The Best 79 Scientist Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Scientist jokes. There are some scientist chloride jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these scientist rocket scientist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Scientist Jokes and Puns
Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."
Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."
My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero...
At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now.
My grandfather developed cancer in his early twenties.
He is considered to be the most evil scientist that ever lived.
My niece comes up with the best kid jokes. Why did the scientist remove his doorbell?
He wanted to to win the **Nobel Prize!**
A scientist is trying to prove that all blonds are stupid
so he holds an all blond convention and randomly picks someone from the crowd. First he asks her what two plus two is. She answers seven, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!". So this time he asks her what ten minus four is. She answers thirteen, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!". So this time he asks her what is five times five is. She answers twenty-five, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!".
Scientists and spiders.
There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.
At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.
'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'
The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'
The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'
The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.
The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'
The spider didn't move.
'Move right'
Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'
the three legged pig joke reminded me of a joke my dad once told me
a scientist was doing an experiment on a frog in his lab, he placed the frog down on the floor and said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped 4 feet and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 4 legs, jumps 4 feet"
he then cut off one of the frogs legs and again said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped only 3 feet this time and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 3 legs, jumps 3 feet"
he cut off a 2nd leg and said "Frog jump!". this time the frog only jumped 2 feet and so he noted
"frog with 2 legs, jumps 2 feet"
he then cut off a 3rd leg and again said "Frog jump!". the frog only jumped a foot and so he noted
"frog with 1 leg, jumps 1 foot"
the scientist then cut off the frogs last remaining leg and said "Frog jump!, Frog jump!, FROG JUMP!!!!!" but the frog did not move. so he noted
"frog with 0 legs, deaf"
Did you hear about the agnostic scientist who had twins?
She had one of them baptised, the other one is the control.
Just one.
How many scientists does it take to build a time machine?
Two scientists walk into a bar The first one says I'll have some H2O. The second one says, I'll have some H2O too.
The bartender pours them both hydrogen peroxide because he's tired of their bullshit every day
President Obama visits the Pentagon...
President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.
A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"
Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."
You can explore scientist beaker reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean scientist biologist dad jokes. There are also scientist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
In his quest to gain more power, the mad scientist extended his hours at the lab.
This is after he discovered that power is work overtime.
What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist?
A stroke of genius.
What did the scientist who was conducting sexual experiments on dogs say to his partner?
"If you need me, I'll be in the lab."
Niels Bohr (true story)
a true story (supposedly)
A man goes to visit Niels Bohr, and sees a horseshoe hanging over Bohr's door (a scandinavian superstition).
The man says, "But Niels, you are a scientist! Surely you do not believe in this superstition?"
Niels replies, "Of course I don't believe in it!"
The man is confused. "Why do you have it if you don't believe in it?"
Bohr replies, "It is supposed to work, even if you don't believe in it!"
What do scientists and vegetables have in common?
Stephen Hawking
Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.
He's 0K right now.
Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish.
The results speak for themselves.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 helium atoms?
HeHe
Scientists have invented a way to send messages to alternate universes...
... they are calling them "parallelograms".
Two scientists walk into a bar.
"I'll have H2O," says the first.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
In 1839 an Arab man made the first condom
The condom was made of goat intestines. In 1844, a British scientist revolutionized the condom by removing the intestines from the goat first
Scientist: We've successfully taught a dog Morse code!
Dog: [taps paw]
Me: What did it say??
Scientist: "Woof."
What's the difference between a mad engineer and a mad scientist?
The mad engineer builds an efficient, well-desined death ray and destroys the world in one blow.
The mad scientist builds his death ray and divides the world into three randomised groups: an experimental group to be killed, a control group to be spared and a group that is told they are dead to account for the placebo effect.
Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded...
at how gullible people on the internet are.
Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth
... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.
Wife or Girlfriend
A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."
How often do scientists check the element table?
Periodically...
An Indian man is at home...
An Indian man is at home, cooking for his family. He is a very wealthy scientist, so he was able to purchase a tandoor. Tonight he decides to break it in. As he takes his bread out, he notices something strange. It almost falls apart in his hands. As he gets it on the plate, it turns into a viscous liquid. Amazed, he began trying to figure out what this was. After several minutes of keeping his family waiting, he let's out an audible "Aha!" He then proceeds to slam his fist onto the bread. Miraculously, the bread held together and almost seemed to form a solid.
"Just as I thought." He says.
"A Naan-Newtonian Fluid."
Scientist have found a rare mutation in some goats...
It's called the Billy gene and causes them to believe that the kid is not their son.
A car with 3 engineers and 1 computer scientist stalls on the freeway...
The mechanical engineer says: "lets check the carborator, it's probably the carborator"
The chemical engineer says: "its most likely the gas line, lets check that"
The electrical engineer says: "no, it has to be the car's circuts"
The computer scientist thinks for a minute and says: "lets all get out of the car and get back in"
Scientists say four out of five people suffer from diarrhea...
I'm just wondering, does that mean that *one* other person enjoys it?
Scientists have deciphered hieroglyphics thought to be 5,500 years old. The first full sentence says
"This is a repost."
I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones.
If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.
What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist?
A marine biologist.
