The Best 63 Scout Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Scout jokes. There are some scout tonto jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these scout eagle scout puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Scout Jokes and Puns
A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
My scout leader taught me a very valuable lesson...
... "If you lick your fingers and wet it a little, it will slide right in". Threading needles has never been this easy!
There's a plane crashing down...
On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to crash. Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."
Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.
The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.
The Prime Minister grabs a chute and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"
The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.
The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."
"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."
I won the dirty joke contest at scout camp with this
What's the best thing about twenty-two year olds? There's twenty of them.
It's better said then written.
Lewis and Clark
Lewis and Clark were walking through Montana when they met an Indian scout who offered to help them hunt buffalo.
The scout took them out in the morning and put his ear to the ground. After a while, he said "Buffalo come."
Lewis asked the scout, "How do you know?"
The scout said, "Face sticky."
When does a cub become a boy scout?
When he eats his first brownie
What's black and blue and hates sex?
The boy scout in my trunk.
Why did the music industry talent scout take a course in game programming?
He thought it would help him with his hit detection.
I ate some Girl Scout Cookies that were way past their expiration date...
...and ended up with a nasty bout of samoanella.
So I've been tossing up between becoming a meteorologist or a scout master.
But I don't know weather or knot..
The problem with girl scout cookies:
The problem with girl scout cookies: no matter how many I eat, I always want Samoa.
You can explore scout jour reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean scout camp dad jokes. There are also scout puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
An ex-boy scout leader goes shopping for food..
He gets home and opens his bag of beef jerky..
"Tastes like boy scouts," he said.
Why did the scout leader get arrested?
They caught him eating a brownie
What did the boy scout do that the jewish boy couldn't
Come home from camp
What's green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?
Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads
A priest is walking through the woods at night
He is stopped by a policeman. The priest asks, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" The policeman replies, "A Boy Scout was abducted in the area, and we are looking for a potential child molester." The priest thinks for a second, and says, "I'll do it."
Buffalo Hunt
Two Native American scouts are hunting buffalo in the Great Planes. One scout hops off of his horse and puts his face to the ground, closing his eyes in concentration.
"Buffalo come!", he exclaims as he lifts his head.
"Did you hear them?", asks the mounted scout.
"No," grunts the man, "face sticky."
My old Scout Master told me this one
"Don't take the blindfold off until I'm done"
What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him?
"Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?"
The difference between a Life Scout and an Eagle Scout.
A Life Scout is ready for anything. The Eagle Scout is ready for Murphy's Law.
Why was Ohm the Empire's best scout?
He discovered the resistance
What's the difference between a jew and...
...Do you know what's the difference between a jew and a boy scaut?
A boy scout comes back from a camp.
Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?
Me: Not unless it's named Ted Cruz
LGBT Girl Scout Leader Arrested
She was thrown in jail for eating Brownies.
My car horn hasn't worked for a long time.
Today, a Boy Scout fixed it and all he said was, "Beep repaired!"
What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jewish person?
The Boy Scout comes home from camp.
^First ^time ^posting ^on ^this ^sub ^don't ^know ^what's ^too ^offensive ^and ^what's ^not ^sorry.
What the diffrence between a boy scout and a jew?
The boy scout comes home from camp
A teen walks into a girl scout meeting.
They're learning how to tie different types of knots.
The girl says "Can I join you?"
They reply "Can you knot?"
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
My car horn hasn't worked in a while...
I ended up having a boy scout from my church fix it and all he said was "Beep repaired."
Why are Samoan's offended by the Samoa Girl Scout Cookie?
I mean it's not like white people care about crackers being called crackers.
What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?
One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'
No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.
This Girl Scout Cookie diet is really paying off...
...now I've got that "Samoan" figure
An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.
Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.
Why aren't there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies?
Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.
Chuck Norris jokes, let's go!
Chuck Norris eats girl scout cookies made out of real girl scouts.
How was Boy Scout camp?
Intents
Sex in a sleeping bag is horrible
It's really cramped, sweaty, too warm and then to top it all off you have the scout masters grubby hand over your mouth
My scout friend recently passed away. He died doing what he loved
Tying knots
Why do the scouts always get coal from Santa?
Because they're all on the knotty list
A Very Anxious Scout Was Tying Together Some Stuff
But he couldn't keep it together.
What do you say when a scout decides to prepare a backup meal after all?
He made a recon-side-ration
A Boy Scout decided to start a business fixing horns on cars and trucks…
He called it "Beep Repaired."
As a Boy Scout, I failed my cooking badge.
I kept eating the Brownies before they were ready.
You ever get laid in a sleeping bag?
It's awful. You can't even move, you're drenched in sweat and the scout master is covering your mouth.
Boy Scout: Sir, the lads and I found a snake. Is it poisonous?
Me: No, this snake is not poisonous at all.
* one of them picks up the snake, which bites him. He begins to spasm and foam at the mouth.*
Me: However, this snake is very venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time.
What do you call a sniper in the desert?
scout in a drought.
Whats the difference between a boy scout and someone in auschwitz?
Only the scout gets to leave the camp.
I wanted to tell the Girl Scout, "Your cookies contribute to US obesity."
But what came out was, "Two Samoas, please."
I was banned from being a Scout leader after a baking mishap on a joint group weekend camping trip.
I fudged a Brownie.
How helping my daughters sell Girl Scout cookies almost got me in trouble.....
I have 2 daughters that were in Girl Scouts. I was helping them sell cookies by asking co-workers if they would like to buy a box or 2.
One uptight co-worker found out that they go for $5.00 started balking about the price. Stating he cannot see spending $5.00 for a few minutes of pleasure.
My response was well do you still use condoms as birth control?
The bag of flour
While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour. A Scout ran to pick it up.
Don't bother, young man, said the customer. It's self-raising.
Which animal was the best at girls scout club
A Badge-r
A king sends a scout to the northern part of his territory.
The scout returns and rushes to the King to deliver his report.
"Your Grace, the northerners are revolting!"
The King replies, "I do know that they don't take a bath that often, but isn't it a bit too rude to call them that?"
You hear the one about the incontinent boy scout?
Shits intense.
While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour.
A Scout ran to pick it up.
Don't bother, young man, said the customer.
It's self-rising.
A scout master and a Boy Scout are walking in to the woods
The sun is setting and the Boy Scout looks up and says, it's starting to get dark, I'm scared. The scout master responds you think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone
I gave an annoying boy scout two ropes and asked him
"Can you knot?"
What's Aquaman's favorite Girl Scout cookie?
Jason samoas
the boy scout
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "The horn quit working on my car," the guy tells the bartender. "I was going to take it to the shop, but this boy scout down the road said he fixed cars as a hobby and offered to do it. Hey, here he is already." The boy scout walks into the bar and hands the car keys back to the guy. "Beep repaired," the boy scout says.
Why does nobody like playing FPS games with Boy Scouts?
Because they're good at camping.
(Credit goes to the Scout's Life magazine I got today for making one of the worst scout jokes I've ever seen.)
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the scout cub scout puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working scout girl scout piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.