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Scored Goal Jokes

36 scored goal jokes and hilarious scored goal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scored goal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Scored Goal Short Jokes

Short scored goal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scored goal humour may include short scoring goal jokes also.

  1. I brought my girlfriend to watch one of my soccer matches. When an opponent was about to score a goal, she stormed the field and prevented it with her bare hands. She's a keeper.
  2. How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal? 2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.
  3. My dog does back-flips when the Raiders kick a field goal....... my buddy asked me what he does when they score a touch-down and I told him I didn't know, I've only had him for 6 years.
  4. Neymar. Either he is going to score a Goal today or score an Oscar today.
    One thing for sure.!
  5. I'm glad that Saudi Arabia didn't score any goal in football match against Russia few hours back If not, their supporters would have yelled Allahu Akbar and the game would be stopped halfway.
  6. Did Torres play for every other EPL club before Chelsea ? .... Because he never celebrated scoring a goal.
  7. A father was fetching his son home from a soccer game. Dad: How was the game, son?
    Son: I scored three goals!
    Dad: That's great! What was the score?
    Son: 0-3
  8. The manager for Chelsea FC swapped their defender for another one. The opponent scored 2 goals back to back straight after. "Oops, wrong sub.", said the manager.
  9. It's been my life dream to score a point at a soccer game... I finally accomplished my goal!
  10. You know what's it called when a man and his wife score in a soccer game? Relationship Goals

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Scored Goal One Liners

Which scored goal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scored goal? I can suggest the ones about score goal and soccer goals.

  1. Which country have scored the most world cup goals? The mongoals.
  2. What's a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.
  3. How many goals did Germany score? A Brazillion.
  4. Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
  5. Yesterday we lost the match with 3-1, but at least we scored once. That was our goal.
  6. Ladies, if your man stops the opposing team from scoring a goal... He's a keeper
  7. How many p**...'s does it take to score a goal? Apparently more than 11.

Share Hilarious Scored Goal Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about scored goal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean goals scored jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scored goal pranks.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog

The bartender says, "No pets allowed." The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Browns game and you'll see. Whenever the Browns score, my dog does flips." The Browns keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! What happens when the Browns score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."

Jets Fan

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.
The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.
The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog......

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."
The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."
The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."

A Jets fan walks into a bar with his dog.

The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."
The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"
Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts flipping and jumping after each kick.
"Wow," said the bartender, amazed, "that's great! What does he do when they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know, I've only had him for two years."

2 Poles are watching a Football game...

There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:
-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score
-You are on - Replies the second one.
The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:
-I cheated a little, this is a rerun I knew he'd score, keep your money.
-I also watched the game before, though I am still surprised the goalie let the same goal happen twice.

Part of a hospital was renamed in honour of an old man who scored three goals

It's now called the j**... Hat Trick Ward

Chewbacca's son enters his first hockey season

Chewbacca's son enters his first hockey season this year. With his impressive skating abilities and the number of goals he scored...
Its no wonder he won the wookie of the year award.
Sorry.

Its the Christians vs Muslims football game...

and the Christians score a goal. From his seat in heaven, surrounded by angels, God cheers.
after a while the Muslims score a goal. Again God cheers. The angels are now confused... "Whose side are you on, Lord?", they ask. "Niether", replies God, "I am just enjoying the game."
(modified from Catholics vs Protestants)

So i have this over the top gay friend..

He gets really screechy and table slappy when we watch hockey.
Slapping the table top and screeching in a high pitched feminine voice when his team scores a goal.
I wonder what in his past made him this way?
Was it caused by trauma?
Did he not get enough attention from his father?
Was he molested by his uncle?
Seriously people aren't just born Maple Leaf fans!

So...Liverpool F.C. sign new striker...

A real new hot shot from Afghanistan, the new wonder kid.
He has his debut and scores a hatrick.
After the game he calls his mum and tells her the good news.
"Mum, Mum I scored three goals in my first game!"
His mum replies..."Son that's all very good but I have some bad news."
"Over the Weekend, your father was shot by a s**..., your sister r**..., and I was robbed whilst shopping"
"Oh Mum I am so so sorry" the son says...
"SORRY!!!! It's your fault we moved to Liverpool" shouts the mother.

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying

"Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?"
"Klose", replied the groggy husband.
"And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?"
"Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied.
"Who was that girl in that 'Saved by the Bell' show, Kapowski?"
"Tiffani Thiessen, played Kelly Kapowski"
"And also, when'd that new girl, Sandy, move downstairs again?"
"Two months next Wednesday. What's going on honey?" asked the husband, now irritated.
"Yesterday was my birthday."

Baseball & Football -George Carlin

Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!