Scoffs Jokes
25 scoffs jokes and hilarious scoffs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scoffs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Scoffs Short Jokes
Short scoffs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scoffs humour may include short coffin jokes also.
- I used to scoff at the people preparing for the zombie apocalypse, thinking they were irrational alarmists but then I had an encounter with corporate management and I now fear it may be too late.
- A hamburger walks into a bar. A hamburger walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender scoffs at him and says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
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Scoffs One Liners
Which scoffs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scoffs? I can suggest the ones about scooter and coffee spill.
- What do Windows fans do when someone brings up Apple? They micro-scoff.
- Life: Why do people love me and hate you? Death: *scoffs* Have you met the millennials?
Quirky and Hilarious Scoffs Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about scoffs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean frowns jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scoffs pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of w**....
"What have we here?"
"It's not mine officer."
He scoffs.
"I'm serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket."
"b**...."
"Try me!"
He frowns, but follows me as we head to the bathroom in this cafe. I take out the cannabis and flush it down the c**.... He checks my pocket and asks,
"So where's the bag of w**...?"
"What bag of w**...?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cop walks over to a bruised and beaten man outside of a pub.
He asks the man what happened and the man tells him this; "So I walk into the pub and sit down and as im waiting for my drink I overhear two large women talking with a strange accent. So I ask them 'Are you two ladies from Ireland?' One of them scoffs and tells me "it's Wales d**...." So I ask again 'are you two whales from Ireland?' And thats about all I can remember."
A Soviet and an American are talking
The American says, "I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don't like how you're running this country." The Russian scoffs and says, "I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to the general secretary's office and say. Mr Gorbachev, I don't like how Reagan is running his country."
DmX meets Prince Phillip at the pearly gates
DMX meets Prince Phillip at the Pearly Gates after DMX dies at 50 years old.
Prince Phillip scoffs at him. "50?!".
DMX says "Nah man, you got me confused with that other rapper."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm
The bartender says, "Hey! Get that pig out of here!"
The lady scoffs and tells the bartender, "This isn't a pig, it's a duck." To which the bartender replies, "I was talkin' to the duck!"
Three nuns were talking about their chores...
Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.
Four engineers in a car...
Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."
After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 45 year old woman arrives home from her doctor's exam, just gleaming with happiness.
Her husband, being a grump, asked: What's got you so happy!?
The woman says, The doctor said I am in great health. He was also impressed and said I have the b**... of a 20 year old!!
The husband scoffs.
Then asked, Really? And what did he say about your 50 year old a**...!?
She responds, I don't know. He never asked about you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johann Sebastian Bach finds a time machine...
Johann Sebastian Bach finds a finds machine and comes to present time. He walks into a bar and finds a beautiful woman and introduces himself. He asks to buy her a drink, and she says okay, sure. When he gets to the bar he tells the bartender that he actually doesn't have any American money. The woman hears him and scoffs, I knew I shouldn't have talked to your Baroque a**....
A Russian, a Brit and an American are stuck on a mountain
While they wait for rescue to arrive, they get together for a meal. As everyone is taking out their kits and prepping, the Russian starts boasting "in the soviet army, they feed us 2000 calories of food a day". The Brit turns and scoffs at him, then he says " in the royal army, we are fed 4000 calories of food a day". The American waiting for his turns goes and says "in the us army we are fed 8000 calories a day". At that point, the Russian jumps up and yells at the American "NON SENSE. NO ONE CAN EAT THAT MUCH CABBAGE IN ONE DAY".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three British people were arguing about who drinks the hottest tea.
The first person says: "The moment my tea is ready, I pour it into the cup and drink it all up".
The second person laughs and says: "That's it? I drink my tea straight from the Kettle".
The third person scoffs and says: "You both are amatuers. I just put all the ingredients in my mouth and sit on the stove".
Two women are having lunch on Valentine's Day
One says to the other "Do you and your husband have any romantic plans for tonight?"
The second scoffs "Oh, please. These days, he just buys me a half-dozen roses, and expects me to get on my back and spread my legs."
The first looks confused "Don't you have a vase you could put them in?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two homeless guys are watching a dog lick it's nuts...
... One says to the other
"I wish I could do that"
The other scoffs and replies
"you'd wanna ask him first"
The Appetizer
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Here's your beer and a complimentary plate of roasted mushrooms that I picked out in the woods behind the bar just this morning," the bartender says. "Wait, are these mushrooms even edible?" the guy asks. "Oh, come on. ALL mushrooms are edible," the bartender scoffs. "Some are just edible once."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.
The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American r**... trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"
The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?' The kid thinks for a second and says 'Is m**... a vegetable?'"
Mom sends her son out to play fetch with the dog. 5 minutes later both the son and the dog are back inside, looking grumpy.
"What happened?" Asks the mom.
"We lost the ball." says the boy.
"Oh no, where?" The dog replies: "Roof, roof"
Stunned, the mother says, "Did the dog just say it's on the roof?"
"No," the boy scoffs. "I mean the ball is up there, but the dumb dog's not talking."
The dog rolls its eyes at the mother and says, "Well, if your kid had a better arm I wouldn't have to."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The animals in the zoo are bored.
The snake says "I know, we can play billiards" The elephant scoffs "How. we don't have a table?" The snake explains they can do tricks, and the other animals judge them as to how many b**... they have sunk. So each animal does their best and the snake is winning, showing off he says to the elephant "Bet i can slither through your guts and out your a**..." With that he shoots up the elephant's trunk. The elephant quickly jams his trunk up his own a**... and says "Ha!.. You're snookered."
3-D printers
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm pretty excited," the guy tells the bartender. "I just got one of those 3D printers. They say I can even make a gun on it." "Ha, I'm not impressed," the bartender scoffs. "I've had a canon printer for years."
What is the name of Robin Hoods girlfriend?
Says one man to another. The second replies, it's maid Marian, isn't it? . The first man scoffs and replies absolutely not, her name is Trudy Glenn.
At this point the second man is beyond confused and questions the statement I disagree, I can't say I've ever heard of her.
The first man says haven't you heard the song? To which he is replied to with what song?
'Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glenn.'
A man is standing at the office water cooler...
...Talking animatedly telling his coworker he found that his girlfriend was poking holes in his condoms. He elbows the other guy and says "luckily I found out years ago I'm sterile, really dodged a bullet there."
The other guy scoffs "is it really dodging bullets if you're shooting blanks?"
A guy's waiting in the doctors clinic when the Doctor comes in and asks him what's wrong.
Doctor, for the past few weeks now everything except physical I feel like a moth.
The Doctor scoffs You must be joking! You seriously think you're a moth?
Yes the man cries I've been doing moth things, I'm having moth thoughts.. I'm pretty much doing a moths daily routine and it's starting to worry me!
The Doctor replies Well, you've come in to the wrong clinic, you should of went to the Psychiatrist across the street
When the man replies Well that's where I was going but your porch light was on!
My uncle told me this idk where he got it haha
