The Best 27 Sea Captain Jokes

Following is our collection of Sea Captain jokes which are very funny. There are some sea captain seas jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sea captain seaside puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Sea Captain Jokes and Puns

A Sea Captain looks through his telescope

and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt".

"But why, Captain?" the Mate says.

"If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed".

The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again:

"Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants".

Hey billy jokes?

Need some more Billy & Highliner Jokes.

One is "Hey billy you ever been to sea"

"No Captain Highliner but I have been blown ashore"

(JOKE) "A PIRATE RETIRED"vanndukeandsammy

sammy:now that captain hook has retired, to make money, to fishermen at sea he rent himself out as a human fishing pole....(werms extra fee).

What did the sea captain say when he saw the prostitute waking up on the deck of his ship?

Aar... look at the ho rizen!

Did you hear the one about the blind ship captain?

He couldn't sea anything.


"This is your Captain speaking..."

"...if you look out of your window you will see a small yellow life raft floating in the sea. I am talking to you from there."

What do you call a sea Captain's hilarious fictional book about bellybuttons?

*A novel naval navel novel.*

A ship is sailing through the sea...

passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.

A passenger asks the captain:

- Who is he?

- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.

What did the oblivious asian sea captain say after his sailors washed overboard?

No crew!

"Captain, have you ever made love at sea?"

"No son, but I've been blown ashore many a time."

What's the difference between jeweler, a cut down tree, and a sea captain?

A sea captain watches the seas, while a jeweler sees the watches.

You can explore sea captain ships reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sea captain vessel dad jokes. There are also sea captain puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea...

The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"

One my dad literally just told me

I thought I was going to grow up to be a captain, but it turns out I can only be a deckhand. Because every morning, I wake up, mast in hand and sea men everywhere.

A ship's captain is running accross the deck....

He gets to the back overlooking the sea and starts undoing his pants. One of the crew sees this and asks him: "what in God's name are you doing sir?". The captain turns his head and says "I aft to pee".

What did the professional diving roach say to his captain right before being lost to the sea?

Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

What kind of card does a sea captain get when they are in the hospital?

Get whale soon!

What do you call a music-loving captain of a ship?

A sea major

A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...

**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.

**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!

**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.


It is very hard for me to get in touch with my dealer ship...

Maybe that old sea captain isn't the best person to buy weed from.

A Sea Captain is complaining about how difficult his life is without a leg and an arm

He says to his crew mates, " When ye missin' two major parts of ye, thar ain't many things ye can do. "

The lookout hollers from the crow's nest " I 'ave it worse Captain! "

" Oh!? " The Sea Captain exclaims " 'n which two parts of ye be missin'? "

To which the lookout replies " Eye, eye Captain! "

A German coast guard and an English ship

A German coast guard is doing maintenance on the shores of the North Sea near France. They come upon an English ship which seems to be sinking.

The captain of the English ship shouts to the coast guard, "Mayday mayday, we're sinking!"

The German coast guard then replies, " What are you sinking about?"

What did Captain Flavor Flav yell at sea?

YEAAAAHHHH BUOOOOYYYY

The master of a galley ship comes to his rowers to thank them for such a speedy journey...

Master: Men, since we made such good time crossing the sea, the captain told me to do something special for you, but not too special. So today, everyone gets to change their underwear and loincloth

Rowers: Yea!

Master: hold off celebrating a minute, Bill, you change with John. Kevin, you change with Robert. (And so on)

A mysterious force drug a pirate ship closer to the Bermuda Triangle, alarming the captain.

The captain asked the lookout in the the crow's nest what he saw.

The lookout replied, "Captain, we be sailing tangent to stormy seas. It be a sine the secant be good."

The captain responded, "Aye, the sea put this here crew in a triggy situation."

Why does a Dyslexic Ship Captain with Coprophobia never pay his taxes?

He's afraid of the Sea's Fee.

The aircraft carrier captain saw a light whilst at sea

"Tell the signalman to warn that boat to turn to port to avoid a collision."

But the light flashes back "\*YOU\* turn to port to avoid a collision."

The captain, incensed, sends the message "This is a 200 kiloton aircraft carrier with 50 warplanes, atomic bombs and cruise missiles! \*YOU\* turn to the left to avoid a collision!"

The light flashes back "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sea captain ship jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working sea captain seabed piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes