Schwarzenegger Jokes
154 schwarzenegger jokes and hilarious schwarzenegger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about schwarzenegger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Schwarzenegger Short Jokes
Short schwarzenegger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The schwarzenegger humour may include short bodybuilder jokes also.
- My wife kicked me out of the house for my bad arnold schwarzenegger references, but don't worry... I'll return
- Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers. I'm playing Vivaldi. VanDamme: I'll be Mozart.
Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I'm not saying it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it? A surname/last name
- I was kicked out of the house for my bad impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But that didn't faze me. As I left, I told 'em... "I'll be returning"
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger's tombstone doesn't say "I'll be back..." Someone has made a grave mistake.
- My wife kicked me out because she's tired of all of my bad Schwarzenegger references, but... I will return
- I got booed off stage on open mic night because of my terrible Schwarzenegger impersonation but I'm not gonna let that get to me.... I'll return
- A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows Uno, and *p**...*, DOS is gone without a tres.
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone told him to upgrade to Windows 7? I still love vista, baby
- Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7.. His response was "I still love Vista, baby!"
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Schwarzenegger One Liners
Which schwarzenegger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with schwarzenegger? I can suggest the ones about governor and arnold schwarzenegger.
- What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy? A Cameron Diaz
- I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger where the toilet paper was He said Aisle B, back.
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger were a pianist.. He'd be Bach.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger should open a pest control business. He's already an ex-terminator.
- What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's favorite pick-up line? Live with me if you want to come.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger now works in an insecticide bussiness. He's an ex-terminator.
- What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the start of a game of chess? I'll be black
- Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger kill the mouse? He's an ex-Terminator
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger was a composer which would he be? He'd be Bach
- What is Arnold Schwarzenegger now that he's not an actor? An exterminator
- What do you call Aronold Schwarzenegger when he retires? The Ex-terminator.
- You know what Schwarzenegger is up to these days? He's an exterminator.
- What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger gives you a handie? An Ahnold Palmer
- What's Arnold Schwarzenegger's favourite holiday? "Have to love Easter, baby!"
- Where are the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures? Aisle B, back
Arnold Schwarzenegger Jokes
Here is a list of funny arnold schwarzenegger jokes and even better arnold schwarzenegger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Just an innocent question Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Brad Pitt's is short, Madonna does not have one, and the Pope doesn't use it.
What is it?
>!A last name.!< - I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween? "You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his Tomato seeds after watering them for the first time? You have been germinated.
- I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures in store... She replied "Aisle B, back".
- I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger why he hasnt upgraded his computer to Windows 10.. He said "I still love Vista baby!"
- I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.' - What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when asked about not upgrading to Windows 10 ? "I still love Vista, baby".
- In honor of Father's day, a dad joke There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.
He'll be Bach - What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to the historical costume party? "I'll be Bach"
Laughable Schwarzenegger Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about schwarzenegger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean actor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make schwarzenegger pranks.
Did you hear Schwarzenegger got a job killing mice?
No he's an ex-terminator
What were you thinking?
Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
j**... Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?
A riddle for the day
A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
----------------------------------------------------------
The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say about the baritone?
It's not a tuba.
Mozart, Beethoven, and Schwarzenegger are getting ready to throw a Halloween party. Mozart turns to Arnie and asks, "what's your costume going to be?"
"I'll be Bach"
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to Beethoven on the way to the fancy dress party?
"I'll be Bach"
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger become after he resigned as Governor of California?
An ex-terminator.
Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party
and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his wife when she asked if Christmas was his favourite holiday
I still love Easter, Baby.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan uses his all the time. What is it?
A last name you pervert.
They're making a movie about classical music composers...
They're making a movie about classical music composers. In the middle of the auditions, Arnold Schwarzenegger walked in and simply declared, "I'll be Bach."
What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie?
I'll be Bach.
Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.
He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."
Steven Spielberg has a new idea for a movie
He says he wants to make an action movie about classical music composers.
Sylvester Stallone says "I wana be Motzart!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger says "In zat case...I'll be Bach"
A riddle for today
A riddle for today
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?
[The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!] (/spoiler)
Arnold Schwarzenegger PC upgrade
Few years ago someone asked Arnold Schwarzenegger to upgrade his PC to windows 7. He said I still love vista, baby
A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg
Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...
Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'
Liam Neeson then pipes up saying 'Im going to be Mozart, i find his music very relaxing and very baroque'
Lastly Arnold Schwarzenegger says 'Ill be Bach'
Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar
After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers
Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"
Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"
Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to be in a movie about classical composers...
