Seal Jokes
137 seal jokes and hilarious seal puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about seal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ready for a laugh? Check out these hilarious jokes about navy seals, baby seals, elephant seals, and more! With puns and funny one-liners, you can flex your comedy muscle and flipper your way to a good time.
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Funniest Seal Short Jokes
Short seal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The seal humour may include short sea animal jokes also.
- What's chocolate's preferred pronouns? Her/she
I got an eye roll from the wife on this one. I guess that's the dad joke seal of approval. - A seal walks into a bar... The bartender asks, What would you like?
"Anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks." - Why is a seal with just one fin safe to swim in shark infested waters? Like everyone else, sharks know that if the seal is broken the food isn't safe to consume!
- after 3 weeks of lockdon I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself
- It's important to distinguish between a seal and a sealion. A sealion is just like a seal, but it's either gained or lost electrons.
- I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits, but had to take them back as the seal was broken...
- Heard a vintage 2011 today. The Navy Seals just invented a new drink, the "bin Laden". Two shots to the face and a splash of water.
- I bought a box of animal crackers yesterday... I was about to open it and the box read "Do not eat if seal is broken".
Well I opened it up and sure enough... - Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers? To stop it from falling out.
- I tried to take a girl out to hunt seals for a first date. But she wasn't really Inuit.
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Seal One Liners
Which seal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with seal? I can suggest the ones about seagull and sea shell.
- Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral
As in
Without an ion - what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion? An electron.
- How do you turn a seal into a sea lion? Remove an electron.
- How is a walrus like Tupperware? They're both looking for a tight seal.
- What was the seal's favorite subject in school? ART ART ART!
- How does Voldemort seal his mail? With his Parceltongue. (...I'll see myself out)
- Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.
- What type of animals are put on envelopes? Seals.
- What's a baby seals' least favourite drink? Canadian Club on the Rocks
- A baby seal walks into a bar... ... and says,"I'll have anything but a Canadian Club."
- Why can't seals be famous DJs? Because they're scared of club hits
- What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job? The seal of approval.
- Why did a seal go to the bar? .... Because he didn't want to go clubbing.
- What do seals do when they need medical attention? Sea kelp
- What's a seal's favorite social activity? Clubbing...
I'm so sorry
Clubbed Seal Jokes
Here is a list of funny clubbed seal jokes and even better clubbed seal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I tried telling a seal clubbing joke to someone from Iqaluit... but they were having Nunivut.
- I don't get why Clubbing Seals is so controversial? I mean, I'm kinda curious what sort of music they listen to?
- A Baby Seal Walks Into a Bar, Goes up to the bar and the barkeep asks, 'What would you like?'
Baby Seal says, 'Anything but a Canadian Club on the Rocks.' - A baby seal walked into a club.
- I had this really great seal clubbing joke I was telling my friend from Iqaluit last week... but they were having Nunavut.
- Why don't seals dance? Because they don't like clubbing!
- What is a seal's favorite drink? Club soda
- So I went clubbing last night... Those seals didn't stand a chance.
- Where do baby seals go for date night? To the club
- The singer Seal walks into a club. Good thing he wasn't a baby.
Baby Seal Jokes
Here is a list of funny baby seal jokes and even better baby seal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have seen this one on here before but nobody ever gets it right... A baby seal walks into a club
-
What a tragedy.... - I got a job tending to baby seals once. I got fired the first day for using a baseball bat. I guess they had a strict club only policy!
- What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baby polar bear? It will be a year before the baby polar bear kills its first seal.
- PETA sponsored a new hot spot to get money from partying rich and famous animal lovers. It closed after one week. Apparently "Club Baby Seals" wasn't a good name for it.
- Did you guys hear about the new sister game to club penguin? Club baby seals
- Two baby seals are walking down the street. One looks at the other and says, "God, I'm so sick of the club scene."
- I like bald eagles. They taste almost just like baby seals.
- What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common? They both get clubbed by Norwegians...
- What are our night clubs of today missing? Baby seals
- Been doing a lot of gay clubbing recently The baby seals put up less of a fight though...
Navy Seal Jokes
Here is a list of funny navy seal jokes and even better navy seal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's better than a talking dog? A spelling bee
What's better than a spelling bee?
A navy seal - Had a bet going with a friend over who would be the first to get those kids out of that cave, Elon Musk or the Navy SEALs... ...He said Elon Musk, I said it would be a Thai.
