Screen Jokes
156 screen jokes and hilarious screen puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about screen that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Screen Jokes are a great way to lighten the mood and have fun. Read on to learn about the different types of jokes like screen door jokes, screen time jokes, screen printing jokes, and screen saver jokes, as well as how to make the best use of a green screen. Discover how static jokes can be used as tools to improve communication and how they can be beneficial to our mental and physical health biologically. Learn how to make jokes a feature of your life and get the most out of them.
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Funniest Screen Short Jokes
Short screen jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The screen humour may include short panel jokes also.
- Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway! The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
- I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my laptop if I leave it idle for 10 minutes... It's my screen savior...
- Apple came up with a tablet computer with touch screen, geared toward children. They cancelled the product when they realized nobody wants to buy something called iTouch Kids.
- As a middle aged man I love going up to pretty young women who are staring at their cellphone screens and asking Are you my tinder date?
- What do you call a room full of men watching the Super Bowl on a big screen TV? The Patriots
- iPhone's from the future. 2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000 - I'm so white
... my laptop screen dims as I sit in front of it. - My friend and I recently watched the Star Wars films back to back in preparation for The Last Jedi... unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the screen.
- How do you tell if a blond has been working at your computer? There's white out all over the screen
- How do you know when a blonde's been at your computer? There's white out on the screen.
Why white out?
'Cause the eraser didn't work.
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Screen One Liners
Which screen one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with screen? I can suggest the ones about monitor and scene.
- I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies Yup, he's my screen-savior
- How do you rescue a dying monitor? With a screen saver
- Errors are red My screen is blue
I think I deleted
System 32 - An employee at work needs a new computer screen I'm monitoring the situation.
- I like my women like my flat-screen TV's.... Turned on and affixed to the wall.
- "is this a touch screen?" "It is if you touch it."
- Everyone said I wouldn't make it, but I had my first screening today. Stage four.
- Snapchat and basketball are pretty similar for me. Screen. Shot. Get. Blocked.
- My friend tried to sell me a triangular monitor but I knew it was just a pyramid screen.
- How do you know a blonde has been on your PC There is typex all over the screen
- Every time my phone screen goes black... I wonder if it'll ever come back.
- How can you tell a blonde was using the computer? There is curtains on the screen.
- What do you call a cheap TV? A screen saver.
- How does Kylo Ren's master escape? With a Snoke Screen.
- What's the best screen grabber for Windows 10? An Android phone.
Screen Time Jokes
Here is a list of funny screen time jokes and even better screen time puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Car rides and plane rides are just like video game loading screens if you think about it. Most of the time they both take way too long.
- How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch? The screen stays black when you check the time.
- Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? She caused frequent blue-screens and IRQ time-out errors.
- You gotta feel for kids today, growing up in a world where all the good screen names are already taken.
- My laptop got left outside during a storm. I tried turning it on and the screen blew and the keyboard started smoking. That's the first time I've seen the rain set fire to a Dell.
- Your phone screen is brighter than your future.
- Your mom is like a screen door Every time someone bangs into her she gets looser
- My wife had to cook to the first time the other day. The food smells so bad, that all the flies in the neighborhood pitched in and bought us a screen door so they couldn't get back in.
- If I stopped looking at my phone all the time and started to put that time into more important things like.... My computer with a bigger screen, then my eyesight wouldn't be as bad
- If this whole net neutrality thing falls through, Instead of screen time, it would be called screened time.
Screen Door Jokes
Here is a list of funny screen door jokes and even better screen door puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
- Yo mama cooking so bad, the flies chipped for a screen door!
- Q: Did you hear about the new blonde-made Inventions?
A: Solar Powered Flashlights, Helicopter Ejection Seats, and the Submarine Screen Door. - What the similarity between a screen door and a blonde? The harder you slam them the looser they get.
- How is a blonde like a screen door? The more you slam it the looser it gets
- Why did Batman refuse to run through a screen door? He didn't want to strain himself.
Window Screen Jokes
Here is a list of funny window screen jokes and even better window screen puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I threw my screen out of a window It reached terminal velocity
- What did the glass screen feel after a baseball crashed through it? Window Pains
- I don't want to brag about being rich ... But I have a flat screen for each of my windows.
