138 Science Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

What are science jokes? Science jokes are one of the most funny and hilarious. Here is list with the top 10 science jokes to have fun with friends and family. Most famous pranks about science ever. Funniest science sayings and gags.

Q: Why can't you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.

Q. What do clouds do when they become rich?

A. They make it rain!

Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"
Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted.
She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.
"Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson.
"Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."
"Very good, Sam. Thank you."
Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."

dirty teacher

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

blonde

Yo mama is so fat they thought her butt was a new planet.

fat yo-mama

Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.

Chuck Norris history

Q: Why are atoms Catholic?
A: Because they have mass.

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity.
Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.

And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?”
Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces.
St. Peter was convinced and let him in.

When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates.
“How can you prove to me you’re George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said.
Bush replied, “Well heck, I don’t know.”
St. Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?”
Bush replies, “Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?”
St. Peter says, “It must be you, George, c’mon on in.”

celebrity heaven life political

Yo' Mama is so fat, NASA used her to plug a black hole.

black people fat racist yo-mama

Q: Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um.

They have traced the Gay Gene all the way back to the time of the Dinosaurs.
They found two distinct species.
They have named them Lickalotapus and Megasoreass.

Yo mama so fat, the only way scientists found out about space because you could see her from Earth.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states:
Matter cannot be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.

Before the 16th century, the sun really did go around the earth.
Chuck Norris just decided to change it as a prank.

Yo mama so fat she was the meteor that killed the dinos.

Yo mama so fat she was the comet that destroyed dusty depot.

Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.

There was no Big Bang.
Chuck Norris arm wrestled himself and the energy produced created the universe.

Son: "Dad, I'm cold..."
Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"

Sometimes when Chuck Norris stares at the stars too long they get scared.
These are known as black holes.

Q: Why can't you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.

Q. What do clouds do when they become rich?

A. They make it rain!

Yo mama is so fat they thought her butt was a new planet.

Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.

Q: Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um.

Q: Why are atoms Catholic?
A: Because they have mass.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

Yo' Mama is so fat, NASA used her to plug a black hole.

Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?
A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.

Q: Why shouldn't you take atoms seriously?
A: Because they make up everything.

Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.

I would make another chemistry joke, but they ARGON.

Q. Why are conspiracy theories are like moon landings?
A. Because they're all fake.

What do Scientists have for snacks?
Micro-chips.

"What are you doing there?"
"I'm making something."
"What are you making?"
"A bomb."
"Can I help?"
"Impossible. It's a nuclear one..."

Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen?
O2.zip

I used to know a lot of science jokes, but now they argon.

Q: Why do centipedes have 100 legs?
A: So they can walk.

Q: Why can you never trust an atom?

A: Because they make up everything

Q: Why shouldn't you make fun of a paleontologist?
A: Because you will get Jurasskicked.

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity.
Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.

And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?”
Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces.
St. Peter was convinced and let him in.

When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates.
“How can you prove to me you’re George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said.
Bush replied, “Well heck, I don’t know.”
St. Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?”
Bush replies, “Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?”
St. Peter says, “It must be you, George, c’mon on in.”

Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.
It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.

It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.
As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.
He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.
"Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."
He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.
He said, "But that’s impossible... we could never do it. Yes Mr. President,” and hung up the phone.
He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.
"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we’ve found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity.
Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.

And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?”
Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces.
St. Peter was convinced and let him in.

When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates.
“How can you prove to me you’re George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said.
Bush replied, “Well heck, I don’t know.”
St. Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?”
Bush replies, “Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?”
St. Peter says, “It must be you, George, c’mon on in.”

We live in an expanding universe.
All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

"What are you doing there?"
"I'm making something."
"What are you making?"
"A bomb."
"Can I help?"
"Impossible. It's a nuclear one..."

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.

Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.

Mr. Brown was telling his son a bed-time story.
"Once upon a time there was a white bunny..."
"Jeez..dad it's boring,what about science fiction?"
"Ok,Ok" Mr Brown said.
"Once upon a time there was a Bunny who got onto a spacecraft and...."
"Dad, a little more grown up!"
"Do you promise me not to tell your mom?" asked Mr Brown.
" I swear!"
"Ok", "Once upon a time there was a naked bunny..."

