Sea Jokes
167 sea jokes and hilarious sea puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sea that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make the seaside your laugh-out-loud destination with these hilarious sea jokes. From puns about salty seashores to quips about gulls and sails, you'll have the perfect pick-me-up to your day. Laugh along with the best jokes about the Red and Dead Sea, as well as other sea-related topics.
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Funniest Sea Short Jokes
Short sea jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sea humour may include short seashore jokes also.
- This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.
- Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
- A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles. The librarian asks "hard back?"
The guy replies "yeah little heads too." - I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda. When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.
- When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...
- An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck!
I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile. - The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly Sherman marched to the sea
- How does a pregnant mermaid give birth? "Sea-section"
Sorry, I thought of that last night and just had to share my genius with the world. - Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds They've left no tern unstoned
- AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.
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Sea One Liners
Which sea one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sea? I can suggest the ones about seashells and dead sea.
- Did you know that iceland... ...is only one sea away from Ireland?
- Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral
As in
Without an ion - What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's lost at sea? Bob.
- what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion? An electron.
- How do you turn a seal into a sea lion? Remove an electron.
- When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee.. ..That's a moray..
- How does a pirate greet a sea monster? What's Kraken?
- What do sea monsters like to eat? Fish and ships
- How do mermaids give birth? A sea section.
- Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.
- What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide!
- The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men. They are sending them out to sea.
- Why did the sailor ground his son? His grades were below sea level
^^im ^^so ^^sorry - What is a duck's favorite sea monster? A Quacken
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea? because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
Under The Sea Jokes
Here is a list of funny under the sea jokes and even better under the sea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's a pirate's favorite letter? Most people think it's the Arrr, but it really be the sea.
- "This is your Captain speaking..." "...if you look out of your window you will see a small yellow life raft floating in the sea. I am talking to you from there."
- What happens to a sailboat in a category 5 hurricane? MAST DESTRUCTION!!!
I'll ~~see~~ sea myself out... - A research shows that 96.86% of people in the sea are sailors. The rest are πrates
- If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a dinosaur that passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.
- I saw Al Gore talking about rising sea levels the other day... He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.
- What do you call a sea Captain's hilarious fictional book about bellybuttons? *A novel naval navel novel.*
- The Pirate and the alphabet Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?
Because they spend years at sea. - Help! I'm lost at sea. I'm somewhere between America and Japan I can't be anymore pacific
- "Leagues" in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" refers to horizontal distance, not depth. Otherwise it would be called "Journey to the Center of the Earth."
Red Sea Jokes
Here is a list of funny red sea jokes and even better red sea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea. Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned
- There are two boats (tankers) about to collide at sea. One is filled with purple paint, the other with red paint.
They collide...
All the survivors were marooned. - How was the red sea made? Over a very long period
- [spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.
- What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet.
- Who parted the Red Sea with a permeable membrane OsMoses
---
This just came to me. I'm afraid the real joke will be in the comments. - What happens if you drop a blue marble in the Red Sea? It sinks.
(Courtesy of my 9 year old daughter) - Read this in a pirate voice Did ye hear what happened to Captain Bluebeard when he fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got Marooned! - After the exodus through the Red Sea, Moses's staff could no longer perform miracles, and yet he kept it beside him the rest of his life... ...he just couldn't part with it.
- What was Moses's plan? 1. talk to burning bush
2. part Red Sea
3. climb Mount Sinai
4. ?????????
5. PROPHET!!!!
Sea Shell Jokes
Here is a list of funny sea shell jokes and even better sea shell puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard the titanic got a new job... She sells sea shells down by the sea floor.
I hear it's a pretty high pressure job. - Someone told me that if you hold a Shell up you can hear the sea All I got was 6 years for armed robbery.
- There's no easy way to say this..... She sells sea shells on the sea shore, the shells that she sells are sea shells for sure.
