Comical & Quirky Seafood Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What's the only type of seafood that Sean Connery won't share?
Shelfish
confucius say when you take old h**... to all you can eat seafood
you walk away with a big bag of c**...
A man walks into a seafood shop carrying a trout under his arm.
"do you make fish cakes?"
"Yes we do" replies the fishmonger...
"Great" says the man, ït's his birthday"
Today I got bored and went to a seafood restaurant... [OC- would like opinions]
Just for the halibut.
i went to a seafood disco once...
And I pulled a mussel.
The cast of the Matrix was having a barbeque
The seafood was fresh off the grill. Keanu Reeves tasted it and exclaimed "What is this! It's like charcoal!"
The cook turned and said "What if I told you...that's why they call me Laurence Fishburne"
^I'll ^see ^myself ^out
Why can't blind people eat fish?
cuz it's seafood
I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant...
...something smelled fishy.
I didn't really want to go to the seafood buffet...
...but I just went for the halibut
What happens when you eat too much seafood?
You begin to feel a little eel.
Did you hear about that car that runs on seafood?
I heard it's very efishient
You can explore seafood scrod reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean seafood fishmongers dad jokes. There are also seafood puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A young woman starts choking on her seafood at a restaurant.
The man behind her says "Stand back! I'm a doctor!" and proceeds to use the Heimlich manoeuvre on her.
A whole small fish shoots out of her mouth and the woman finally gasps in a few breaths.
The doctor picks up the fish and says "What's a plaice like you doing in a girl like this?"
Just back from that seafood disco.
Pulled a mussel!
What's your mom's favorite seafood resturant?
Captain D's Nutz
Dumb Nirvana Joke
I was gonna tell a Dumb Nirvana joke About a girl I knew named Polly that lived On a Plain. Her favorite drink was Pennyroyal tea with crackers and Mexican Seafood, she had a sliver in her finger and once had an Aneurysm at School but Nevermind that.
One time I told my blind Nana to go on a seafood diet...
She died a week later.
What is h**...'s favorite type of food?
Not Seafood
What kind of food can't blind people eat?
Seafood.
I am on a seafood diet
Every time I see food, I eat it.
What do you call a seafood restaurant that generates its own power?
A fission-chips shop.
Did you hear about the oyster who was breakdancing at the seafood disco?
He ended up pulling a mussel
I went on a seafood diet recently, but it never seems to work out...
I see food, and I eat it.
Sushi
...the rolls-rice of Asian seafood
What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant?
It's a Cala-Mario!
I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.
How do you prepare musical seafood?
You tune a fish.
Why did the pervert get kicked out of the seafood restaurant?
Because she kept trying to feel everyone's mussels.
That's the last time I eat seafood.
It made me feel a bit...eel.
What did the blind man use to cure his illness?
Seafood.
All-u-can-eat seafood buffets are such a waste.
They're total overkrill.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A Shrimpanzee
Another dad joke
Dad: "What's the difference between seafood and pea soup?"
Kid: "Please... please don't."
Dad: "I can see food but I can't pee soup."
What did the policeman shout when he caught seafood thieves red-handed?
NOBODY MOVE A MUSCLE.
The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,
that's shellfish.
The IRS is investigating a seafood company in Hawaii which dealt in mollusks
They suspect it of being a shell company being in fishy business
A man walks into a seafood restaurant carrying a fish under his arm
He approaches the owner of the restaurant and says, Does your restaurant serve fish cakes?
The owner responds, Yes, of course!
And the man with the fish says, Good, because it's his birthday.
A fight broke out at the seafood restaurant last night
Battered fish everywhere.
Ordering octopus at a restaurant
A man goes into a restaurant and he orders octopus from the seafood menu. The waiter says that's all right, but he has to warn the guest, it takes four hours to prepare.
"Why does it take so long to prepare octopus? Is it hard to cook?"
"Not really, but the octopuses keep turning down the gas."
A man walks into a seafood restaurant and was told they had Lobster Tails on offer for $1.
They must be small," he says.
"No, they're normal size," replies the waitress.
"Well they're old then."
"Fresh today," she answers.
"Then I'll have one," says the man, smiling.
The waitress takes him to table and he sits down.
"Once upon a time," she begins, "There was a big red lobster ..."
I'm on a no seafood diet to lose weight
It's low crab.
I wanted to open a new s**... Club that serves seafood.
Calling it Bass To Mouth
Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS?
They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.
Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring
Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The attendant notices he only writes down one name, and asks why, to which Dexter replies:
"I'm just a shucker with no shellfish team"
A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked a blonde waitress for a lobster tail.
She smiled sweetly and said, * Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster… *
Why don't blind people eat sushi?
Because they can't seafood
What do you call a person who keeps all the seafood to themselves?
Shellfish
My son was told to bulk up, so he eats seafood 5 times a week...
...because he needs those mussels.
Went to an all you can eat seafood buffet last night...
pulled a mussel
Went to a seafood disco the other day
Pulled a mussel
Seafood for thought
A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…
What do you call a belt made out of lobsters?
A waist of good seafood
I know it's bad but I heard it in a dream and had to share
