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
Spring time :D
I'm not funny (._.)
Que dijo la persona que estaba callendo de un edificio muy muy alto en diciembre?
Feliz gravidad!
(Translation: What did the person falling from the very very tall building in december say?
Happy Gravity!)
So to celebrate the Halloween season...
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
What's the worst part about season 1 of Lost?
The *pilot* episode.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Someone please explain this joke to me
In Season 2 of the show Louie, (about Louie c**...), he's walking around his apartment and he looks down and see's a homeless man. Suddenly, a black limo pulls up to the homeless man, pulls him in, then they drop a different homeless man on the curb to stand there for the same thing.
Can someone explain this to me?
Did you hear about Nursing Home Sports League
Everyone gets atrophy at the end of the season.
Ol' Russian joke
Comrade Stalin approaches a farmer and asks :
"Comrade, how many potatoes have we grown this season?"
"Enough to reach God, comrade!" Replied the farmer.
"But there is no God" said Stalin
"Ah, said the farmer, as there are no potatoes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was at the football game the other day...
It was the biggest game of the season, and all the seats were taken. Because of this, my buddies had to sit further away from me
I looked over and saw the two seats to my left were empty. Curious, I asked the guy beside the empty seats if anyone was coming for them.
"My wife was supposed to come, but she passed away recently," he replied.
I apologized and offered my condolences. "And the other empty seat?" I asked him.
"My best friend was supposed to come with us," he answered. I asked him why his best friend didn't come.
The man replied, "Oh, he's at the f**...!".
It's the first day of high school...
...and the principal is giving an orientation to the freshmen class. He says "Welcome to high school! We have a few rules we must go over. First, men will use the men's locker room, and women will use the women's locker room. If anyone is caught in the other gender's locker room, it is a $20 dollar fine for a first offense, $30 for a second offense, $40 for a third, and so on. Any questions?"
A kid in the back stands up and asks "How much for a season pass?"
What award did Chewbacca win his first season as a professional athlete?
Wookie of the year.
I tried "Netflix and chill?" on my wife.
We're now on season 3 of Gilmore Girls.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Merry Christmas and Happy h**... idays to friends and oved ones c ose and far. B essings to you and yours this Yu e season.
This is my no-L greeting!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
LPT: Play the Game of Thrones theme tune before you have s**... if there is a risk of being overheard.
Got me and my SO through the recent family stay overs during the festive season.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A h**... and a priest walk into a spaceship...
It lasts for 1 season and a movie and everyone throws a fit when it won't come back.
The human cannonball informs the circus manager that he plans to retire at the end of season.
The distraught manager protests "Where am I going to find another employee of your caliber?"
Value of a season ticket!
A woman was reading a newspaper one morning and said A her husband,
'Look at this, dear. There's an article here about a man who traded his wife for a season ticket to Arsenal. You wouldn't do a thing like that,-would you?'
'Of course I wouldn't!' replied her husband. 'The season's almost over!'
What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common?
Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both.
What's a hipsters favorite season?
Summer, they like it before it's cool
If you need a distraction from the election there is a new American reality TV series starting soon.
It's called The White House. Apparently the lead actor has been given a 4 season contract.
I just walked past White Hart Lane and found 3 Spurs season tickets nailed to a wall.
I thought of having them.
Nails always come in handy.
Weather man "it's impossible to have every season all in one week"
Mother Nature: "Hold my beer"
What do Rick and Morty season 3 and my girlfriend have in common?
They both don't exist
Why is Ubisoft the worst gaming company in France?
Punchline only included in the season pass! Preorder now and get one of 26 randomly chosen bonus characters! 27th character included in Spanish version only.
I lost a loved one recently and while I was sad at first, I'm okay with it now...
The wiki says they get brought back next season.
It's allergy season. If my nose keeps running,
I'm going to have to buy it new shoes.
Game of Thrones is really getting out of hand...
Even websites are dying in the new season.
What did Donald Trump say on the season finale of Celebrity President?
"Nuclear missiles ... you're fired!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jon Snows going to feel itchy during the GOT season finale!
What else would you expect with aunts in your pants?
I asked my marine-biologist friend when is Whale Watching season?
He said ," Year round if you sign up for Tinder"
Chewbacca's son enters his first hockey season
Chewbacca's son enters his first hockey season this year. With his impressive skating abilities and the number of goals he scored...
Its no wonder he won the wookie of the year award.
Sorry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Had an issue with how the latest season of Game of Thrones ended:
Bit of an auntie c**... don't you think?
Last night my wife told me, "That was entertaining. I wish it was longer..."
"Now I have to wait another year until Stranger Things season 3"
Guys, please don't drink and drive this holiday season!
If you want to drive safely we can help.
Please call us. We have senior experienced people of all ages
Our volunteers will come and drink for you so you can drive safely
So we wont see season 8 of Game of Thrones until 2019
They're really dragon it out
I couldn't figure out why the season of The Apprentice I was watching was going on for so long. Each week someone gets fired, but we never seem to get down to the final winner!
Then I realized, I was just watching CNN.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently it's inappropriate for a group of white kids to put on a play of Aladdin, as it is racially insensitive and cultural appropriation. Possibly white washing.
I wonder if we'll see more Jews in Nativity Pageants come Christmas season this year.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was hosting a f**... for my goldfish, and my friend thought it was okay to ask "What herbs should I season which fish with?"
I told him "Come on dude, there's a thyme and plaice."
It's allergy season upon us, so remember to say "pika" before you sneeze
and if you forget, just say "bacca" after!
Have you heard about that documentary on the American school system?
Apparently it's called "Open Season"
My brother plays soccer for a team called the Musketeers
They've started the season well with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4 all.
I guess the Rams ended the Super Bowl the way they ended the season.
13-3.
The Tourist
An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time."
The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…
Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful!"
Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"
Summer rays, "Yes, but I am undoubtably the overall best season! Girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that!"
Autumn ~ *-leaves-*
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing
out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will
cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
How much for a season pass?
I can't believe it's riot season already
I still have my Covid decorations up
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This season of Earth is not realistic
So many plot holes. Like, where did the m**... hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story?
I'm feeling Lost.
What do the protesters season their food with?
Assault and pepper spray.
WNBA announces plan to play abbreviated 22-game season in Florida beginning in late July without fans in attendance.
Come on. Do I even have to type the punchline for this one?
I hope this virus gets cleared up before tick season...
Or else we'll have Corona with Lyme
For the 2020 NFL season, the players will no longer be allowed to keep chickens as pets.
It will be considered a personal fowl.
Quarantine is like a Netflix series
When you think it's over, another season gets released
It's flu season and I just saw 3 homeless people caring for each other.
They were giving each other flu shots under the overpass. What a caring community we live in God Bless.
David killed a man by accident...
Yet, they still sentenced him to death. when asked what was his last wish was, he asked for a banana. the jail man said sorry, its not banana season yet . I'll wait said David.
Four Seasons Total Landscaping
I'm not ready to stop laughing.
Did you hear about the first female NFL referee?
She threw a flag for something that happened last season.
A Russian family always ate very bland food. However, one day they invited their Mexican neighbor over for dinner. When little Ivan asked his Babushka while their food tasted so much more flavorful, she replied:
Jesus is the reason for the season.
