Sealed Jokes
35 sealed jokes and hilarious sealed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sealed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sealed Short Jokes
Short sealed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sealed humour may include short locked jokes also.
- What's chocolate's preferred pronouns? Her/she
I got an eye roll from the wife on this one. I guess that's the dad joke seal of approval. - A seal walks into a bar... The bartender asks, What would you like?
"Anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks." - A baby seal walks into a bar. Bar keep asks, "what do you want?"
The baby seal replies, "anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks." - Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything... Because you're at an all-time low.
(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day) - Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? Because he was looking for a tight seal. ;)
- Why is a seal with just one fin safe to swim in shark infested waters? Like everyone else, sharks know that if the seal is broken the food isn't safe to consume!
- after 3 weeks of lockdon I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself
- A baby seal walks into a bar... ... and says,"I'll have anything but a Canadian Club."
- Why can't seals be famous DJs? Because they're scared of club hits
- It's important to distinguish between a seal and a sealion. A sealion is just like a seal, but it's either gained or lost electrons.
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Sealed One Liners
Which sealed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sealed? I can suggest the ones about wrapped and bound.
- Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral
As in
Without an ion - what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion? An electron.
- How do you turn a seal into a sea lion? Remove an electron.
- How is a walrus like Tupperware? They're both looking for a tight seal.
- Why did The Walrus go to a Tupperware party? He wanted to find a tight seal.
- What was the seal's favorite subject in school? ART ART ART!
- How does Voldemort seal his mail? With his Parceltongue. (...I'll see myself out)
- Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.
- What type of animals are put on envelopes? Seals.
- What do a walrus and a ziploc bag have in common? They both like a tight seal.
- How do you make a Sea Lion? You remove an electron from a Seal!
- What's the difference between a seal and a sealion? An electron or two
- What's a seal's favorite class? Art art art :)
- What do you call a dumb seal? An imbeseal
- What's a baby seals' least favourite drink? Canadian Club on the Rocks
Delightful Fun Sealed Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about sealed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean opened jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sealed pranks.
A bounty hunter rides into town with a completely sealed box.
He goes up the the mayor, holds up the bounty, and says, I've got your bandit just as you requested 'dead and alive'.
The mayor says, not 'dead AND alive', 'dead OR alive'.
The bounty hunter looks at the bounty and then at the box and then at the mayor, and says, I guess we should open the box then.
A man stood outside of his house after a bitter divorce and he noticed a crate of beer bottles.
He took out an empty bottle and smashed it onto the wall swearing, "you are the reason I don't have a wife.
He smashed the second bottle, "you are the reason I don't have children".
He smashed the third bottle, "you are the reason I don't have a job".
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and full of beer and he said to the bottle, "you stand aside, I know you were not involved".
The Priest and the Altar Boy
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'
Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?
To stop it from falling out.
I like my women like I like my coffee
Weak, cold, and in a sealed container.
A boy goes into confession...
The boy tells the priest, "Father I'm afraid I've been with a loose girl."
"Hmm, ok son, what was the girls name?"
"Oh I can't say."
"Was it Mary Jane?"
"No Father."
"Adalina Mozarelli?"
"My lips are sealed."
"How about Cindy King"
"I can never say."
"Oh come on boy, I'll find out soon enough. It was Tina King wasn't it!?"
"No."
"It has to be Tracy Cummings though!"
"Father I will never tell you."
"Ok fine, but for your sin you can't be alter boy for four months."
"Ok, Father"
The boy leaves and his friend asks, "So what'd you get?"
The boy responds, "Five good leads, and a four month vacation!"
I once met a girl who confused a tube of k**... Jelly with super glue
I asked her how it happened, but sadly her lips were sealed.
How do you escape from a windowless bunker with a sealed vault door using only a rubber band and a puddle of water?
1).Look into the puddle and see what you saw.
2). Pick up the saw and cut the rubber band in half
3).Pick up the 2 halves of the rubber band.
4). 1 half plus 1 half equals 1 whole.
5). Use the whole on the door and escape.
Glue-sniffing drug addicts
A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.
But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.
"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
"Don't worry," replied another. "His lips are sealed."
A woman accidently used glue for lubricant...
After she told her best friend about the mix up, the friend said: "This story stays between us, the less people that know about this the better."
The woman nodded in agreement... "Yeah that's right, my lips are sealed."
Accidentally used superglue instead of s**... l**...
Now my girl won't even speak to me. Guess you could say her lips are sealed.
I once knew a girl who confused a tube of k**... jelly...
for a tube of super glue. I asked her how it happened... her lips were sealed.
What might an ignoramus give as an accurate response to not encountering a sealed glassware container they had purchased from a consumable goods proprietor and believing to have deposited it in a specific location only to be greeted by the dismay that is in fact not within the immediate vicinity?
Jar gone
One time I ate glue, and I didn't tell anyone about it.
My lips were sealed.
After the old mine shut down they sealed it up with a behind a big door
They hung a sign on it that read "out of ore door"
I like my women like I like my mail.
Licked, sealed, and usually comes from my friends.
Stevie Wonder was signed, sealed, delivered.
It must have been a blind bag.
Breaking news: Disaster at packaging convention
Their Fète was sealed.
The year 2089
Its the year 2089 and humanity has found something that has infinite air sealed within it they call it:Lay's chip bags
I Like My Women Like I Like My Whiskey
Sealed in an oak barrel for 7 years.