- So I just upgraded to Windows 10, I'm not happy about it. My mouse cursor was on the left side of the screen but my mouse was in the middle of my mouse pad.
- I tried to get a guy over to fix my window screen but we couldn't get our times to mesh.
- I passed my driving test yesterday and have received two complements on my window screen saying my parking is fine.
- He bought a new Dell with windows 10 and greetings came on screen Adele said Hello
Cracked Screen Jokes
Here is a list of funny cracked screen jokes and even better cracked screen puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I don't need pictures of my wife on my phone to remind me of her. The screen has a massive crack in it.
- Why so many people with iPhones have cracked screen? Because after selling one kidney to buy the phone you biologically can't remove the other one to replace the cracked screen.
- My daughter just cracked my new Iphone Xs screen, so I'm passing it back to a lucky commenter. Info below. Girl, 7-year-old, can do basic math and alphabet, good at housework, overall a good child.
- I just cracked my phone screen. Does anyone want a screenshot?
- Tested my iPhone's airdrop function today didn't work, screen cracked..
Screen Printing Jokes
Here is a list of funny screen printing jokes and even better screen printing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the Greek philosopher name his religious themed screen printing shop in France. Sacre' T's
- They charged me money to print out a screen shot of ufc fight night. It was paper view.
- The print screen button doesn't work! It may be out of paper.
Unearthly Funniest Screen Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about screen you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean display jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make screen pranks.
Jesus vs Satan
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I caught my friend l**... my tv today.
So much for the high def l**... screen.
Blonde Inventions
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
Submarine screen door
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart board
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chair
Water proof tea bags
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fun Super Bowl Game:
Every time they show Ray Lewis on the screen, stab someone in your party and then deny it was you.
(Another screenwriting joke) Did you hear the one about the bulemic girl?
She overcame her disorder, but then lapsed into compulsive overeating. She gained 300 pounds and died of a heart attack. In the end, she was a round character.
Why do they like to watch Star Wars on the big screen on aircraft carriers?
They're all about force projection.
My friend asked me why I haven't texted him in such a long while, I replied, "My phone screen broke and now it's completely unusable...
so I lost touch."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to ferguson and all I got was this s**... T-Shirt
And this cash register, and this Xbox, and this flat screen tv.
I was watching TV last night...
When an advertisement came on showing one of those African babies covered in flies.I immediately ran for the phone and rang the number that came up on the screen.
"I want one of those", I said,"they work much better than those sticky strips I hang from my ceiling".
A husband and wife are setting up a password for their new computer.
The husband types in "mypenis" as a password. The wife starts laughing uncontrollably, because on the screen, the computer says "Error. Not long enough".
What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?
A newborn with osteoporosis.
What do you call a screen saver with sound?
A scream saver.
God had asked Jesus and the Devil to type out their quarterly reviews...
They are almost finished when suddenly, the power goes out. When it comes back on and they reboot their desktops, the Devil's screen is blank while Jesus's reviews stayed intact. Frustrated, the Devil asks Jesus why he still has his reviews. Jesus's response, "Jesus saves."
Does a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned..."
The man professed quite a list of misgivings through the confessional screen.
"Son, have you prayed for forgiveness?"
"Yes, Father?"
"Do you renounce Satan?"
"Hey, that's my wife you're taking about!"
An update to Windows 10 reminder was a little icon at first
Then it was an annoying pop-up. Now it's almost a full screen reminder. Soon they will start calling me on the phone and if I say no a couple loan shark guys will come to my apartment and make me update.
My ex-girlfriends all did me dirty like the first 25% of a Netflix loading screen.
I was repeatedly tricked into thinking there was a connection
I was told water cooling a computer would make it faster
So I threw my laptop into a pool, and now I never have to see a loading screen again!
The next iPhone will be without a...
Screen. You can buy a wireless screen. We are removing it because it's bulky and old.
iPhone 7 is revolutionary!
•no headphones jack
•no wireless charging
•no curved screen
•no 4K resolution (or even full HD) screen
•no VR headset support
•no 360 camera support
•no expansion storage slot
It is true revolution in scamming people to upgrade from old iPhones!
How recognize a blonde's computer ?
There is correction fluid on screen.
[Esoteric] Hollywood wanted to make a screen play about ASCII but scrapped the idea.
The storyline was lacking in character development.
Whad did the scales show on the screen when the person steeped on them?
Please weight a second.
Snakes on a Plane
I arrived at my friend's house and saw he was watching a movie.
"What are you watching?"
"Snakes on a Plane."
"What's it about?"
"Horses."
He turns away from the screen and looks me straight in the eyes before he continues.
"Horses on boats."
When you see Trump on your screen, don't try to normalize him.
You'll only screw up you TV's color balance.
How do you make someone stare at a screen for 30 seconds?
Please wait...
Blondes..
My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.
After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.
Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help.
She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!
ROUGE ONE SPOILERS!!!
Screen fades to black at the end and a bunch of names start scrolling up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First time printing 3D on a screen
**D** **D** **D**
How did TV studios make words appear on screen before computers?
Character actors!
Great free find today!
Was on my way home from a friend's house today, and ran across a free 60 inch flat screen TV, just sitting on the side of the road next to a U-Haul truck.
New Years resolution
Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year's Resolution
Some people say the Iphone X screen is ugly...
But I think it's top notch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate walks into a bar…
A pirate walks into a bar with a small computer and monitor on his c**.... The bartender picks him out immediately and notices graphs and statistical functions appearing on the screen as the pirate walks up to him. When he reaches the bar, the pirate asks
for some r**....
The bartender says, "Yes, but sir, do you realize you have a computer in your pants?
The pirate gestures down and explains, "R! It's drivin' me nuts!"
I hate it when mosquitoes land on my computer screen when I'm working...
...it's bugging my code
I took Blondie to the movies
Just as the movie was about to start, she got up to leave.
"Where are you going?" I whispered. "The movie is about to start."
"I have to go outside," she said.
"Why on Earth do you have to go outside right now?"
"The movie man said to silence my cell phone," she pointed at the screen.
"So why do you have to leave?" I asked again, as nicely as I could. "I left it in the car, duh."
"Okay. Go ahead. I'll save you some popcorn."
I just bought an iphoneX but my son dropped it and the screen shattered, i seriously lost interest now and i want to sell it, he is 7 years old and doing great at school
Girls always say that size doesn't matter....
But when I wanna watch the game on a bigger screen it does.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At what point during a Netflix and Chill should you start touching her?
Immediately after the Weinstein Company logo flashes across the screen
Michael Cera has a reputation for being just as awkward as the characters he portrays on the screen. He doesn't let what is said behind his back bother him.
Que Cera, Cera is how he lives his life.
So, my 3 year old cousin was over this morning.
I needed to grab a quick shower as I let him watch cartoons in the living room. When I came out, there was black permanent marker all over my 55 inch TV screen. I LITERALLY FREAKED OUT. Does anyone know what is best used to clean blood out of a carpet?
How low is my self esteem?
Well, I'm pretty sure the fbi guy who's responsible for watching me put duct tape on his screen.
I threw a take your phone out and stare into the screen party the other night.
It didn't go well considering everyone socialized instead.
Saw a screenplay about the life of a pair of eyeglasses
It was a myopic biopic
How do the Avengers buy all their green screen?
They buy it in Hulk
I've come up with a new screen resultion!!
The idea was thrown out, but I don't understand why, it was 0k
A Hispanic man goes to a vending machine...
A Hispanic man goes to a vending machine and puts in 40 cents. The machine displays "DIME" on the screen. The man gets close to the machine and whispers, "Yo quiero Pepsi"
Most high profile actors claimed it took anywhere from 5-30 minutes of strenuous but simple practice to be able to cry on cue
Squinting at the screen like that won't help
What is it called, when you swipe your phone screen really gently with your finger?
Tinderness.
I work with an autistic kid. The other day I drew something terribly on the computer screen and told him I'm artistic
He said me too I'm on the spectrum.
One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him.
When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers
Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you'll be safer if you stand up.
I need to buy a new TV set ...
I put my foot through the screen trying to watch Dr. Christine Blasey Ford during the Kavanaugh hearing.
Screened Saw for my 5-yr-old...
... Irish Setter.
She : Babe my phone screen is broken.
Me : That sounds bad.
She : Lemme show you.
*sends screenshot*