- How do you know if a guy was in the Navy SEALs? Don't worry, he'll tell you.
- What do you call a member of the armed forces in the north sea? A navy seal.
- What do you call a navy seal and a used defiblirator? An honorable discharge.
(Yah it's trash I know) - A marine, a navi seal and a Space Force.... Trumpfurine spaceman sitting by the fire.... well what are we going to call spaceforce people anyway?
- How many Navy Seals does it take to change a light bulb? Navy Seals don't change light bulbs. They only take 'em out.
- I'm a Navy Seal... Arf Arf
- Why did the Navy SEAL take a dump in the water hole? Because he was well-trained.
- The Thai Navy SEALS Have Rescued All The Boys... Asians really are good divers!
Howlingly Hilarious Seal Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about seal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sea lion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make seal pranks.
Animal Crackers
Please do not eat if the seal is broken.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a dumb seal?
An imbeseal
Why did the boy look at each and every one of the animal crackers?
Because his mother told him not to eat them if the "seal" was broken.
Credits to my school principal
My Dad told me this one tonight
What do tupperware and walruses have in common? They both like a tight seal
A penguin was driving along...
A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said "It'll be about an hour" so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said "looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replied "no, it's ice cream".
A penguin takes his car to the mechanic....
The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything...
Because you're at an all-time low.
(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)
I bought a box of animal crackers...
I bought a box of animal crackers and the label said, "Do not eat if seal is broken."
I open the box and sure enough...
Seal loses electron
Did you hear about the seal that lost an electron?
It's now a seal ion.
My Tylenol bottle says "DO NOT TAKE IF SEAL NOT PRESENT."
Does anyone know how to contact him?
n Eskimo was out for a drive
An eskimo is out for a drive one day when his car breaks down and is forced to call a mechanic. Finally the mechanic arrives and he sets to work, looking under the bonnet until he locates the problem. He looks up at the Eskimo and says, "You've blown a seal, mate" to which the Eskimo hastily replies, "No I haven't! That's just frost on my moustache."
I remember when I was a policemen and I was told to seal off an area
What do you get when you cross a polar bear and a seal?
A polar bear
I work for a company who specialises in vacuum packed marine mammals.
We're famous for our airtight seal.
I always have to throw out my animal crackers.
They always have that label: "Do not eat if seal is broken".
What did the man say after his wife was dragged off the beach by a seal?
Welp, seal ate her.
In a meeting at work today someone said they had purchased a company seal...
I asked if it does any tricks.
What do seal hunters and teens have in common?
They both love clubbin'
What do a gay dolphin and a car that leaks oil have in common?
Chances are, both have blown a seal
An Eskimo brings his SUV into the shop for repairs.
Mechanic says, "Let me take a look. I'll be with you in a few min." The Eskimo notices they have an ice cream parlor next door, so he heads over while he waits. When he returns to the auto shop, the mechanic stops him and says, "Well... You need a fan belt and it looks like you blew a seal." The Eskimo replies, "Nope. It's just ice cream."
A penguin brings his car into the shop
The mechanic says he needs an hour to check it out, so the penguin walks to 7-11 and buys an ice cream to kill the time. Since the poor guy's got no hands, he gets the ice cream all over his beak. When he's done he walks back into the shop, and the mechanic tells him "Well, it looks like you blew a seal." Penguin says "No, that's just a little ice cream"
An Eskimo took his snowmobile to the mechanic
The mechanic tells the Eskimo that diagnostics will take a couple of hours. The Eskimo walks around town while he waits.
When the Eskimo gets back to the shop, the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal".
The Eskimo says "No, I was eating ice cream"
A penguin goes to the mechanic
A penguin's car breaks down and he takes the car to the mechanic. The mechanic tells him to come back in an hour. The penguin goes wandering around town and he stumbles upon an ice cream store. He buys some ice cream and goes back to the mechanic.
The mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin responds "No, no, its just ice cream."
What do Canadians listen to when they go clubbing?
Seal
An eskimo wrecks her snowmobile
The eskimo takes her snowmobile in to be fixed. The mechanic checks it out and says "Looks like you blew a seal"
The eskimo replies "No, that's just frost on my scarf."
An Inuit man walks into a pet store...
