Sea Jokes

167 sea jokes and hilarious sea puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sea that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make the seaside your laugh-out-loud destination with these hilarious sea jokes. From puns about salty seashores to quips about gulls and sails, you'll have the perfect pick-me-up to your day. Laugh along with the best jokes about the Red and Dead Sea, as well as other sea-related topics.

Funniest Sea Short Jokes

Short sea jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sea humour may include short seashore jokes also.

  1. Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada
  2. This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.
  3. My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.
  4. Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
  5. I once met a girl with a tattoo of a conch on her inner thigh When I put my ear to it I could smell the sea
  6. A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles. The librarian asks "hard back?"
    The guy replies "yeah little heads too."
  7. With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea... But I'm just stuck here holding my rod
  8. I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda. When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.
  9. When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...
  10. I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice. Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

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Sea One Liners

Which sea one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sea? I can suggest the ones about sail and seashells.

  1. What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? You get kicked out of sea world…
  2. Did you know that iceland... only one sea away from Ireland?
  3. Why does Aeriel always wear Sea Shells? Because D shell were too big
  4. Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral
    As in
    Without an ion
  5. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's lost at sea? Bob.
  6. what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion? An electron.
  7. How do you turn a seal into a sea lion? Remove an electron.
  8. I dream of one day swimming in an ocean of orange carbonated water It's my Fanta sea.
  9. Why do mermaids wear sea shells? B shells aren't big enough.
  10. When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee.. ..That's a moray..
  11. How does a pirate greet a sea monster? What's Kraken?
  12. Last night I dreamed the oceans were made of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
  13. I used to think an ocean of soda existed. Turns out it was just Fanta sea.
  14. What do sea monsters like to eat? Fish and ships
  15. How do mermaids give birth? A sea section.

Under The Sea Jokes

Here is a list of funny under the sea jokes and even better under the sea puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • They say that there are plenty of fish in the sea. But until I catch one, I'm just going to be sitting here, holding my rod.
  • I recently had a dream that I was swimming in a sea of carbonated orange juice. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea
  • An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck!
    I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.
  • The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly Sherman marched to the sea
  • How does a pregnant mermaid give birth? "Sea-section"
    Sorry, I thought of that last night and just had to share my genius with the world.
  • My girlfriend has a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh. When you put your ear on it, you can smell the ocean.
  • They say there are plenty of fish in the sea. But until you catch one you're just holding your rod.
  • My wife is so ugly... she walked past the walrus enclosure at Sea World, and her iPhone X unlocked itself.
  • Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing... There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one.
  • Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds They've left no tern unstoned

Red Sea Jokes

Here is a list of funny red sea jokes and even better red sea puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea. Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned
  • There are two boats (tankers) about to collide at sea. One is filled with purple paint, the other with red paint.
    They collide...
    All the survivors were marooned.
  • How was the red sea made? Over a very long period
  • [spoilers] Roses are red, the sea's full of salt Everyone's dead, It's all Star Lord's fault.
  • What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet.
  • This weekend a red ship & a blue ship collided at sea Tragically, all the sailors were marooned.
  • Who parted the Red Sea with a permeable membrane OsMoses
    This just came to me. I'm afraid the real joke will be in the comments.
  • What happens if you drop a blue marble in the Red Sea? It sinks.
    (Courtesy of my 9 year old daughter)
  • How was the Red Sea formed? Over a long period.
  • How did Moses split the Red Sea? With a "sea"saw.

Sea Shell Jokes

Here is a list of funny sea shell jokes and even better sea shell puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I met this girl with a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh She told that if I put my ear to it, I can smell the ocean.
  • Why does the little mermaid wear sea-shells? Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
  • I heard the titanic got a new job... She sells sea shells down by the sea floor.
    I hear it's a pretty high pressure job.
  • Someone told me that if you hold a Shell up you can hear the sea All I got was 6 years for armed robbery.
  • Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells? She's not big enough for d shells.
  • Why did the mermaid wear sea shells? Cause she was too big for B- shells!
  • It's really hard for me to tell people what my wife does for a living. She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
  • There's no easy way to say this..... She sells sea shells on the sea shore, the shells that she sells are sea shells for sure.
  • Why did Ariel wear sea shells? The D shells were too large.
  • My mother does unspeakable things at the beach. She sells sea-shells on the seashore.

Sea Captain Jokes

Here is a list of funny sea captain jokes and even better sea captain puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • "This is your Captain speaking..." "...if you look out of your window you will see a small yellow life raft floating in the sea. I am talking to you from there."
  • What do you call a sea Captain's hilarious fictional book about bellybuttons? *A novel naval navel novel.*
  • What did the professional diving roach say to his captain right before being lost to the sea? Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.
  • Read this in a pirate voice Did ye hear what happened to Captain Bluebeard when he fell overboard in the Red Sea?
    He got Marooned!
  • What's the difference between jeweler, a cut down tree, and a sea captain? A sea captain watches the seas, while a jeweler sees the watches.
  • "Captain, have you ever made love at sea?" "No son, but I've been blown ashore many a time."
  • Hey billy jokes? Need some more Billy & Highliner Jokes.
    One is "Hey billy you ever been to sea"
    "No Captain Highliner but I have been blown ashore"
  • What did Captain Flavor Flav yell at sea? YEAAAAHHHH BUOOOOYYYY
  • Why does a Dyslexic Ship Captain with Coprophobia never pay his taxes? He's afraid of the Sea's Fee.
  • What do you call a music-loving captain of a ship? A sea major

