Following is our collection of sail humor and maritime one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Sea puns for adults, dirty seabed jokes or clean seashells gags for kids.
There is an abundance of mast jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 76 funniest jokes on sea. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any marine witze you can hear about sea.
Thank god I live in Canada
It's sea men trying to get to the navel base.
...is only one sea away from Ireland?
If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.
Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.
Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."
Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
When I put my ear to it I could smell the sea
Neutral
As in
Without an ion
Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.
Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.
Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.
Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil Hitler! Is the war over?
The librarian asks "hard back?"
The guy replies "yeah little heads too."
But I'm just stuck here holding my rod
When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.
Sea kelp.
Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
But until I catch one, I'm just going to be sitting here, holding my rod.
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"
Remove an electron.
A nervous wreck!
I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.
Sherman marched to the sea
When you put your ear on it, you can smell the ocean.
she walked past the walrus enclosure at Sea World, and her iPhone X unlocked itself.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one.
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
They've left no tern unstoned
..That's a moray..
What's Kraken?
Oops, wrong sub.
Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pigβ¦
Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too
Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pigβ¦
She told that if I put my ear to it, I can smell the ocean.
Turns out it was just Fanta sea.
But it was just a Fanta sea.
Fish and ships
A sea section.
Most people think it's the Arrr, but it really be the sea.
Do not accept if seal is broken.
You can run but you can't tide!
They are sending them out to sea.
Iceland
MAST DESTRUCTION!!!
I'll ~~see~~ sea myself out...
"...if you look out of your window you will see a small yellow life raft floating in the sea. I am talking to you from there."
Because the land does not wave back.
They both choke on plastic.
His grades were below sea level
^^im ^^so ^^sorry
because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
Jeez, I'll never get that smell out of my fish.
They keep getting lost at sea.
The rest are Β Οrates
But until I catch one I'm left here holding my rod.
Because if they live by the bay, they would be bagels!
He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.
The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"
A dumb bass
I'll sea myself trout
*A novel naval navel novel.*
It's a really weird thing, when you lay your ear on it you smell the sea.
- I hope it came off right, thats an old joke they tell in my country
If I put my ear on it I can smell the sea.
Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet?
Because they spend years at sea.
passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.
A passenger asks the captain:
- Who is he?
- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.
They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperation and cries, "Oh no! We've been marooned!"
it's about a dinosaur that passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.
Otherwise it would be called "Journey to the Center of the Earth."
You remove an electron from a Seal!
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said, "stop your plumbing," "I hear someone coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing
"...it's me."
I assured him that paper would be much easier.
A nervous wreck.
and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt".
"But why, Captain?" the Mate says.
"If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed".
The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again:
"Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants".
and if you hold your ear against it, you can smell the sea.
The barman says "long time no sea."
Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned
I just laughed because I knew the shark wouldn't help him.
Heard from my 10 year old cousin.
**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
a salt with a deadly wetpen
*hides*
A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby. As she scans her card, the bus driver looks up to her and says, "Have a sea... Whoa, that is an ugly baby!!".
The lady is shocked and shields the baby with her hand and takes a seat. She just sits there getting more and more angry. The man sitting next to her asks what's wrong.
She says, "That bus driver insulted me the moment I stepped onto this bus. He's a government employee!"
"You don't have to put up with that," the man said.
"You know what, you're right! I'm going to go up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"Good for you! I'll hold your monkey."
With a seesaw (I'll see myself out)
Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie
"Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it"
"Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii"
"Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something else, pick something else"
"Ok, I want to understand Women"
"So you want this to be a Two or Four lane highway?"
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.