Score Jokes

135 score jokes and hilarious score puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about score that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Score Short Jokes

Short score jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The score humour may include short ranking jokes also.

  1. I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions 1. My credit card number
    2. My social security number
    3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate
  2. Why did Trump play golf after the election ? Because that's where the winner has the lowest score.
  3. I am from the future I can predict the score of the super bowl LVII before it starts... 0-0
  4. I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions ! 1. My credit card number
    2. My social security number
    3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate
  5. I don't watch soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would take my friends to the bar.
  6. I bet you $20 I can tell you the score of the big game tonight before it even starts. Broncos: 0 Panthers: 0
  7. I don't understand why my credit score is so low. Every time collectors call, they say my payments have been outstanding.
  8. Did you know there are tents surviving that Genghis Khan used to sleep in? I just scored one on eBay! Thought you would appreciate my original Kahn tent.
  9. All these video games with epic orchestral music scores. Those concerned mums were right, there's way too much violins in video games.
  10. "A man scored a three hundred and one in bowling." "How can you bowl a three hundred and one?"

    "Well you can't bowl a three hundred and lose!"

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Score One Liners

Which score one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with score? I can suggest the ones about rank and rating.

  1. I already know what the score will be in the Super Bowl before the game even starts. 0-0
  2. I like my women like I like my golf scores In the mid 70's with a slight handicap
  3. I have an IQ of 180 I took the test 3 times and added up my scores
  4. Did you hear the score of the England vs Ethiopia soccer game? England 8. Ethiopia didn't
  5. So did you hear about the Angry composer? Apparently, he had a few scores to settle.
  6. I scored 47/46 for my test. It was a chromosomes test.
  7. Did you hear the score to the game last night? America: 8
    Ethiopia: Didn't
  8. There is only one sport in which I can get a high score. It's golf.
  9. My girlfriend is a keeper. She's perfect, but I never score.
  10. What was the score of the Ethiopian baseball game? Eight-nothing
  11. I got a C on my roman numerals test. Perfect score.
  12. Some people say turning 20 isn't a big deal, But to me it's a score.
  13. Why is cupid bad at basketball? When he shoots, someone else scores.
  14. I scored extremely well on my socialist exam last week. I got top Marx.
  15. What score did Lenin get on his exam paper? ...Full Marx

Score Goal Jokes

Here is a list of funny score goal jokes and even better score goal puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I brought my girlfriend to watch one of my soccer matches. When an opponent was about to score a goal, she stormed the field and prevented it with her bare hands. She's a keeper.
  • How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal? 2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.
  • My dog does back-flips when the Raiders kick a field goal....... my buddy asked me what he does when they score a touch-down and I told him I didn't know, I've only had him for 6 years.
  • Which country have scored the most world cup goals? The mongoals.
  • What's a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.
  • Neymar. Either he is going to score a Goal today or score an Oscar today.
    One thing for sure.!
  • I'm glad that Saudi Arabia didn't score any goal in football match against Russia few hours back If not, their supporters would have yelled Allahu Akbar and the game would be stopped halfway.
  • Did Torres play for every other EPL club before Chelsea ? .... Because he never celebrated scoring a goal.
  • How many goals did Germany score? A Brazillion.
  • A father was fetching his son home from a soccer game. Dad: How was the game, son?
    Son: I scored three goals!
    Dad: That's great! What was the score?
    Son: 0-3

High Score Jokes

Here is a list of funny high score jokes and even better high score puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I enjoy rating countries on a 0-10 scale I give Nepal a solid 7.8. The score is so high, it's ground breaking
  • I just got my first A+! I am so excited! I never thought I would score so high on a blood test!
  • What's the difference between your pacman high score and your child? I haven't beaten your high score.
  • You wanna know why I treat all my woman like high scores? So I can beat them later!
  • This DLC is getting out of hand... The DVLA want me to pay £60 to add three points to my driving license, because I beat my high score!
  • What score did Snoop Dogg get on his test? So high he barely passed
  • Who has the all time pinball high score? Helen Keller.
  • My IQ is so high... ...I had to take the test twice to add the scores together.
  • Why are people so surprised feminists have such high SAT scores? We're known for protesting.
  • I started a new diet 6 weeks ago and I managed to GAIN thirty pounds! It's my fault, though. I thought counting calories meant your supposed to go for the high score.
Score joke, I started a new diet 6 weeks ago and I managed to GAIN thirty pounds!

