Scoffed Jokes
11 scoffed jokes and hilarious scoffed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about scoffed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Scoffed Short Jokes
Short scoffed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scoffed humour may include short scoffs jokes also.
- My wife told me to behave when we were with her family... I scoffed and said,
*I AM HAYVE!* - "Of course I can paint your ceiling," Michaelangelo scoffed. "Gonna paint a bunch of dudes with their d**... out on it though."
- My friend tried to tell me Uranus is pronounced 'Your a**...'. I scoffed at him and simply said.... M'ars
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Delightful Fun Scoffed Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about scoffed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean foiled jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scoffed pranks.
A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"
The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"
"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."
Two h**... are discussing plans for dinner
After throwing ideas back and forth of what to cook, their eyes catch some roadkill on the side of the road. One of them eagerly suggests, "how about Himalayan Woodchuck?"
"Himalayan Woodchuck?" the other h**... scoffed. "What in the devil is that?"
"You know," the other says, gesturing towards the corpse, "because we found Himalayan on the side of the road."
An inmate asked his cell mate what he was in for.
The man said he was in for murdering a man. He asked what he was in for.
Honestly I shouldn't be in here. They said it was because I had s**... with a woman.
The man raised an eyebrow and asked did she consent?
Yes. She consented.
How old was she?
23.
Then why did they put you in here?
The man scoffed and replied, they said dog years don't count.
My wife and I played that game where you write down 5 people we're allowed to sleep with
Ourside of our marriage
She gave me her list and I scoffed at the predictability
Celebrities, athletes, she didn't stand a chance!
However as she read mine a look of complete horror swept over her face
And I was grabbing my coat when she screamed "where the h**... are you going?!"
"I'm going round to see your sister," I said "good luck getting through to George Clooney's agent"
My girlfriend forgot my birthday.
"I lost track of days," she explained. "I blame my period."
"Oh c'mon," I scoffed, "how can you blame your period?"
And she responded, "Because during that time of the month, one day bleeds into the next."
Two knights stood to face each other
They both unsheathed their weapons, ready to duel
The first knight drew his longsword, confident he would defeat his opponent with wit and skill
The second knight drew a large block of cheddar cheese
The first knight scoffed and said, "And just how to you expect to best me with that?!"
"That's easy," said the second knight. " It's extra sharp."
My ex called me today, begging me to look at an MRI she had recently
She said it would prove she had been acting crazy due to brain damage. Having been lied to so many times before I scoffed. Told her I wasn't having any of her psycho schematic b**...
A blonde went to an Alaskan sledding race.
She stood near a brunette as the race began. "There is absolutely *nothing* sexier than a man in a doggy-sled race," she said, biting her lip.
"Iditarod," the brunette corrected her.
The blonde woman scoffed. "So? I've used a cucumber, but this is still hotter."
Memory
A tourist was introduced to an Indian in New Mexico, who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptically, the tourist asked, "What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943?"
The Indian answered, "Eggs."
The man scoffed, "Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He's a phony. "
Thirteen years later, the traveller's train stopped again in the small New Mexico town, and he saw the same Indian sitting on the train platform. The tourist went up to him and said jovially, "How!"
The Indian answered, "Scrambled."