- My mother does unspeakable things at the beach. She sells sea-shells on the seashore.
- She sells sea shells by the sea shore But why would you buy seashells if you're already by the sea?
- What did the young, privileged, and naive crustacean say to the other crustacean? I don't sea shells
- Your mother said she has a sea shell tattooed on her inner thigh. She also said that if you put your ear to it you can smell the ocean.
- Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean?
*Pulls his head to her thigh*
Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish. - My girlfriend gives people things from the war that she finds in the ocean. You can find her in the school playground. She sells sea shells by the seesaw.
- If i dress up as a sea shell nobody can see me... It's my clamouflage.
Sea Captain Jokes
Here is a list of funny sea captain jokes and even better sea captain puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the professional diving roach say to his captain right before being lost to the sea? Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.
- What's the difference between jeweler, a cut down tree, and a sea captain? A sea captain watches the seas, while a jeweler sees the watches.
- "Captain, have you ever made love at sea?" "No son, but I've been blown ashore many a time."
- Hey billy jokes? Need some more Billy & Highliner Jokes.
One is "Hey billy you ever been to sea"
"No Captain Highliner but I have been blown ashore" - What did Captain Flavor Flav yell at sea? YEAAAAHHHH BUOOOOYYYY
- Why does a Dyslexic Ship Captain with Coprophobia never pay his taxes? He's afraid of the Sea's Fee.
- What do you call a music-loving captain of a ship? A sea major
- What kind of card does a sea captain get when they are in the hospital? Get whale soon!
- One my dad literally just told me I thought I was going to grow up to be a captain, but it turns out I can only be a deckhand. Because every morning, I wake up, mast in hand and sea men everywhere.
- Did you hear the one about the blind ship captain? He couldn't sea anything.
Dead Sea Jokes
Here is a list of funny dead sea jokes and even better dead sea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- what do you call sodium chloride crossed with a poisonous writing utensil from out the sea a salt with a deadly wetpen
*hides* - Do you know how old I am? I'm so old that I was around when the Dead Sea was just sick. (Told to me by my grandfather)
- Do you know Dead Sea is not a sea? It's very salty about it
- Why do feminists hate the Dead Sea? Because of the toxic max-salinity!
- My friend was so mad at me, she said « you should go live in the dead sea » Because you're That low
- I've plunged into the Dead Sea and couldn't get out I fell into a deep depression.
- Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation? The Dead Sea!
- Me and my wife of 20 years bought a waterbed last year. I call it The Dead Sea.
- We had a diving competition in the dead sea I lost.
I was pretty salty after it. - My friend was so salty When he jumped into the dead sea, water went into him
Cheeky Sea Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about sea you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean red sea jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sea pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do c**... drip into belly b**...?
It's sea men trying to get to the navel base.
A sea cadet is being examined: "Suppose you're at sea and a storm comes up, what would you do?"
Cadet: I'd throw out an anchor.
Examiner: And what if another storm comes up.
Cadet: I'd throw out another anchor.
Examiner: But what if an even bigger storm comes up?
Cadet: I throw out an even bigger anchor.
Examiner: But where are you getting all your anchors from?
Cadet: The same place you're getting your storms.
A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...
Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea
Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.
Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.
Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.
Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil h**...! Is the war over?
A magician gets himself a parrot for his act
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife is so ugly...
she walked past the walrus enclosure at Sea World, and her iPhone X unlocked itself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
DIVING WITHOUT EQUIPMENT
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you m**...!"
God asked Adam to name the animals
Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…
Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too
Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…
A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.
The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that one" the man says. "That's the church I USED to go to".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Sea Turtles and l**... have in common ?
They both choke on plastic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.
While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."
There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.
Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to p**... in the boat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a s**... fish?
A dumb bass
I'll sea myself trout
A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea...
The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"
My wife has a tattoo of a shell on the inside of her thigh...
It's a really weird thing, when you lay your ear on it you smell the sea.