Perfect Score Jokes

Here is a list of funny perfect score jokes and even better perfect score puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the Roman who got a C in Math? He got a perfect score!
  • Many people don't think I'm very smart... but I'll have you know that I almost got a perfect score on the IQ test. I almost made 100!
  • I imagined the final strike. With a 300 point score, onlookers cheering my perfect game... It was mind-bowling.
  • I can't wait 209 days Cause then we'll have the real perfect score...
  • Today is going to be a great day! I'll give it a perfect score: 5/7
  • Just saw Star Wars IMAX this weekend. I have to say... It was a solid movie. I give it a perfect score of 5/7.
  • Chuck Norris got a perfect SAT score by just putting his name on the paper...
  • Once, Chuck Norris only filled his name in on the SAT.
    He got a perfect score.
  • My perfect score friend is allergic to alcohol He can't take anything that is less than 100percent

Credit Score Jokes

Here is a list of funny credit score jokes and even better credit score puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I just scored a 170 on an online IQ test and only had to answer three simple questions 1. ⁠My credit card number
    2. ⁠My social security number
    3. ⁠Uploading a signed copy of my birth certificate
  • Why God's credit score is so low? Because only Jesus saves
  • What kind of Doctor has the worst credit score? Proctologists, they're always in Arrears.
  • The type of girls I date are just like my credit score... Every time I pull out my credit card, they both go down on me.
  • Everyone wishes their credit score was like their payments. Outstanding.
  • Want to know how to avoid identity theft? Have a 350 credit score
  • My Journey from $60k College Debt to $115k Net Worth & 816 Credit Score. And all thanks to this community! I started stand up and got beat up. Settlement has been a blessing!
  • An accountant joke "dont mess with me, ill drop your credit score so low you wont be able to get a loan from a library"
    -The amazing world of gumball
  • What's the problem with your credit score? If my credit score equaled (my family's combined IQ + the money I currently have in my bank account), I still wouldn't get approved for a car loan.
  • If gentrification is so uncool... Why does it raise my streets credit score?
Score joke, If gentrification is so uncool...

Cheerful Fun Score Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about score you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grade jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make score pranks.

Jenga Towers

At Highschool we have a test every week and my teacher lets the person with the highest score bring in their favourite board game. For years, my favourite game has been Jenga, the falling towers game.
So on friday the 8th in the first week of September I finally get the highest score and the teacher tells me I can bring in a board game on monday.
mfw I walk into class on 9/11 with Jenga and I'm a muslim...

Score! I just landed my summer job for this year - working at the zoo, circumsizing elephants

They said the hourly pay isn't great, but the tips are ENORMOUS!

A Jets fan walks into a bar with his dog.

The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."
The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"
Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts flipping and jumping after each kick.
"Wow," said the bartender, amazed, "that's great! What does he do when they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know, I've only had him for two years."

2 Poles are watching a Football game...

There is an attack by one team and the first Polish dude says:
-I bet you 20 bucks he will not score
-You are on - Replies the second one.
The attack goes through and the person scores. So the the first
pole reaches for his wallet, but the second one stops him saying:
-I cheated a little, this is a rerun I knew he'd score, keep your money.
-I also watched the game before, though I am still surprised the goalie let the same goal happen twice.

Golfing on the sabbath

One day, a man named David decides to skip church to play golf. Up in heaven, Saint Peter sees this and reports David's sin to God. God says, "I will punish him accordingly." David plays a perfect game and goes home really pleased. Saint Peter sees this and goes to God and says, "What gives? You said you would punish him, yet he gets a perfect score." God smiles and says, "Who can he tell?"

