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Screwdriver Jokes

48 screwdriver jokes and hilarious screwdriver puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about screwdriver that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Can't get enough of screwdriver jokes? Whether you prefer jokes about a left-handed screwdriver, a crowbar, Murray, or a wrench, this article has something for everyone who enjoys a good bit—no tools required. Get ready for a good time!

Funniest Screwdriver Short Jokes

Short screwdriver jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The screwdriver humour may include short nail and screw jokes also.

  1. Sometimes at work... ...I like to run around with a screwdriver and yell "Attention everybody! This is not a drill!"
  2. TBT - What's the difference between bill clinton and a screwdriver? One turns in screws, one screws interns.
  3. A screwdriver walks into a bar... The bartender sees it and shouts out, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"
    The screwdriver gets excited and says, "You have a drink named Larry?"
  4. (Dr Who joke) Why can't a sonic screwdriver cure erectile dysfunction? It doesn't do wood.
  5. Why do accordion players always carry a screwdriver in their pocket? To hang their instrument on a nearby tree during a break.
  6. I dressed up as a screwdriver this past Halloween. It wasn't the best costume but I still turned a lot of heads.
  7. A robot walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll ya have?"
    The robot says, "Well, it's been a long day and I need to loosen up. How about a screwdriver?"
  8. A guy walks into a bar A guy walks into a bar holding a screwdriver over his head. "Ladies and gentlemen!" he yells. "This is not a drill!"
  9. A robot walks into a bar Says to the bartender, "I need to loosen up. Give me a Screwdriver."
  10. A hammer is introduced to the members of a new toolbox, The Hammer sees his old friend and the Wrench giving the tour says:
    You know the drill but do you know the screwdriver?

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Screwdriver One Liners

Which screwdriver one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with screwdriver? I can suggest the ones about sledgehammer and scissors.

  1. I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a screwdriver. Turned a few heads.
  2. This is Hammer, this is Screwdriver, this is The Wrench... You know The Drill.
  3. What kind of driver doesn't need a licence? A screwdriver
  4. Where did the idea of the screwdriver originate from? Phillip's Head.
  5. If anyone sees Phillip... ...tell him I have his screwdriver.
  6. What is an euphemism for FakeTaxi? Screwdriver
  7. What driver doesn't have a license? A screwdriver
  8. Screwdriver Someone who takes the herd of screws from the ranch to the market.
  9. What's a Russian carpenter's favorite drink? A screwdriver
  10. Why doesn't anyone like the malfunctioning screwdriver? Because it always screws up
  11. "Some call him a weapon, others a tool." I just want my dam screwdriver back barry.
  12. What do you call a cab driver who lost his brakes? A screwdriver
  13. Why is it called car s**... and not Screwdriver!
  14. What do you call a h**... with a car? A screwdriver
  15. What do you call a chauffeur who has s**... with his clients? A screwdriver.

Screwdriver joke, What do you call a chauffeur who has s**... with his clients?

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Screwdriver Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about screwdriver you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean screw in a lightbulb jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make screwdriver pranks.

Why did the bartender only charge his customer for the v**... in his screwdriver?

Because as of yesterday, OJ is free.

Three children talking to each other...

The 1st kid : "My dad loves cars, so he is a car driver."
The 2nd kid : "My dad loves buses, so he is a bus driver."
The 3rd kid(not sure what his dad loves) : "My dad always screws up,so he is a screwdriver."

An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder..

Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young p**... Juan".

Me: Please bring me a screwdriver.

Wife: Flat heads, Phillips, or v**...?
And that was when I knew she was the one.

I have a friend named Phillip

He loves mixing orange juice and v**.... Loves it so much that he had a special glass made with his face on it.
It's always nice to see Phillip's head screwdrivers.

A group of passengers are riding the bus to work…

Suddenly, the engine splutters and the bus grinds to a halt at the side of the road. The driver gets out, opens the engine compartment, and peers inside, cursing and swearing.
After a while the passengers get restless. A woman pulls a small toolkit out of her purse, gets up and goes outside, and sees the driver frantically trying to reattach a loose electrical cable with his fingers.
Would you like a screwdriver, she asks.
I'd love one, he replies, but we're ten minutes late already !

"John, bad news. Your mother-in-law died."

John is told that his mother-in-law has died. He removes the cross with Jesus from the wall and begins to take Jesus off the cross with a screwdriver. Family asks him: "What the h**... are you doing?" John say: "Jesus set me free, and I'll set him free!"

A general is being driven in a jeep through the desert on the way to a training exercise.

Out in the middle of nowhere, the jeep breaks down. The female jeep driver jumps out, opens the hood and starts working on the engine. The general, wanting to be helpful, finds a toolbox in the back and opens it. "Do you want a screwdriver?" he asks.
"Might as well, it's going to be a while before anyone shows up," she says!

This just in: A Burger King employee in Kalispell, Montana was arrested today after being caught putting v**... in the orange Hi-C.

Local police say it was the first reported case of a Flathead screwdriver.

I was replacing a light fixture outside our front door when suddenly the electricity shorted through my screwdriver and made me drop it. My wife opened the door and said, "I turned on the light so you can see better while you're working."

I was too shocked to reply.

In Soviet Union a Screwdriver is not Orange Juice with v**......

It's v**... with Orange Juice
(Jokester's Note: Russian v**... is the best in the world regarding to taste, which inspired me to make this joke, love y'all(as far as a westerner goes))

Whenever you go to do something, bring a hammer and a screwdriver...

the first time it doesn't work, hit it with a hammer. If it doesn't work after that, screw it.

A screwdriver walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Murray?"

A robot walks into a bar.

What can I get you? the bartender asks. I need something to loosen up, the robot replies. So the bartender serves him a screwdriver.

Did you hear the one about the man who became drunk solely off screwdrivers?

He didn't get hammered. He was s**....

Screwdriver joke, Did you hear the one about the man who became drunk solely off screwdrivers?

jokes about screwdriver