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Seafood Jokes

96 seafood jokes and hilarious seafood puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about seafood that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Tired of the same old seafood restaurant options? Spice things up with some seafood-related humor. Get ready for a laugh with these seafood jokes: from seafood boils to seafood chowder, seafood bisque to seafood allergy, even rawmen and scrod. Find out which ingredients make the funniest food jokes!

Funniest Seafood Short Jokes

Short seafood jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The seafood humour may include short shellfish jokes also.

  1. What do you call a belt made out of lobsters? A waist of good seafood
    I know it's bad but I heard it in a dream and had to share
  2. A man walks into a seafood shop carrying a trout under his arm. "do you make fish cakes?"
    "Yes we do" replies the fishmonger...
    "Great" says the man, ït's his birthday"
  3. Seafood for thought A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…
  4. What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant? It's a Cala-Mario!
    I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.
  5. Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS? They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.
  6. Did you hear about the oyster who was breakdancing at the seafood disco? He ended up pulling a mussel
  7. A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked a blonde waitress for a lobster tail. She smiled sweetly and said, * Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster… *
  8. My son was told to bulk up, so he eats seafood 5 times a week... ...because he needs those mussels.
  9. What did the policeman shout when he caught seafood thieves red-handed? NOBODY MOVE A MUSCLE.
  10. Today I got bored and went to a seafood restaurant... [OC- would like opinions] Just for the halibut.

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Seafood One Liners

Which seafood one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with seafood? I can suggest the ones about shrimp and sushi.

  1. What kind of food can't blind people eat? Seafood.
  2. I didn't really want to go to the seafood buffet... ...but I just went for the halibut
  3. Did you hear about that car that runs on seafood? I heard it's very efishient
  4. I'm on a no seafood diet to lose weight It's low crab.
  5. Why can't blind people eat fish? cuz it's seafood
  6. Why don't blind people eat sushi? Because they can't seafood
  7. Went to a seafood disco the other day Pulled a mussel
  8. What's the only type of seafood that Sean Connery won't share? Shelfish
  9. What did the blind man use to cure his illness? Seafood.
  10. A fight broke out at the seafood restaurant last night Battered fish everywhere.
  11. Just back from that seafood disco. Pulled a mussel!
  12. Went to an all you can eat seafood buffet last night... pulled a mussel
  13. That's the last time I eat seafood. It made me feel a bit...eel.
  14. Sushi ...the rolls-rice of Asian seafood
  15. One time I told my blind Nana to go on a seafood diet... She died a week later.

Seafood Restaurant Jokes

Here is a list of funny seafood restaurant jokes and even better seafood restaurant puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You guys hear about the fight that broke out at the seafood restaurant? Battered fish everywhere.
  • Why did the pervert get kicked out of the seafood restaurant? Because she kept trying to feel everyone's mussels.
  • What do you call a seafood restaurant that generates its own power? A fission-chips shop.
  • What do Tinder and Seafood restaurants have in common? Both are good places to find Catfish
  • What's the favorite seafood restaurant of the Chinese mafia? Red mobster
  • I visited a seafood restaurant that just opened up. I love that new gar smell.
  • I'm thinking of starting an Ayn Rand-themed seafood restaurant... In fact, I've already come up with a name for it:
    > The Virtue of *Shellfish*-ness
  • So there I was at my favorite seafood restaurant having dinner, and I told David, my favorite waiter, that TONIGHT I wanted my fish exactly how I like my wife... ..."Battered it is, sir."
  • I opened an alternative seafood restaurant... You otter try it!
  • Met a hot waitress at a Seafood Restaurant. She gave me c**....

Seafood Food Jokes

Here is a list of funny seafood food jokes and even better seafood food puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Yo mamma is on a seafood diet, when she see's food, she eats it.
  • I went on a seafood diet recently, but it never seems to work out... I see food, and I eat it.
  • I am on a seafood diet Every time I see food, I eat it.
  • Another dad joke Dad: "What's the difference between seafood and pea soup?"
    Kid: "Please... please don't."
    Dad: "I can see food but I can't pee soup."
  • Why didn't the bee want crab legs? He wanted bee-food, not seafood!
  • Hey, guys! Did you know we're all on a seafood diet? We see food, and we eat it.
  • I went to a seafood diner last night. I pulled a mussell.
  • Im on a seafood diet... Whenever I see food, I eat it.
  • What is h**...'s favorite type of food? Not Seafood
  • A guy told me he's on the seafood diet. If he sees food he eats it The other guy responded, I'm on the seaweed diet. If I see w**... I smoke it.
Seafood joke, A guy told me he's on the seafood diet. If he sees food he eats it

Seafood joke, A guy told me he's on the seafood diet. If he sees food he eats it

Comical & Quirky Seafood Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about seafood you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sea animal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make seafood pranks.

confucius say when you take old h**... to all you can eat seafood

you walk away with a big bag of c**...

i went to a seafood disco once...

