Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Sea? Well here is a complete list of Sea dad jokes:
I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.
One electron.
Ctrl+S
Remove an electron.
an electron
A fisherman comes home to his wife after a day out on the sea. He hands her his catch and after she cleans and cooks they both sit down to a lovely fish dinner. He takes one fish and begins to eat when he notices his wife sullenly looking down at her plate.
After a concerned silence she looks up and speaks. "You always used to take the smaller fish and insist I have the bigger one for myself. I'm starting to feel that you don't love me as much as you used to."
The fisherman chuckles to himself before taking her hand and says, "My love for you hasn't changed, but your cooking has gotten much better!"
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up after?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."
"I have only my shelf to blame"
has a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh.
If you put your ear to it, I swear you could smell the ocean.
But it was just a Fanta sea.
Cause you're on the fuckin beach.
"Shomething'sh Amish..."
Fish and ships
His grades were below sea level
^^im ^^so ^^sorry
A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon an old lamp. Giving it a rub a genie appears and says to him, "I will grant you one wish, what will it be?"
The man thinks then says "Well, I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I get sea sick and I'm too afraid to fly over all that water. I wish there was a bridge there so I could just drive over!"
The genie replies "No way! Think of how much material that'd be! How about something else?"
The man thinks again and comes up with another idea. "You know, I've always wanted to know how women think. What they feel and their emotions and dislikes. I wish I could understand women!" He grins and looks at the genie expectantly.
"Two or four lanes?"
> **Darth Vader**: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas.
> **Luke**: How?
> **Darth Vader**: I felt your presents.
You'd think it would be the arrr but it's really the sea.
They keep getting lost at sea.
"Page Not Found"
Because if they live by the bay, they would be bagels!
Fish and Ships.
If I put my ear on it I can smell the sea.
Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?
Because they spend years at sea.
They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperation and cries, "Oh no! We've been marooned!"
your call may be recorded for training porpoises
The crew of a US navy battle ship was back home after many months of being out to sea. To celebrate, the captain of the ship organized a formal ball and the entire crew was there in thier unforms. The big band was playing and the sailors were hitting the bar and drinking hard as they admired the Captains beautiful wife sitting at the head table with the captain himself.
One of the drunken sailors spoke up, "Im gonna ask the capins wife ta dance wit me!" The other sailors just laughed at him as he swaggered on down to the captains table. Sailor says, "Hey Capin, may I dansh wit your wife?" The captain, having been drinking himself, nodded the OK.
Stunned, the other sailors watched as their lowly shipmate and the captains wife engaged in a slow dance. The sailor having been out to sea for several months was very happy to be dancing with this beautiful woman.
After a few minutes of dancing the captains wife speaks up and says, "My, but you smell very nice. What do you have on?" The sailor speaks into her ear and says, " I have a hard on, but I didn't think you could smell it."
and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt".
"But why, Captain?" the Mate says.
"If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed".
The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again:
"Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants".
First mate: Captain there is an enemy ship on the horizon preparing for battle!
Captain: Bring me my red shirt!
The two ships got to battle and the enemy ship ends up being destroyed.
First mate: Captain why did you ask me to bring you a red shirt before the battle?
Captain: Well, if I were to get shot during battle, the red shirt would disguise the blood and you would continue with the battle.
First mate: Wow, that is very honorable. Captain there are 20 enemy ships on the horizon!
Captain: Bring me my brown pants!
and if you hold your ear against it, you can smell the sea.
I just laughed because I knew the shark wouldn't help him.
Heard from my 10 year old cousin.
*obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice*
What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?
When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.
Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie
"Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it"
"Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii"
"Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something else, pick something else"
"Ok, I want to understand Women"
"So you want this to be a Two or Four lane highway?"
Cause she was too big for B- shells!
(my 6 year old niece likes to tell this joke)
You may think it's arr, but they are truly in love with the sea!
A nervous wreck.
She sells sea shells down by the sea floor.
I hear it's a pretty high pressure job.
and asks his best friend Paddy sitting next to him to go upstairs and get his slippers because his feet are "fucking freezing".
On his way to get the slippers, Paddy walks past Seamus' eighteen year old twin daughter's bedroom when he suddenly has an idea. Going into the girl's room he says,
"Hello girls, your father just told me to come up here and fuck the both of yer"
The girls reply, "Fuck off Paddy you idiot"
With a smug look on his face Paddy says, "Alright then, you'll see". He walks out of the girl's room, leans over the banister and yells out,
"Hey Seamus, fuckin both of em?"
Which Seamus replies, "Of course Paddy, what's the use of fuckin one!?"
Because then they'd be bagels.
He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."
Sean Connery's agent calls him up and says "I've got an audition for you tomorrow about 10ish"
Sean says "Great! I'll bring my racket"
Lost at sea, they wreck the boat and swim to a deserted island. Stranded there for months with little to do, the man begins to get urges and becomes oddly attracted to the pig. The man tries to mount the pig one day and out of no where the dog runs up and bites the man. Two days later, the man tries again. Again, the dog bites the man. The dog is not letting this happen. This continues to happen and suddenly, the man hears a cry from the water and sees a woman struggling as her boat is also wrecked and sinking. He quickly swims out to save the woman and brings her ashore. As she collects herself, she says to the man, "Thank you so much for saving my life! If there is anything I can do for you, and I mean anything, it will be done!" The man replies, "Can you take that dog for a walk?"
Nothing, it just waved.
Sea what I did there?
I'm shore you did.
Laugh, you son of a beach!
A. A Christian is drowning in the sea. A boat comes up the crew tries to save them, but he says "no, God will save me!" Later another boat comes up and tries to save him again, but he insists that God will save him. Later a third boat comes along. The Christian is wheezing, gasping, almost exhausted, but manages to wheeze out "no, God will save me!" Then he drowns. In Heaven, he asks God why he didn't save him. God says "I sent you three boats!"
B. An atheist is drowning in the sea. Getting desperate, he says to himself "Okay, God, I know I've never believed in you before, but if you save me, I'll not only become a believer, I'll become the best believer. I'll go to church, do my best to never sin. Please save me." Then a boat suddenly appears out of nowhere with a crew getting their life saving equipment ready. The atheist says "Never mind, God: I got this!"
The reporter said, "You look terrible - what happened to you?"
The player said, "I pulled a groin."
The reporter asks, "You have two black eyes - how did that happen if you pulled a groin?"
The guy responds, "Not mine - someone else's."
...the first guy says he's going to dump his husbands ashes into the sea because he wanted to be a sailor, the second one says he's going to dump his husbands ashes off a plane because he loved to fly, the third guy says "I'm going to put his ashes in some chili so he can tear my ass apart one time"
My girlfriend has a tattoo of seashell on the inside of her leg. When you put your ear on it, you can smell the sea!
Why do mermaids wear sea shells? Because the D shells are to big.
the could spend years at sea
That's the story and we're sticking to it.
You've red some of the best sea jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about sea. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty sea gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !
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