A mathematical limerick

A dozen, a g**..., and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.

Its the Christians vs Muslims football game...

and the Christians score a goal. From his seat in heaven, surrounded by angels, God cheers.
after a while the Muslims score a goal. Again God cheers. The angels are now confused... "Whose side are you on, Lord?", they ask. "Niether", replies God, "I am just enjoying the game."
(modified from Catholics vs Protestants)

I don't watch World Cup soccer.

If I wanted to see grown men struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd go to a bar.

SNAPchatting to raise the score

Did you hear about the score of the football match between Egypt and Ethiopia?

Egypt 8 - Ethiopia didn't....

A man was in Japan, and had hired a p**...

And as he was going at it, she was screaming "Fujifoo! Fujifoo!"
He took this as that she was screaming with pleasure, and kept going.
The next day, he was playing golf with some Japanese friends. On one hole, he manages to score a hole in one. He jumps up into the air and exclaims "Fujifoo!"
His friends say to him "No, no, it's the right hole..."

An Asian kid ask him mom: "Mom, why do I have to score A in everything?"

Him mom replied: "Because we are Asian, not a Bsian or Csian, or Failsian."

For a change of pace, here's a limerick; "( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0"

Sorry, did that not make any sense?
How about -
>"A dozen, a g**..., and a score,
>plus three times the square root of four,
>divided by seven,
>plus five times eleven,
>is nine squared and not a bit more."

What do you call the score keeper at a jihadi football game?

The Taliman.

Did you guys see the score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer match?

Egypt 8 .. Ethiopia didn't

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog

The bartender says, "No pets allowed." The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Browns game and you'll see. Whenever the Browns score, my dog does flips." The Browns keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! What happens when the Browns score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."

A professor was teaching a class of hyperintelligent youngsters on Game Theory

"To get an A in the test tomorrow your score will have to be as close as possible to 2/3s of the average score of the class."
Afterwards everyone signed up for the test.
The test was the next day.
No one showed up.

Tried to score on my girlfriend in soccer yesterday, but kept failing,

Guess she's a keeper.

Lord of the Bow

So I was telling my friend about my prowess with a bow and arrow yesterday. I said "my best round ever didn't start so well, I only scored 1 point with each of my first two arrows. Got better after that, scored 2 with the next, then 3, then 5. On my 12th and final arrow I managed to score 144."
She was quick to point out that this was impossible, so I had to confess it was a fibbin' archery sequence.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog......

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."
The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."
The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."

I just got my best score on Sitar Hero 3!

I got five stars on "Curry On My Wayward Son"

Ten reasons why hockey is better than women

1: In hockey, everyone likes rough.
2: You only get 5 minutes for fighting.
3: Puck is not a dirty word.
4: You don't have to play in the neutral zone.
5: It is possible to score a few times a night.
6: When you "pull the goalie," nobody gets pregnant.
7: Missing teeth doesn't stop you from scoring.
8: You can always get new wood if your stick breaks.
9: The Zamboni cleans up your mess.
10: Periods last twenty minutes!

Anyone know the score in the Nigeria Ethiopia footy match?

Nigeria 8 - Ethiopia Didn't

Did you hear about the score of the Egypt versus Ethiopia football game?

Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't

A student wants to know how he did on a test

Student: I know my curved score was a 90, but how was my raw score?
Teacher: Medium rare
Student: What does that mean?
Teacher: Not well done.

( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0

A dozen, a g**..., and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more

What's the difference between JR Smith and a bad music composer?

One of them still knows the score

A blonde women's basketball team rallied and then t**... the score at the end of regulation...

...and the coach took out a bottle of wine and handed out glasses to the team.
After imbibing, the blonde team obviously ended up losing.
Coach was asked later by, "Why the early celebration?"
Coach said, "We weren't celebrating, we're not that s**.... I served wine because I heard it always gets better overtime."

