Seafood Jokes

Following is our collection of Seafood funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Seafood jokes

What is Hitler's favorite type of food?

Not Seafood

A man walks into a seafood shop carrying a trout under his arm.

"do you make fish cakes?"
"Yes we do" replies the fishmonger...
"Great" says the man, ït's his birthday"

A man walks into a seafood restaurant carrying a fish under his arm

He approaches the owner of the restaurant and says, Does your restaurant serve fish cakes?

The owner responds, Yes, of course!

And the man with the fish says, Good, because it's his birthday.

What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant?

It's a Cala-Mario!


I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.

The cast of the Matrix was having a barbeque

The seafood was fresh off the grill. Keanu Reeves tasted it and exclaimed "What is this! It's like charcoal!"

The cook turned and said "What if I told you...that's why they call me Laurence Fishburne"

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out

Play around

So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinner, a beautiful blonde woman comes wading out of the surf, wearing a full body wet suit. She approaches Joe and introduces herself "Hi, I'm Julie", Joe is so excited, all he can say "I'm Joe, and I've been stranded here alone for 10 years". "Wow" reply's Julie "10 years stranded here, I bet you'd like a cigarette" . "Would I ever" says Joe, and with that the young lady unzips a pocket on her sleeve, pulls out a pack of Marlboro reds, lights 2 and passes one to Joe. "Wow 10 years alone on this island" Julie repeats, "I bet you'd like a beer". "Would I ever" replies Joe, and with that the lady unzips a pocket on her leg, pulls out 2 cold Budweiser's, opens them and hands one to Joe. The young lady starts to seductively unzip the front of her wet suit, and says "Wow 10 years alone on this island, I bet you'd like to play around wouldn't you". "Would I ever" says Joe excitedly, "You got golf clubs in there?"

Did you hear about the oyster who was breakdancing at the seafood disco?

He ended up pulling a mussel

What kind of food can't blind people eat?

Seafood.

I didn't really want to go to the seafood buffet...

...but I just went for the halibut

Did you hear about that car that runs on seafood?

I heard it's very efishient

A man decides he wants to try the Boston seafood specialty of scrod

A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, "Do you know where I can get scrod around here?" "Sure," said the cabdriver. "I know a few places... but I can tell you it's not often I hear someone use the third-person pluperfect indicative anymore!"

Why can't blind people eat fish?

cuz it's seafood

What did the blind man use to cure his illness?

Seafood.

What's the only type of seafood that Sean Connery won't share?

Shelfish

A fight broke out at the seafood restaurant last night

Battered fish everywhere.

Just back from that seafood disco.

Pulled a mussel!

What did the policeman shout when he caught seafood thieves red-handed?

NOBODY MOVE A MUSCLE.

Today I got bored and went to a seafood restaurant... [OC- would like opinions]

Just for the halibut.

Sushi

...the rolls-rice of Asian seafood

That's the last time I eat seafood.

It made me feel a bit...eel.

Good seafood

A business man was flying back to Boston to attend a convention after having lived in the mid-west for a number of years. He was very much looking forward to having some fresh local seafood. On the way to his hotel in a taxi, he thought that since he had been away for so long that he'd have to ask the driver for a good restaurant recommendation.
"Hey buddy, where's a good place to get scrod around here?", he asked. The driver looked into the rear view mirror and replied, "I've heard it asked a lot of ways before, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive."

One time I told my blind Nana to go on a seafood diet...

She died a week later.

i went to a seafood disco once...

And I pulled a mussel.

What kind of monkey likes seafood?

A Shrimpanzee

All-u-can-eat seafood buffets are such a waste.

They're total overkrill.

The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish.

What happens when you eat too much seafood?

You begin to feel a little eel.

Why did the pervert get kicked out of the seafood restaurant?

Because she kept trying to feel everyone's mussels.

Dumb Nirvana Joke

I was gonna tell a Dumb Nirvana joke About a girl I knew named Polly that lived On a Plain. Her favorite drink was Pennyroyal tea with crackers and Mexican Seafood, she had a sliver in her finger and once had an Aneurysm at School but Nevermind that.

What do you call a seafood restaurant that generates its own power?

A fission-chips shop.

I went on a seafood diet recently, but it never seems to work out...

I see food, and I eat it.

The IRS is investigating a seafood company in Hawaii which dealt in mollusks

They suspect it of being a shell company being in fishy business

I am on a seafood diet

Every time I see food, I eat it.

A young woman starts choking on her seafood at a restaurant.

The man behind her says "Stand back! I'm a doctor!" and proceeds to use the Heimlich manoeuvre on her.

A whole small fish shoots out of her mouth and the woman finally gasps in a few breaths.

The doctor picks up the fish and says "What's a plaice like you doing in a girl like this?"

Ordering octopus at a restaurant

A man goes into a restaurant and he orders octopus from the seafood menu. The waiter says that's all right, but he has to warn the guest, it takes four hours to prepare.

"Why does it take so long to prepare octopus? Is it hard to cook?"
"Not really, but the octopuses keep turning down the gas."

confucius say when you take old hooker to all you can eat seafood

you walk away with a big bag of crabs

What's your mom's favorite seafood resturant?

Captain D's Nutz

Another dad joke

Dad: "What's the difference between seafood and pea soup?"

Kid: "Please... please don't."

Dad: "I can see food but I can't pee soup."

I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant...

...something smelled fishy.

How do you prepare musical seafood?

You tune a fish.

Why does Sean Connery hog all of the oysters at a seafood dinner?

Because it's shellfish.

What do Tinder and Seafood restaurants have in common?

Both are good places to find Catfish

Why are octopi easily duped when it comes to eating seafood?

They're suckers for sushi

Seafood

What is a Blowfish's favorite seafood?
Fishsticks.

What is a racist's favorite seafood dish?

Klu Klux Klam

Did you hear about the wimp at the seafood buffet?

He tried to pull an oyster from the serving tray, but ended up pulling a mussel.

What's the most comforting seafood?

Cuddlefish.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes