The Best 61 Scientists Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Scientists jokes. There are some scientists mathematicians jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these scientists rocket scientist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Scientists Jokes and Puns

The world's leading scientists build a lie-detecting machine...

...so powerful that if you are detected to be lying, it you immediately drop dead.

They bring around three test subjects. The first one, an Irishman, is hooked to the machine. He says, "I think I don't drink" and the next moment, he's dead. Next, it's the Asian's turn. She says, "I think I'm a good driver" and what do you know! She too is killed instantly. Then the blonde walks up and confidently begins,"I think—" and drops dead.

American scientists made a clocks ...

that goes forward a second if someone swears near it.
So for testing they put them in army barracks of England, France and Russia. After a while they go and check on clocks.
In England clock is 2 second forward. In France clock is 30 seconds forward. They now visit Russia and see that clock is missing.
They ask nearby solider :"What happened to the clock?".
Solider replies : "We didn't need that fan in here."

Just one.

How many scientists does it take to build a time machine?

Scientists joke, Just one.

Two scientists walk into a bar The first one says I'll have some H2O. The second one says, I'll have some H2O too.

The bartender pours them both hydrogen peroxide because he's tired of their bullshit every day

Muslim scientists..

Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.

They're calling it 'Islam'.


What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Stephen Hawking

Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.

He's 0K right now.

Scientists joke, Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.

A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them

Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.

The results speak for themselves.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Scientists have invented a way to send messages to alternate universes...

... they are calling them "parallelograms".

You can explore scientists geneticists reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean scientists chloride dad jokes. There are also scientists puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two scientists walk into a bar.

"I'll have H2O," says the first.

"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth

... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.

How often do scientists check the element table?

Periodically...

Scientists say four out of five people suffer from diarrhea...

I'm just wondering, does that mean that *one* other person enjoys it?

Scientists have deciphered hieroglyphics thought to be 5,500 years old. The first full sentence says

"This is a repost."

Scientists joke, Scientists have deciphered hieroglyphics thought to be 5,500 years old. The first full sentence says

Two scientists walk into a bar...

The first one says, "I'd like some H2O."
The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."

The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had been foiled.

Two scientists walk into a bar.

The first scientist says "I'll have h2o"
The second scientist says "I'll have a water"
The first scientist goes back home and rethinks his assassination plan.

NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic


Scientists have discovered the new element AH

The element of suprise

Lice have become resistant to most conventional treatments.

Scientists are scratching their heads.

Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robots.

They call it Mars.

Female hormones in a beer

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

Scientists claims that 85% of rainforests will be gone by 2025

but if we worked really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need:

just five more minutes

Two scientists walk into a restaurant

The first one says, "I'll have a glass of H2O".

The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. We are not at work right now, why are you referring to it like that?"

The first scientist goes into the bathroom and weeps, for his murder plan had failed.

Scientists found out that crabs hear through their legs.

A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.

What sort of scientists does Soda Stream employ?

Fizzyscists

Two scientists walk into a restaurant. The first one says, "I'll have an H2O."

The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. Why are you referring to it so strangely. We're not at work anymore."

The first scientist goes into the bathroom and cries. His assassination attempt has failed.

Scientists tested a frog.

They cut off its legs and said "jump!"

The frog didn't jump.

Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.

Physicists are the only scientists that matter

But mathematicians are the only ones who count

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can't determine how much is needed for your mother though

Scientists discovered that unvaccinated kids are less likely to be autistic.

Because they are more likely to be dead.

Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg

Because if they lifted the other one as well, they'd fall.

Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase erotic vocalizations during sex. Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.

It's a very powerful whore-moan.

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds

They've left no tern unstoned

I bet a lot of money that scientists will be able to perfect human cloning soon.

If not, I won't be able to live with myself.

2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says I'll have H2O the second one says I'll have water also the first scientist walks off, furious that is assassination attempt had failed.

You have to be moderately smart to understand it...

Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.

Two scientists are playing Minecraft.

Two scientists are playing Minecraft. One is new to the game and doesn't know much about it. At some point, he crafts a pickaxe, but doesn't know what to do with it, so he asks the more experienced scientist.

Scientist 1: Bro, what should I do with this pickaxe that I crafted?

Scientist 2: Br.

Scientists claim its impossible to fold a piece of paper 8 times.

They have obviously never seen me wiping my ass when there is only one sheet of toilet paper left.

Although COVID spreads mostly through the mouth & nose..

..scientists now conclude the greatest risk comes from assholes.

Two scientists, Jim and Dave, walk into a bar...

... Jim asks for a H20.

Dave asks why he ordered it like that, and Jim says that they're scientists and so should present themselves as such.

Dave replies "whatever, I'll have a water too".

Jim watches the bartender get Dave's drink, angry that his assassination attempt failed.

Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars

Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle

A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments.

That has left scientists scratching their heads.

KFC has asked scientists to edit the chicken genome.

They want something CRISPR.

A Chemist, Biologist, and Physicist were captured by Nazis

The Nazis had taken all three scientists to the woods and lined them up on their knees with their hands on their head. They were about to be executed.

The Nazis aim their guns, and the biologist screams "bear". The Nazis turn around expecting a bear, but none was there. The biologist had escaped the Nazis.

So they aim their guns again and the physicist yells "lightning". Again, the Nazis turn around to look for lightning but don't see any. The physicist had now escaped.

With just the chemist left, the Nazis aim their guns and the chemist yells "fire!".

Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man...

Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.

After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen

Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives

Two scientists walk into a bar

I'll have H20 says the 1st.

I'll have H20, too says the 2nd.

The bartender doesn't have a clue what they want because he flunked out of high school, and started working at a bar.

Why do computer scientists always confuse Christmas and Halloween?

Its cause DEC 25 = OCT 31

Scientists watched the earth rotate for 24 hours and got tired,

So they called it a day

French computer scientists have come up with a better way of sharing electronic files.

It's a Pierre to Pierre network.

Two scientists walk into a bar….

Scientist 1: I'll have H2O.

Sceintist 2: I'll have H2O too.

The second scientist dies.

What do British scientists like to eat?

Fission chips

Scientists have conducted blood tests on a frog to extract DNA and confirm its identity.

They have discovered that the frog was:-
30% Russian
30% French
20% Italian
10% Spanish
5% British
4% Dutch
And a tad Pole...!

Scientists have determined that the Earth has a resonant frequency

The planet resonates at a low B note. However if you were flying away in a space ship the frequency would drop due to the doppler effect, and the Earth would B flat.

According to scientists,

Infertility is hereditary. So, if your parents didn't have kids, then neither will you.

What profession is the pickiest when it comes to dating?

Scientists.

They reject H0s all the time.

Scientists have discovered a new type of polar bear. It can live in both the North and South poles, is prone to extreme mood swings and has shown interest in other bears of both genders.

It's a bi-polar bipolar bi polar bear

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the scientists humans jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working scientists computer scientist piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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