Three bass players walk into a bar.

They're actually in the middle of performing Beethoven's 9th symphony, but there's a long section near the end where the basses don't play, so they decide to go to the bar next door and grab a drink.
To know when to come back for the end of the symphony, the bassists tie a string to the conductor's score a few pages before they start playing again. When he turns the page, it'll tug on the string and they'll know to head back to the concert hall.
So the symphony goes on, and pretty soon the conductor realizes he's in trouble.
It's the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded.

Hear about the tennis players that didn't score?

Ya, well, they still made love

Why is it hard to keep score in Afghanistan?

Because of the tally ban

How many U.S. Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

Forty-five. A couple dozen to turn it to the right, a score of them to turn it to the left, and one to really, really screw it at the end.

I scored a date with an energy drink.

Now I can say I went out with a Bang!

Why did the duck cross the road

To score some quack

Looking at my score, I think I failed the math test but it's hard to tell

I'm pretty bad with numbers.

Dad- I want you to score 90% in exams.

Son- Dad, don't worry, I'll score 110%.
Dad- Stop joking.
Son- You started first.

Did you know that R. Kelly wanted to be a pro hockey player?

He was good at it too, but the only trouble was that he didn't want to score after the first period.

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to become a professional Hockey player?

The only problem was.. is that he never wanted to score after the first period.

I know the score of this Sunday's Super Bowl before it starts.

0 - 0

Wife is not going to be happy

My wife said "you treat this place like a hotel"
She will regret that when I give her a low score on TripAdvisor for 'rude staff'

An original

Two buddies are watching the game. One looks at the score and starts thinking.
"Should they go for 2? They're down 9, does the one point mean anything?"
"What am I, a mathist?" His buddy replies.
"It's *mathematician*.".
"What am I, a linguimatician?"

A doctor changes Careers.

A Gynecologist is tired of dealing with Insurance companies and decides to become an auto mechanic. He studies hard, and for the final, he needs to diagnose and rebuild an engine. He need an 80 to pass an become a certified Mechanic.
He takes test, and waits for his score.
He gets a 150 out 100. He calls the instructor to find out why he scored it that way.
The instructor says " Well you got 50 points for Diagnosing the issue correctly, 50 points for rebuilding the engine correctly, and 50 points for doing it all thru the exhaust manifold.

My dad wronged me...

I brought home a test score of 90 and showed it to my dad. I thought he would praise me for it, but my dad took one look at the test script and said I added the "0" there. I got a big scolding and was grounded for the week. I really didn't add the "0".
I added the "9".

A man compalins to his wife about not having anyone to play golf with. His wife said "Well what about your friend Clyde?" The men replied "Would you want to play with someone who cheats on his score and moves the ball when you aren't looking?" "No, I guess not" replied his wife. The man said....

"Neither would Clyde"

What your score in the last test, James?

James Bond: 95%.............34.95%

Why are sports bets i**... for the composer?

He arranges the score

A r**... woman goes into a store to get a new washing machine

The salesman, eager to score some commission, snaps into his pitch with a broad smile; "We can load it up and send it over to your house today, and you won't pay anything for six months!"
The woman suddenly gets angry and says, "Who the h**... told you about me?!"

Liverpool had so much going for them. Dominated the ball, constantly on the attack, great strategy to win the day. But no matter how often the were close a score seemed inevitable, Real Madrid defenders always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. It must actually be true what they say

Nobody expects the Spanish in position

A director and composer are arguing about the score of a film

Composer: Is it really THAT important that there are no voices in any of the tracks?
Director: It's instrumental

I signed up for a singles program looking for love.

It turns out it's a tennis program.
I've never played tennis before, and I'm a bit out of shape. Wish me luck, hope I score!

Did you hear that sports are no longer allowed to keep score in Afghanistan?

It's a tally ban

Score joke, Did you hear that sports are no longer allowed to keep score in Afghanistan?

jokes about score