Scientists Jokes

Following is our collection of geneticists puns and mathematicians one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Scientists jokes for adults, dirty chloride jokes and clean humans dad gags for kids.

The Best Scientists Puns

Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Two scientists walk into a bar.

"I'll have H2O," says the first.

"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

Just one.

How many scientists does it take to build a time machine?

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.


Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase erotic vocalizations during sex. Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.

It's a very powerful whore-moan.

Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need:

just five more minutes

Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth

... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.

Scientists discovered that unvaccinated kids are less likely to be autistic.

Because they are more likely to be dead.

Two scientists walk into a restaurant. The first one says, "I'll have an H2O."

The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. Why are you referring to it so strangely. We're not at work anymore."

The first scientist goes into the bathroom and cries. His assassination attempt has failed.

Female hormones in a beer

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.


Two scientists walk into a bar...

The first one says, "I'd like some H2O."
The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."

The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had been foiled.

Two scientists walk into a restaurant

The first one says, "I'll have a glass of H2O".

The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. We are not at work right now, why are you referring to it like that?"

The first scientist goes into the bathroom and weeps, for his murder plan had failed.

Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves.

Two scientists walk into a bar The first one says I'll have some H2O. The second one says, I'll have some H2O too.

The bartender pours them both hydrogen peroxide because he's tired of their bullshit every day

Scientists have deciphered hieroglyphics thought to be 5,500 years old. The first full sentence says

"This is a repost."

Two scientists are playing Minecraft.

Two scientists are playing Minecraft. One is new to the game and doesn't know much about it. At some point, he crafts a pickaxe, but doesn't know what to do with it, so he asks the more experienced scientist.

Scientist 1: Bro, what should I do with this pickaxe that I crafted?

Scientist 2: Br.

A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them

Physicists are the only scientists that matter

But mathematicians are the only ones who count


Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robots.

They call it Mars.

Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg

Because if they lifted the other one as well, they'd fall.

Scientists found out that crabs hear through their legs.

A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can't determine how much is needed for your mother though

Scientists claim its impossible to fold a piece of paper 8 times.

They have obviously never seen me wiping my ass when there is only one sheet of toilet paper left.

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds

They've left no tern unstoned

Although COVID spreads mostly through the mouth & nose..

..scientists now conclude the greatest risk comes from assholes.

Muslim scientists..

Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.

They're calling it 'Islam'.

Scientists say four out of five people suffer from diarrhea...

I'm just wondering, does that mean that *one* other person enjoys it?

What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Stephen Hawking

What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ?

Fizzyscists

Lice have become resistant to most conventional treatments.

Scientists are scratching their heads.

Scientists tested a frog.

They cut off its legs and said "jump!"

The frog didn't jump.

Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.

Two scientists walk into a bar.

The first scientist says "I'll have h2o"
The second scientist says "I'll have a water"
The first scientist goes back home and rethinks his assassination plan.

How often do scientists check the element table?

Periodically...

Scientists have invented a way to send messages to alternate universes...

... they are calling them "parallelograms".

I bet a lot of money that scientists will be able to perfect human cloning soon.

If not, I won't be able to live with myself.

2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says I'll have H2O the second one says I'll have water also the first scientist walks off, furious that is assassination attempt had failed.

You have to be moderately smart to understand it...

American scientists made a clocks ...

that goes forward a second if someone swears near it.
So for testing they put them in army barracks of England, France and Russia. After a while they go and check on clocks.
In England clock is 2 second forward. In France clock is 30 seconds forward. They now visit Russia and see that clock is missing.
They ask nearby solider :"What happened to the clock?".
Solider replies : "We didn't need that fan in here."

NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.

He's 0K right now.

Scientists claims that 85% of rainforests will be gone by 2025

but if we worked really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017

The world's leading scientists build a lie-detecting machine...

...so powerful that if you are detected to be lying, it you immediately drop dead.

They bring around three test subjects. The first one, an Irishman, is hooked to the machine. He says, "I think I don't drink" and the next moment, he's dead. Next, it's the Asian's turn. She says, "I think I'm a good driver" and what do you know! She too is killed instantly. Then the blonde walks up and confidently begins,"I thinkβ€”" and drops dead.

Scientists have discovered the new element AH

The element of suprise

Yo momma's privates are like Mars...

It took a team of scientists decades to find moisture on it.

Recently, a group of scientists discovered...

a subclass of ant has a genetic mutation that makes them grow larger than average, DESPITE missing a jointed segment on their legs. This same mutation also causes them to have an aversion to dairy-based foods, even with their high based sugar content.

TL;DR lack-toes-in-taller-ants

The scientists have finally found out what a woman wants.

But she has already changed her mind.

Scientists have successfully grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves

Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.

They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.

So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write this down.

Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, "What do you think of oil power?"
The oil says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists nod and write it down.

Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, "What do you think of wind power?"
The wind turbine just stands there and says, "I'm a huge fan."

Scientists and spiders.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.

'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'

The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'

The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'

The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.

The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'

The spider didn't move.
'Move right'

Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'

Scientists have recently discovered a new bioluminescent bug that performs a strange dance any time there is a full moon.

They are calling it a Raving Luna Tick.

2 scientists walk into a bar

the first one says: IΒ΄ll have a glass of H2O...

the second one says: iΒ΄ll have a glass of water too.... Wh... why did you say H2O ? Is there any reason to use the chemical formular outside the lab ?Doesn`t this just over-complicate things for no reason ? I really donΒ΄t think that was very smart...

the first scientists stares at his drink, angry, that his assassination plan has failed...

Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table

And add the element of surprise

Scientists have discovered a fantastic new shade of the colour green.

Its sublime

Why do computer scientists confuse halloween with christmas?

Because

Oct 31 = Dec 25

There is an abundance of resistant jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 54 funniest jokes and scientists puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any breakthrough witze you can hear about scientists.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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