The Best 58 Scientific Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Scientific jokes. There are some scientific theory jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these scientific density puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Scientific Jokes and Puns
What is the scientific name for the fear of the chainsaws?
Common sense.
What do you call a scientific measuring instrument with degrees?
A graduated cylinder.
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This is the only joke I've ever thought of.
It has been scientifically proven that women with few pounds extra tend to live a lot longer than...
...men who point that out.
I hear scientists have recently started using lawyers as opposed to rats for scientific experiments...
They do this for two reasons;
One, The scientists become less attached to the lawyers.
And two, there are certain things that even *rats* won't do.
(This is a joke from the film, **Hook**. I never realized how funny it was)
What is the scientific measurement for moistness?
Digits...
scientific joke
Scientists were playing hide and seek. Einstein was seeker.
Amongst the other scientists, Newton did not hide and stood in a 1 meter square.
Einstein: I found you Newton, I-spy
Newton: I am not Newton, as I am standing in 1 mtr square, I am newton per meter square: I am Pascal
!@#$%^&*()
Typos change everything
Mollahs wanted to bring the scientific method to Iran, but then someone in the process mistyped "trial and error" into "rial and terror"
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
A scientific joke
Q: Why are Curium, Helium, and Barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't Curium or Helium them, you Barium!
What does Dr. Oz do when you throw scientific evidence at his head?
Ducks like a quack.
Smoking is a scientific wonder!
It kills people, but cures salmon.
You can explore scientific discoveries reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean scientific scientist dad jokes. There are also scientific puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I absolutely, unequivocally support any and all scientific efforts to create a real, working invisibility cloak.
I just want to make myself crystal clear.
The Chinese recently made a scientific discovery.
They discovered a louse so small that it lives on the back of the common housefly.
It's a remarkable discovery, but it's gone completely unnoticed because nobody thinks it odd that the Chinese are raving about their fly lice.
New scientific research finds a link between blood type and happiness. The best blood type for happiness?
B positive.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an octopus?
A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.
What is the favorite scientific unit of the French?
RPM ( Revolutions Per Minute )
Teach a human to fish and you'll feed them for a lifetime...
Teach a fish to human and you've got a scientific breakthrough.
My friend always wants to talk about the scientific principle of buoyancy.
It's not interesting to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
What do you call a rational scientific Mormon?
An Oxymormon
Scientific research recently revealed....
Evidence that female hormones are present in beer. A group of men were given six pints of beer each. One hundred percent of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.
It's scientifically proven that birthdays are good for your health.
The more of them you have, the longer you live.
Accordion to scientific studies, 90% ..
of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.
A recent scientific study found that 95% of all homosexuals are indeed born that way....
The other 5% just get sucked into it.
What do get if you cross a Kangaroo with an Elephant?
A stern letter from the scientific ethics committee.
What do you get when you cross a Kangaroo and an Elephant?
A letter from the Scientific Ethics Committee and a withdrawl of your grant money.
Doctors have come up with a more scientific and more accurate name for cabin fever...
Stuck Home Syndrome
The scientific term for lazy eye is atchaphoria.
One eye is looking atcha and the other is looking phoria.
What is the scientific name of the swan?
Biggus duckus
Isaac Newton died a virgin. That means I have one up on history's greatest scientific genius.
Because I'm not dead.
There was a scientific study showing that bearded men are more attractive...
...than bearded women.
Scientific research has proven that 90% of highschool students don't pay attention in class
Other 10% don't come to school
What do you call a scientific talk about the psychological impact of cannibalism?
A Hannibal Lecture.
I was part of a scientific study on the calming effects of listening to the Three Tenors.
I felt great, but was in the control group. It turns out I was listening to Placebo Domingo.
It is a proven Scientific fact, that things expand when under immense heat...
I'm not fat, I'm really hot
A questionable article on marine biology goes viral.
"**New study reveals migrating Crows' droppings may be responsible for great barrier barrier reef bleaching**"
The article receives widespread criticism from the scientific community. Marine biologists across the globe insist that coralation does not imply Cawsality.
Do you know what the scientific term is for injecting disinfectant?
Embalming
What happens when you assign a feminist a scientific classifier?
You get nomenclature.
Did you here about the anti-vaxer with legit scientific evidence?
Yeah, me neither
A New Scientific Study on Vaccines
A new scientific study came out recently proving a correlation between vaccines and adults with autism.
The reason given to this correlation was the children without vaccines died before becoming adults
Why are there Religious holidays but no Scientific holiday?
Because Science always works.
It's been scientifically proven ants can't get Covid-19
They have little antibodies
What is the scientific name of a Weeping Willow?
Mourning Wood
There is a scientific unit called a butt-load
But they don't use it for shit
What is the scientific name for anti-vaxxers during a pandemic?
The control group.
Isaac Newton died a virgin, which means I have a one-up on one of history's greatest scientific genuises
Because I'm not dead.
The scientific community has finally agreed to rename the planet Uranus
to Urmama
Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship
The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"
I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to the Polish, I grew up in the '60's with a mix of Russian, Czech, Hungarian, Pole parents, relatives and friends and this is mild to the shit we dealt ourselves and friends back then. ;)
It has been scientifically proven that birthdays are good for your health....
The more of them you have, the longer you live!
What do you get when you cross a lion with an octopus?
A stern rebuke from the scientific community and a immediate withdrawal of funding
Accordion to a scientific study released by the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia,
most people will not immediately notice if one of the words in a sentence has been replaced with a musical instrument until they've read more than three quarters of the way through it.
A scientific study determined that married men live longer.
A subsequent study found that it only seemed longer.
Did you know there is a scientific reason why birds typically fly in uneven V formations?
Because they can't count.
A man stormed into the Doctor's office
A man stormed into the doctor's office full of excitement. He grabbed the doctor's hand and pumping it furiously, exclaimed Doc, I just want to thank you and tell you how your treatments have improved my life! The bold way that incorporate new scientific breakthroughs with traditional holistic has made all the difference, Thank you!
The doctor, amazed and confused, stammered Thank you, but you're not one of my patients..
I know, said the man, but my uncle was and I'm his only heir!!
What's the scientific name of a fart molecules?
Farticles.
Issac Newton died a Virgin
Issac Newton died a Virgin, this means I am one up on biggest scientific genius..
I am not dead yet.
TIL there's a scientific term for aquatic mammals losing their fur through evolution
It's called Whale Pattern Baldness.
I can't stand people believing in astrology.
Sorry, but we Pisceans are logical and scientific.
I won a scentific reward today!
I actually made a helpful contribution to humanity! the scientific community has rewarded my work!
I can't wait to display this new "darwin award" I got!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the scientific curium puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working scientific researcher piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.