An Inuit man walks into a pet store holding a dead, bloodied seal, he screams at the owner "SOMEONE HAS CLUBBED MY SEAL, I DEMAND A REFUND!" The owner looks at him and says, "Sorry, warranty void if seal is broken."
Why is a Seal just a neutral Sea Lion?
Because it doesn't have an *ion*
6 years ago today Seal Team Six took out Bin Laden
Tonight I am going to celebrate with a drink consisting of two shots and a splash of water.
How do we know there are no women in heaven?
Revelation 8:1 says: "And when he openeth the seventh seal, there came silence in the heaven about half-an-hour"
What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?
A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge
Why did the dolphin go to the Tupperwear store?
It was looking for a tight seal
Did you hear about the animal that pulled the girl into the water?
It was given the seal of approval.
What did the eskimo say when he found out that his pet seal had been stealing from his fish reserve?
"Inuit!"
Mother and son in Grocery store.
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing?" his mother asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained.
"I'm looking for the seal." - collected
What does a seal say about network switches?
ARP ARP ARP
What does a polar bear need to go through to publish a book ?
The seal of approbation.
What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark.
Do not consume if seal is broken
A man is arrested for killing a condor
A man is arrested for killing an endangered condor. Before the judge, the man says, "Your honor, I only killed the condor to feed my hungry family."
The judge says, "Well, I can't charge a man for feeding his family. And I'm curious so I'll let you off with a warning if you answer one question. What did it taste like?"
The man says, Somewhere between a bald eagle and a baby seal."
How NOT to cheer up your overweight girlfriend
My girlfriend was sad one day, and exclaimed "I look like a huge whale".
Being the compassionate caring man that I am, I said "no you don't, you're more like a medium-sized seal".
To my surprise she was not amused, or comforted.
What's the official color of Seal Team Six?
Aquamarine
Why did the walrus lick the envelope?
Because he was looking for a good seal.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level
Who authorizes all U.S. naval special operations?
The SEAL of approval.
When the little boys stuck in that cave in Thailand are rescued, there's definitely gonna be a movie. There's a ex US Navy Seal helping. They're gonna make the movie all about him
and have Scarlett Johansen playing one of the Thai boys.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was the real reason the Titanic broke in two as it sunk into the ocean?
TO SHOW YOU THE POWER OF FLEX SEAL, I SAWED THIS BOAT IN HALF!!!
Car broke down in Alaska
When the tow truck arrived the driver said It appears you blew a seal
Guy said no, that's just mayonnaise, I ate a sandwich while waiting
How do Marine Animals pass new Legislation?
They ask the Seal of Approval.
Why do seals have trouble eating bread?
Because they're seal-iacs.
A guys car broke down in Alaska.
A mechanic came by to look at it and said "looks like you blew a seal" the guy replies "no thats just frost on my moustache"
A cop pulled a car over, with a driver that matched a description of a thief. Turns out the guy was not too smart.
The cop had a basic description of the thief, but seeing the matching tattoo, would seal this guys fate. The tattoo would be located on the guys forearm.
The cop says, "show me your forearms"
The driver looks confused
The cop gets louder, "show me your forearms!!"
The driver looks confused, and says, "I only have two"
I found bottles of 'Walrus oil' during my woodworking class...
I asked if they meant Walnut... to which they said: "no, walrus oil gives the best seal!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One from my granddad many years ago. "Why do seals have flat d**...?"
[Do an impression of a seal while clapping your hands near your groin]
What do a tupperware collector and an eskimo have in common?
They both like a tight seal
The CDC is now recommending wearing TWO masks as a way to get a better seal around your nose and mouth.
It's also a good statistical approach to get the average American to wear ONE mask. (Sorry, that was a mean joke.)
An Asian doctor, SEAL, and astronaut walks into a bar
His name is Jonny Kim. Please don't let my mother know about him.
What did the seal with a paintbrush say?
Art art
A Penguin walked into a mechanic
Said, "there is an issue with my car." Mechanic said, "give me an hour I'll check it out, why don't you go across the street and get something to eat?"
The penguin walked across the street and ordered a large ice cream. Because of having no hands he just used his flippers. After about an hour the penguin walked back to the mechanic with the ice cream still all over his flippers and beak.
The mechanic said, "it looks like you blew a seal." Penguin said, "No no no! It's just ice cream."
