Scientists Jokes
122 scientists jokes and hilarious scientists puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about scientists that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Scientists Short Jokes
Short scientists jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The scientists humour may include short researchers jokes also.
- Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context." Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."
- Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus. Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.
- A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments. That has left scientists scratching their heads.
- What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe...
Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon - Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle
- My grandfather developed cancer in his early twenties. He is considered to be the most evil scientist that ever lived.
- Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth ... but then they realized No Man's sky was invented already.
- Did you hear about the agnostic scientist who had twins? She had one of them baptised, the other one is the control.
- Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish. The results speak for themselves.
- Scientists have deciphered hieroglyphics thought to be 5,500 years old. The first full sentence says "This is a repost."
Share These Scientists Jokes With Friends
Scientists One Liners
Which scientists one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with scientists? I can suggest the ones about scientist and engineer and physicist.
- 5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
- Just one. How many scientists does it take to build a time machine?
- KFC has asked scientists to edit the chicken genome. They want something CRISPR.
- Scientists watched the earth rotate for 24 hours and got tired, So they called it a day
- Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need: just five more minutes
- Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robot. They call it Mars.
- BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered an amazing fact about icebergs... More below.
- What do scientists and vegetables have in common? Stephen Hawking
- What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ? Fizzyscists
- Two nuclear scientists get married She was radiant, he was glowing.
- What do you do to a dead scientist? Ba
- How often do scientists check the element table? Periodically...
- What do you call a scientist that snitches on you ? A lab rat
- What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist? A marine biologist.
- What do you call a scientist that steals energy? A joule thief.
Forensic Scientists Jokes
Here is a list of funny forensic scientists jokes and even better forensic scientists puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It takes guts to be a forensic scientist. A lot of guts. Everywhere.
Scientists Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about scientists you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean research scientist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make scientists pranks.
Two scientists walk into a bar.
"I'll have H2O," says the first.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
Scientists have discovered a new type of polar bear. It can live in both the North and South poles, is prone to extreme mood swings and has shown interest in other bears of both genders.
It's a bi-polar bipolar bi polar bear
They found a cat on mars...
A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.
Oxytocin is known to increase e**... vocalizations during s**.... Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.
It's a very powerful w**...-moan.
Two scientists were walking around in Russia during winter
Scientist one: It's really cold outside, how many degrees?
Scientist two: it's -40°
Scientist one: Celsius or Fahrenheit?
Scientist two: Yes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Female hormones in a beer
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
Two scientists are playing Minecraft.
Two scientists are playing Minecraft. One is new to the game and doesn't know much about it. At some point, he crafts a pickaxe, but doesn't know what to do with it, so he asks the more experienced scientist.
Scientist 1: Bro, what should I do with this pickaxe that I crafted?
Scientist 2: Br.
A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them
Physicists are the only scientists that matter
But mathematicians are the only ones who count
Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg
Because if they lifted the other one as well, they'd fall.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chemist, Biologist, and Physicist were captured by n**...
The n**... had taken all three scientists to the woods and lined them up on their knees with their hands on their head. They were about to be executed.
The n**... aim their guns, and the biologist screams "bear". The n**... turn around expecting a bear, but none was there. The biologist had escaped the n**....
So they aim their guns again and the physicist yells "lightning". Again, the n**... turn around to look for lightning but don't see any. The physicist had now escaped.
With just the chemist left, the n**... aim their guns and the chemist yells "fire!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Scientists found out that c**... hear through their legs.
A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.
Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds
They've left no tern unstoned
39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom
Scientists still can't determine how much is needed for your mother though
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Scientists claim its impossible to fold a piece of paper 8 times.
They have obviously never seen me wiping my a**... when there is only one sheet of toilet paper left.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Although COVID spreads mostly through the mouth & nose..
..scientists now conclude the greatest risk comes from a**....
Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man...
Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.
Scientists tested a frog.
They cut off its legs and said "jump!"
The frog didn't jump.
Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.
Two scientists walk into a bar.
The first scientist says "I'll have h2o"
The second scientist says "I'll have a water"
The first scientist goes back home and rethinks his assassination plan.
Scientists have invented a way to send messages to alternate universes...
... they are calling them "parallelograms".
I bet a lot of money that scientists will be able to perfect human cloning soon.
If not, I won't be able to live with myself.
American scientists made a clocks ...
that goes forward a second if someone swears near it.
So for testing they put them in army barracks of England, France and Russia. After a while they go and check on clocks.
In England clock is 2 second forward. In France clock is 30 seconds forward. They now visit Russia and see that clock is missing.
They ask nearby solider :"What happened to the clock?".
Solider replies : "We didn't need that fan in here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.
b**..., I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic
Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.
He's 0K right now.
My grandad died yesterday.
His final wish before he died was that his body be used by scientists to create a massive cloud of water vapour.
He will be mist.
After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen
Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives
Scientists claims that 85% of rainforests will be gone by 2025
but if we worked really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017
The world's leading scientists build a lie-detecting machine...
...so powerful that if you are detected to be lying, it you immediately drop dead.
They bring around three test subjects. The first one, an Irishman, is hooked to the machine. He says, "I think I don't drink" and the next moment, he's dead. Next, it's the Asian's turn. She says, "I think I'm a good driver" and what do you know! She too is killed instantly. Then the blonde walks up and confidently begins,"I think—" and drops dead.
Scientists have discovered the new element AH
The element of suprise
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo momma's privates are like Mars...
It took a team of scientists decades to find moisture on it.
Recently, a group of scientists discovered...
a subclass of ant has a genetic mutation that makes them grow larger than average, DESPITE missing a jointed segment on their legs. This same mutation also causes them to have an aversion to dairy-based foods, even with their high based sugar content.
TL;DR lack-toes-in-taller-ants
Scientists and spiders.
There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.
At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.
'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'
The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'
The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'
The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.
The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'
The spider didn't move.
'Move right'
Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'
Scientists have recently discovered a new bioluminescent bug that performs a strange dance any time there is a full moon.
They are calling it a Raving Luna Tick.
Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.
They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.
So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write this down.
Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, "What do you think of oil power?"
The oil says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists nod and write it down.
Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, "What do you think of wind power?"
The wind turbine just stands there and says, "I'm a huge fan."
The scientists have finally found out what a woman wants.
But she has already changed her mind.
Using the new James Webb telescope, scientists recently discovered an enormous object in deep space that shares nearly identical chemical composition as humor in the human brain.
Ultimately it was determined to be no laughing matter
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming numbers...
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.
HeHe
How do scientists keep their breath fresh?
Experamints
Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table
And add the element of surprise
If you're trying to figure out what rocket scientists do on their day off
It's not rocket science
Two scientists are working together
Both have different projects to work on.
1st scientist saw 1 unknown chemical. Curiously, he asked,"Bro, what and whose chemical is this?"
2nd scientist replied, "Bromine"
Scientists have discovered a fantastic new shade of the colour green.
Its sublime
Scientists confirmed today that anteaters are incapable of contracting Covid...
Apparently they're filled with anty-bodies
New Zealand scientists have discovered two new uses for sheep...
Meat and wool.
(Exchange for Welshmen if need be)
Scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children.
It's probably better to just use an ashtray.
According to Scientists atom's are as old the universe
So therefore your honour she was legal
Scientists predict human-level artificial intelligence by 2030...
...maybe sooner if the bar keeps dropping.
Ross Noble Spice girl joke
Why Victoria is the Posh Spice of Australia?
I don't know if you’re across this, but currently the country’s going through what scientists call the Spice Girls paradigm - Said Ross Noble. - Everyone's trying really hard, but Victoria's ruining it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants
Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.
Scientists have determined that 39% of couples, suffer pain after eating this one food.
Wedding Cake.
Put-the-fork-down and walk away...
Why should you pay scientists with $50 bills?
They're always looking for Grant money.
What did the scientists in Chernobyl get paid in?
Exposure
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Scientists have just discovered a fossilised dinosaur f**....
They said it's a blast from the past.
What profession is the pickiest when it comes to dating?
Scientists.
They reject H0s all the time.
Scientists have declared that ants are immune to COVID-19....
They think its probably because they have.... anty bodies
Scientists are cloning John Lennon..
What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons?
Imagine all the people..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Scientists say you're more likely to die of what your grandparents died of rather than your parents
If anyone sees any German snipers let me know
Scientists say we only use 15% of our brain
I'm wondering what we do with the remaining 65%?
Scientists thought they had found a limb of an ancient hominid...
but it was just a fossil arm.
Scientists have accidentally created immortal frogs
While running experiments, they decided to cut some of the frogs vocal cords.
Ever since then, the frogs just wont croak
Scientists have recently discovered the existence of a mentally unstable microscopic parasite on the moon...
Apparently it's a real lunatic
Scientists have today discovered that dark matter actually does not exist.
The source of the unknown mass in the galaxy was never dark matter, but the result of a calculation mistake.
The scientists admit that they forgot to include your mother in the calculations, and therefor the last (approximately) 80% of the mass in the Milky Way has finally been discovered.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Scientists recently discovered that there is no such thing as gravity
The Earth just s**...
Why do NASA scientists drink Sprite?
Because they can't get 7-Up
