Scout Jokes
107 scout jokes and hilarious scout puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scout that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make any scout gathering more fun with these hilarious scout jokes. Laugh along to jokes about Cub Scouts and Girl Scouts, Davey and his Platoon, and anything else scouting themed. These jokes are sure to bring the whole journey to life!
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Funniest Scout Short Jokes
Short scout jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scout humour may include short recruiter jokes also.
- What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns? One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'
- Why aren't there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies? Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.
- A Boy Scout decided to start a business fixing horns on cars and trucks… He called it "Beep Repaired."
- You ever get laid in a sleeping bag? It's awful. You can't even move, you're drenched in sweat and the scout master is covering your mouth.
- I'm thinking of starting a business will use free child labor in exchange for temporary housing. Although I don't know if I can compete with the Girl Scouts...
- The Boy Scouts came up with the strongest knot in the world... You just leave a pair of earbuds in your pocket while you're hiking.
- While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up.
Don't bother, young man, said the customer.
It's self-rising. - What's green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs? A girl scout that got hit by a car.
- I heard they're letting girls join the boy scouts now. They're going to help the boys pitch a tent.
- A teen walks into a girl scout meeting. They're learning how to tie different types of knots.
The girl says "Can I join you?"
They reply "Can you knot?"
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Scout One Liners
Which scout one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scout? I can suggest the ones about inspector and ranger.
- When does a cub become a boy scout? When he eats his first brownie
- How are socks like Boy Scouts? They always come pre-paired.
- Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts? He hates camping
- I gave an annoying boy scout two ropes and asked him "Can you knot?"
- This Girl Scout Cookie diet is really paying off... ...now I've got that "samoan" figure
- My scout leader used me to start a fire. I was stoked
- I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts... ...for eating a Brownie.
- What are a Cannibal's favourite cookies? Girl Scouts!
- My old Scout Master told me this one "Don't take the blindfold off until I'm done"
- What do baseball scouts look for when they go to a Mexican restaurant? Fajitas
- who do monsters buy their cookies from? the ghoul scouts.
- What's Aquaman's favorite Girl Scout cookie? Jason samoas
- How was Boy Scout camp? Intents
- What's blue and gold and comes in brownies? Cub Scouts.
- My scout friend recently passed away. He died doing what he loved Tying knots
Boy Scout Jokes
Here is a list of funny boy scout jokes and even better boy scout puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My son went on a camping adventure with the Boy Scouts group He told me it was in tents.
- My son was worried about going to a Boy Scouts meeting for the first time... I told him he had knotting to worry about.
- Why don't Boy Scouts sell cookies? Because who would buy a cookie with BS on the box.
- How do you get kicked out of the Boy-scouts? Eating a brownie.
- Why did it take three Boy Scouts to help the little old lady cross the road? Because she didn't want to go.
- Why can't Boy Scouts be MLG? Because they're campers.
- Him: "Why do you always have to correct everything I say? What are you, trying to earn your Pedantry Badge in Boy Scouts or something?" Me: "It's actually a pin, not a badge..."
- Why are Boy Scouts safest when travelling with a senior? They'll always have dry wood on hand to start a fire
- this came to me in a dream... maybe it should have stayed there? *shrugs* - Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous? Me: Not unless it's named Ted Cruz
- An ex-boy scout leader goes shopping for food.. He gets home and opens his bag of beef jerky..
"Tastes like boy scouts," he said.
Girl Scout Jokes
Here is a list of funny girl scout jokes and even better girl scout puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The problem with girl scout cookies: The problem with girl scout cookies: no matter how many I eat, I always want Samoa.
- Which animal was the best at girls scout club A Badge-r
- What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him? "Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?"
- Chuck Norris jokes, let's go! Chuck Norris eats girl scout cookies made out of real girl scouts.
- My roommate gets really mad at me when I lick the Brownies... He says the Girl Scouts are WAY less likely to tell their parents
- What's the difference between jews and girl scouts? The girl scouts come back from the camp.
- Why are Samoan's offended by the Samoa Girl Scout Cookie? I mean it's not like white people care about crackers being called crackers.
- What did the pack leader say to the white girl trying to get into Boy Scouts? Can you knot?
- All the people who had candy stolen from them as babies are now the adults buying girl scout cookies outside dispensaries.
- Chuck Norris makes his own Girl Scout cookies using real Girl Scouts.
Girl Scout Cookies Jokes
Here is a list of funny girl scout cookies jokes and even better girl scout cookies puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I almost got arrested today. i just wanted some Girl Scout cookies.
- How do you make Girl Scout cookies out of brownies? Cremation.
- How did the Girl Scout Samoa cookies get their name? Because after you eat one, you want samoa!
- Girl Scouts sell more than just Cookies. I know, it sounds crazy, but it's just nuts.
- What do arboreal rodents get when they eat too many Girl Scout cookies? squirrel gout
Scout Leader Jokes
Here is a list of funny scout leader jokes and even better scout leader puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was banned from being a Scout leader after a baking mishap on a joint group weekend camping trip. I fudged a Brownie.