Wife calls her scientist husband...
"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."
"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"
"Whats that?"
"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."
"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."
Two scientists walk into a bar...
The first one says, "I'd like some H2O."
The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."
The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had been foiled.
Two scientists walk into a bar.
The first scientist says "I'll have h2o"
The second scientist says "I'll have a water"
The first scientist goes back home and rethinks his assassination plan.
There was a scientist one time, and he went to talk to God
and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."
God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"
The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human, when God promptly stops him and says, "Whoa not so fast, use your own dirt."
Scientists have discovered the new element AH
The element of suprise
Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robots.
They call it Mars.
Scientists claims that 85% of rainforests will be gone by 2025
but if we worked really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017
A Scientist is with his peer
The peer asks the scientist, "What are you working on?"
The scientist says, "Its amazing. I taught a dog how to communicate to humans with morse code!"
The two walk down the hall to see the dog and the scientist gives the dog a command. The dogs taps his paw on the ground with intervals of time creating letters in morse code.
The peer says, "What is he saying?"
The scientist says, "Woof."
Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need:
just five more minutes
What do you call a scientist that steals energy?
A joule thief.
Two scientists walk into a restaurant
The first one says, "I'll have a glass of H2O".
The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. We are not at work right now, why are you referring to it like that?"
The first scientist goes into the bathroom and weeps, for his murder plan had failed.
Scientists found out that crabs hear through their legs.
A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.
Two scientists walk into a restaurant. The first one says, "I'll have an H2O."
The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. Why are you referring to it so strangely. We're not at work anymore."
The first scientist goes into the bathroom and cries. His assassination attempt has failed.
Scientists tested a frog.
They cut off its legs and said "jump!"
The frog didn't jump.
Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.
What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium?
HeHe...
Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon
Scientists discovered that unvaccinated kids are less likely to be autistic.
Because they are more likely to be dead.
Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg
Because if they lifted the other one as well, they'd fall.
Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds
They've left no tern unstoned
2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says I'll have H2O the second one says I'll have water also the first scientist walks off, furious that is assassination attempt had failed.
You have to be moderately smart to understand it...
Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.
Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.
Two scientists are playing Minecraft.
Two scientists are playing Minecraft. One is new to the game and doesn't know much about it. At some point, he crafts a pickaxe, but doesn't know what to do with it, so he asks the more experienced scientist.
Scientist 1: Bro, what should I do with this pickaxe that I crafted?
Scientist 2: Br.
People say Elon Musk is a mad scientist. Do you think he relates to Dr. Jekyll?
Because I've always heard he benefited from having a part Hyde.
Scientists claim its impossible to fold a piece of paper 8 times.
They have obviously never seen me wiping my ass when there is only one sheet of toilet paper left.
What do you call a scientist who works with bacteria?
A man of culture.
A scientist went to God and said triumphantly, We've worked out how to make a man without you. God laughed and said, Okay then, show me. Go ahead.
So the scientist bent down and picked up a handful of dirt but God stopped him.
Oh no you don't. said God. Get your own dirt.
Two scientists, Jim and Dave, walk into a bar...
... Jim asks for a H20.
Dave asks why he ordered it like that, and Jim says that they're scientists and so should present themselves as such.
Dave replies "whatever, I'll have a water too".
Jim watches the bartender get Dave's drink, angry that his assassination attempt failed.
My scientist wife decided to test the hypothesis that more sex would improve our marriage. It's already been a week, and I've concluded...
that I'm in the control group.
Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars
Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle
My scientist wife decided to test the hyphotesis that more sex would improve our marriage. It's only been a week, and I've already concluded...
...that I'm in the control group.
Two scientists walk into a bar
I'll have H20 says the 1st.
I'll have H20, too says the 2nd.
The bartender doesn't have a clue what they want because he flunked out of high school, and started working at a bar.
What's the difference between a genie and a scientist?
One grants wishes and the other wishes for grants
Scientists watched the earth rotate for 24 hours and got tired,
So they called it a day
What do you call a scientist that snitches on you ?
A lab rat
The wage gap isn't real.
Men simply focus on getting the higher paying jobs like scientist, doctor, engineer. Meanwhile, women tend to go towards the lower paying jobs, like female scientist, female doctor and female engineer.
Scientists have discovered a new type of polar bear. It can live in both the North and South poles, is prone to extreme mood swings and has shown interest in other bears of both genders.
It's a bi-polar bipolar bi polar bear
Two scientists were walking around in Russia during winter
Scientist one: It's really cold outside, how many degrees?
Scientist two: it's -40°
Scientist one: Celsius or Fahrenheit?
Scientist two: Yes.
What do you do to a dead scientist?
Ba
How do scientists freshen their breath?
With *experi-mints* !
Scientists have discovered the sub-atomic particle that confers density.
They've called it the Moron.
The last sentence spoken before the end of the universe was by a scientist
it was something like: "*let's try this and see how it goes!*"
What did the Spanish scientist say when asked if he wanted lime in his cocktail?
A mi no acid.
Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive.
It's called The Wedding Cake.
Scientists say we only use 15% of our brain
I'm wondering what we do with the remaining 65%?
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the scientist experiment puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working scientist computer scientist piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.