It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.
As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.
He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.
"Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."
He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.
He said, "But that’s impossible... we could never do it. Yes Mr. President,” and hung up the phone.
He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.
"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we’ve found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."

There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris...
Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

There was no Big Bang.
Chuck Norris arm wrestled himself and the energy produced created the universe.

A man walks into a chemist’s and says, "Can I have a bar of soap, please?"
The chemist says, "Do you want it scented?"
And the man says, "No, I’ll take it with me now."

What do Scientists have for snacks?
Micro-chips.

Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen?
O2.zip

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer scientist?
An extroverted computer scientist looks at your shoes when he talks to you.

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.
The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain.
They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane.
They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.
A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information"
"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again.
"So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean.
Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there.
The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.
The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out."
The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."
While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires.
They both scream, "What are you doing?"
To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."

One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, "There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything."
After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same.
After hesitating, they all did it.
"Next," the professor said, "you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger."

One day, a young boy was asked by his teacher to tell him what the chemical formula for water was.
The boy replied with "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O".
The Teacher was stunned. "That's not right, how did you come up with that?"
The boy said, "Last week you said it was H2O!"

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science.
She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things.
What am I?”
A little boy on the front row proudly said, “You’re a mother!”

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.
It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.

First woman in space:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind."
What's the problem?
"Nothing."
Please tell us.
"I'm fine."

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."

A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment.
They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed.
The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.
The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off.
The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway.
The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?".
To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

George and Harry out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean.
After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are".
Harry let's out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.
George says, "I still can't tell where we are, let's ask that guy on the ground".
So Harry yells down at the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?"
The man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air".
George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer".
And Harry says "How can you tell?".
George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless".
That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry:
They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".

Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.

Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean.
Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there.
The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.
The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out."
The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."
While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires.
They both scream, "What are you doing?"
To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size."

An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon.
After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions.
They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?"
After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon."
The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician."
The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?"
"Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."

Three statisticians are out hunting.
Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The first statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the left.
The second statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the right.
The third statistician starts jumping up and down, yelling "We got him! We got him!"

Chuck Norris can convert kilograms into centimeters.

A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment.
They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed.
The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.
The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off.
The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway.
The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?".
To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"

Best of 138 Science Jokes. Hilarious science jokes, along with Q&A about physics, astronomy, biology, and chemistry that nerds will love and laugh at. Puns and laughs for scientists, computer science, data science, social science and technology.

You've read some of the best science jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of jokes about science. Most of the jokes are suitable for kids, children or teens boys and girls. You must supervise your chidlren not to read jokes for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty science jokes to your kids.

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Go to table of contents

Science Jokes

funny jokes about science and hilarious stories

INTRODUCTION

BEST SCIENCE JOKES

NEW SCIENCE JOKES

Top 10 Latest Science jokes

SCIENCE JOKES THAT ARE...

20 BEST SHORT SCIENCE JOKES

20 Best Short jokes about science, one liners, thoughts and captions that are funny and will make you laugh.

20 BEST POLITICAL SCIENCE JOKES

20 Best Jokes about politics and political life.

SCIENCE JOKES ABOUT

TOP 20 SCIENCE JOKES ABOUT LIFE

TOP 20 Jokes that are funny and shows the relation between science and every aspect of life.

TOP 20 SCIENCE JOKES ABOUT IT

TOP 20 Jokes about computer science, IT, computer specialists, nerds and programmers.

TOP 20 SCIENCE JOKES ABOUT SCHOOL

TOP 20 Jokes about school, kids, students and teachers.

TOP 20 SCIENCE JOKES ABOUT WOMEN

TOP 20 Jokes about women doing science or women as scientific experiment.

TOP 20 SCIENCE JOKES ABOUT MATH

TOP 20 Jokes about mathematics as science branch.

CONCLUSION

TABLE OF CONTENTS