And I pulled a mussel.

The cast of the Matrix was having a barbeque

The seafood was fresh off the grill. Keanu Reeves tasted it and exclaimed "What is this! It's like charcoal!"
The cook turned and said "What if I told you...that's why they call me Laurence Fishburne"
^I'll ^see ^myself ^out

Why does Sean Connery hog all of the oysters at a seafood dinner?

Because it's shellfish.

Do You Know A Good Place to Get Scrod?

A traveller who is a huge fan of seafood arrives in Boston for the first time. He leaves the airport and hails a cab. After he gets in, he excitedly says to the cabbie, "Hey, I'm new in town. Can you tell me a good place to go to get scrod?" The cabbie replies [in a thick Boston accent], "Pal, I've got to congratulate you. I've heard that question a lot over the years, but that's the first time I've ever heard it in the pluperfect subjunctive."

I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant...

...something smelled fishy.

What is a racist's favorite seafood dish?

Klu Klux Klam

What happens when you eat too much seafood?

You begin to feel a little eel.

Did you hear about the wimp at the seafood buffet?

He tried to pull an oyster from the serving tray, but ended up pulling a mussel.

A young woman starts choking on her seafood at a restaurant.

The man behind her says "Stand back! I'm a doctor!" and proceeds to use the Heimlich manoeuvre on her.
A whole small fish shoots out of her mouth and the woman finally gasps in a few breaths.
The doctor picks up the fish and says "What's a plaice like you doing in a girl like this?"

I went to a seafood disco

i pulled a muscle

What's your mom's favorite seafood resturant?

Captain D's Nutz

Dumb Nirvana Joke

I was gonna tell a Dumb Nirvana joke About a girl I knew named Polly that lived On a Plain. Her favorite drink was Pennyroyal tea with crackers and Mexican Seafood, she had a sliver in her finger and once had an Aneurysm at School but Nevermind that.

How do you prepare musical seafood?

You tune a fish.

What's the most comforting seafood?

Cuddlefish.

All-u-can-eat seafood buffets are such a waste.

They're total overkrill.

What kind of monkey likes seafood?

A Shrimpanzee

Why are octopi easily duped when it comes to eating seafood?

They're suckers for sushi

The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish.

The IRS is investigating a seafood company in Hawaii which dealt in mollusks

They suspect it of being a shell company being in fishy business

David Foster Wallace writes a simple seafood recipe...

1. This is water
2. Consider the lobster

A man walks into a seafood restaurant carrying a fish under his arm

He approaches the owner of the restaurant and says, Does your restaurant serve fish cakes?
The owner responds, Yes, of course!
And the man with the fish says, Good, because it's his birthday.

Ordering octopus at a restaurant

A man goes into a restaurant and he orders octopus from the seafood menu. The waiter says that's all right, but he has to warn the guest, it takes four hours to prepare.
"Why does it take so long to prepare octopus? Is it hard to cook?"
"Not really, but the octopuses keep turning down the gas."

A man walks into a seafood restaurant and was told they had Lobster Tails on offer for $1.

They must be small," he says.
"No, they're normal size," replies the waitress.
"Well they're old then."
"Fresh today," she answers.
"Then I'll have one," says the man, smiling.
The waitress takes him to table and he sits down.
"Once upon a time," she begins, "There was a big red lobster ..."

I wanted to open a new s**... Club that serves seafood.

Calling it Bass To Mouth

Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring

Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The attendant notices he only writes down one name, and asks why, to which Dexter replies:
"I'm just a shucker with no shellfish team"

What do you call a person who keeps all the seafood to themselves?

Shellfish

Seafood joke, You guys hear about the fight that broke out at the seafood restaurant?

jokes about seafood