sea Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious sea puns

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

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Did you know that Iceland...

...is only one sea away from Ireland?

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My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh

Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.

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A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...

Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."

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Dating is a lot like fishing

Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

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I once met a girl with a tattoo of a conch on her inner thigh

When I put my ear to it I could smell the sea

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A woman is walking her dog along the pier

When suddenly the dog slips and falls in to the rough sea below. Distraught, she begins to scream for help as the waves drag the dog deeper and deeper. Out of nowhere a German man dives in, brings it ashore, resuscitates it and the dog gets up as if nothing has happened. The woman, who is incredibly thankful to the man says Thank you so so much, you've saved my dogs life, are you a vet?? to which the German man replies VET??? I'M FUCKING SOAKING

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Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion

Neutral

As in

Without an ion

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Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea

Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.

Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.

Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.

Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil Hitler! Is the war over?

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A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles.

The librarian asks "hard back?"

The guy replies "yeah little heads too."

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I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda.

When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

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When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea

Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...

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I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.

Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

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They say that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

But until I catch one, I'm just going to be sitting here, holding my rod.

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How do you turn a seal into a sea lion?

Remove an electron.

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An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck!

I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

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The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly

Sherman marched to the sea

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My girlfriend has a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh.

When you put your ear on it, you can smell the ocean.

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Call me a racist if you want, but the other side of the border is a sea of violence, corruption, and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a twenty-foot pole.

I'm so fucking glad I live in Canada.

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My wife is so ugly...

she walked past the walrus enclosure at Sea World, and her iPhone X unlocked itself.

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Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing...

There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one.

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DIVING WITHOUT EQUIPMENT

Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

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When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee..

..That's a moray..

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How does a pirate greet a sea monster?

What's Kraken?

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AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle

Oops, wrong sub.

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I used to think an ocean of soda existed.

Turns out it was just Fanta sea.

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Last night I dreamed the oceans were made of orange soda.

But it was just a Fanta sea.

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They say when you find a sea shell, pick it up, and put it to your ear, you can hear the ocean. Do you know why that is?

Cause you're on the fuckin beach.

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What do sea monsters like to eat?

Fish and ships

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How do mermaids give birth?

A sea section.

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What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Most people think it's the Arrr, but it really be the sea.

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Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal?

Do not accept if seal is broken.

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What did the sea say to the river?

You can run but you can't tide!

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The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men.

They are sending them out to sea.

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Have you ever noticed that Ireland is just one sea away from....

Iceland

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What are the most funny Sea jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Sea? Well, here are the best Sea dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Sea pick up lines to share with friends.

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