- My scout leader taught me a very valuable lesson... ... "If you lick your fingers and wet it a little, it will slide right in". Threading needles has never been this easy!
- Why did the scout leader get arrested? They caught him eating a brownie
Cub Scout Jokes
Here is a list of funny cub scout jokes and even better cub scout puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Michael Jackson get kicked out of the cub scouts? He was up to a pack a day...
- My son got thrown out of the cub scouts today. They caught him eating a brownie.
- what do you call a brownie with nuts a cub scout
Comical Scout Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about scout you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trooper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scout pranks.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
Waiting For Buffalo
Two early British explorers are navigating their way through the harsh Canadian wilderness with their trusty sidekick Two Bears. To scout for danger, Two Bears would occasionally stop and put his ear to the ground to check if Buffalo were nearby.
It had been weeks, and there were no buffalo to be found. They were surviving on meager rations. They really needed to find a buffalo to restock and feed their troupe. Two Bears would put his ear to the ground regularly, but still nothing.
One day, Two Bears put his ear to the ground. When he stood up, he had a smile on his face, and when he approached one of the head explorers, he excitedly said,
"Buffalo come!" The head explorer was ecstatic. He grabbed his gun and prepared for the hunt.
"How can you tell?"
"Ear sticky!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a plane crashing down...
On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to c**.... Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."
Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.
The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.
The Prime Minister grabs a c**... and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"
The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.
The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."
"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."
I won the dirty joke contest at scout camp with this
What's the best thing about twenty-two year olds? There's twenty of them.
It's better said then written.
What do you call your first time drinking and driving?
An Indian boy scout patch
Lewis and Clark
Lewis and Clark were walking through Montana when they met an Indian scout who offered to help them hunt buffalo.
The scout took them out in the morning and put his ear to the ground. After a while, he said "Buffalo come."
Lewis asked the scout, "How do you know?"
The scout said, "Face sticky."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's black and blue and hates s**...?
The boy scout in my trunk.
Why did the music industry talent scout take a course in game programming?
He thought it would help him with his hit detection.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I ate some Girl Scout Cookies that were way past their expiration date...
...and ended up with a n**... bout of samoanella.
So I've been tossing up between becoming a meteorologist or a scout master.
But I don't know weather or knot..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the boy scout do that the jewish boy couldn't
Come home from camp
Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest is walking through the woods at night
He is stopped by a policeman. The priest asks, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" The policeman replies, "A Boy Scout was abducted in the area, and we are looking for a potential child m**...." The priest thinks for a second, and says, "I'll do it."
The difference between a Life Scout and an Eagle Scout.
A Life Scout is ready for anything. The Eagle Scout is ready for Murphy's Law.
Why was Ohm the Empire's best scout?
He discovered the resistance
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a jew and...
...Do you know what's the difference between a jew and a boy scaut?
A boy scout comes back from a camp.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
LGBT Girl Scout Leader Arrested
She was thrown in jail for eating Brownies.
My car horn hasn't worked for a long time.
Today, a Boy Scout fixed it and all he said was, "Beep repaired!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What the diffrence between a boy scout and a jew?
The boy scout comes home from camp
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.
An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.
Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.
A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on a photo-safari in Africa
They drive out on the savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.
The biologist says, "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle, a white zebra! There are white zebra's! We'll be famous!"
The statistician explains, "It's not significant. We only know there's one white zebra."
The mathematician corrects him: "Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white on one side."
The computer scientist exclaims "Oh, no! A special case!"
Why do the scouts always get coal from Santa?
Because they're all on the knotty list
A Very Anxious Scout Was Tying Together Some Stuff
But he couldn't keep it together.
What do you say when a scout decides to prepare a backup meal after all?
He made a recon-side-ration
As a Boy Scout, I failed my cooking badge.
I kept eating the Brownies before they were ready.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a s**... in the desert?
scout in a drought.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats the difference between a boy scout and someone in auschwitz?
Only the scout gets to leave the camp.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wanted to tell the Girl Scout, "Your cookies contribute to US obesity."
But what came out was, "Two Samoas, please."
How helping my daughters sell Girl Scout cookies almost got me in trouble.....
I have 2 daughters that were in Girl Scouts. I was helping them sell cookies by asking co-workers if they would like to buy a box or 2.
One uptight co-worker found out that they go for $5.00 started balking about the price. Stating he cannot see spending $5.00 for a few minutes of pleasure.
My response was well do you still use condoms as birth control?
A king sends a scout to the northern part of his territory.
The scout returns and rushes to the King to deliver his report.
"Your Grace, the northerners are revolting!"
The King replies, "I do know that they don't take a bath that often, but isn't it a bit too rude to call them that?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You hear the one about the incontinent boy scout?
s**... intense.
A scout master and a Boy Scout are walking in to the woods
The sun is setting and the Boy Scout looks up and says, it's starting to get dark, I'm scared. The scout master responds you think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone
the boy scout
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "The horn quit working on my car," the guy tells the bartender. "I was going to take it to the shop, but this boy scout down the road said he fixed cars as a hobby and offered to do it. Hey, here he is already." The boy scout walks into the bar and hands the car keys back to the guy. "Beep repaired," the boy scout says.
