scout Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious scout stories

What are the best Scout puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Scout? Well here is a complete list of Scout dad jokes:

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

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The soldier and the indian

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come".

The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"

And the Indian replies, "Ear sticky".

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When does a cub become a boy scout?

When he eats his first brownie

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Lewis and Clark

Lewis and Clark were walking through Montana when they met an Indian scout who offered to help them hunt buffalo.

The scout took them out in the morning and put his ear to the ground. After a while, he said "Buffalo come."

Lewis asked the scout, "How do you know?"

The scout said, "Face sticky."

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When does a boy scout become a man?

When he eats his first brownie!

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The President, the First Lady, a boy scout and a pilot are on a plane.

(Not sure if this one has been submitted already)

Suddenly, a bird gets stuck in one of the engines, causing it to burst into flames. The pilot tells the passengers that the plane will crash, but there are only 3 parachutes on the plane.

The president grabs one and says, "I am the most important man in the country! The people need me!" and quickly jumps out of the plane.

The first lady grabs another parachute and says, "How will the president be able to manage his children without his wife?" and jumps out of the plane as well.

Now, only the boy scout and the pilot are on the plane. The pilot says, "You should go. You have more of your life ahead of you than I do. Go on and change the world."

The boy scout says, "We can both go, there are two parachutes left!"

"Huh? How is that possible? There were only 3 parachutes!"

"The president took my backpack. C'mon, lets go now!"

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Boy Scouts [Warning: Offensive]

Whats the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew?

One comes home from camp, the other doesn't

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What's black and blue and hates sex?

The boy scout in my trunk.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout?

A Boyscout comes back from camp!

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What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs?

The Girl Scout that got hit by a car.

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The problem with girl scout cookies:

The problem with girl scout cookies: no matter how many I eat, I always want Samoa.

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I ate some Girl Scout Cookies that were way past their expiration date...

...and ended up with a nasty bout of samoanella.

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When does a cub scout become a boy scout?

When he eats his first brownie

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Whats the difference between a boy scout and a jew?

The boy scout returns home from the camp.

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I won the dirty joke contest at scout camp with this

What's the best thing about twenty-two year olds? There's twenty of them.

It's better said then written.

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So I've been tossing up between becoming a meteorologist or a scout master.

But I don't know weather or knot..

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When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?

When he eats his first Brownie.?

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waste not, want not: a limerick

A horny young Scout, with a bucket,
Caught a goose and proceeded to fuck it
Far too roughly (it died),
Took it home, had it fried,
'Cause he thought it'd wasteful to chuck it.

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What is the difference beetween a jew and a scout?

The scouts come home from camp.

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My scout leader taught me a very valuable lesson...

... "If you lick your fingers and wet it a little, it will slide right in". Threading needles has never been this easy!

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When does a cub scout become a boy scout?

When he eats his first brownie.

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Why did the music industry talent scout take a course in game programming?

He thought it would help him with his hit detection.

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bucket: a dirty limerick

A horny young Scout, with a bucket,
Caught a goose and proceeded to fuck it
Far too roughly (it died),
Took it home, had it fried,
'Cause he thought it'd wasteful to chuck it.

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I always try to find the easy way out.

I was going to become a priest after high school but was terrified of public speaking. But I still wanted to do something positive for my community so i decided to be a leader of my local boy scout troop. I figured tying knots is easier than forcing wine.

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[NSFW] A talent scout for an infamous porn studio calls up his producer one day...

"Hey Fernando, I just found a guy who's going to make us huge money! He's called the pig, and you'll never guess why."

*"He's fat?"*

"Nope."

*"His dick is fat?"*

"Naturally, but that's not the reason."

*"He grunts and squeals?"*

"No, his orgasm lasts twenty minutes!"

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Darn kinds

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.""Very good," said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny," said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!" Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

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What do you call your first time drinking and driving?

An Indian boy scout patch

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A business man, a boy scout, and a priest are on a plane...

The plane's engines start failing and the pilot comes back to see his oddly diverse crew.

"Sorry, guys, but the plane's going down and there are only three parachutes. I call one, cause it's my plane. Shut up, I can do that. You guys can decide what to do with the last two."

The priest immediately runs for the plane's door, grabbing one of the nearby parachutes. "Later, buttholes!" he shouts, jumping out.

The businessman turns to the boy scout. "Listen, kid, I've made a great living in the animatronic dildo industry, and you're just a kid. You take one of the remaining parachutes and I'll go down with the plane."

"No, we'll both live," said the Boy Scout. "Although it's going to be kinda tough, because the priest took my backpack."

But they'd been talking too long, and the plane crashed. No survivors. There's your joke, now go to bed.

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A dip and chip stand

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath ...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!"

Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth."

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What's the difference between a boy scout and a Jew?

Boy scouts come back from camp.

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Darn kids.