Dead Sea Jokes

Here is a list of funny dead sea jokes and even better dead sea puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • what do you call sodium chloride crossed with a poisonous writing utensil from out the sea a salt with a deadly wetpen
  • My Mother in law said to me: "I'll dance on your grave, when you're dead" "Good!" I said, "I'm being buried at sea."
  • What does a pirate say when he's urinating in a sea filled with dead men? R.I.P
    Hehehehe im sorry pls don't hurt me
  • Do you know how old I am? I'm so old that I was around when the Dead Sea was just sick. (Told to me by my grandfather)
  • Do you know Dead Sea is not a sea? It's very salty about it
  • Yo momma is so old.. The Dead Sea was only sick.
  • Yo mama is so old that ... She knew the dead sea when it was sick
  • Why do feminists hate the Dead Sea? Because of the toxic max-salinity!
  • My friend was so mad at me, she said « you should go live in the dead sea » Because you're That low
  • I've plunged into the Dead Sea and couldn't get out I fell into a deep depression.

Cheeky Sea Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about sea you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dead sea jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sea pranks.

Why do c**... drip into belly b**...?

It's sea men trying to get to the navel base.

A sea cadet is being examined: "Suppose you're at sea and a storm comes up, what would you do?"

Cadet: I'd throw out an anchor.
Examiner: And what if another storm comes up.
Cadet: I'd throw out another anchor.
Examiner: But what if an even bigger storm comes up?
Cadet: I throw out an even bigger anchor.
Examiner: But where are you getting all your anchors from?
Cadet: The same place you're getting your storms.

A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...

Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."

A grandmother is watching her grandson....

A grandmother is watching her grandson play on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea.
She looks up and pleads, Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, my life has no meaning without him. Please bring him back.
And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new.
She looks up to heaven and says: He had a hat!

Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea

Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.
Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.
Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.
Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil h**...! Is the war over?

Putin, Obama and Merkel stand at the sea

Putin presents a submarine, saying: "This best russian technology! Our submarines stay 1 month under water without ever need to go surface!"
Obama smiles and says:
"This is our submarine... It can stay up to 3 months under water, no need to emerge even one time!"
Merkel stands next to them saying nothing.
Suddenly the sea is rambling and a submarine emerges next to them.
The top hatch opens and out pops and old man, raising his arm and shouting

What should you do if you are addicted to sea w**...?

Sea kelp.

A magician gets himself a parrot for his act

After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"


Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you m**...!"

AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle

Oops, wrong sub.

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…
Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too
Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…

I dreamed that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda

But then I woke up. It was just a fanta sea.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Most people think it's the Arrr, but it really be the sea.

Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal?

Do not accept if seal is broken.

A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.

The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that one" the man says. "That's the church I USED to go to".

What did the sea say to the river?

You can run but you can't tide!

Have you ever noticed that Ireland is just one sea away from....


The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men.

They are sending them out to sea.

What happens to a sailboat in a category 5 hurricane?

I'll ~~see~~ sea myself out...

Why is the sea salty?

Because the land does not wave back.

What do Sea Turtles and l**... have in common ?

They both choke on plastic.

Why did the sailor ground his son?

His grades were below sea level
^^im ^^so ^^sorry

What is a duck's favorite sea monster?

A Quacken

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.

While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."
There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.
Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to p**... in the boat."

What did God say when he saw Eve walking out of the sea competely n**...?

Jeez, I'll never get that smell out of my fish.

Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at sea.

A research shows that 96.86% of people in the sea are sailors.

The rest are  πrates

If you watch Godzilla backwards

it's about a dinosaur that passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.

There's plenty more fish in the sea

But until I catch one I'm left here holding my rod.

What do you call a s**... fish?

A dumb bass
I'll sea myself trout

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if they live by the bay, they would be bagels!

I saw Al Gore talking about rising sea levels the other day...

He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.

A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea...

The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"

My girlfriend got a tattoo of a seashell on the inside of her thigh.

If I put my ear on it I can smell the sea.

My wife has a tattoo of a shell on the inside of her thigh...

It's a really weird thing, when you lay your ear on it you smell the sea.
- I hope it came off right, thats an old joke they tell in my country

A ship is sailing through the sea...

passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.
A passenger asks the captain:
- Who is he?
- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.

The Pirate and the alphabet

Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?
Because they spend years at sea.

A purple man has a purple wife.

They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperation and cries, "Oh no! We've been marooned!"

Help! I'm lost at sea. I'm somewhere between America and Japan

I can't be anymore pacific

"Leagues" in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" refers to horizontal distance, not depth.

Otherwise it would be called "Journey to the Center of the Earth."

A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...

**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Where is Ireland?

One sea away from Iceland.
(Credit; twitter user BazzaCC)

How do you make a Sea Lion?

You remove an electron from a Seal!

A friend of mine is writing a book on Californian sea lions.

I assured him that paper would be much easier.

jokes about sea