Seals Jokes
69 seals jokes and hilarious seals puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about seals that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you ready for a laugh? Check out these silly jokes about Navy Seals and the creatures they work with like seals, porpoises, and more. These jokes about the military branch and sea life will have you waddling with delight!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Seals Short Jokes
Short seals jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The seals humour may include short baby seal jokes also.
- What's chocolate's preferred pronouns? Her/she
I got an eye roll from the wife on this one. I guess that's the dad joke seal of approval. - A seal walks into a bar... The bartender asks, What would you like?
"Anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks." - A baby seal walks into a bar. Bar keep asks, "what do you want?"
The baby seal replies, "anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks." - Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything... Because you're at an all-time low.
(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day) - Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? Because he was looking for a tight seal. ;)
- Why is a seal with just one fin safe to swim in shark infested waters? Like everyone else, sharks know that if the seal is broken the food isn't safe to consume!
- after 3 weeks of lockdon I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself
- A baby seal walks into a bar... ... and says,"I'll have anything but a Canadian Club."
- Why can't seals be famous DJs? Because they're scared of club hits
- It's important to distinguish between a seal and a sealion. A sealion is just like a seal, but it's either gained or lost electrons.
Share These Seals Jokes With Friends
Seals One Liners
Which seals one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with seals? I can suggest the ones about navy seal and clubbing seal.
- Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral
As in
Without an ion - what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion? An electron.
- How do you turn a seal into a sea lion? Remove an electron.
- How is a walrus like Tupperware? They're both looking for a tight seal.
- Why did The Walrus go to a Tupperware party? He wanted to find a tight seal.
- What was the seal's favorite subject in school? ART ART ART!
- How does Voldemort seal his mail? With his Parceltongue. (...I'll see myself out)
- Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.
- What type of animals are put on envelopes? Seals.
- What do a walrus and a ziploc bag have in common? They both like a tight seal.
- How do you make a Sea Lion? You remove an electron from a Seal!
- What's the difference between a seal and a sealion? An electron or two
- What's a seal's favorite class? Art art art :)
- What do you call a dumb seal? An imbeseal
- What's a baby seals' least favourite drink? Canadian Club on the Rocks
Navy Seals Jokes
Here is a list of funny navy seals jokes and even better navy seals puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Heard a vintage 2011 today. The Navy Seals just invented a new drink, the "bin Laden". Two shots to the face and a splash of water.
- What's better than a talking dog? A spelling bee
What's better than a spelling bee?
A navy seal - Had a bet going with a friend over who would be the first to get those kids out of that cave, Elon Musk or the Navy SEALs... ...He said Elon Musk, I said it would be a Thai.
- How do you know if a guy was in the Navy SEALs? Don't worry, he'll tell you.
- What do you call a member of the armed forces in the north sea? A navy seal.
- What do you call a navy seal and a used defiblirator? An honorable discharge.
(Yah it's trash I know) - A marine, a navi seal and a Space Force.... Trumpfurine spaceman sitting by the fire.... well what are we going to call spaceforce people anyway?
- How many Navy Seals does it take to change a light bulb? Navy Seals don't change light bulbs. They only take 'em out.
- I'm a Navy Seal... Arf Arf
- Why did the Navy SEAL take a dump in the water hole? Because he was well-trained.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Seals Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about seals you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean seas jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make seals pranks.
My teacher put these onto our Word of the Day test in class today.
What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch? Chicken Spocks!
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
What is a polygon? A dead parrot!
Why do you make more money?
A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?"
The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."
A baby seal walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "What will you have?"
The seals says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."
Club Sandwiches...
...Not Seals
PETA sponsored a new hot spot to get money from partying rich and famous animal lovers.
It closed after one week. Apparently "Club Baby Seals" wasn't a good name for it.
What do Eskimos and Tupperware have in common?
They both like tight seals!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahaha, get it? Aaahahahhahaha. THEY BOTH LIKE TIGHT SEALS!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahhhaaaahad. I need to stop drinking.
Why don't seals like to party with Canadians?
Why don't seals like to party with Canadians?
Because they always go out clubbing.
U.S. Navy Seals just freed thousands of ISIS s**... slaves ...
All the goats have been moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their respective farmers.
I wanted to open a place where people could drink and go dancing. A portion of all proceeds would be donated to a nature reserve where threatened species could breed and raise their offspring in peace. But I had to close it down.
I really thought Club Baby Seals was going to be a bigger hit.
So I went clubbing last night...
Those seals didn't stand a chance.
I like bald eagles.
They taste almost just like baby seals.
As the navy seals burst into o**... bin ladens room in his pakistani compound, his last dying words forever wrung in the ears of the seals...
"It was just a prank bro"
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out o**... Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
Did you guys hear about the new sister game to club penguin?
Club baby seals
Seals
A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.
While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.
When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"
What animals are on legal documents?
Seals!!!!
I went clubbing once
Those baby seals never had a chance.
I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date.
But she wasn't really Inuit.
Why do seals swim in salt water?
Because if they swam in pepper water they'd do nothing but sneeze all day
Met a native Alaskan girl the other day. I asked her if all that stuff you see on the nature shows about Alaska is true How they hunt seals and eat whale blubber. She said yeah some ppl do that stuff. I asked her why she didn't
She said she's just not that Inuit.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
I'm sorry I made it up
Two baby seals are walking down the street.
One looks at the other and says, "God, I'm so sick of the club scene."
I got a job tending to baby seals once.
I got fired the first day for using a baseball bat. I guess they had a strict club only policy!
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp
Navy SEALs are the best canoers and make the best headshot photographs
Of some poor b**...'s head being blown off in the shape of a canoe.
Why do seals have trouble eating bread?
Because they're seal-iacs.
Why did the Walrus go to the Tupperware party?
He heard there was gonna be some tight seals there!
I don't get why Clubbing Seals is so controversial?
I mean, I'm kinda curious what sort of music they listen to?
Where do baby seals go for date night?
To the club
Why don't seals dance?
Because they don't like clubbing!
One from my granddad many years ago. "Why do seals have flat d**...?"
[Do an impression of a seal while clapping your hands near your groin]
Dad, name 5 animals living in the North Pole
Three seals and two penguins.
A bear walks onto a bar and orders a round of drinks.
I'd like 2 pints of Carlsberg, 2 pints of Stella and a packet of . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cheese and onion crisps.
The barman asks, "Why the big pause?"
The bear replies, "so I can rip apart seals"
What keeps the ocean from leaking out ?
The seals.
What animal was o**... bin-Laden afraid of?
SEALs
How do eskimos always know where to find the best Seals?
They use their inuition
