Following is our collection of Scissors funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.
I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.
He came to the window and said papers ...
I said - scissors, I win - and drove off
He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!
Scissoring with the runs
A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.
Scissoring with the runs.
A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."
The Mexican replied, "Scissors."
The border control officer replied,"Dammit! Well, you're free to go!"
I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.
"*Rock Beats Scissors*"
Because rock beats scissors.
They just get really excited about scissors.
He told me "Papers, please".
I responded with "Scissors, I win !" and went back on my way.
I said, scissors, I win, and drove off.
He must have wanted a rematch because he has been chasing me for 45 minutes.
I lost the Rock's paper scissors.
When the scissors get dull
The old ones just weren't cutting it.
With a rock. Rock beats scissors.
Me: What gave me away?
Her: The scissors, mostly.
Cutting-edge technology
The immigrant responds "Scissors" and drives away
I said "scissors, I win!" and drove off.
It always loses to rock.
Harry, Jim and Bob are all building a huge skyscraper. They're sat on one of the high up girders, when Bob has a tragic accident and falls to his death. When Jim and Harry get back down to ground level, they try to decide who should tell Bobs wife. Then Jim has an idea.
"How about, we just do rock, paper, scissors, and whoever loses tells his wife?"
Harry agrees, and loses the game. An hour later, Harry comes back to the building site with a 6 pack of beer beneath his arm.
"How'd you get that" Jim asks, bewildered.
"Bobs wife gave them to me!" Harry replies.
"Why?"
"Well I thought it was best to just tell her it straight. I knocked on the door and said, Mrs. Geldof, I'm afraid you're a widow. She said she wasn't, so I said, care to bet me a six pack?"
It's because they get excited about scissors.
No.
The Rock pay per scissors
A cop pulled me over and said "Papers..." So I said "Scissors!" and drove off ; )
Then again, so is scissoring with the runs.
Two blondes stood by a car in which they had accidentally locked the key.
We need to get in there, says the first blonde. Why don't we use a coat hanger to slide the lock open?
No, says the second. People'd think we're trying to steal the car.
I have a pair of scissors, says the first. We could use it to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock."
No, they'd just say we're too stupid to use a coat hanger.
Well, we'd better think of something fast, sighed the first blonde. It's starting to rain and all the car windows are open.
"What's that?" Asked the scissors.
"Beats me" said the rock.
The last 2 words in that sentence were unnecessary.
With small scissors.
A cop pulled me over the other day. Apparently I was speeding. He said: "Papers."
I said: "Scissors, I win!" and drove away.
They are playing a hand and Rock goes all in, Scissors places $50, and paper snapped in a half and dies.
Scissors asks, "What happened?".
Rocks replies, "I think he folded".
I told him this isn't going to cut it.
1. Run with scissors
2. Scissor with the runs
This come as a great relief to Democratic challenger Kid Scissors.
Well, two knives screw together.
Why is rap like scissors? Because rock beats scissors...
...and lesbians should not scissor with the runs.
One such customer, fed up and covered in wounds, told the hairdresser off.
The hairdresser snapped back, "Hey buddy, show some appreciation! You only paid $5 for this haircut, and I've already used $10 worth of bandages!"
\- From "Philogelos", an ancient Greek joke book dated to around 200 AD.
The cop said "Papers" I said "scissors" and inmeditaly after that I drove the f#@€ away.
He must have been crazy for a Rematch because he chase me for 10 min!
Fortunately, I pulled a rock. Had I pulled out paper, I would've have lost.
And don't scissor with the runs
Three strings were walking down the street looking for a good time. They come upon a bar and figure they'd go in for a drink. The first one stops & points out a sign to the others "No Strings Allowed". Well, the first one, not wanting to be discriminated against says "Screw this, I'm going in." As he enters the bar, the bartender shouts "HEY STRING, get out! no strings allowed in here," as he pulls out some scissors. The string slowly backs out of the bar and tells his friends. The 2nd string says, "i'm not putting up with that!" and goes in. Again, the bartender yells, this time coming out from behind the bar with his scissors "Hey! No strings allowed in here!" Seeing the large bartender coming towards him, the 2nd string turns and goes back outside. The 3rd string says, "well, i don't care, i'm getting a drink". But before he enters, the 3rd string musses his ends and ties himself up in the middle. He enters the bar and the bartender shouts again "Hey, No Strings Allowed." The 3rd string calmly says, "I'm no string". The bartender pauses and says, "you're not a string?" and was somewhat confused. The 3rd string replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
I just didn't make the cut.
Rock, paper, scissors!
Rock. He was Boulder.
Because scissors beats Panama papers .
A husband and wife dies, and go to heaven. There, god tells them they have room for only one of them, and they have to rock-paper-scissors for the spot. Wife whispered something to the husband and then prepares to start. They do it once and the husband chooses paper while the wife chooses scissors, so the husband dies. The wife cradling the dead body says to it, I told you that we should both pick rock.
Facts.
She replied: "with scissors of course."
it's probably their version of rock beats scissors.
I guess this is a case of scissors beating rock.
A Policeman pulled
me over and said "Papers?"
So I said "Scissors"
and drove away.
Jingle bell rock
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.