Scottish Highlander Jokes

6 scottish highlander jokes and hilarious scottish highlander puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scottish highlander that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Scottish Highlander Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good scottish highlander joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

What's the difference between m**... Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

m**... Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

The Scots are updating the perception of traditional Scottish fare.

Oatmeal porridge will now be known as a Highland Smoothie.

How many Scottish highlanders does it take to change a light bulb?

There can be only one.

A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender for his best scotch.

The bartender reaches up to the top shelf and gingerly picks up a bottle of single malt. He carefully pours a shot into a clean glass and put in on the bar. The guy grabs the drink and throws it down his t**... in one gulp. The bartender is aghast and says " Whoa, whoa that is 17 year old nectar from the Scottish Highlands. It should be savored and enjoyed not gulped like a shot of cheap v**... !" The guy says "You would drink it fast if you have what I have." "Why what do you have ?" he asks. The guy says "$1.28 !"

An American moves to the Scottish Highlands...

An American moves to the Scottish Highlands. After 3 months he gets a knock on his door from one of the local residents.
"So I heard ya just moved here, an' I wanted to tell ya I was throwin' a party. Do ya want to come?"
"Sure," the American replies, "A party would be awesome!"
"But I have ta warn ya, there's gonna be some dancin'!"
"But that sounds great! Why wouldn't I come?!"
"Well, I also have ta warn ya: there'll be some fightin'!"
"Oh, that's no problem! I was a boxing champ in college, it would be great to get back at it!"
"Well, ok then.... But I still have ta warn ya: there'll be rough, dirty s**...!"
"Well, I haven't been with anyone for a long time, so some s**... would actually be pretty enjoyable. But... I have to ask: how should I be dressed?"
"Ah, just come as ya are. It'll be just you and me!"

One night at a pub . . .

A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman sit in a pub and discuss the best pubs around.
The Englishman says, "There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every one that you buy."
The Scot is not impressed and says, "That's nothing! In the Highlands, every time you buy a drink, the landlord buys you five."
The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says, "That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when the bar closes, he takes you into a room and makes love to you."
The Scot and Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot. He replies "No, but my sister told me all about it."

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