Scottish English Jokes
16 scottish english jokes and hilarious scottish english puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scottish english that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Scottish English Short Jokes
Short scottish english jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scottish english humour may include short british english jokes also.
- New Scottish First Minister just promised to renew negotiations for independence No matter what happens, I'm sure the English will walk out scot-free
- My background is English, Irish, and Scottish. Ask me again why I have so much inner conflict.
- Did you know the Scottish invented condoms? They would use the intestines of sheep as a contraceptive.
The English then refined the idea by taking the intestines out of the sheep first. - My friend told me that I should learn more languages I reminded him that technically I speak English, Irish, Scottish, American and Australian in one.
- 3 paddys are out for dinner English p**... tells his wife "pass the sugar, sugar"
Scottish p**... asks his wife "pass the honey, honey"
Irish p**... says "pass me the milk
Cow."
Share These Scottish English Jokes With Friends
Scottish English One Liners
Which scottish english one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scottish english? I can suggest the ones about scottish sheep and scottish kilt.
- English kid: Miss, I need a wee! His Scottish teacher: A wee what, lad?
- I'm so Scottish... I'm so Scottish, I'm 50% English
Hilarious Scottish English Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about scottish english you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean english speaking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scottish english pranks.
An English spy, a Scottish spy and an Irish spy are captured by the n**....
The n**... ask if they have any last wishes
The Irishman says "I want the irish national anthem to be played before I die"
The Scottish man says "I want the Scottish anthem to be played on bagpipes before I die"
The Englishman says "I wanna die first"
An English Guy, A Scottish Guy, and An Irish Guy
An English guy, a Scottish Guy, and an Irish guy are in a bar. A fly comes over and lands in the English guy's beer, so he dumps it out. Another fly comes and lands in the Scottish guy's beer, so he takes it out and keeps drinking from it as if nothing happened. A third fly comes and lands in the Irish guy's beer. He takes the fly out, shakes it over his beer and yells "Spit it out, ya little blighter! Spit it out!"
An english man, an irish man and a scottish man are running away from the police.
An english man, an irish man and a scottish man are running away from the police. They find 3 sacks and hide in them. The police man approaches the sacks and kicks the first one. The English man barks like a dog. The police man kicks the next one and the Scottish man screams like a cat. The policeman kicks the next one and the Irish man says "sack of potatoes".
An English man, Scottish man, and a Irish man were about to be executed by the firing squad.
They put the Englishman against the wall, when he says
"EARTH QUAKE!".
The firing squad start panicking, whilst the English man runs off.
They put the Scottish man against the wall, when he says
"FLOOD!".
The firing squad start panicking more, whilst he also runs off.
They put the Irish man against the wall, when he says
"FIRE!"
What is globalization?
Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
Japanese.
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!
I need your best Scottish joke, asap! Scottish stepdad's birthday today.
I need a good Scottish joke or two to make fun of his primitive Tartan wearin' bagpipe blowin' and Braveheart barbarian culture.
Preferably, the joke will make fun of Scots as a bunch of useless drunkards subjugated by the English.
This is becoming a bit of a birthday tradition so give me your best!
An English man, Irish man and Scottish man...
Are on a plane and the pilot comes out and issues everyone a challange, "if you can guess where we are by sticking your hand out of the window ill give you 50 grand" the Scottish man quickly jumps up and sticks his hand out of the window "we are in Dundee" he guessed, the pilot shakes his head. Then the Irish man trys "we are in Dublin" he guesses, again the pilot shakes his head, then the English man steps up, "we are in Liverpool" he says, shocked the pilot answers "Yes! Thats right, but how did you know?" The English man replies "because my watch has been stolen"