- I hope it came off right, thats an old joke they tell in my country
A purple man has a purple wife.
They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperation and cries, "Oh no! We've been marooned!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...
**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
A friend of mine is writing a book on Californian sea lions.
I assured him that paper would be much easier.
There once was a plumber named Leigh
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said, "stop your plumbing," "I hear someone coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing
"...it's me."
I saw a man struggling in the sea today shouting " Help, shark! Help!"
I just laughed because I knew the shark wouldn't help him.
Heard from my 10 year old cousin.
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a seesaw (I'll see myself out)
The Sahara desert walks into a bar.
The barman says "long time no sea."
A Shlep on the Beach
A woman is at the beach with her grandson when a huge wave suddenly washes the boy out to sea. Grief-stricken, she falls on her knees, looks up to the sky and implores: "Oh God, return my grandson to me and I'll give all my money to the synagogue and devote my life to prayer and good works!"
Suddenly, the clouds part, the sky clears and another wave washes the boy back on the beach, completely unharmed. Once again the woman looks up to the heavens and cries out:
"He had a hat!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the North Sea
Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the north sea with a helicopter. After a while Putin says "we have submarines that can stay under water for one week without refueling". Then trump says "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for a whole month without refueling!". Merkel can't think of anything and looks ashamed out the window. Suddenly a submarine surfaces in front of their eyes, a man steps out of it and raises his right arm and screams "HEIL h**... WIR BRAUCHEN DIESEL!"
Nighttime. You're alone on a small boat at sea, hours away from any land. All you brought with you is a pack of cigarettes. You wanna smoke, but realize you forgot a lighter. What do you do?
You just take out a cigarette, throw it off the boat into the water... thus, making the boat a cigarette lighter.
Ship captain is in charge of keeping ship's log.
He notes "NE wind, calm sea, today first mate is drunk." After seeing that first mate asks captain to remove the note about him as it would harm his career. "No, I can't do that" declines the captain "we only write the truth in the log." Seeing there is nothing he can do first mate drops the issue. Next day it's his turn to keep the log and he writes "N wind, calm sea, today the captain is sober."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What sea creature would h**... be?
Adolf-in.
What's a sea monster's favourite food?
Fish and ships
I looked at the ocean today, and thought it looked completely orange...
And so then I wondered if it was reality or a Fanta sea.
What do you call first aid on a pirate ship?
Sea pee yarrrrrrrr!
Why can't pirates sing the alphabet?
Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)
The temple of the giant sea cow has recently been rebuilt
Faith in huge manatee restored
Fishing & girlfriends
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i'm stuck here holding my rod
How do pirates relieve themselves of scurvy?
Vitamin Sea
I went on a cruise once, and we were hit by a gigantic wave, and the boat sank.
I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone.
It was then that my worst fears were realized, that I was trapped on a dessert Island.
Two dinosaurs standing on a cliff
As they're looking out to sea an ark floats past. One dinosaur turns to the other one and says,
'Oh, was that today?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Splitting the Red Sea
Moses was leading the Jews while being chased by the Pharaoh and his men. In a moment of foolishness, he walked right up to the Red Sea. They were trapped.
"God d**...," said Moses.
So God did.
What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing, it just waved.
Sea what I did there?
I'm shore you did.
Laugh, you son of a beach!
Did you know that there are more airplanes in the ocean than there are submarines in the air?
I mean... it's plane to sea.
Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
No one can eat just one potato ship.
California hasn't fallen into the sea, so apparently it worked.
Back in the 1970's there was a cult in California who believed that they could save California by appeasing the San Andreas. There were parts of San Andreas that literally gaped open wide, and members of the cult were noted for throwing all their earthly possessions down into the amazingly deep cracks in the Earth's crust. Of course, skeptics accused the cult of being merely generous to a fault.
What do you call a sea that prefers the temperature outside to be between 31.2 °C and 33.1 °C?
The Specific Ocean.
