Scottish Kilt Jokes
36 scottish kilt jokes and hilarious scottish kilt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scottish kilt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Scottish Kilt Short Jokes
Short scottish kilt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scottish kilt humour may include short scotsman kilt jokes also.
- Asked a Scottish man today why they wear those skirts He replied 'the last guy that called it skirt, got kilt'
- Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
The sheep in the field learned to run when they heard a zipper... - I once asked a Scottish man... What's under a kilt?
He didn't miss a beat. On a good day,
He said, lipstick. - Why is the Scottish national garb called the kilt? Because if you call it a skirt where they can hear you, you get kilt.
- Scottish Sutherland Vertical Launch facility will not launch manned flights. Their afraid the astronauts might get kilt.
- What do you call two Scottish potatos who have just recived a rock as a prize? Kilt tubers with won stone.
- Scottish Joke: After announcing he was getting married, a boy tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt... "And what's the tartan?" asks his mate.
"Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies. - Have you heard about the Scottish man who murdered people with clothing? He kilt 30 people
- TIL The deadliest Medieval warrior was a Scottish tailor. ....He kilt thousands of people.
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Scottish Kilt One Liners
Which scottish kilt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scottish kilt? I can suggest the ones about scottish sheep and scottish english.
- How did the judge understand that the defendant is Scottish? He admitted his kilt.
- Did you hear what happened to the Scottish soldier? He was kilt in action.
- Did you ever hear about the depressed scottish man? He kilt himself
- Just saw a guy in one of those Scottish man skirts It was so funny
It kilt me - Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
- Why do the Scottish wear kilts? So they don't scare the sheep with the sound of a zipper.
- What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear? He kilt himself
- You should never trust a Scottish tailor. It'll get you kilt.
- First thing they teach ya at Scottish Army? Kilt or be killed.
Share Hilarious Scottish Kilt Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about scottish kilt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean scotsman sheep jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scottish kilt pranks.
A journalist is writing an article about the trend for Scottish men to wear tights under their kilts
She walks up to an old man on the streets of Glasgow and asks 'excuse me, do you ever wear a kilt?'
'Aye, about once a week or so you'll catch me in a kilt.'
'Well when you wear a kilt, do you wear tights underneath?'
'Aye, every time I've worn a kilt for the past three years I make sure to put on tights.'
'I see, why did you only start doing that three years ago?'
'Well lass, was about three years ago that my wife found a pair of tights in the back of my car.'
Talented Octopus
A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"
Two Scottish guys discussing a wedding..
First guys asks "What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?"
Second fella says "A kilt of course!"
First fella "What's the tartin?"
"She's wearing white" says his pal
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Scottish guy announced to his mate that he was getting married...
I'll write this down phonetically, so use your best Scottish accent:
"Ahm gettin married next week."
"Are ye wearin a kilt?"
"Aye, ahm weerin a kilt."
"Wha's the tartin?"
"She's in a w**... dress."
The Scotsman
A Scotsman was walking down the street in his traditional Scottish attire when he saw a couple of women talking and giggling,
As he approached one of the women asked " is it true the you dont wear anything under your kilt?"
"Aye, why dont you have a peek and find out for yourself"
So the woman lifted his kilt just enough to see his "business" and said "oh thats gruesome"
The Scotsman replied "I think if you'll check again, you'll see its grew some more"
First post, heard this in a song recently, got a good chuckle from it personally
I think it helps to read with a Scottish accent
A Scottish lass inquired to a man wearing a kilt "Is it true what that say about what's underneath a man's kilt?"
"Place your hand beneath and see for yourself' replied he. She obliged and cried out "Sir, that's gruesome!" He said "If you place your hand back again, you'll find it's gruesome more!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Scottish Soldier marches into a pharmacy
A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.
Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton
bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also
unfolds to reveal a c**....
The c**... has a number of patches on it.
The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.
"Six pence" says the chemist.
"How much for a new one?"
"Ten pence" says the chemist.
The Scot painstakingly folds the c**... into the silk square handkerchief
and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,
followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the
proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.
"The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."
The Sleeping Scotsman
A Scotsman decides one day he'd pass the time by walking the countryside. After a couple of hours, he comes to the top of a hill and sees a road down below him.
"I don't remember there being a road here. I must be more lost than I thought!"
Before trying to trek his way back home, however, he decides to take a rest under a nearby tree.
Meanwhile, a woman driving on the road below sees the sleeping Scotsman and asked herself life's biggest question: "*Do* the Scottish wear anything under their kilts?" Curiosity getting the better of her, she pulls her car over to the side of the road and sneaks her way up to the sleeping Scotsman. She carefully picks up the front of the Scotsman's kilt and sees, in fact, they do not wear anything underneath. Feeling embarrassed and guilty, the woman sees some nearby stakes in the ground with red and blue ribbons tied to the tops of them, being used as markers for a nearby construction site. The woman takes one of these ribbons and ties it snuggly to the Scotsman's wiener to signify that someone was there.
Later, the Scotsman awakes and feels a tug under his kilt. He lifts it up and sees a blue ribbon tied tight around his piece. Upon seeing this, the Scotsman shouts:
"I don't know where ye been or what ye did, but you won first prize!"
A Scottish man in a kilt is having a few drinks with some friends...
...when the barmaid asks him "do you wear underwear under that kilt?" He smiles and says "Stick ya hand up there lass an see for yer self". She declines, but as the night wears on her curiosity grows so she asks again, and again he says "Stick ya hand up there lass an see for yer self". she decides to call him on his bluff and suddenly jams her hand under the kilt.
Slowly a look of Horror spreads across her face and She says " OH MY GOD! IT'S GRUESOME! The Scotsman says "I know! Keep ya hand up there an it'll grew some more!".