They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play.
Sean Connery says "I would shertainly like to play Moshart."
Sylvester Stallone says "Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."
And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says "I'll be Bach."
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.
Arnold Schwarzenegger and windows 10
Just after windows 10 was released, Arnold was asked if he was ever going to upgrade to windows 10.
His response? 'I still love Vista, baby.'
So there's this school play...
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".
Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control.
He's an ex-terminator now.
Three actors are deciding on roles for a movie about classical music.
Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.
"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.
"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.
"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.
Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?
They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"
A. Schwarzenegger has it long, Brad Pitt short, madonna does not have it and the Pope does not use it. What is it?
A surname.
I won a contest to go trick or treating with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. w**... thinking of going as Beethoven.
He'll be Bach.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is a Republican whose wife is a member of the Kennedy family.
That makes him and his family...The Red Kennedys.
Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.
When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to a classical musician theme Halloween party?
I'll be Bach.
Some people wonder why Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn't run for President...
It's only because he's austrian. And we all know what happened last time an Austrian came to power...
Bruce Willis, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all auditioning for a film about composers...
Bruce Willis says "I'll be Mozart", Chuck Norris says "I'll be Beethoven" and Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach".
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse's isn't human, the Pope doesn't use his, and Cher doesn't have one. What is it?
Last Names
Arnold Schwarzenegger has made a pretty good career for himself in pest control...
They say he's a great ex-terminator
Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.
"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"
Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger kill insects?
Because he's an ex-terminator
I can't believe that people voted a random celebrity into office...
...I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor? Really?
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Donald Trump's is short, and Madonna doesn't have one. What is it?
A last name
Arnold Schwarzenegger is asked in an interview...
If you could be reincarnated as any famous musician in history, Who would it be.
He replies "I'll be Bach."
Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"
What will they call Arnold Schwarzenegger after he stops acting?
The ex-terminator
I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger if he wanted to swap over to windows 10..
He said 'I still love Vista, Baby.'
Steven Spielberg's Next Movie
Steven Spielberg decides that he wants to make a movie about famous composers. He puts out a casting call.
Tom Hulce walks in first and says, "I played Mozart in Amadeus, and would love to play him again."
Next, Gary Oldman calls. "I was Beethoven in Immortal Beloved, so I already have experience playing the part."
Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him, and states, "I'll be Bach."
Steven Spielberg wants to make a movie about famous composers, so he puts out a casting call.
Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."
Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.
Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."
When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop.
He was known as the pasta barista baby.
Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...
Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.
"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"
"There is no need," Arnold says. "I'll be Bach."
Stallone, Van Damme and Schwarzenegger decide to collaborate on a movie about classical composers.
"I'll be Beethoven" says Stallone.
Van Damne says "OK, I'll be Mozart".
Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach"
Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?"
He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby."
It's 2015. Bill Clinton is whipping up celebrity endorsements for Hillary with a Halloween party. He invites his friend, Arnold Schwarzenegger and suggests they go as dead presidents for the media. Too cliche says Arnie. What about dead musicians. Great idea. I'll be Coltrane. What about you?
I'll be Bach.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is offered a role as a well known composer...
"I'll be Bach" he says, accepting the offer.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has decided what he will be for Halloween this year
He'll be Bach
My wife left me because I do a terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. But don't worry...
I'll return.
A bunch of 80s action stars dressed up as Skid Row for Halloween but they couldn't figure out who would be the lead singer.
But Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to cosplay as famous composers?
I'll be Bach.
What do you call the black version of Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Arnold Weißc**....
Last Halloween, Schwarzenegger, while carrying a piano over his shoulders, throws me an o**....
"What's this for?" I say.
He replies, "I'll be Bach.
And you be Beethoven."
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if you could be a musician, who would you be?
He replied I'd be Bach
Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all making a movie about classical composers.
Sylvester Stallone said, "I'll be mozart."
Jean Claude Van Damme said, "I'll be Beethoven."
Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be bach."
Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him
Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him in hopes that it would be enough to stop him from dressing up as classical composers for halloween.
But deep down, she still knew that he'd be bach.
A joke from work
Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.
Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.
Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.
Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.
Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."
What does Arnold Schwarzenegger do now?
He's an exterminator.
(I just thought of this on my way to work. Probs been done before though}
Arnold Schwarzenegger's is long and hard. The president's is a 5. Madonna doesn't have one, and the Pope has one, but he doesn't use it.
A last name.
I told this girl that people often tell me I could be Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin.
"I don't think so," she laughed, "You're fat, bald, don't work out, and are much too short!"
"I know.... Danny DeVito."