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.""Very good," said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny," said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!" Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

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Ruth! (not sure if repost)

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what's on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go 'roof'." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

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What do arboreal rodents get when they eat too many Girl Scout cookies?

squirrel gout

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What do arboreal rodents get if they eat too many Girl Scout cookies?

Squirrel gout.

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What's the difference between a boy scout and a Jew?

The boy scout comes home from camp.

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What's the difference between Navy SEAL training and Boy Scout camp?

(read aloud)

One is six months of hell with a team of your closest brothers, getting screamed at, and pushing your body to its absolute limits. The other is just fucking intense.

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What do you call a disabled cub scout?

A nub scout.

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When does a Boy Scout become an Eagle Scout

When he eats a Brownie

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Why is there no such thing as boy scout cookies?

Because the scout leaders save them all for themselves.

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what do you call a brownie with nuts

a cub scout

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Waiting For Buffalo

Two early British explorers are navigating their way through the harsh Canadian wilderness with their trusty sidekick Two Bears. To scout for danger, Two Bears would occasionally stop and put his ear to the ground to check if Buffalo were nearby.

It had been weeks, and there were no buffalo to be found. They were surviving on meager rations. They really needed to find a buffalo to restock and feed their troupe. Two Bears would put his ear to the ground regularly, but still nothing.

One day, Two Bears put his ear to the ground. When he stood up, he had a smile on his face, and when he approached one of the head explorers, he excitedly said,

"Buffalo come!" The head explorer was ecstatic. He grabbed his gun and prepared for the hunt.

"How can you tell?"

"Ear sticky!"

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A guy takes his talking dog to a talent scout.

This dog can speak English, he claims to the unimpressed agent. Okay, Sport, the guys says to the dog, what's on the top of a house?

Roof! the dog replies.

Oh, come on… the talent agent responds. All dogs go 'roof'.

No, wait, the guy says. He asks the dog, What does sandpaper feel like?

Rough! the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. No, hang on, the guy says. This one will amaze you. He turns and asks the dog, Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?

Ruth! goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.

The dog turns to the guy and says, Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?

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So Boudreaux decides to take Thibodeaux hunting...

the night before the big hunt Boudreaux warns Thibodeaux "Say T! We gonna be up dark and early, yea. Don't you go an stay up late now." And of course, Thibodeaux does just that. He stays up until about 3 A.M. Well Boudreaux wakes him up at 4, ready to go. While they're walking around, Thibodeaux says "Woah now man. I gotta shit." Boudreaux says "Ight T, imma scout ahead. If i see a deer, you're gonna hear one shot. Come and help me bring it back to camp so we can clean it." And Boudreaux goes. He finds him a deer and kills it. He waits about 30 minutes for Thibodeaux, but Thib never shows up. "well God damn it", Boudreaux thinks. "Guess imma just have to bring it to camp by my self."
On the way back, Boudreaux sees Thibodeaux leanin against a tree, pants around his ankles, sleeping. Rather than wake him up, Boudreaux comes up with a plan. He guts the deer, and puts all the bowels under Thibodeaux.
Back at camp, Boudreaux sees Thibodeaux come walking back kind of funny. Before Boudreaux can say a word, Thibodeaux says "T! I done shit out all my guts! But don't worry! I put them all back in before I came here!"

**tl:dr Thibodeaux shoves deer guts up his ass**

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There's a plane crashing down...

On the plane are The President of the United States, The British Prime Minister, the smartest man in the world, a priest and a boy scout. The pilot announces over the intercom: "People, we regret to inform you that we are going to crash. Fortunately, there are 6 parachutes available."

Before anyone can respond, the pilot and copilot dash out of the cabin, each grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The 5 passengers look at each other, realize there's only 4 parachutes left, then make a mad dash for them. A giant fight ensues as everyone struggles to grab a parachute.

The President snags one and declares, "I *must* live! I'm the President of the United States!" before jumping out of the plane.

The Prime Minister grabs a chute and yells, "*I* must live! I'm the Prime Minister!"

The Smartest Man in the World and the boy scout get into a tussle, ending with the Smartest Man in the World shoving the boy scout to the floor. Hugging the parachute to his chest he yells, "I'm the Smartest Man in the World! It is imperative that I survive!" and leaps out the door.

The priest helps the boy scout to his feet. "You go ahead, son," he says, "Take the last parachute. I've made my peace."

"We can each have one, father," The boy scout says, shaking his head, "The Smartest Man in the World took my backpack."

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?

Boy scout comes back from camp!

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What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew?

Boy Scouts come back from camp.

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Why didn't the Jewish Boy Scout come home?

He went to the wrong camp.


Bonus: I'm a Jewish Boy Scout

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I think I have a problem, I'm up to a pack a day

Someone needs to get these Girl Scout Cookies away from me.

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My coworker told me he didn't want to buy girl scout cookies because he didn't want to get diabetes.

I told him not to worry. Diabetes isn't a sexually transmitted disease.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best scout jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 49 puns about scout. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty scout gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these scout jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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