Gather Around for Fun Science Jokes and Laughter with Friends
Science builds planes and skyscrapers
but faith brings them together.
Science Joke
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."
Black sheep
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child.
Hear are sum morre punny science jokes
How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.
Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.
The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.
Chemistry puns Im in my element.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium
Ion-estly cant think of anymore... All the good ones Argon!
Edit 1 just thought of this.
What does Barium Cobalt and Nitrogen make?
BaCoN
They say there's no opinions in science
But I've seen people get real heated over thermochemistry
And they really melt down when you bring up nuclear engineering
Have you seen how twisted people get when it comes to DNA?
Cartography is the worst, people are just all over the map
You should see how hormonal people get about endocrinology
You can really feel the pressure in the room when someone brings up hydraulics.
The Albino and the Black Sheep
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child.
The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion." The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Ok, ok, you no tell anyone, I no tell anyone."
Four Majors...
The science major asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering major asks "How does it work?"
The business major asks "How much will it cost?"
The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"
How do you hide money from a Republican?
Put it in a science textbook.
I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance.
Now I'm stuck writing Al Gore Rhythms.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.
I get to the end and think, "Well that's not gonna happen.".
One, day little Johnny asks his father,
"Daddy where do i come from?"
The mother and father, had been preparing for this, for a very long time.
"Well son, when a Man and a Woman love each-other very much..."
After explaining the details and science to his Son, who had a puzzled look on his face the Father turned to his child,
"Well son, does that answer your question?"
"Not really Susan from school told me she came from Italy."
You can explore science bohr reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean science biology dad jokes. There are also science puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I am completely outraged by JJ Abrahms saying the next Star Wars will have an openly gay character in his science fiction franchise
Star wars is Science Fantasy, not Science Fiction
When I die I'm going to donate my body to science.
That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
Science flies you to the moon
Religion flies you into buildings
A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"
The man says, "Don't you mean history?"
The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"
A computer science student...
...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class
A science graduate asks the question why?
A science graduate asks the question why?
An engineering graduate asks the question how?
An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"
There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science
0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors
I like telling science puns...
Just to see the reaction...
My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians
So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
A mugger jumps out in front of a university student...
...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".
Mike Pence doesn't believe in science
But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
I came up with a science joke...
Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?
They have a big carbon footprint...
Degrees
The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'
Science and Religion have to coexist because science can make a bomb,
But you do need a religious person to set it off.
If I was being subjective, I'd say the greatest science fiction show of all time was Doctor Who, but if I was being objective...
I'd say it was Doctor Whom.
Our government leaders have obviously never played Civ....
If they had they would know that not investing in education science and the economy coupled with an unreasonably large military is a a good way to get worked over by Gandhi later in the game.
I was always told "i before e except after c"
It sounds weird but I guess it's just science
Mugger: Give me all your stuff or you're science!
Me: Don't you mean history?
Mugger: Don't try to change the subject!
"Science gives us airplanes and skyscrapers..."
"but it's faith that brings them together."
The girls in my computer science class are like the matrix
All you see is a bunch of ones and zeroes
Science built skyscrapers and airplanes
But only religion can bring the two together.
A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks:
"do you want fries with that?"
Faith vs Science
I'm not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers.
Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog?
They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.
What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other?
Cyber boolean
I before E, except after C.
We ***feign agreeing***, but this ***foreign poltergeist*** of a rule is ***neither efficient*** nor smart- and ***therein*** lies the ***height*** of the issue. It's as if an ***ancient deity*** has influenced the ***zeitgeist*** of the people. We must remove the ***weight*** of this ***veil*** from ***their*** eyes, and ***forfeit*** the ***leisure*** of this ***weird*** and ***heinous*** rule from our ***science*** and ***leisure*** alike.
According to Science
Alcohol is a solution.
Give a man an egg and he'll eat for a day
Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you're taking science too far.
An alien walks into a human brain shop
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.
Physics Teacher's Story
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.
Speed lacks Direction.
My health science teacher told me to write a 1,000 word essay on drugs
The paper became a taco and the floor was melting.
I'm thinking of donating my body to science
It's taking up too much space in the freezer.
With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.
He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."
Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."
Science Trivia: What's it called when you see colors in the air that aren't actually there?
A pigment of your imagination
A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago:
Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots.
A Computer Science student at MIT showed up at his buddies dorm room with a new bike.
His buddy said sweet bike, where'd ya get it?
You'll never believe this, he said, I was walking across campus and this beautiful blonde on a bike stopped, threw down her bike, tore off all her clothes and said _take whatever you want!_
His buddy stared at him blankly for a minute, then said smart. Her clothes would have never fit you.
In the word "scent", is the S or the C silent?
Not even *sc*ience can explain that...
My wife just told me she didn't understand the science behind cloning.
I replied, "that makes two of us"
At my school there's a rapper named MC Squared
The science teacher just calls him E
There's a University called the National University of Science and Technology
It's not called the National University of Technology and Science, because that would be NUTS.
The Story of Creation as told by Dog
On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy, and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.
A guy named Bob dies and goes to h**...
Before him stands the Devil.
"Hello, Bob. Welcome to h**..." the Devil says. "Now there are seven levels of h**... and since your only sin was cheating on a science test in third grade, you'll be moved to level 1"
"Okay, that doesn't sound so bad" Says Bob
"Level 1 is the hottest level because heat rises. You would know that if you studied for your science test, Bob"
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with a science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree
asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree
asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a sociology degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"
Albert Einstein was running 20 minutes late as a guest speaker at a science conference.
He finally arrived apologizing profusely.
Einstein: "I am so terribly sorry you all had to wait. Anyway, here's my presentation."
Host: "It's about time."
Einstein: "And space!"
If you're trying to figure out what rocket scientists do on their day off
It's not rocket science
Science puns make me numb
But math puns make me number.
science fact - did you know you can find the gender of an ant by putting it in water?
If it sinks, girl ant.
If it floats, buoyant.
Why can't you combine religion and science?
Because science gives us skyscrapers and airplanes,
Religion combines them together.
I was teaching my science class about Pavlov.
The students were laughing at the stupidity of the dogs.
Then the bell rang and they all got up and rushed to the canteen for lunch.
What do you call the science dedicated to studying Uranus?
Asstronomy
We donated my fathers body to science today…
and boy was he p**....
Miracle of Science
I'm balding and that makes me sad. But thanks to the miracle of science...
I take antidepressants and now I'm never sad.
My Brother Said Science Is Better Than Mathematics
I Said "Prove It"
One of my happiest memory is when I won the science fair in highschool.
I mixed charcoal, saltpetre and sulfur and blew away the competition
A PE teacher asks his students who they think the smartest teacher at the school is.
The students all answer with the science teachers.
The PE teacher says "No, it's me. I get paid the same as them and I get to play dodgeball all day."
I'm fine with substitute teaching math, science.. even music.
But art class is where I draw the line.
