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Scratch Jokes

128 scratch jokes and hilarious scratch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scratch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh your troubles away with this collection of hilarious Scratch Jokes! Get ready to scratch, sniff, and have a good time with jokes revolving around scratch cards, tickets, coding, cars, chickens, cats, itchy gashes, and more!

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Popular Scratch Short Jokes

Short scratch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scratch humour may include short strike jokes also.

  1. A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments. That has left scientists scratching their heads.
  2. In a surprising announcement, Head & Shoulders have decided to discontinue their popular anti dandruff shampoo line. The decision left many scratching their heads.
  3. Lice have become resistant to most conventional treatments. Scientists are scratching their heads.
  4. If elvis Presley was alive today, what do you think he'd be doing right now? Scratching at the coffin lid, screaming Let me out!
  5. A cat scratches at the gate to heaven to get in. St Peter opens the door. He looks down at the cat and snarls Egh, what is it now, in or out?!
  6. I accidentally deleted the manuscript of my book '1000 Ways to Cure an Itch' It looks like I'll have to start from scratch
  7. I forgot to save my new book, 1000 Ways to Cure an Itch before my computer died. Guess I'm starting again from scratch.
  8. If Paul Walker was alive right now, I bet he would be Frantically scratching at the inside of his coffin.
  9. Having a cat is just like having a girlfriend ... They both
    * wail and moan when you neglect to feed them
    * bite and scratch when you try to pet them
    * keep escaping from the basement
  10. What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today? Scratching at the inside of his coffin.

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Scratch One Liners

Which scratch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scratch? I can suggest the ones about wipe and stalk.

  1. What's the most useful material? Scratch. You can make anything from scratch.
  2. How do you build a flea circus? You have to start from scratch.
  3. Do you like my scar? I made it from scratch.
  4. How do you make dandruff? From scratch.
  5. How do you get rid of an itch? Start from scratch.
  6. How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
  7. I got kicked out of Microsoft store ... I was merely scratching the Surface ...
  8. Why did it take Mr. Cat so long to bake his cookies? He made everything from scratch.
  9. Why are cats the best learners? Because they can always learn from scratch...
  10. Why can't the T-Rex scratch their backs? Because they're all dead.
  11. Why did the titanic sink? It's safety only scratched the tip of the iceberg
  12. How do you make a witch scratch? Remove the w
  13. Lice are immune to corona makes scientists all over the world scratch their head
  14. Why are Croatians constantly scratching? Because they've all got an ic.
  15. How does a Tyrannosaurus Rex scratch it's junk? It squats down on a Triceratops.

Car Scratch Jokes

Here is a list of funny car scratch jokes and even better car scratch puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I bought a secondhand car from an online dealer. In the description it said: "Not one scratch." Well, technically he wasn't lying - there's hundreds.
  • Scratches and dents on the doors of your car are the side effects of bad driving.
  • LPT: If you c**... into a parked car and don't have a paper and pen.. simply use a key to scratch your insurance details on to the bonnet.
  • My wife said she wouldn't have s**... with me until I did everything on the "To-Do list" So I scratched out **#1** "*Wash the car*" and replaced it with "*Have a three-some with Becky and Wife*"
  • I scratch it up, and dent it...it gets all kinds of dirty...s**..., I even flipped it one time! Even still, my car just wants to be PRNDS.

Cat Scratch Jokes

Here is a list of funny cat scratch jokes and even better cat scratch puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My cat scratched me for trapping her under the blankets as I made the bed... I guess she's clawstrophobic.
  • Time to change careers. This cat burglar thing isn't working out. Too many friggin' scratches.
  • My cat just told me to throw away my memoir draft… He told me it would be better to start from scratch.
  • My cat is the opposite of a scratch n sniff sticker First he sniffs me, then he starts stratching
  • What do you tell the cat if it scratches you? "You hurt me-ow!!"
  • A man loses to his cat in a game of pool He kept getting scratches
  • Why are cat's carvings expensive? Because they start from scratch
    I'm bad at this aren't I
  • What do you call it when your cat scratches you and leaves a scar? A Cattoo...
  • My kids were hungry so I made them burgers from scratch. They got really upset and started to cry.
    Scratch is a s**... name for a cat anyway..
  • I surprised my family today and made the Christmas dinner from scratch. They started crying.
    Scratch is a s**... name for a cat anyway...
Scratch joke, I surprised my family today and made the Christmas dinner from scratch.

Scratch And Sniff Jokes

Here is a list of funny scratch and sniff jokes and even better scratch and sniff puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The public pool had to be shut down because they found five drowned blondes in the deep end. Some kid had put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom.
  • I love how Canadian money is Scratch n Sniff! American money is too, just not intentionally.
  • Plans are already underway for a Trump Library... It's the first time a Presidential library will have *just* scratch and sniff books.
  • How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff on the bottom of a lake.
  • I keep getting kicked out of museums... Something about them not being scratch and sniff.
  • How do you drown a blonde? Stick a scratch n sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
  • If you scratch and sniff a Canadian dollar, you can smell maple syrup If you scratch and sniff an American dollar, you can smell a stripper's p**... hair
  • How do you get a Blonde to commit s**...? You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
  • Why are old p**... Magazines so coveted and expensive? because the Centerfolds used to be scratch-n-sniff.

Scratch Card Jokes

Here is a list of funny scratch card jokes and even better scratch card puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My dating life is like scratch cards on Google pay. It is always better luck next time.
  • October is Eczema Awareness Month So I'm raising money by selling scratch cards.
Scratch joke, October is Eczema Awareness Month

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about scratch can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of scratch puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Scratch Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about scratch you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean itch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make scratch prank.

We all know what happens when you put Tinder on your Kindle.

But what happens if you create a game with Scratch and upload it to Itch?

So last night I fell off my balcony...

Instead of falling and getting really badly hurt, I kinda just floated down to the ground... landing without a scratch.
The news spread fast and everyone was wondering how that happened. I was later asked to explain the whole event, but I couldn't. I guess I just didn't get the whole gravity of the situation.

What do you call it when a woman gets mad at you on her period?

An o**...-action!
I'm sure someone must have told this before but I came up with it from scratch just now.

What 8 letter phrase means a healthy scratch?

Tim Tebow

A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...

...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."

Whenever my mate Dave starts stuttering, I always try and lighten the mood.

By pretending to scratch invisible turntables.

What are lottery tickets made from?

Scratch

How do you make a flea circus?

From scratch.

A husband and wife are arguing...

"What would you do if I won the lottery?" he demands.
"I'd take half the money and be gone so fast you'd be dizzy," she replies.
"My scratch ticket won ten bucks. Here's five. Let me get the door."

What do you give a Greek man with a scratchcard?

A coin to scratch it with.

What did the teacher say to the student when he made a clock from scratch?

This clock is da bomb!

If you want to be a good DJ...

You have to start from scratch
Thank you! I'm here all week!

I can finally scratch "murdering an anonymous vagrant" off my bucket list.

I didn't do it, it just doesn't seem all that appealing anymore I guess.

Had scab soup today

made it from scratch.

I saw a how-to page on record scratch and DJ techniques.

It was a wikki-wikki Wiki.

My dvd got a scratch...

so i used sandpaper to smooth it out

This one time, I went to prison, but I got out without a scratch-

I beat off all the other prisoners

A woman found a magic lamp on the beach, rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

"Ask me anything and it's yours!" She thought a moment and then answered, "I want my husband to pay more attention to me, to protect me, to take me out frequently, to sleep close to me, and to be more caring, even if I get a tiny scratch." "No problem." And p**...! She was a smartphone!

Why do Indian women have dots on their foreheads?

So their husband can scratch it off on at their wedding to see if he won a gas station, hotel, or a convenience store.

Four across...

Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:
"A word, four across, ending with unt..."
The other man asks him:
"Well, what's the clue?"
He replies:
"It just says 'a woman,' that's all."
"Aunt?"
"Ah, yes it is!"
The man looks down, nodding in agreement. Across the carriage a feeble voice, the Priest.
"Can I borrow an eraser?"

What would Lady Diana do if she were still alive?

Scratch the lid of her casket.

How do you return a bad record player?

Angrily...
No, scratch that.
Crossly.

Did you hear about the chicken that could cook?

It made everything from scratch!

the invention of the shovel was ground breaking (short)

the invention of the shovel was ground breaking.
but the invention of the broom was the one that truly swept the nation.
- Scratch Farrell

How do scratched dvds get around?

They skip

Perks of dating the woman with the longest fingernails

You can get a h**... and a back scratch with one hand.

Everyone keeps bragging about making things from scratch...

but I still can't find a store that sells any.

What do you put on a pig when it has a scratch?

Oinkment!

What do you call a sassy bumble bee that has to scratch it's nose?

A bee-itch

I wrote a program that figures out if soup is made from scratch or from a cube

It returns a bouillon Boolean.

A man built a house on his own in two weeks from scratch, how'd he do it?

Builders crack

why does your skin turn red after you scratch it for some time?

Answer: I'm black, so I don't know the answer to this question.

A man walks into a bar

He's fine, just a scratch

A blind man goes into a restaurant

They don't have any braille menus, so he tells the waitress "Just bring me a dirty fork. Whatever I smell on it, I'll order."
So the waitress goes and grabs a fork from the sink, not knowing that another waitress had just used it to scratch her behind. She hands it to the blind man who sniffs it and says, "I didn't know Rachel worked here!"

Scratch is the most versatile thing ever.

A lot of people are making a lot of stuff from scratch.

When you put catnip in a scratching board to encourage cats to scratch it, you think it's cute when they use it.

But I would think that from their point of view, it's more like a crack addict that dropped a rock through a grate and is trying to get it back.

The kebab shop was closed so I had to make one myself from scratch...

It wasn't the gyro I deserved, but the gyro I kneaded...

Walked into the house, with winning scratch off ticket in hand..

Me: Honey! It finally happened! we won the lottery!

Wife: Great I'll take my half and pack my bags.

Me: Your $8 is on the suitcase.

Lady: Am I going to be alright?

Doctor: Don't worry, it's just a scratch on your leg
Lady: Let me see
Doctor: Your leg is in the other ambulance

Two engineers are handling a prototype for a new cell phone that they worked on

First engineer: "There's no bezel and it's all made of glass, this thing is going to break so easily!"
Second engineer: "Are you saying that we should redesign this from scratch?!"
First engineer: "Well I think a good case could be made.."

So apparently Pun was a movie from 1998.

Wait, scratch that, it's actually a play on words.

Why do people hate chicken scratch?

Because it's fowl language

A teacher was getting fed up with one of her student's bad hand writing-

She said Your hand writing is absolute chicken scratch! I can barely read it. How are you going to get a job if your employer can't read what you write?
He said Don't worry, Miss. I'm going to be a doctor.

My local night club has had to fire their resident DJ

Apparently he wasn't up to scratch

Why do you keep scratching yourself?

Because I'm the only one who knows where it itches.

A man asked a scholar if it is okay to scratch your hand while in pilgrimage...

Hey guys, it is bedtime now and am pretty depressed after a long bad day. Remembering this story-found in Arabic literature-made me chuckle so I hope it will brighten your day too.
A man asked a scholar if it is okay to scratch own arm while in pilgrimage?
The scholar: yes, you can.
Man: to what extent?
The scholar: until you see the bones!!!

A foolish man complains about his torn pockets

A wise man uses them to scratch his b**....

A police officer was answering questions of a reporter at an accident site.

Officer: "I want your news report to mention that how useful a helmet can be. This person fell in a 30ft pit while riding a bike at 100mph, still there not a single scratch on his face because he was wearing a helmet."
Report: "Wow! That's just miraculous. Can we get an interview with that person?"
Officer: "Well, I'm afraid, not. We haven't found the rest of the body yet."

A dermatologist was studying new remedies for itching, but his lab burnt down...

Now he has to start from scratch.

A man asked his wife what she would do if he won the lottery

I would take my half and leave you , his wife said.
The man pondered for a minute before reaching into his pocket. He then handed his wife a $5 bill. She gave her husband a confused look and he said, I won 10 bucks on a scratch off today. See you around.

If you currently have a voodoo doll of me

Please scratch its b**... for me, I'm at a meeting and it's really uncomfortable. Thanks

Math Teacher: Your homework looks like chicken scratch, but you have all the correct answers

Later at Home: I think she's on to us, mathmachicken

I saw a crippled man in a wheelchair at a gas station once.

He bought a couple of scratch off lottery tickets, scratched the surface with his coin, and shouted with glee, I won ten thousand dollars! . Well I was broke, and I needed gas money to get to my shift at work. I asked the crippled man, excuse me sir? Is there any possible way I could have ten dollars, just to put into my gas tank so I can get to work? The crippled man stared deeply at me and said, you can have your ten dollars when you pry them from my cold dead hands.
And that's the story of how I got ten thousand dollars.

A guy on m**... decides to sell his chameleon, and starts typing an ad

I have a red chameleon for sale. Nope a blue one. Scratch that, a green chameleon. Wooow, not for sale.

Try your luck!

Want to win a new cellphone for Christmas?
Scratch below with a nail.
▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓
▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓
Good luck!!!

Scratch joke, Try your luck!

jokes about scratch

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these scratch jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.