Seafood Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What is Hitler's favorite type of food?

Not Seafood

A man walks into a seafood shop carrying a trout under his arm.

"do you make fish cakes?"
"Yes we do" replies the fishmonger...
"Great" says the man, ït's his birthday"

What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant?

It's a Cala-Mario!


I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.

The cast of the Matrix was having a barbeque

The seafood was fresh off the grill. Keanu Reeves tasted it and exclaimed "What is this! It's like charcoal!"

The cook turned and said "What if I told you...that's why they call me Laurence Fishburne"

^I'll ^see ^myself ^out

Play around

So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinner, a beautiful blonde woman comes wading out of the surf, wearing a full body wet suit. She approaches Joe and introduces herself "Hi, I'm Julie", Joe is so excited, all he can say "I'm Joe, and I've been stranded here alone for 10 years". "Wow" reply's Julie "10 years stranded here, I bet you'd like a cigarette" . "Would I ever" says Joe, and with that the young lady unzips a pocket on her sleeve, pulls out a pack of Marlboro reds, lights 2 and passes one to Joe. "Wow 10 years alone on this island" Julie repeats, "I bet you'd like a beer". "Would I ever" replies Joe, and with that the lady unzips a pocket on her leg, pulls out 2 cold Budweiser's, opens them and hands one to Joe. The young lady starts to seductively unzip the front of her wet suit, and says "Wow 10 years alone on this island, I bet you'd like to play around wouldn't you". "Would I ever" says Joe excitedly, "You got golf clubs in there?"

Did you hear about the oyster who was breakdancing at the seafood disco?

He ended up pulling a mussel

What kind of food can't blind people eat?

Seafood.

I didn't really want to go to the seafood buffet...

...but I just went for the halibut

Did you hear about that car that runs on seafood?

I heard it's very efishient

A man decides he wants to try the Boston seafood specialty of scrod

A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, "Do you know where I can get scrod around here?" "Sure," said the cabdriver. "I know a few places... but I can tell you it's not often I hear someone use the third-person pluperfect indicative anymore!"

Why can't blind people eat fish?

cuz it's seafood

What did the blind man use to cure his illness?

Seafood.

What's the only type of seafood that Sean Connery won't share?

Shelfish

What did the policeman shout when he caught seafood thieves red-handed?

NOBODY MOVE A MUSCLE.

Just back from that seafood disco.

Pulled a mussel!

Today I got bored and went to a seafood restaurant... [OC- would like opinions]

Just for the halibut.

That's the last time I eat seafood.

It made me feel a bit...eel.

One time I told my blind Nana to go on a seafood diet...

She died a week later.

Good seafood

A business man was flying back to Boston to attend a convention after having lived in the mid-west for a number of years. He was very much looking forward to having some fresh local seafood. On the way to his hotel in a taxi, he thought that since he had been away for so long that he'd have to ask the driver for a good restaurant recommendation.
"Hey buddy, where's a good place to get scrod around here?", he asked. The driver looked into the rear view mirror and replied, "I've heard it asked a lot of ways before, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive."

Sushi

...the rolls-rice of Asian seafood

All-u-can-eat seafood buffets are such a waste.

They're total overkrill.

i went to a seafood disco once...

And I pulled a mussel.

What kind of monkey likes seafood?

A Shrimpanzee

What do you call a seafood restaurant that generates its own power?

A fission-chips shop.

Why did the pervert get kicked out of the seafood restaurant?

Because she kept trying to feel everyone's mussels.

Dumb Nirvana Joke

I was gonna tell a Dumb Nirvana joke About a girl I knew named Polly that lived On a Plain. Her favorite drink was Pennyroyal tea with crackers and Mexican Seafood, she had a sliver in her finger and once had an Aneurysm at School but Nevermind that.

What happens when you eat too much seafood?

You begin to feel a little eel.

A young woman starts choking on her seafood at a restaurant.

The man behind her says "Stand back! I'm a doctor!" and proceeds to use the Heimlich manoeuvre on her.

A whole small fish shoots out of her mouth and the woman finally gasps in a few breaths.

The doctor picks up the fish and says "What's a plaice like you doing in a girl like this?"

I am on a seafood diet

Every time I see food, I eat it.

I went on a seafood diet recently, but it never seems to work out...

I see food, and I eat it.

confucius say when you take old hooker to all you can eat seafood

you walk away with a big bag of crabs

Another dad joke

Dad: "What's the difference between seafood and pea soup?"

Kid: "Please... please don't."

Dad: "I can see food but I can't pee soup."

What's your mom's favorite seafood resturant?

Captain D's Nutz

How do you prepare musical seafood?

You tune a fish.

I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant...

...something smelled fishy.

Why does Sean Connery hog all of the oysters at a seafood dinner?

Because it's shellfish.

Why are octopi easily duped when it comes to eating seafood?

They're suckers for sushi

What do Tinder and Seafood restaurants have in common?

Both are good places to find Catfish

Why didn't the bee want crab legs?

He wanted bee-food, not seafood!

Did you hear about the wimp at the seafood buffet?

He tried to pull an oyster from the serving tray, but ended up pulling a mussel.

What's the most comforting seafood?

Cuddlefish.

What is a racist's favorite seafood dish?

Klu Klux Klam

Do You Know A Good Place to Get Scrod?

A traveller who is a huge fan of seafood arrives in Boston for the first time. He leaves the airport and hails a cab. After he gets in, he excitedly says to the cabbie, "Hey, I'm new in town. Can you tell me a good place to go to get scrod?" The cabbie replies [in a thick Boston accent], "Pal, I've got to congratulate you. I've heard that question a lot over the years, but that's the first time I've ever heard it in the pluperfect subjunctive."

I like my women like I like my seafood

Full of crabs

I remember when I was a kid...

... I was only about 10 years old and my grandmother took me out for a wonderful seafood meal. I'll never forget it.

A great mussell memory.

I went to a seafood disco

i pulled a muscle

TIFU By forgetting my wife was allergic to seafood when I got her supper from Subway

Woops, wrong Sub.

What are the funniest seafood jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Seafood? Well, here are the best Seafood puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Seafood pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes