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Screw Jokes

167 screw jokes and hilarious screw puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about screw that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article takes a look at the funny side of screws and nails, examining why they make great comedic fodder. From infamous lightbulb jokes to nutty mras, you'll find plenty of pun-filled hilarity. Don't miss out on a chance to get the screw!

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Popular Screw Short Jokes

Short screw jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The screw humour may include short drill jokes also.

  1. How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
    One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
  2. How many Alzheimer's patients does it take in to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side
  3. How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.
  4. How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It takes two, very tiny people, to screw, in a lightbulb.
  5. How many Karens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, She just stands there holding it while the world revolves around her.
  6. How many Karens did it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.
    She just holds the lightbulb in the socket and expects the rest of the world to revolve around her.
  7. How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
  8. How many Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one... But it takes 4 episodes and Krillin dies...
  9. How do feminists screw in a lightbulb? By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them
  10. How many programmer does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. We don't address hardware issues.

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Screw One Liners

Which screw one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with screw? I can suggest the ones about wrench and squirt.

  1. Screw that clown from IT. Always joking around when he should be fixing my computer.
  2. How many optometrist does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1... or 2?? Or 1? Or 2?
  3. Alexa, why do I always screw up with the ladies? I'm Siri, you idiot!
  4. How many Feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.
    Men can be Feminists, too.
  5. How many fuq bois does it take to screw in a light bulb? None it's always lit fam
  6. How many "sup dude"s does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's already lit fam.
  7. How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? That's not funny
  8. How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None! They use gaslighting!
  9. How many excel users does it take to screw in a light bulb? Monday January 01, 1900
  10. Ladies...No guy has ever said... I'd screw her, if her eyelashes were a little longer.
  11. How many mods does it take to screw in a light bulb? \[removed\]
  12. How many non-humorous people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One
  13. How many immature people does it take to screw in a light bulb? 69.
  14. How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?
  15. how many adhd kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? hey let's go ride our bikes

Screw In A Lightbulb Jokes

Here is a list of funny screw in a lightbulb jokes and even better screw in a lightbulb puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!
  • How many American conservatives do you need to screw in a lightbulb? Ten.
    One holds the bulb, the other nine wait for Fox News to spin it.
  • How many mystery novel writers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.
  • How many Vietnam Vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T THERE!
  • How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently more than 40, because my basement's still dark
  • How many dead people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently not 17, cause my basement is still dark.
  • How many I.T. guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? none. That's a hardware problem
    but have you tried turning it on and off again?
  • How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. She just holds it in place, while the world revolves around her. * Beverly Hills ninja edit... rotates to revolves
  • How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
  • How many Game of Thrones seasons does it take to change a lightbulb? Eight, if you want to screw it completely.

How Many To Screw In A Lightbulb Jokes

Here is a list of funny how many to screw in a lightbulb jokes and even better how many to screw in a lightbulb puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb None. Who needs a lightbulb when there's a glass ceiling.
  • How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. They're efficient and not very funny.
  • How many corpses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It must be more than eight, 'cause my basement's still dark.
  • How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and one to drink until the room spins.
  • How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, obviously. How they got inside the lightbulb is the part I don't understand...
  • How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.
    We are very effective and don´t have a great sense of humor.
    Guten Tag!
  • How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard.
  • How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. Because we are very efficient and have a poor sense of humor.
  • How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two, but its kinda hard to get em in there.
  • SRS bait. How many feminists does to take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Only one. She stands with the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Screw joke, SRS bait.

Nail And Screw Jokes

Here is a list of funny nail and screw jokes and even better nail and screw puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What takes many nails to build, but only one screw to use? A crib.
  • It takes many nails to build a crib... ...but only one screw to fill it.
  • My wife asked me if there was an interesting alternative to using screws or nails as fasteners. I told her yes... and it's riveting.
  • So it's the first day of shop class... The teacher asks, "What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?" A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."
  • I have this great joke about construction I'm still working on it
    Got to hammer out a few kinks
    Make sure to nail the delivery
    I just don't want to screw it up
  • Confucius says... it takes many nails to build a crib but one screw to fill it.
  • It takes a lot of nails to put together a crib But it only takes one screw to fill it
  • Whats better than a nail in a wall? A screw on the floor.
  • What is a carpenters dream girl? What is a carpenters dream girl? Flat as a board, skinny as a nail and easy to screw.
  • I kept hitting my fingers while trying to nail a sign to my wall... So I said, "Screw it!"

Screw Loose Jokes

Here is a list of funny screw loose jokes and even better screw loose puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do Greek Gods do when screws get loose? They Titan them.
  • The incoming presidential cabinet is like Ikea furniture. The directions come from something impossible to read, it will barely last 4 years and definitely has a few screws loose.
  • How many Border Collies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. And I can fix any loose wiring while I'm at it.
  • First Boy: Why is your brother always flying off the handle? Second Boy: Because he's got a screw loose!
  • Why did Frankenstein vote Democrat? Because he had a screw loose.
    *(Feel free to change to whichever party you oppose.)*
  • I told my wife I felt like I had a few screws loose. She told me I've always been nuts.
  • Guy breaks out of the psych ward, goes straight to a w**... and pays for the oldest, worn-out, flabbiest woman. They say he had a loose screw.
Screw joke, Guy breaks out of the psych ward, goes straight to a w**... and pays for the oldest, worn-out, flabb

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about screw can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of screw puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Howlingly Hilarious Screw Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about screw you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean suckers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make screw prank.

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but it will take three episodes.

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, "Pssh, I can do that."

A husband and wife celebrate their 30th anniversary

That night, the wife comes out of the bathroom n**... and starts playing with her n**....
"What did you think the first time you saw these 30 years ago?"
"I wanna to s**... them dry," he says.
She crawls onto the bed, "What did you think when you saw all this 30 years ago?"
"I wanted to screw your brains out, baby," he says with a smile.
She giggles, teasingly, "What are you thinking now?"
"I think I did a pretty good job at both."

How many ladybugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.

How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three, one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub.

A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster

He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he s**... every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the real question is how they got in there.

How many gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but it takes an entire emergency room to get it out.

How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two.
One to screw in the bulb and the other to hold the p**.....*ER..LADDER! I MEANT LADDER!*

As a feminist who's fairly critical of her own movement, this made me laugh:

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That's not funny.

How many pornstars does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know... I skipped the intro.

Why you don't ask grandma s**... questions

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.

George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.

The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Not sure, first they have to figure out which way to spin it.

How many cynics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Doesn't matter. Lightbulb is going to die anyway.

How many hobos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in dumpsters

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark

How many prepubescent teen boys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

He said "screw" lolol

How many Tenors does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?

Trick Question. They only think they can reach that high.

How many Germans do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

One. We're efficient not funny!

"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor...

"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.
"Screw you" she screamed back at me.
Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!

Woman greets mailman at her mailbox, invites him in, they make passionate love, then she makes him a lunch fit for a king and then hands him a $1 bill.

Flabbergasted mailman says: "My goodness that was outstanding, wonderful, thank you, I really appreciate it. May I ask why you did all this for me?"
Woman says: "I told my husband you were retiring and suggested we do something for you and he said "screw the mailman, give him a dollar", the lunch was my idea."

A lawyer, priest, and social worker are on a ship that hits an iceberg...

The captain comes over the intercom: "Everyone please make your way to the lifeboats".
The social worker yells out: "Women & children first!"
The lawyer starts pushing his way towards the boats: "Screw the children!"
The priest responds: "Do we have time?"

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but I have no clue how they got in there.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.

How many asexuals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Trick question: asexuals don't screw anything.

how many screws hold together a l**... bed?

None it's all tongue and groove

How many homophobes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They don't accept change, even if it means a brighter world.

A rabbi and a Catholic priest are walking down the street...

...when the priest sees a boy across the way.
The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Let's go over there and screw that boy!"
The rabbi looks the boy over and says to the priest, "out of what?"

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes two doctors and a nurse to get it out.

How many feminists does it take to screw a lightbulb?

One to screw it in and nine to write on their blogs about how enlightening the experiment was.

How many n**... does it take to screw in 6 million lightbulbs?

One. The rest were just following orders.

How many dead h**... does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know, but it's not five, because my basement is still dark.

Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

How many Anime characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only 1, but it takes them 15 episodes to do it.

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Just because she's dead doesn't mean she can't still screw.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It's a really obscure number and you've probably never heard of it.

How many Hillary Clinton fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Hillary Clinton fans prefer to stay in the dark.

Hey girl, are you the SAT?

Because I'd do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a 10 minute break in between for snacks. Then I'd stare at you for another 5-10 minutes thinking, "Wow, I really hope I don't screw this up."

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.

How many buzzfeed employees does it take to screw a lightbulb?

Click here to find out!

Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US...

Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US, one says "screw this line, I'm going to shoot Trump". He leaves for a while and then comes back to resume his place in line. The other guy says "so, did you do it?" He says "no, the line there was even longer than this one."

How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to tell you they are vegans.
.......
Well apparently the correct answer is three. The extra one is needed to post whiny replies when they all get triggered by this joke.

How many Trump supporters does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. They'd rather be in the dark about things.

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2...but who knows how they got in there

How many blondes does it take to screw a light bulb?

Five. One to hold the lightbulb and four to turn the ladder.

How many angry people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they tell it to screw itself.

How many gynecologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I'm asking because mine had to call like six other guys in to help him, and I'm really starting to wonder why I needed one installed down there in the first place.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb.

Only 2, it's just really difficult getting them in the lightbulb.

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...

The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"
The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad dies at 91.

His f**... has been postponed until his family get the screw that wasn't included with his KÖFFIN product

How many dogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Dogs already light up the room.

How many Vsauces does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.
Or does it?

(My 8yo Daughter) How many cookies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They don't, I eat them all.

Screw joke, (My 8yo Daughter) How many cookies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

jokes about screw

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these screw jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.