Seals Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Seals puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Seals

U.S. Navy Seals just freed thousands of ISIS sex slaves ...

All the goats have been moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their respective farmers.

What type of animals are put on envelopes?

Seals.

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?"

The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."

Why can't seals be famous DJs?

Because they're scared of club hits

It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.

Talk Abbottabad place to hide.

Heard a vintage 2011 today.

The Navy Seals just invented a new drink, the "bin Laden". Two shots to the face and a splash of water.

Seals

A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.

While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.

When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"

What do seals do when they need medical attention?

Sea kelp

A baby seal walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "What will you have?"
The seals says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."

I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date.

But she wasn't really Inuit.

As the navy seals burst into osama bin ladens room in his pakistani compound, his last dying words forever wrung in the ears of the seals...

"It was just a prank bro"

Why do seals swim in salt water?

Because if they swam in pepper water they'd do nothing but sneeze all day

Why did the Walrus go to the Tupperware party?

He heard there was gonna be some tight seals there!

I don't get why Clubbing Seals is so controversial?

I mean, I'm kinda curious what sort of music they listen to?

All seals live at the same elevation

Seal level

Met a native Alaskan girl the other day. I asked her if all that stuff you see on the nature shows about Alaska is true How they hunt seals and eat whale blubber. She said yeah some ppl do that stuff. I asked her why she didn't

She said she's just not that Inuit.

What do Eskimos and Tupperware have in common?

They both like tight seals!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahaha, get it? Aaahahahhahaha. THEY BOTH LIKE TIGHT SEALS!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahhhaaaahad. I need to stop drinking.

The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.

It was very carefully orca-strated.

My teacher put these onto our Word of the Day test in class today.

What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch? Chicken Spocks!

What animals are on legal documents? Seals!

What is a polygon? A dead parrot!

I wanted to open a place where people could drink and go dancing. A portion of all proceeds would be donated to a nature reserve where threatened species could breed and raise their offspring in peace. But I had to close it down.

I really thought Club Baby Seals was going to be a bigger hit.

So I went clubbing last night...

Those seals didn't stand a chance.

Where do baby seals go for date night?

To the club

Had a bet going with a friend over who would be the first to get those kids out of that cave, Elon Musk or the Navy SEALs...

...He said Elon Musk, I said it would be a Thai.

How do you know if a guy was in the Navy SEALs?

Don't worry, he'll tell you.

I got a job tending to baby seals once.

I got fired the first day for using a baseball bat. I guess they had a strict club only policy!

I went clubbing once

Those baby seals never had a chance.

Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?

It's almost like they do it on porpoise.

I'm sorry I made it up

Club Sandwiches...

...Not Seals

Did you guys hear about the new sister game to club penguin?

Club baby seals

PETA sponsored a new hot spot to get money from partying rich and famous animal lovers.

It closed after one week. Apparently "Club Baby Seals" wasn't a good name for it.

Two baby seals are walking down the street.

One looks at the other and says, "God, I'm so sick of the club scene."

I like bald eagles.

They taste almost just like baby seals.

Why do seals have trouble eating bread?

Because they're seal-iacs.

What animals are on legal documents?

Seals!!!!

Why don't seals like to party with Canadians?

Why don't seals like to party with Canadians?
Because they always go out clubbing.

What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common?

They both get clubbed by Norwegians...

What pastime are seals dying to participate in?

Clubbing

How many Navy Seals does it take to change a light bulb?

Navy Seals don't change light bulbs. They only take 'em out.

Navy SEALs are the best canoers and make the best headshot photographs

Of some poor bastard's head being blown off in the shape of a canoe.

Why do all these Hawaiian seals keep getting eels stuck in their shnozes?

No one nose.

Where do seals go on holiday?

Finland

(Happy Independence Day, Finland)

Why is the north pole of a magnet red?

Because they don't have seals on the south pole

Takes a while to get, but it's worth it in the end.

Why do seals swim in saltwater?

because the high salt content of ocean water makes it "sealion" solution

Why do seals in Canada hate partying?

They are afraid of **Clubs**

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes