Scout Jokes
116 scout jokes and hilarious scout puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scout that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make any scout gathering more fun with these hilarious scout jokes. Laugh along to jokes about Cub Scouts and Girl Scouts, Davey and his Platoon, and anything else scouting themed. These jokes are sure to bring the whole journey to life!
Quick Jump To
- Short Scout Jokes
- Scout One Liners
- Boy Scout Jokes
- Girl Scout Jokes
- Girl Scout Cookies Jokes
- Scout Leader Jokes
- Cub Scout Jokes
- More Scout Jokes
Funniest Scout Short Jokes
Short scout jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scout humour may include short recruiter jokes also.
- What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns? One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'
- Why aren't there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies? Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.
- A Boy Scout decided to start a business fixing horns on cars and trucks… He called it "Beep Repaired."
- You ever get laid in a sleeping bag? It's awful. You can't even move, you're drenched in sweat and the scout master is covering your mouth.
- What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jewish person? The Boy Scout comes home from camp.
^First ^time ^posting ^on ^this ^sub ^don't ^know ^what's ^too ^offensive ^and ^what's ^not ^sorry. - [Original] This is the only time of year... .... that it's acceptable for middle-aged men to cruise around town looking for Girl Scouts.
- I'm thinking of starting a business will use free child labor in exchange for temporary housing. Although I don't know if I can compete with the Girl Scouts...
- The Boy Scouts came up with the strongest knot in the world... You just leave a pair of earbuds in your pocket while you're hiking.
- While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up.
Don't bother, young man, said the customer.
It's self-rising. - What the diffrence between a boy scout and a jew? The boy scout comes home from camp
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Scout One Liners
Which scout one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scout? I can suggest the ones about inspector and ranger.
- When does a cub become a boy scout? When he eats his first brownie
- What did the boy scout do that the jewish boy couldn't Come home from camp
- Call of Duty is like the Boy Scouts, everyone's gay, and there's a lot of camping.
- How are socks like Boy Scouts? They always come pre-paired.
- Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts? He hates camping
- I gave an annoying boy scout two ropes and asked him "Can you knot?"
- This Girl Scout Cookie diet is really paying off... ...now I've got that "samoan" figure
- My scout leader used me to start a fire. I was stoked
- I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts... ...for eating a Brownie.
- What are a Cannibal's favourite cookies? Girl Scouts!
- My old Scout Master told me this one "Don't take the blindfold off until I'm done"
- What do baseball scouts look for when they go to a Mexican restaurant? Fajitas
- who do monsters buy their cookies from? the ghoul scouts.
- What's Aquaman's favorite Girl Scout cookie? Jason samoas
- How was Boy Scout camp? Intents
Boy Scout Jokes
Here is a list of funny boy scout jokes and even better boy scout puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard they're letting girls join the boy scouts now. They're going to help the boys pitch a tent.
- My son went on a camping adventure with the Boy Scouts group He told me it was in tents.
- I would never want to join the Boy Scouts of America They're just a bunch of BS
- When I was younger, I was kicked out of the Boy Scouts I ate a Brownie.
- My son was worried about going to a Boy Scouts meeting for the first time... I told him he had knotting to worry about.
- Why don't Boy Scouts sell cookies? Because who would buy a cookie with BS on the box.
- How do you get kicked out of the Boy-scouts? Eating a brownie.
- Why did it take three Boy Scouts to help the little old lady cross the road? Because she didn't want to go.
- What's the difference between a jew and... ...Do you know what's the difference between a jew and a boy scaut?
A boy scout comes back from a camp. - Why can't Boy Scouts be MLG? Because they're campers.
Girl Scout Jokes
Here is a list of funny girl scout jokes and even better girl scout puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs? A girl scout that got hit by a car.
- A teen walks into a girl scout meeting. They're learning how to tie different types of knots.
The girl says "Can I join you?"
They reply "Can you knot?" - The problem with girl scout cookies: The problem with girl scout cookies: no matter how many I eat, I always want Samoa.
- Which animal was the best at girls scout club A Badge-r
- What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him? "Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?"
- Chuck Norris jokes, let's go! Chuck Norris eats girl scout cookies made out of real girl scouts.
- My roommate gets really mad at me when I lick the Brownies... He says the Girl Scouts are WAY less likely to tell their parents
- What's the difference between jews and girl scouts? The girl scouts come back from the camp.
- Why are Samoan's offended by the Samoa Girl Scout Cookie? I mean it's not like white people care about crackers being called crackers.
- I wanted to tell the Girl Scout, "Your cookies contribute to US obesity." But what came out was, "Two Samoas, please."
Girl Scout Cookies Jokes
Here is a list of funny girl scout cookies jokes and even better girl scout cookies puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- All the people who had candy stolen from them as babies are now the adults buying girl scout cookies outside dispensaries.
- Chuck Norris makes his own Girl Scout cookies using real Girl Scouts.
- I almost got arrested today. i just wanted some Girl Scout cookies.
- How do you make Girl Scout cookies out of brownies? Cremation.
- How did the Girl Scout Samoa cookies get their name? Because after you eat one, you want samoa!
- Girl Scouts sell more than just Cookies. I know, it sounds crazy, but it's just nuts.
- What do arboreal rodents get when they eat too many Girl Scout cookies? squirrel gout
- I ate some Girl Scout Cookies that were way past their expiration date... ...and ended up with a n**... bout of samoanella.
Scout Leader Jokes
Here is a list of funny scout leader jokes and even better scout leader puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was banned from being a Scout leader after a baking mishap on a joint group weekend camping trip. I fudged a Brownie.
- My scout leader taught me a very valuable lesson... ... "If you lick your fingers and wet it a little, it will slide right in". Threading needles has never been this easy!
- Why did the scout leader get arrested? They caught him eating a brownie
- An ex-boy scout leader goes shopping for food.. He gets home and opens his bag of beef jerky..
"Tastes like boy scouts," he said. - LGBT Girl Scout Leader Arrested She was thrown in jail for eating Brownies.
- What did the pack leader say to the white girl trying to get into Boy Scouts? Can you knot?
Cub Scout Jokes
Here is a list of funny cub scout jokes and even better cub scout puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's blue and gold and comes in brownies? Cub Scouts.
- Why did Michael Jackson get kicked out of the cub scouts? He was up to a pack a day...
- My son got thrown out of the cub scouts today. They caught him eating a brownie.
- Why did Michael Jackson give up the cub scouts? He was up to a pack a day
Shout out to my Criminology professor for this one - What do you call a disabled cub scout? A nub scout.
- what do you call a brownie with nuts a cub scout
Comical Scout Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about scout you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trooper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scout pranks.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
There's a plane crashing down...
On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to c**.... Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."
Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.
The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.
The Prime Minister grabs a c**... and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"
The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.
The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."
"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."
I won the dirty joke contest at scout camp with this
What's the best thing about twenty-two year olds? There's twenty of them.
It's better said then written.
Lewis and Clark
Lewis and Clark were walking through Montana when they met an Indian scout who offered to help them hunt buffalo.
The scout took them out in the morning and put his ear to the ground. After a while, he said "Buffalo come."
Lewis asked the scout, "How do you know?"
The scout said, "Face sticky."
What's black and blue and hates s**...?
The boy scout in my trunk.
Why did the music industry talent scout take a course in game programming?
He thought it would help him with his hit detection.
So I've been tossing up between becoming a meteorologist or a scout master.
But I don't know weather or knot..
Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
A priest is walking through the woods at night
He is stopped by a policeman. The priest asks, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" The policeman replies, "A Boy Scout was abducted in the area, and we are looking for a potential child m**...." The priest thinks for a second, and says, "I'll do it."
Buffalo Hunt
Two Native American scouts are hunting buffalo in the Great Planes. One scout hops off of his horse and puts his face to the ground, closing his eyes in concentration.
"Buffalo come!", he exclaims as he lifts his head.
"Did you hear them?", asks the mounted scout.
"No," grunts the man, "face sticky."
The difference between a Life Scout and an Eagle Scout.
A Life Scout is ready for anything. The Eagle Scout is ready for Murphy's Law.
Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?
Me: Not unless it's named Ted Cruz
My car horn hasn't worked for a long time.
Today, a Boy Scout fixed it and all he said was, "Beep repaired!"
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
My car horn hasn't worked in a while...
I ended up having a boy scout from my church fix it and all he said was "Beep repaired."
No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.
An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.
Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.
s**... in a sleeping bag is horrible
It's really cramped, sweaty, too warm and then to top it all off you have the scout masters grubby hand over your mouth
My scout friend recently passed away. He died doing what he loved
Tying knots
Why do the scouts always get coal from Santa?
Because they're all on the knotty list
A Very Anxious Scout Was Tying Together Some Stuff
But he couldn't keep it together.
What do you say when a scout decides to prepare a backup meal after all?
He made a recon-side-ration
As a Boy Scout, I failed my cooking badge.
I kept eating the Brownies before they were ready.
Boy Scout: Sir, the lads and I found a snake. Is it poisonous?
Me: No, this snake is not poisonous at all.
* one of them picks up the snake, which bites him. He begins to spasm and foam at the mouth.*
Me: However, this snake is very venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time.
What do you call a s**... in the desert?
scout in a drought.
How helping my daughters sell Girl Scout cookies almost got me in trouble.....
I have 2 daughters that were in Girl Scouts. I was helping them sell cookies by asking co-workers if they would like to buy a box or 2.
One uptight co-worker found out that they go for $5.00 started balking about the price. Stating he cannot see spending $5.00 for a few minutes of pleasure.
My response was well do you still use condoms as birth control?
The bag of flour
While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up.
Don't bother, young man, said the customer. It's self-raising.
A king sends a scout to the northern part of his territory.
The scout returns and rushes to the King to deliver his report.
"Your Grace, the northerners are revolting!"
The King replies, "I do know that they don't take a bath that often, but isn't it a bit too rude to call them that?"
You hear the one about the incontinent boy scout?
s**... intense.
A scout master and a Boy Scout are walking in to the woods
The sun is setting and the Boy Scout looks up and says, it's starting to get dark, I'm scared. The scout master responds you think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone
the boy scout
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "The horn quit working on my car," the guy tells the bartender. "I was going to take it to the shop, but this boy scout down the road said he fixed cars as a hobby and offered to do it. Hey, here he is already." The boy scout walks into the bar and hands the car keys back to the guy. "Beep repaired," the boy scout says.
Why does nobody like playing FPS games with Boy Scouts?
Because they're good at camping.
(Credit goes to the Scout's Life magazine I got today for making one of the worst scout jokes I've ever seen.)
