Seafood Jokes

Tired of the same old seafood restaurant options? Spice things up with some seafood-related humor. Get ready for a laugh with these seafood jokes: from seafood boils to seafood chowder, seafood bisque to seafood allergy, even rawmen and scrod. Find out which ingredients make the funniest food jokes!

Comical & Quirky Seafood Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What's the only type of seafood that Sean Connery won't share?


confucius say when you take old h**... to all you can eat seafood

you walk away with a big bag of c**...

A man walks into a seafood shop carrying a trout under his arm.

"do you make fish cakes?"
"Yes we do" replies the fishmonger...
"Great" says the man, Γ―t's his birthday"

Today I got bored and went to a seafood restaurant... [OC- would like opinions]

Just for the halibut.

jokes about seafood

i went to a seafood disco once...

And I pulled a mussel.

The cast of the Matrix was having a barbeque

The seafood was fresh off the grill. Keanu Reeves tasted it and exclaimed "What is this! It's like charcoal!"

The cook turned and said "What if I told you...that's why they call me Laurence Fishburne"

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out

Why can't blind people eat fish?

cuz it's seafood

Seafood joke, Why can't blind people eat fish?

I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant...

...something smelled fishy.

I didn't really want to go to the seafood buffet...

...but I just went for the halibut

What happens when you eat too much seafood?

You begin to feel a little eel.

Did you hear about that car that runs on seafood?

I heard it's very efishient

You can explore seafood scrod reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean seafood fishmongers dad jokes. There are also seafood puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A young woman starts choking on her seafood at a restaurant.

The man behind her says "Stand back! I'm a doctor!" and proceeds to use the Heimlich manoeuvre on her.

A whole small fish shoots out of her mouth and the woman finally gasps in a few breaths.

The doctor picks up the fish and says "What's a plaice like you doing in a girl like this?"

Just back from that seafood disco.

Pulled a mussel!

What's your mom's favorite seafood resturant?

Captain D's Nutz

Dumb Nirvana Joke

I was gonna tell a Dumb Nirvana joke About a girl I knew named Polly that lived On a Plain. Her favorite drink was Pennyroyal tea with crackers and Mexican Seafood, she had a sliver in her finger and once had an Aneurysm at School but Nevermind that.

One time I told my blind Nana to go on a seafood diet...

She died a week later.

Seafood joke, One time I told my blind Nana to go on a seafood diet...

What is h**...'s favorite type of food?

Not Seafood

What kind of food can't blind people eat?


I am on a seafood diet

Every time I see food, I eat it.

What do you call a seafood restaurant that generates its own power?

A fission-chips shop.

Did you hear about the oyster who was breakdancing at the seafood disco?

He ended up pulling a mussel

I went on a seafood diet recently, but it never seems to work out...

I see food, and I eat it.


...the rolls-rice of Asian seafood

What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant?

It's a Cala-Mario!

I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.

How do you prepare musical seafood?

You tune a fish.

Why did the pervert get kicked out of the seafood restaurant?

Because she kept trying to feel everyone's mussels.

Seafood joke, Why did the pervert get kicked out of the seafood restaurant?

That's the last time I eat seafood.

It made me feel a bit...eel.

What did the blind man use to cure his illness?


All-u-can-eat seafood buffets are such a waste.

They're total overkrill.

What kind of monkey likes seafood?

A Shrimpanzee

Another dad joke

Dad: "What's the difference between seafood and pea soup?"

Kid: "Please... please don't."

Dad: "I can see food but I can't pee soup."

What did the policeman shout when he caught seafood thieves red-handed?


The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish.

The IRS is investigating a seafood company in Hawaii which dealt in mollusks

They suspect it of being a shell company being in fishy business

A man walks into a seafood restaurant carrying a fish under his arm

He approaches the owner of the restaurant and says, Does your restaurant serve fish cakes?

The owner responds, Yes, of course!

And the man with the fish says, Good, because it's his birthday.

A fight broke out at the seafood restaurant last night

Battered fish everywhere.

Ordering octopus at a restaurant

A man goes into a restaurant and he orders octopus from the seafood menu. The waiter says that's all right, but he has to warn the guest, it takes four hours to prepare.

"Why does it take so long to prepare octopus? Is it hard to cook?"
"Not really, but the octopuses keep turning down the gas."

A man walks into a seafood restaurant and was told they had Lobster Tails on offer for $1.

They must be small," he says.

"No, they're normal size," replies the waitress.

"Well they're old then."

"Fresh today," she answers.

"Then I'll have one," says the man, smiling.

The waitress takes him to table and he sits down.

"Once upon a time," she begins, "There was a big red lobster ..."

I'm on a no seafood diet to lose weight

It's low crab.

I wanted to open a new s**... Club that serves seafood.

Calling it Bass To Mouth

Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS?

They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.

Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring

Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The attendant notices he only writes down one name, and asks why, to which Dexter replies:

"I'm just a shucker with no shellfish team"

A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked a blonde waitress for a lobster tail.

She smiled sweetly and said, * Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster… *

Why don't blind people eat sushi?

Because they can't seafood

What do you call a person who keeps all the seafood to themselves?


My son was told to bulk up, so he eats seafood 5 times a week...

...because he needs those mussels.

Went to an all you can eat seafood buffet last night...

pulled a mussel

Went to a seafood disco the other day

Pulled a mussel

Seafood for thought

A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…

What do you call a belt made out of lobsters?

A waist of good seafood

I know it's bad but I heard it in a dream and had to share

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the seafood seafood food puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working seafood seafood restaurant piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes